All We Never Knew

by Elena Aitken

Maren smiled and looked back to the doctor. “Can you tell the sex of the baby yet?” She hadn’t decided whether she wanted to know or not but in the last few days, there’d been enough surprises. Maybe it was better if she knew and could be prepared.

  “It’s still pretty early,” the doctor said. “But you never know. Let’s just take a look.”

  He moved the wand a bit more and clicked a series of buttons on the ultrasound machine. “Hmmm…” A few more buttons were clicked, and the wand moved again. “I think maybe…you know what? I can’t see clearly. I’m sorry, it’s still too early.”

  “But you thought you might have seen something?” Jessica said. “Does that mean it’s a boy?”

  The doctor looked at her and shook his head. “It means I couldn’t see clearly because it’s still too soon to tell.” He looked back at Maren. “But if you’re still interested in knowing at your next appointment, I’m sure we’ll be able to tell then.” He put the ultrasound wand back on the cart and smoothly wiped Maren’s stomach clean from the jelly before pulling her gown down. “And maybe Davis will be able to join us at that appointment? I’m sure he’ll want to know the sex as well.”

  Maren nodded numbly. “I’m sure.”

  “Great.” Doctor Harrison stood. “Do you have any more questions for me today?”

  She shook her head.

  “Okay, I’d like to see you back next month, just to be sure everything is going smoothly and then we can talk more about an amniocentesis, if that’s something you’re interested in. And, of course, we’ll take another look to see if you have a little boy or a little girl in there. Take care, ladies.”

  “I’ll let you get changed,” Jessica said the moment the doctor left. “I’ll be in the waiting room.”

  “Okay. Thanks again for coming,” Maren added before Jessica slipped out with a grin. She knew her friend had been thrilled to see the baby on the ultrasound screen. Too bad they weren’t able to see the sex, but at least that gave her something positive to look forward to. Lord knew, like it or not, there was going to be a lot of negative in the coming weeks.

  With a sigh, Maren dressed and began to make her way out to the waiting room. While she’d been lying on the exam table, she’d come to the conclusion that Jessica was right. She did need to talk to Davis. She couldn’t lock him out of her life forever. Even if that’s what she would have preferred.

  She’d call him when she got home and they could schedule something.

  But then she saw him.

  The moment she stepped into the waiting room, Davis jumped up from the seat he’d been sitting in.

  I guess I won’t have to call. The thought was so absurd, she almost laughed. Instead, she turned away from him, went to the desk and made her follow-up appointment before turning around and walking straight past him.

  “Maren, wait.”

  She ignored him until she was down the corridor and out into the fresh air.

  “Maren, we need to talk.”

  “I know.” She spun around. “But do you really think this is the place?”

  “I knew you had the appointment today, and I wanted to…well, I wanted to be there for you. For…our baby. Did everything go okay?”

  She couldn’t help it. She knew she should swallow it, but she couldn’t. “You want to be there for our baby? What about your other baby, Davis? Were you at any of those prenatal appointments?” Suddenly, she didn’t want the answer. If he hadn’t been at any of the appointments, that meant he’d abandoned his responsibility, and that wasn’t the Davis she knew. But if he had gone to the appointments, that meant…she couldn’t even let herself think about it. “Never mind.” She held up her hand. “I don’t want to know. Not right now. And yes,” she added almost as an afterthought. “Everything went fine.”

  “I’m so glad.”

  “I’m sure you are.” It was mean, but she didn’t care.

  Davis shook his head, and Maren noticed for the first time how old he looked. As if he’d aged five years in the last five days. Where had he been sleeping? The office? A hotel? Sabrina’s? Another question she didn’t want answered.

  “We need to talk, Maren,” he said again. “I know you’re angry and you have every right to be.”

  “Damn right I do. You’re a cheating liar.”

  He swallowed hard. “I deserved that.”

  “You deserve a lot more than that.”

  He nodded. “Can we talk?”

  She forced herself to keep her mouth shut. Jessica was right; they did need to talk. And it was only minutes before that she’d come to that conclusion herself. But now that it was him asking, she just wanted to say no out of spite. But that wasn’t mature. And it wasn’t helpful.

  “Okay,” she said after a moment. “But not here.” She looked around for the first time, wondering where Jessica was. She hadn’t seen her in the waiting room and surely she wouldn’t have abandoned her here with Davis.

  “Jessica said she’d wait in the car.” Davis answered her unasked question and she hated that he knew her so well that he knew what she was thinking. “I asked her for a few—”

  “Whatever.” She interrupted him. “You can come over tonight. Rylee has a PD day tomorrow and she’s going to be sleeping over at Sienna’s, so we can talk in private. Come by at eight.” She turned and started walking to the parking garage.

  “Thank you,” Davis said behind her.

  The pathetic tone of his voice stopped her.

  “Don’t thank me.” She spun around. “Don’t ever thank me for talking to you. You have put me in the impossible position of trying to do what’s best for my children when all I really want to do is close my eyes and hope to never see you again. Because I don’t think you understand how incredibly terrible it is to look at the man who swore to love me and cherish me for the last eighteen years and know it’s all been a lie. So don’t thank me for talking to you, because you need to be very clear on one thing. I’m not doing it for you.”

  Rylee

  She probably shouldn’t have lied to her mom again and Rylee actually even felt bad about it when she told her that she was going to sleep at Sienna’s. Especially considering she’d barely spoken to Sienna since the last time she had actually slept there. But her mom never would have let her go to the party if she’d told the truth. Especially not because she was going with Brice.

  Her mom had been really cool and not nearly as judgey as Rylee had thought she’d be when she told her that she’d had sex. But that was probably because of the craziness that was going on with her parents. Her mom clearly didn’t have the mental energy to worry about Rylee. Not when it turned out they were all living their very own HBO special event movie.

  Rylee didn’t even want to think about it. And the best way she knew how to avoid thinking or feeling anything was to go out with Brice and have a drink. Things had been a little bit weird between him since the night of her birthday party, but that didn’t mean she didn’t still like him. She was just...confused.

  “Hey, beautiful,” he said when he got into the front seat of her car. He leaned over and kissed her on her cheek. “You ready to have fun tonight?”

  The easy lilt of his voice, and the compliments he always had for her, made her smile. “I am,” she said truthfully. “I’m so ready.”

  “Good. Because look what I got for us.” With a grin, Brice opened the shopping bag he was holding and slid out a bottle of clear liquid.

  “What is that?”

  “Vodka.”

  Rylee let her smile grow bigger as she drove away. “Perfect.”

  An hour later, she was already feeling better than she had in days. The alcohol was starting to warm her up and give her that all-over fuzzy feeling that took the edge off any actual feelings. Mason’s basement was full of kids from school. Most she recognized; some she didn’t. But Rylee didn’t care because the music was pulsing and she was dancing with her eyes closed and sipping from her plastic cup.

  “Hey.” She snapped he
r eyes open when Brice joined her and wrapped his arms around her. Her instinct was to pull back, but that was ridiculous. He’d been nothing but sweet and attentive since they’d had sex. All the weirdness between them had come from her. And she didn’t even know why. She forced herself to relax.

  “Hey yourself.”

  “I was hoping we could…” Brice gestured with his head, and Rylee instinctively shook her head. If he wanted to have sex in the middle of the— “No,” Brice said quickly. “That’s not what I meant.”

  She stared at him. Had she said that out loud?

  “I just thought we could maybe go sit down.” Brice flipped his head back to get his hair out of his eyes. “And hang out,” he continued. “We haven’t really…well…”

  “Okay.” She slipped from his arms and took his hand so he could lead her to the giant overstuffed chair where they’d made out the last time they were in Mason’s basement.

  Before everything had been so messed up. When Sienna had still been talking to her. Before her family had gone crazy. Before she’d had sex. Back when everything was still okay.

  Maybe everything could still be okay if she just tried harder. Rylee drank deeply until her cup was emptied. That’s all she had to do. Try harder. She wrapped her arms around Brice’s neck and started kissing him as he pulled her down to his lap.

  Kissing him felt good. With all the weirdness, she’d forgotten that she’d actually liked just kissing him.

  “I was beginning to think you didn’t like me very much anymore,” Brice said when they finally detached their lips from each other.

  “Why would you think that?” Rylee lifted her cup to keep from looking at him, but it was empty. She faked a giggle and reached for his cup.

  “I just thought maybe…I don’t know.” He shrugged and it struck Rylee that maybe Brice wasn’t as confident as she’d thought. The idea struck her as funny and she couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped her. “So I guess that means that you do still like me?”

  She tipped the glass back. The alcohol stung the back of her throat but she swallowed hard, desperate for the fuzziness it would bring. “Why wouldn’t I?” she answered with a laugh. “You keep bringing me vodka.” She held out his now empty cup.

  For a minute, she thought he was going to object, but then Brice flipped his hair off his forehead and lifted her off his lap. “Let’s get another drink.”

  She couldn’t think of anything that sounded better than that. Rylee knew she should feel guilty for being at the party instead of at Sienna’s and she should definitely feel guilty for being out at all since her mom was so upset, but she couldn’t be held responsible for her mom. She was just a kid, and not one time had anyone asked her whether she was okay with everything.

  At least at the party, she could forget about everything for a while.

  Brice handed her a newly refilled cup. She took a big gulp, but almost spat it back up. “This is so strong.” She gaped at Brice as she wiped at her mouth.

  He only grinned. “The way you were drinking, I thought maybe a stiffer drink would slow you down a bit.”

  That logic didn’t make any sense, but Rylee wasn’t about to disagree with the stronger drink.

  She smiled as she once more tipped the glass to her mouth.

  “Hey. Don’t you think you’re drinking a bit too much?”

  Rylee lowered her cup and turned to see Sienna next to her.

  “I’ll be right back. I just want to go talk to Bobby.”

  She heard Brice behind her, but Rylee didn’t bother looking. Her eyes were fixed squarely on her best friend. Or former best friend. She no longer knew.

  “How would you know how much I’ve had to drink?” Rylee didn’t mean to sound like a bitch, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Just like she couldn’t seem to stop the slight slur in her words. “I’m fine.” She lifted the glass to her mouth again.

  “I was watching, Rylee.” Sienna reached out and for a second, Rylee thought she might try to take her cup away, but then she pulled her hand back and crossed her arms. “I saw how fast you drank the last one. I just—”

  “Why are you even here?”

  Sienna recoiled at her tone, and again, Rylee felt bad.

  “I’m here with Cole,” Sienna said.

  “What? Are you dating now or something?”

  “Yes.” Sienna nodded. “We are. Not that you would care.”

  But she did care. She cared a lot. Rylee wanted to ask her friend a million questions. Did it happen after that night they’d all been here last? Had they kissed? Was it perfect?

  “Sienna…I just…” Her voice slurred. As much as she wanted to ask Sienna everything and hear all of the details, and then tell her best friend how much she missed her and how badly the last few weeks had sucked, she couldn’t seem to find the words. As much as the alcohol numbed the empty feeling inside, it dulled everything else, too. “Good for you,” was all she could think of to say.

  Tears burned at her eyes, and she didn’t want Sienna to see. She spotted Brice across the room and took a few stumbling steps toward him.

  “Rylee, are you okay? I really think you should slow down.” Sienna sounded every bit the goody-two-shoes she’d always been, but Rylee didn’t bother to reply.

  Instead, she increased her pace, until she all but fell into Brice, who barely caught her in his arms. “Let’s go somewhere.” She thought she’d whispered, but she could vaguely hear Bobby chuckling.

  “Where do you want to go, Rylee?” He had his arm around her, holding her tightly to him and she felt safe. Safe and wanted.

  “Let’s go have sex.” She stood on her tiptoes and gave him a sloppy kiss.

  Everything would be fine because Brice wanted her and he took care of her. He loved her and didn’t stop talking to her. He didn’t have lies and secrets and anything else more important than asking her if she was okay. Because she wasn’t okay.

  But she would be.

  Maren

  Maren had fluffed the throw pillows at least three times in the last ten minutes, which was ridiculous because it wasn’t as if Davis hadn’t seen them before. And even if he did notice them, he would likely take the pillow and toss it on the floor next to the couch the way he always did anyway.

  He wasn’t expected to arrive for another thirty minutes, but with each second that passed, she got more and more nervous. It was ludicrous to be nervous to talk to one’s own husband; she knew that. And maybe under normal circumstances, it would be ludicrous, but these weren’t normal circumstances.

  Not even close.

  Maren had been hoping that by the time she had a sit-down conversation with Davis, she’d know more about what she was feeling, or at least how she wanted to proceed with…well, everything. She hadn’t had much luck sorting out either of those things. Which would explain the nerves.

  She glanced again at the clock and, in an effort to distract herself, went into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. She’d already had far too much tea, but it was something to do.

  She almost dropped the mug from her hand when the phone rang, shattering the silence of the kitchen. The house line almost never rang, so she moved quickly to answer it, worried that something was wrong with Rylee.

  “Hello?”

  “Maren. It’s your mother.”

  Maren’s shoulders slumped as she leaned against the counter. Her mother always announced herself as if Maren would somehow spontaneously stop recognizing her voice after forty years. “This isn’t really a good time, Mom. I’m just—”

  “Maren, I need to speak with you.”

  “Mom.” She rubbed at her eyes. “It really isn’t a good time. Davis is—”

  “Your husband.”

  “Thank you.” She tried hard not to roll her eyes. Her mom didn’t know all the details of what exactly had gone on, but obviously she’d been at Rylee’s birthday party when Maren had pulled her disappearing act. According to Jessica, who’d been her lifeline that night, her mo
ther had fluttered around for a few minutes asking questions and when it was clear that both Maren and Davis were gone, she’d clucked her tongue in that way that her mom had when she obviously disapproved of one of Maren’s choices, which was almost always, and had left Jessica to clean up the mess.

  Something she still owed her friend for.

  “I know he’s my husband, Mom.” She turned her attention back to her mother. The sooner she heard her out, the sooner she could get rid of her. “What is it you need to talk to me about?”

  Her mom cleared her throat and once again, Maren tried and failed to refrain from rolling her eyes. “I know you’re both going through a particularly difficult time right now.” Maren’s mouth dropped. Her mother didn’t know anything. Did she? “Having a baby at your age is not going to be easy.” Oh, the baby. Of course. Her mother didn’t even know the half of how difficult things were about to be. “And I know the two of you were clearly having some sort of spat the other night. Why else would you leave your own daughter’s birthday party?”

  “Mom, it wasn’t just—”

  “My point is.” She cut Maren off. “Whatever it is that’s going on between you and Davis, I think it would serve both of you well to remember that you have a daughter who, despite your thoughts on the subject, is not fully grown and needs her mother and father.”

  Maren’s heart clenched with the guilt that had been almost a constant sensation lately. She didn’t need her mother to tell her that Rylee needed her. She might be letting things slide a little, but she wasn’t failing completely. After all, Rylee had confided in her the other night. Of course, she shouldn’t have been turning to that boy in the first place.

  “I know, Mom.” Maren struggled to focus on the conversation, so much as it was. “And I assure you, although I’m not sure I should have to, that Rylee is getting my full attention. She is and will always be our priority.”

  “Until the baby comes along.”

  “Mom!” Maren snapped. “Enough.” She softened her voice and added, “Please. There’s a lot going on. Things you don’t even understand and I just can’t deal with this right now, okay?” She glanced up at the clock just as she heard Davis’s car pull up outside. The sound was as familiar as breathing. He was early. “I really have to go, Mom.”