All We Never Knew

by Elena Aitken

  The dark night outside flashed past the windows as the car spun around and around. The headlights lit the huge pines that lined the road in all directions. Someone was screaming. It might have been her. And then…nothing.

  Rylee

  It hurt to breathe.

  Why did it hurt to breathe?

  It was the first thought Rylee had as she started to wake up. She tried to move her hands to her chest, as if they could help her lungs fill with air, but her arms were too heavy.

  Her head hurt. It was like someone was pounding a spike through the middle of her brain.

  And it still hurt to breathe.

  Finally, after what felt like hours, Rylee forced her eyelids to open. It was sunny and bright.

  But that didn’t make sense.

  She’d been at the party. She’d been with Brice. She’d been drinking and…she remembered her mom. And her dad.

  Her dad.

  She’d yelled at him.

  Why did it hurt to breathe?

  A tear slipped down her cheek and onto the pillow.

  A pillow.

  She wasn’t in the car.

  “Mom?” Her voice was scratchy and it didn’t sound right.

  “Rylee? Sweetie? Oh thank God, you’re awake.”

  She tried to turn her head, but it hurt. Everything hurt. “Grandma?”

  “I’m here, sweetheart.” Her grandmother’s voice washed over her like the warm milk with honey she used to make her when she was little. “Don’t try to talk. You might be a little sore.”

  “Where…what…”

  “There was a car accident, Rylee. Everything is going to be…”

  She didn’t hear what else her grandma said, because all Rylee could focus on was two words. Car accident. She remembered. They were in the car. Her dad was there. She was yelling at him. He yelled at her. And then there was screaming. And then…

  “Mom?” Her eyes opened wider, but she still couldn’t turn her head. Her grandmother appeared over her. “Where’s my mom? And Dad. Where’s Dad?”

  “It’s okay, Rylee.” Her grandma took her hand and squeezed. “The doctors want you to stay calm, honey. I need you to stay calm, okay?”

  “No.” It wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay. Where were her parents? “Please?”

  Grandma stroked her hand with her thumb. “Oh, Rylee.”

  Were they…no. She couldn’t let herself think the worst. She couldn’t bear it if anything happened to them.

  “They’re with the doctors,” her grandma said. “They’re…they’re going to be okay.”

  She wanted to ask more. She wanted to ask what was wrong and why her grandma didn’t sound so sure, but before she could say anything, there was another voice.

  “Hello there, Rylee.” A woman who looked to be about her mom’s age appeared in her vision. “It’s good to see you awake. I’m Doctor Rose and I’ve been looking after you. Do you know where you are?”

  She didn’t. Not really. “The hospital?”

  “That’s right.” The doctor’s voice was light and airy, almost as if she were talking to an elementary classroom. “There was a car accident last night and you are a very lucky girl.” Rylee blinked as the doctor shone a light in each of her eyes. “You weren’t wearing a seat belt,” the doctor continued. “You have three broken ribs, and a collapsed lung. That might be why you’re finding it a little bit hard to breathe,” she said, as if she’d read Rylee’s mind. “That will get better and in a few days, you should be able to breathe a little easier. You’re going to need surgery on your wrist,” she continued. “It’s pretty badly broken. We’re just waiting for the surgeon.”

  “Why can’t I move my head?”

  Doctor Rose smiled. “The neck brace was just a precaution,” she said. “I’ll have the nurse remove it. Do you have any other questions right now?”

  Did she? She had a million questions. “Where’s my mom? Is she okay?” Her eyes flicked from the doctor to her grandmother. “She’s pregnant and…”

  Doctor Rose’s smile slipped away and her lips pressed into a thin line. “Your parents are being taken care of.” She glanced away and then back at Rylee. “Your mom was wearing her seat belt. She’ll be…” Again, the doctor glanced away. Rylee followed her gaze to see her grandma wiping a tear off her cheek. “She’ll be fine,” the doctor finished.

  “And the baby?”

  It suddenly seemed just as important to Rylee to know if her baby brother or sister was okay as it was if her parents were okay.

  “What about the baby?”

  “Rylee, we need you to stay calm.”

  “And my dad?”

  She took a sharp breath and instantly regretted it as pain slashed through her chest. Rylee ignored it. “Where’s my dad?” She struggled to sit up, but flashes of pain stopped her. “Is he…oh my God. No.”

  “Rylee, I need you to calm down.” Doctor Rose handed her clipboard to someone Rylee couldn’t see and gazed down at her. “You have to stay calm. Your injuries aren’t set yet.”

  But Rylee couldn’t stay calm. What weren’t they telling her about her dad? Where was he? What was going on? What about the baby? Panic filled her, and she couldn’t settle on anything.

  “Rylee, I’m just going to give you a little something to help you stay calm, okay?”

  She tried to shake her head. She didn’t want to stay calm. She wanted answers.

  “Rylee.” Grandma squeezed her hand again. “It’s all going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

  She wanted to scream that it wasn’t going to be okay. If her parents weren’t okay. If the baby... no.

  Her last thought as she slipped again into the dark oblivion of unconsciousness was just that. Nothing was going to be okay. Ever again.

  Maren

  The moment Maren opened her eyes, she wished she hadn’t.

  The bright lights of the hospital room greeted her and in an instant, the memories of the night before rushed back.

  The fight with Davis. The rain. Picking up Rylee. The yelling. The crash. The pain.

  Her hands went automatically to her stomach. She pressed, lightly and then harder. But the ache was still there.

  The emptiness.

  She squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to keep the tears at bay, but it was too late. Tears were already racing down her face to soak the pillow below.

  The baby.

  The doctor and nurse’s voices echoed in her head.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “We did everything we could.”

  “The impact…”

  “Couldn’t stop the bleeding…”

  “I can’t find a heartbeat.”

  It was the nurse who said that. She remembered. She remembered it all.

  It felt like the screaming would never stop. They’d spun around and around. She’d closed her eyes. And then the crash. The sound of metal crumpling. The blast from the airbag. And then…the screaming stopped. Silence.

  She must have lost consciousness. But only for a minute, because right away she was trying to unbuckle her seat belt and get to Rylee.

  There was blood.

  But she was breathing.

  And then there were more voices. Hands reaching into the car, pulling her out into the rain.

  She remembered yelling at the strangers, telling them to leave her. To go get her daughter. Her husband. To please help them.

  And then she was in the ambulance.

  The hospital.

  There were doctors and nurses and lights. So many bright lights.

  And the warmth spreading between her legs, soaking the gurney beneath her.

  “The baby. I’m pregnant.” She repeated the words over and over until they finally listened. And then…

  “I can’t find a heartbeat.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “We did everything we could.”

  Reliving it, Maren’s heart clenched impossibly tight. Somewhere, a sound like a wild animal keening in t
he distance sounded. She rolled over on her hospital bed and pulled her knees to her chest, ignoring the pain in her body as she rocked. Belatedly, she realized the sound was coming from her. The baby was gone. She felt the loss of it distinctly, like a stab directly to her heart.

  “Mrs. Bennett? Do you have any pain?”

  Maren shook her head. “No.” At least not any the nurse could help her with.

  “You’ve had quite a night.” The nurse continued a steady prattle of conversation. “I just need to check your vitals again. And if you’d like, we can take you to see your daughter.”

  “Rylee.” Maren flipped over, her body protesting the quick movement. “How is she? Where is she? Is she—”

  The nurse smiled kindly. “She’s fine,” she said. “Your mother is with her.”

  Oh thank God.

  Guilt flooded her despite the fact that she couldn’t have done anything.

  “We’re taking good care of her,” the nurse said, as if she’d read her mind. “You have nothing to worry about, Mrs. Bennett. Now, let me check those vitals quickly and we’ll get you on your way to see her.”

  The nurse moved to take Maren’s wrist, but she jerked it away. “My husband? Is he okay?”

  “Why don’t we just start with—”

  “Tell me.” She swallowed hard. “Please.”

  The nurse pressed her lips together in a smile designed to placate her. “Mrs. Bennett, really. I need to check your vitals.”

  There was no point fighting with the woman, when it was clear she wasn’t going to tell her anything before she got her way. So Maren swallowed her questions and let the woman do her job.

  It felt like forever before the nurse was finished and had a moment to wheel her down the hall and into a hospital room that looked just like the one she’d left. Only the new room had more monitors and wires and…Rylee.

  She couldn’t help it. Maren gasped when she saw her beautiful daughter lying broken, bruised, her eyes shut as she mercifully slept. Her baby looked impossibly tiny in the hospital bed. Maren’s hand flew to her mouth.

  “Rylee. Oh my…”

  “She’s okay, Maren.” She hadn’t noticed her mother until the moment she crossed the room and put her arm on her shoulder. Maren couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so happy to see her.

  “Thank you, Mom. For being here. So she wasn’t alone.”

  There were tears in her mom’s eyes, but she blinked them away quickly. “Of course, dear. I’m so—”

  “Please don’t say it,” Maren stopped her. “Not yet.” She couldn’t let herself think about the baby again. Not yet. She needed to focus on Rylee and Davis. But first, Rylee. “How is she? They haven’t told me anything.”

  She stood from the wheelchair, which was only a precaution and in no way a necessity. She’d been lucky, the nurse said. The airbag had saved her from any real injury.

  Except one. One very major injury.

  Again, Maren pushed thoughts of the baby from her mind. She needed to focus.

  Slowly, she made her way to Rylee’s bedside. She was battered and bruised, her face swollen. Her left arm was immobilized in a bulky white plaster cast; her right arm had tubes and IVs sticking from it. Maren slipped her fingers around that hand and gently squeezed. “How is—”

  “Mrs. Bennett?”

  Maren turned to see a woman in the doorway about her age, wearing a white coat and holding a clipboard.

  Maren nodded and the woman came in.

  “I’m Doctor Rose.” She extended her hand. Maren nodded again, but she was not going to remove her hand from her daughter. Not for any reason. The doctor smiled in understanding. “I’ve been taking care of Rylee. She’s a very lucky young woman.”

  Was she? She didn’t look lucky. She looked as if she’d been through hell.

  “Is she…will she…”

  “She’s fine,” Doctor Rose said quickly. “She’s suffered three broken ribs and a collapsed lung. Her wrist was very badly broken and will require surgery. In fact, the surgeon on call has just arrived and is prepping now. We’ll need you to sign some forms.”

  “Of course.” Maren nodded, but didn’t take her eyes off Rylee.

  “Like I said,” the doctor continued. “She’s very lucky as I understand she wasn’t wearing her seat belt.”

  The memories rushed back. The way Rylee had yelled at Davis. She’d taken off her seat belt to turn around in her seat. Maren had tried to push her back, but the car swerved and… “No,” Maren said. “It was all…it was a rough night and…”

  The doctor nodded sympathetically. “It was also observed that Rylee’s blood alcohol level was .08%.”

  Maren nodded. “Her father and I picked her up from a party,” she explained. “She’d been drinking and her friend called us.” She shook her head, and forced herself not to cry.

  “I understand.” Doctor Rose put her hand on Maren’s shoulder. “I have teenagers of my own.”

  “Thank you.” For the first time, Maren took her eyes off her daughter. “My husband? Is he…” She couldn’t bring herself to ask.

  “Why don’t I get you those forms to sign for Rylee, and I’ll take you to see him? Rylee will be going into surgery right away, and I’ll make sure we have someone notify you the moment she’s in recovery.”

  “Yes.” She sagged with relief. “Thank you.”

  “I’ll wait here with her.”

  Her mother stood next to her, waiting and watching silently. “Thank you, Mom.”

  “Stop.” Her mom opened her arms and for the first time in years, Maren moved into her mother’s embrace. “You don’t have to thank me, sweetie. I’m here for you. Go. You’ll be back before she wakes up.”

  If Maren thought that Rylee’s hospital room with the extra monitors and wires was shocking, then she was completely unprepared to see Davis.

  True to her word, after Maren signed consent forms for Rylee’s surgery and had a brief conversation with the orthopedic surgeon about the fracture Rylee had sustained, Doctor Rose took her up to a different floor of the hospital, and the Intensive Care Unit.

  “I’ve been briefed on your husband’s condition,” the doctor said as she pushed the wheelchair. “I want you to be prepared when you see him. The ICU can look a lot scarier than it is. That being said, your husband sustained a head injury and right now there is significant amount of swelling on the brain, which is why they’ve put him into a medically induced coma. They’re hopeful the swelling will go down in a day or two, and they can wake him up. The CAT scans aren’t showing any significant brain damage.”

  “What does that mean?” Maren looked straight ahead as they slowed in front of a door with Bennett written on the whiteboard next to it.

  The doctor moved to open the door and smiled kindly. “Basically it means that the brain is very complex, and right now, assuming the swelling goes down the way they expect it to, your husband will be fine. There might be some memory…”

  She stopped listening, fixated only on the one word. Fine.

  He would be fine.

  Maren released a breath she’d been holding. But the moment Doctor Rose wheeled her to Davis’s bedside, that same breath caught in her throat again. Fine? He was going to be fine? She couldn’t see how that was possible. She barely recognized the battered man who laid on the bed before her. His face had been cut and although the cuts had been cleaned and stitched, they looked angry and painful. His leg was bandaged up in a bulky plaster cast, obviously broken. But despite those visual injuries, that wasn’t what struck her.

  He was obviously sleeping, or unconscious, or whatever it was when someone was in a coma. It was like he was there, but at the same time, he wasn’t.

  “You can touch him.” Doctor Rose took a step back to give her some privacy. “Obviously he can’t respond. But he’ll know you’re here.”

  Maren hesitated but after a moment, reached out and slipped her hand over his. “Davis.” Her voice was a whisper. She cleared it a
nd tried again. “Davis. It’s Maren.” She giggled uncertainly. “But you probably knew that.” She took a breath and exhaled slowly. “I’m here and you’re going to be okay.” She squeezed his hand a little and waited. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but she watched his eyes, willing them to open. Of course they didn’t, and after a moment she looked down before turning his hand over in hers.

  She focused on the lines in his palm. It was a hand both so familiar, and at the same time, completely foreign. So much had happened. She was numb and unsure of what to feel.

  “I need you to be okay, Davis,” she said. “I mean it. I need you to be okay. You’re not allowed to not be okay.” A tear slipped down her cheek. She didn’t think it was possible for her to cry any more than she had in the last few hours. Of course, she’d never almost lost her entire family before. “Rylee’s okay,” she told him. “Her wrist is pretty messed up, but the doctors are fixing it and she’ll be just fine. I don’t think she’ll be healed in time for the summer swim season, but that’s okay. It doesn’t matter.” Maren realized she was rambling, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. And she didn’t know what else to say. It wasn’t as though she could sit there and tell her unconscious husband that she’d lost their baby. The baby who she’d only just gotten used to the idea of. The baby who she still felt crippling guilt over not wanting when she’d first found out she was pregnant. The baby whose heartbeat she’d heard only days before. The baby who’d she’d just begun to think of in a real way. The baby she’d just recently started to love and look forward to, the way she should have from the beginning. The baby she’d seen on the ultrasound screen. The baby who the doctors had just told her had been a girl.

  A girl.

  They were going to have another baby girl.

  And now they weren’t.

  The fresh realization crushed her like a weight.

  She took a breath and forced herself to keep it together. “Wake up, Davis. You have to wake up.” Maren focused on his eyes, but still they didn’t move.