by Emjay Soren
“Cass we really need a few minutes with Shame.” Cal said and walked over to kiss her on the cheek.
Fool.
Cassa wasn’t going anywhere. I could see it on her face.
“Me first, Cal.” Was all she said before she opened the door and stared them all down. Chad looked at me and I could see and feel his frustration, but it was too damn bad and too damn late. Bridge was burnt and turned to ash. For the first time in my life, I had no faith in the music we made. It was all tarnished.
“We talk next.” Noah said not bothering to look at me as he followed Cal and Chad out the door, stopping at Sassy and whispering something that made her smile a softer smile than the one she gave me. He kissed her cheek and looked at me one last time. Whatever he was so damn mad about, had a lot to do with something I did. Considering I had no clue what I could have done I figured I would poke the angry dog and egg him on.
“If you got something to say Noah bark it out and be on your way.”
His back had been to me, but he turned at the pissed off tone I spoke to him with. He made his way to me in three strides. He didn’t walk fast or come at me with threat and intent. It was more than that, he stepped up to me with knowledge of something I would never understand. It deflated my anger the minute I realized why Noah had protected her.
I was the fool.
Fuck!
“Try to remember that no matter how many times he kicked her, pushed her, slapped her. No matter the words he used to break her, he never robbed her of the woman she is and has always been. Remember that while she was laying there dying, she didn’t cry, and she didn’t beg…” He looked over his shoulder at Cassa. “Strong as fuck.” He said to her not me and turned to leave, kissing the crown of her head and slipping out of the room like he had never been there.
Chapter Eleven
Shame
I watched her close the door behind Noah and lock it, the pulling the cord to the blinds between production and recording. We were all alone. The recording light was off as well. I could see the fight in the back of her eyes, she wanted me to stay, I could feel it. I could also feel the fear… she was scared to death of confrontation. I didn’t care; I was not going to lose her again. “We can't be together again Shamus, I know that. I’m here because I know you're hurting and feeling betrayed and I am the reason for it all. I begged and pleaded with everyone we knew to keep my life a secret. Chad and Noah tried to get the news crews to not run the stories, but they did anyway and so they did what they could to keep you from watching the news.” She tapped her palm against her chest, “me Shame. I am to blame for all of this. I manipulated everyone, I quilted them into keeping quiet. The guys fought me so hard every time you were in town. I needed you to have your dream. You ripped me into shreds and left me empty and aching for that dream. I did everything I could to keep it from touching you because I believed that you leaving me in such despair had to be worth something.”
"I don’t believe you."
Cass let her head fall back and laughed. "Look at me Shamus, I am a joke. I don’t remember who I was."
I walked to her then fast because I only had this one chance. "I do. You’re my Sassy. I will help you remember Sass."
"I can’t Shamus, please don’t make this harder than it needs to be."
"How can you ask me to walk away Sass? I have lived through that hell and I can’t do it again. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. Every song I write is a song for you. I went insane when I heard you married him, when you gave me up." I saw her defenses weaken and I knew I had her. I cupped her face in my hands. My voice was cracking when I spoke again. "Had I known that last night would have been the last time I would see you, I would have memorized every feature." I wiped my eyes as the pain rushed through my chest. Trying to get control I had to keep control here. I took a deep breath but the fear of losing her was to strong, my voice hitched again. "Or that the last time I held you...” Tears rolled from my eyes without my consent. “Oh God I wouldn’t have let you go. I would have stayed in that bed and made love to you and traded all my fortune, all my success, to have you. I forgot what your touch was like." I reached for her hand and placed her palm against my cheek. "I forgot your kiss and the sounds you made when I make you come. I can’t lose you again." I stood before her, I had bared my soul to her and she still looked shut down. This was going to kill me, but she had to want it, had to feel it. I would never force her see my side. My side meant nothing when the fear was so deeply rooted inside of her. I may know she can fight back but she needed to know it.
"I'm gonna go." I said and turned my back to her ashamed of the tears in my eyes. My voice cracked ever so slightly as I kissed her cheek and said goodbye. I grabbed my jacket from the hook by the door, and padded my pockets looking for the absent keys. All my movements were robotic. I had lost the will to fight for her if she wouldn't fight for her either.
"Shamus No!" she cried.
Those two words changed my fucking life.
I caught the door with my shoulder before it closed and turned my head to see her coming at me. I stepped toward her in enough time to reach her just as she reached for me. “Tell me you want to fight Sass.” I inhaled the fresh scent of her hair as she arched her back.
“Please, just make it go away. Make it all disappear like you used to.” She cried.
I lifted her into my arms and pushed her back against the bright red wall all while keeping my tongue deep in her mouth. That was all I needed to hear. Both of us could taste the others tears as I worked at her jeans trying desperately to get her naked now! I broke the kiss to pull her shirt over her head while she spread her legs to cradle my hips.
I set her feet on the ground and dropped to my knees before her. I caught a glimpse of the pain she was in while kneeling before her, like a beggar taking what I could get. She was using me right now and I knew it. She was so full of anger that I was the only person she could lash out like this to. I didn’t mind. I would take it away, I wished forever but it was tonight only, and I was willing to bargain my heart and soul to give her what she desperately needed. I would be the dark dirty need she was craving; I would be the savior if I had to. I let go in the moment and focused only on her demands. "Make it go away Dammit!" She cried as if reading my mind.
Dark and dirty, got it.
I cursed when I slid a finger along her slit then another. “Fuck.” I leaned in and opened her with my other hand seeing her clit already swollen. I took it between my lips and tugged back while she clawed at my scalp. She still tasted like passion, nothing else could describe what I felt as I licked and flicked too and froe on her hardened clit. I drove my fingers deep in her tightness, wishing that this moment would stop!
Make it go away… Her words echoed through my mind. Make it disappear like you used to. I wanted so badly to bring her that peace. My fingers were stroking her deep inside, working tirelessly to make her come and fast. I found her G spot in one quick stroke that made her moan while I nibbled her clit between my teeth.
It was in that moment that I realized that she was still my same Sassy, just a few added scars. I was still able to make her scream my name, come for me with a few minor strokes. I could work her out just as easily as I worked myself. She was second nature when it came to fucking.
Her nipples were throbbing, and she let my head go so she could pull and pinch them between her own fingers. I had her crying out in less than a minute with a body ravishing orgasm. She needed me inside her, her legs around my waist while I fucked her fear away. She was coming back to me no matter what. This shell of my Sassy was getting tossed. I would kill Cory Knox with my bare hands if it meant she came back to me. For now, I would fuck her out of it. I will remind her of everything we had and all we can have again. There was a dark erotic need inside of me that she brought out, like a gift she had hidden two years before. I needed her to bring me back just as bad as I was trying to bring her back.
I took a step back, withdrawing my hand from between her legs and watche
d her eyes flutter and close all while she arched her back. Yeah, fuck yeah, my girl wanted me. “Talk to me baby.” I whispered against her lips, our foreheads touching as I undid the belt to my jeans. “Tell me what you want Sassy because tonight we are getting all this shit out on the table. I’ll unlock every secret you have baby, just give me the green light to do it my way.”
Then she shattered my control. Her short blunt teeth bit into the plump lip I had been nibbling on before, her tongue licking along the seam. That was about as big a yes as a man in my position could ask for.
“Damn Sassy. I want to be patient and then you do that shit and I want to go balls deep here and now.”
“Then…” She said and kicked off the wall and came into my arms, cupping me between the legs making all thoughts of gentle and sweet vanish like a cloud of smoke. “Fuck me baby.”
I did as any man in my position would do and whipped my dick out. I then stepped forward and hiked her tattooed thigh in my hand to wrap her around me. My heart stopped. The tip of my cock swiped along the wetness between her legs and every memory I had of Cassa flashed like lightening through my mind. Every kiss, hug, blow job….every I love you Shame and of course that final goodbye.
*
Cassa
The moment slowed so that I felt every single nerve in my body respond. The sound of the condom as he tore the wrapper, the sound of the rubber rolling against hard flesh… the feel of his cock inside me with a force that took me off the ground entirely. Shame spun and pinned me to the wall... and we fucked. It was passion sure, but like a raw nerve exposed it was painful. Physically I wanted to cry out in delight, but it was the emotional aspect that was ripping me in two.
I was fucking Shamus. I never fucked Shame before. He may have opened that nasty and dirty girl inside of me, but he had always made love to me. We had been desperate, angry, happy, in love and even sad but it was always us coming together in an act of love.
Passion roaring through my system I clawed at his back and squeezed my legs tight against him. He didn’t say a word as he fucked me in fast and deep strokes, the sounds of his cock stroking me was all I heard between our breaths.
I clawed at his back, my nails digging in anger and pain flooding me with a passion I hadn’t known in two years. Each dig I made he gave back with deep strokes of his tongue. I was so close to breaking free I could feel the weight on my shoulders bearing down. Every stroke he made deep inside of me chipped away at my fear, every curse against my neck, every tug of my hair in his fingers; the levee grew weaker and weaker.
“Touch yourself.” He whispered softly against my neck. He was watching me now waiting for me to come. He knew what he was doing, what he was opening inside of me and he knew he had done it; he had pulled it out and laid it all bare. All the dark needy things I wanted from him, every fantasy I’d had of him, every dirty word I wanted to say but never did. He mastered my body like a sheet of music to his favorite song and unlocked it all. He pushed in deep and stayed completely still. "Come all over me Cassa." He groaned the words into my ear annihilating the levee.
I came out of my self-induced coma kicking and screaming.
“Fuck you Shamus. You make me come!” With my ruthless demand his fingers found my clit and I exploded.
“I always do Cassa.” He laughed, cocky again as he slammed into me hard my body like a vice wrapped around him he came too. “Good girl baby,” he shuddered as his own orgasm erupted.
*
Shamus
I tucked my still hard cock back in my jeans and zipped them up. Bending down to gather my shirt, I dropped to my knees before Sass where she was leaned against the wall. Un able to control myself and the need that clawed at me in her presence, I lifted her leg over my shoulder and leaned in, kissing feather-light over her pussy before setting her leg back down on the ground. I wanted desperately to nuzzle her womb and show her she was safe, but I held back not sure of what she would be feeling right now.
Sass’s chest was heaving, her entire body drawn to me and I could see she was wanting more. I hadn’t been inside of her for over two years and my knees were weak and my heart was breaking because I didn't know what she was thinking.
Chapter Twelve
Cassa
I didn't want to look at Shame, couldn't after what we had done. He kept his promise and made me forget it all if even for a second. It was great, but what did it mean in the end or with the empty space he would leave behind? He had left before, and I was still burning with indigence and it hurt like hell, but I knew that I loved him even more now. I had to find a way to save myself if I wanted to keep him. I had the strength; God knew I had the will.
Like my thoughts summoned him, Shamus eyes fell on mine again. Just seconds before he had been kissing light flutters between my legs...now he was watching me just as close. I rolled to the side to see his face using my hand I traced his features rubbing my thumb across his brow. His eyes stayed on me while he leaned in bringing his mouth to mine. I needed that kiss to give me the passion to fight. "Cassa…." he sighed and pulled my body over his. I felt his erection between my spread legs as I straddled him.
"Hi." I said with a smile and buried my head against his chest. I was nervous and twitter-pated being this close and sharing this moment with him. I had never been like this after a long night of passion. I felt like I had committed a sin. His hard-as-steel hard-on was making it even worse.
Shamus smiled and laughed his gruff voice so faint and scratchy it gave me the chills. "What’s with the shyness?" he asked as he slipped his hands on both sides of my neck to capture my face in his hands. I was beet red and couldn’t hide my smile.
"I feel weird, don’t make fun of me.” God the tone of my voice reminded me of the fangirls who were always trying to get with Shame.
"No, I like it. I love it actually, knowing I made you blush." He sounded just as nervous with me cuddled close on top of him. Shame had a coyness to him that I found irresistible. God please stop time and keep me in this moment forever. I wanted that more than anything, but I knew this was going to be short lived.
"God Damn you are beautiful." He spoke reverently while he ran his hands around my hips and over my ass, stopping at the scars. “Even here baby. I know what’s beneath the ink, but the work Noah did is unreal.”
I flushed again and felt like a child. "I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I'm so used to you being in my masturbatory file that it’s weird that your here." I raised my arms and twisted my long brown hair through my fingers trying to smooth it out. His jacket was our makeshift blanket and it covered very little. I was completely naked; every inch of my body was displayed on top of him.
"I can stay as long as you want me to." He said and captured my ass in his hands and sat up, keeping me in place on top of him. A sound of pure bliss escaped my mouth at the friction his sitting up caused. Shame knew what he was doing to me and smiled that cocky grin that made me desperate…and then he winked sending me down in girly girl flames.
I had to fight to get his words to penetrate through the cloud of lust in my mind. But all too soon the gravity of his words hit me like a freight train. "What then?" I leaned forward to nip at his shoulder with my teeth. He gripped my ass tighter and pulled me closer. I knew he liked to be nibbled on and a huge sense of satisfaction came because I knew these things and skanks like Brit didn’t.
"We could try short term long distance, and on longer tours you could come with me, be the bands photographer. Hell, I will hire you right now." He was dead serious I could see it in his eyes.
"You would do that?" I stared him down looking for any signs of false hope or fear, but his eyes locked with mine. Shame was serious.
"Anything Sass! I will do anything to spend a million more moments like this." He ran his fingers along my spine making me tremble. “I can't be with you, be inside of you and then turn and walk away again.” He shook his head and looked away from my intense stare. “I won't survive it another time Sassy.”
/>
How dare he?
I pulled back immediately completely offended by his response. He tried gripping me closer to keep me from moving but I was having none of it. “Let me go Shame.”
“No baby. That’s the point. I don’t want to let you go ever again. If I have even a glimmer of hope that we can be together again then I'm jumping on it Sass.”
I pressed hard against his chest and finally he dropped his hands. I immediately stood and started dressing. “This was a mistake Shame.”
That had him jumping to his feet too. I paused in shattered amazement at the delectable body of Shamus James. It was so cruel and so unfair that he was this beautiful. Shame had had a beauty that was untouchable. “This was not a mistake Sass. It was fate. You were and have always been mine Cass.”
Ohmygod! I understood what he meant because I felt it to, but the ownership thing just made my skin crawl. I was me and owned by me. I would never again be anyone’s god Dammit! Not even Shames.
“I am nobodies Shamus.” My voice was so low and so dark, I had no doubt he caught my meaning.
“Your right, but your heart is mine Cassa.” He stepped forward and placed the palm of my hand against his chest where I could feel his beating heart. “And mine is yours baby. Feel how it beats faster when you touch me? Only you have ever done that to me.”
I wanted to hit him but being of the ‘no violence’ mind I pulled my hand back before stepping free of him. “You left me two years ago. No word, no apology or reason. You went to follow a dream that came true and in return the dream of us died. I am so sorry Shame, about your dad passing, about the secrets we all kept, I'm sorry for it all, but I can't forget what happened between us, just like I can't forget what Cory did to me. You hurt me so deep and then stand here saying you couldn’t survive leaving me again?”
I stepped forward as I pushed my hands through my jacket and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. At the last second, he turned his head and our lips met for a brief and yet explosive kiss. I ended it just as abruptly and touched my fingers to my lips trying to hold on to the feel of his lips on mine. “You can and will survive it Shame because this was a beautiful goodbye.”
