by Emjay Soren
I wondered if I should leave. I had walked through the door when Shame pulled me close kissing me until I was out of breath. Once we came up for air, we said nothing but just looked at one another. We didn’t need words right then, we both knew the way the night would end.
Shame curled his fingers in mine and used his bare foot to close the door behind us and we walked hand in hand down the hall to his room. He leaned back on the bed sitting back against his pillows. He said nothing for a few minutes just looked at his hand in mine and rubbed his thumb over the soft skin on the top of my hand. I wanted to take his pain away just as bad as I wanted him to take mine away, but I didn’t know how to say it. I looked at him seeing that he was looking right back at me with the same question in his eye. This was proof that we were still us. No words. No promises. Nothing more than us alone with a million possibilities. It was so quiet and nothing but the sound of our breathing and the rain outside beating on the windows. It was the most relaxed I had been since the night he left me.
It was in that moment I knew we still had the fire in us. I knew the spark would always be there, but our fire hadn’t gone out. This moment of silence that spoke louder than any words proved that.
A rush of heat came over me, a need to be with him, under him with sweat and tears and passion unbridled.
Shamus must have felt it to because his eyes went dark, flooded with the passion I was feeling. Is this how I could comfort him too, with my body? Shamus made no attempt to fondle or touch me, just silence, deafening silence and a need so strong it had a Richter rating.
Now or never was all I thought, scared to death that I was misreading the signals and he would deny me when in truth I could see it plain as day, as if he had just admitted it to me. I felt it, between us and in the air, I could taste the eroticism and knew he would answer my need with his own.
I stood from the bed and faced Shamus. This was all I had to offer him, my way of proving I was here for whatever he would offer. It wasn’t just sex, it was just Shamus. I needed him and couldn’t deny it. I could show him my pain without saying a word. He would see my sorrow, my suffering but most important, he would see my survival. I wanted this just as much as I needed it. I looked at him not breaking concentration and took my jacket off, then my hooded sweatshirt. Shamus caught on quick when he watched as I freed my breasts from the satin and lace confines. Next were my jeans and panties. I was before him, naked and exposed showing him all of me in the most expressive way I could. This moment was louder than words ever would be. I was doing what I feared most. I was letting Shamus back in.
*
Shamus
I watched while Cassa slowly undressed before me, letting me see what she had been hiding all along. I didn’t know what she was proving but I knew it was huge and just seeing her soft skin now covered in ink it undid me. Her body was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen, she was devastating to look at; even as she tried to hide her scars. She was unaware and utterly clueless that, to me, she was flawless. I watched as the satin panties fell to the floor and did what came naturally, I went for my belt. My cock was hard and burning, burning to be deep inside of this woman before me. I reached beneath my boxers and stroked pumping once, twice unable to breathe as I watched her crawl up the bed and reach for me.
That image of her before me will be burned into my brain and I hope like fuck it’s what I see before I die. I swore she could never be more perfect than seeing her outside debating to come to me or not. She had been biting her lower lip, both hands on the wheel and her curly hair was everywhere like a mad mess the rain had attacked. She was so beautiful but seeing her now, before me like an offering from heaven, she was breathtaking.
She laced her fingers around my cock, admiring the wet drop on the tip as she rubbed her thumb over and around the blunt fat head of me. Then she bent her head and took me in to her mouth where my brain fried out. She rubbed me over her tongue and deep into her throat, and then slowly sucked her way back up to the tip, lingering at the head where another drop danced over her tongue. She found her rhythm, the rhythm that I had taught her how to touch me . All these years and she still knew what I liked.
In deep wet strokes she bobbed her head and she stayed on all fours with her ass in the air. She used her hands to pull my pants open more and then over my ass, taking my boxers with them. She removed her mouth from my cock long enough to strip me fully, but my mind was on auto pilot. I was scared to move because anything could break this moment. I sat forward to pull my shirt over my head when her fingers were clawing at the hem of my shirt. Without a doubt she wanted me naked. When Sass came back to find her place at my cock I leaned back and tangled my fingers in the back of her hair, guiding her back to more than just my dick, but to my heart, to every memory of us together here…speaking without words.
Cassa moaned at the feel of me guiding her. I knew that moan and it sent chills through my body. I loved guiding her, directing her against me. I loved the feel of the pressure each movement each tug making it impossible for her to move away. I couldn’t hold back from my hips pushing me into her hot mouth.
I was so close I wanted to rupture and shoot down her throat, the image taking me there immediately. My thrusts got faster as did my breathing when I pulled back from her mouth and clamped down on the vein controlling my cock.
“I can’t Cassa, I’m gonna blow baby.” I watched her reach for my hand and pull it free. “Cassa, I can’t-“
The words were lost when she took me back into her mouth with a vengeance. She reached for my hand and tangled it back in her hair, making the pulse thicken and my balls grow tight. She pumped me with her hand and pulled back keeping her eyes locked on mine. “I want to Shame.” She said simply and shifted so she was to the side and swallowed what she could of me.
I felt the orgasm come on like a storm, rolling in slowly then finally erupting in madness. I wanted to be inside of her marking her, but my conscience had me shifting and pulling back from her mouth where I exploded against my stomach. Little streaks of pearly white clashing against my tan and inked skin. I saw Cass through the slits of my eyes, confusion and pain on her face. Neither of us had said a word since she walked out of the studio and her words had been that she wanted to feel and taste me in her mouth. A sweet and selfless request from any woman, even sweeter from Cassa and I denied her.
Cassa dipped her finger on a drop of my semen her eyes never leaving mine. Like the silence between us this entire time I read her confusion clear. I looked away and kept my gaze on the ceiling, both my arms now folded beneath my head. I hated that I couldn’t connect us that way, God knew how hard it was to pull back, but I wasn’t the innocent lover I was two years ago.
Not wanting to break the moment with unanswered questions followed by silent answers, I rolled until she was beneath me. I crawled up her body before leaning back on my knees palming them open with my eyes still locked on hers. That split second of guilt had cost me more than I thought. When I was looking at the ceiling, I was losing her focus and desire. I forgot that my Sassy was in there buried beneath some fucktards bullshit abuse. I was with Cassa Rae right now and I could see her insecurity even through her need.
I took her delicate hand in mine and brought her fingers to my lips, kissing each tip individually before linking our fingers and tracing the crease of her thigh. The small sigh that escaped her red lips made my stomach drop in excitement.
It was my turn to sigh next when she took the lead and guided our fingers closer to the slit of soft petal skin between her legs. This had been my heaven, my safe place for years and I walked away from it like a fucking idiot. I couldn’t help the hope blooming in my chest that maybe I still had that glimmer of hope that meant we had a shot.
Her fingers still linked with mine, parted her lips and then she was stroking against her core and I swear I saw God. I let her set the pace, let her pull me along on this amazing ride where we rediscovered her body together. I placed my hand over hers and stroked at
her clit, swollen and hard; puckered with need. I used my other hand and entered her with a finger then two. She was burning alive hot and wet.
I couldn’t take it, she was killing me. The most soft and delicate place on her body and she was letting me in all while her eyes never left mine. I could see the need, see that it wasn’t enough. I knew that this was about testing our belief in one another, knowing what we both needed other than forgiveness and that was trust. She was trusting me to please her and take her to that place I knew fucking damn well only I could take her too.
It made me feel like a champ knowing I was that guy. She didn’t tell me so, she didn’t have to. I see it every time I look at her, I feel it with every touch. I’m that fucking guy for her, the one. It. All. Forever. I would not fuck it up this time.
I unlinked our hands and knew that for her to trust me I had to remind her of how deeply I could love her as well as I could fuck her. I skimmed down the end of the bed, hooking my hands around her hips and brought her to my face and breathed in the sight and smell of my girl.
And all control shattered.
The silence between us vanished and I lost the ability to be smooth and sweet. I had been so desperate, and hell bent on showing her what we could have. Where my mind and heart were now is the true-blue feelings I have for her. They are raw, they are vital, and they are tearing me apart.
“I'm gonna' eat your pussy Sass, and I'm raw right now. I get too rough you tell me agreed?” I watched her, seeing her face flushed and her body writhing against her fingers I knew she was lost to the passion I was. My voice was greed and want. I was hell bent serious on driving her to understand how far she had taken me.
“Look at me Cassa.” I demanded. Her eyes were bright and beautiful when she met my stare understanding now how raw I really was. “You tell me if I go too far or too hard.”
Cassa moaned her excitement and need before she nodded yes. I fell to my knees and hiked her legs over my shoulders and then spread her for my taking. I nuzzled my face between her thighs, my mouth pressed tight into her as I licked and nibbled, touching every square inch of her pleasure that I could taste. “Your pussy is fucking heaven Cassa, nothing compares to the taste of you.” I poked my tongue deep and flexed as her wetness pooled on my tongue. “I can’t get enough of it.”
She gripped at my skull, her nails digging against me as she tried pulling me deeper and harder against her. She rolled her hips against my greedy tongue and I could feel her pulsing against me. She arched her back and cried out. “I’m gonna come Shame.”
It hit like a massive eruption, fucking Mt. Reiner could have gone off and I wouldn’t have known. Cassa was panting and screaming ‘Oh God Shamus’ as I sucked and nibbled and bit at her thrashing pussy, she came back down, her body during the aftershocks to see me using my shirt to clean her up. It was erotic to watch her watching me, knowing what I was wiping away. I couldn’t tell you why that revved me up or why it even mattered… it just did.
I climbed into the bed next to Cassa. The rain had rolled in and now it was blasting against the window pain in a melody the musician in me could hear. I had Sassy tucked in tight against my chest. I looked down and kissed her softly. I was aching to fuck her, deep and hard and finish what we started. My balls throbbing, I shifted to the side facing her in a desperate attempt to hide my once again hard, hard on.
“Why are we laying here?” Cassa asked facing me so we now lay belly to belly and nose to nose. I stroked the curve of her hip with my fingertips, tracing the tree branches Noah had inked. I could feel the rippled skin and tried to black out images of her lying there bleeding…bleeding for loving me even after I had left.
She shivered maybe from the cold, or from my touch. It didn’t matter but it gave me an excuse. Pulling her close and kissing her nose, I tucked the sheet tighter around us. “Because it’s cold outside.” I knew it was a lame answer, but I wasn’t known for making excuses to get out of sex. Sex that would be life changing, earth shattering, soul stealing sex.
Cassa lifted the sheet and looked down at my cock as it nudged the space between hip and stomach. “Shamus, you’re hard and I’m wet. Why aren’t you inside of me?” She traced her hand over my chest until she reached my shoulder and gripped it, sliding her body against mine.
Fuck! I want her so bad…maybe if I pull out….fuuuuuuuck!
I cringed at the contact and my own inner turmoil. I wanted her, deep and hard, animalistic. But I was fresh out of condoms and totally pissed off. So, I would suffer in silence, a sweat breaking over my brow I groaned as her belly made contact at the head of my dick.
“What’s wrong?” She asked her voice immediately accusing. She pulled back and pulled the sheet up to her chin. Shame and anger replacing the satisfied and loving beauty she was radiating only moments before. I could see her insecurities crash into our moment as her brain started looking for reasons that didn’t exist. Reasons that said she no longer matched up. Reasons that were bullshit. “Honest to God Shame what’s the deal?” She looked like any second tears would fall and that I would never cause again.
“I am out of condoms Sassy.” I waited for her to sigh but she made no sound.
“And?” she asked.
“And I don’t want to go in not sheathed, it’s irresponsible.” I tried to smile and nudge her with my nose making light of the situation. It wasn’t my greatest moment. I watched as her face went from serious to hurt in a flash.
“You can’t get me pregnant Shamus.” She whispered her voice frail. She rolled away from me and sat up, covering her perfect body from me with the sheet.
I rolled in tight to her body not giving her the time to run away from me. I should have thought of how she would perceive it. Of course, she would take it that way.
Fuck me and my stupid mouth. "That’s not what I meant Sassy. I swear to God baby, I would never try and hurt you like that." I pulled the hair back from her shoulder and placed a kiss against her neck. "I would never be that callused. It’s because I have a whole new sexual past now Sassy. There is a dark side to the music world and there have been more than my fair share of sex and there have been… a lot of women." I nuzzled in closer kissing her ear, completely prepared to head to 7-11 and get enough protection to last a lifetime.
"What type of experiences?' She asked, shifting and pressing against me. Fuck! Clearly, I didn’t think the response through well either. I had to go with the truth because I had hurt her enough over the last two years that she deserved to know the truth of the scumbag I was. I knew I didn’t deserve her, but I was stealing her heart back anyway.
"Enough women to fulfill me for a lifetime, but they were nowhere close to making me feel what you do." It was the biggest most shameful truth of my life.
"How long has it been for you, I mean since you were with someone else?"
Fuck it was like a car crash with dead bloody bodies. You knew damn well looking would fuck you up for life, but you went and looked anyway. Answering this would taste bitter and nasty and I already regret the truth, but like before she deserved to know all of me, the new me since I walked away from her. I knew I was twisted, but if she wanted me then she deserved all of me. "The night I got here, with Brittany." I closed my eyes to big a pussy to see her face as I dropped that bomb. Hoping to soothe the slap from that confession I continued making myself sound even worse. "Before you get mad let me first say I told the truth so that’s a point in my favor and I didn’t even know if I was going to see you, I never did before when I came home, so that’s another point."
"I'm not mad Shamus, pussy is pussy to a man and I get that." Sure, that’s what she said but inside she was ready to rip Brits hair from her head. I would damn well guarantee it.
I reached over her hip and rolled her until she was beneath me again and I could claim her mouth. That caused a whole bunch of rubbing and touching.
Not my best idea.
"I will go to the store right now Cassa, I will buy a lifetime supply, hell I will
buy stock in fucking Trojan. Just never think that I wouldn’t be inside you right now had I been more careful with myself." I pressed against her selfish as it was, her skin against my cock was like a branding iron and contact was contact. I slipped my hand between her legs spreading her to feel her clit and she was as I left her, wet and ready. I couldn’t deny how bad I wished it was my come that had her soaked, wished like hell I could drench her pussy in me, mark her for life. Call me a dirty bastard but I don’t give a fuck. Any man in my position would be thinking the same damn thing. I’ll own being a dirty freak in the sheets any day. I admit it because she fucking loves it. "I will take care of you though, all night Sassy."
She stretched against me making me hiss and pull back. "Ok I am going to get condoms." I went to leave the bed when she clamped down on my hand between her thighs and tugged my arm.
"No Shame don’t go. I want this; I want you inside me naked."
Fuck!
What to do….what to do…
“God baby, I want in you so bad.” I groaned and thrust against the soft skin against me.
“Then take me Shame, I want your skin on my skin.”
Fuck!
“Tell me your sure baby.” I was grinding against her, my fingers working her, feeling her slickening further. “Tell me you’re certain because I want inside, I want to feel how hot and slick you are.”
I felt her fluids drip from inside her and her moan of delight and torture had me shaking with need. “Fuck baby, I need to feel you clamp down and flex on my dick as you come.”
“I’m close already Shame, get in me please. I need to feel you come for me too.” She looked up at me, her passion filled eyes determined to make me see she was serious. “We need this Shame. We need this to reconnect once and for all.”
I didn’t wait for a written invitation; I drew my hips back and…there she was. Wet. Hot. Slick and tight, fuck she was tight. I pressed into the hilt of her and lifted her leg over mine taking me to the full hilt inside of her. I couldn’t think, but only feel. I had never had Cassa or anyone bare before. Being in Sassy and feeling her wet heat surround me….it overwhelmed me.
