by Emjay Soren
He stepped into Howie's and left the swarm and the rock star outside. He walked straight to me and took my hand in his. "Hi baby." He said but was cautious with his display. "Come with me." His smile still on his face, he pulled me to the back of the bar where there were no windows, just cases of liquor and kegs waiting to be tapped.
"Welcome to my world." He said with an edge in his voice. He reached in his pocket and took out his cell. When the other end answered Shamus’s, face changed immediately. "I told you NO Drew, this is my Fathers fucking wake."
I watched Shamus's face turn from mad to fury as he listened to the other end of the line. "No, this shit better stop, I say no to something I fucking mean it." He ended the call before turning and throwing the phone against the wall, breaking a few bottles of wine in the process. I flinched and backed up by the door, my concern for him became fear the instant he threw the phone. I had my hand on the door knob when he placed his arms on the shelving unit holding bottles and bottles and bottles. His forearms flexing as he gripped the shelf. I could see he was trying to contain himself, but my need to run was overwhelming. I was about to bolt out the door when it opened from the other side, forcing the bottled-up fear inside to release in a scream.
"Shame?" A woman with very short black hair that was brushed and styled down the center of her scalp in what looked like a feminine faux hawk, walked in but jumped when I screamed. She was beautiful, dressed in a three-piece suit and complete with her blue tooth, but her eyes were smeared with black makeup. She looked over at me in my terrified state. I don’t know if she thought I was a crazy fangirl or an employee of Howie's, but either way she smiled sincerely and extended her hand. "I’m guessing here, but I assume you are Cassa?" Her eyes were kind; I would always remember that about Tayla.
"Yes." I whispered and tried to get my composure.
If possible, her smile grew bigger. "I'm Tayla. Shamus has told me so much about you I feel like I know you."
I smiled, feeling comfortable with her immediately. Shamus walked to my side his face repentant when he realized he had scared me. He took my hand into his and smiled. He was still angry, I could see that, but he wasn’t lashing out. He cupped my face in his hands and looked me in the eye. "Think like the old Cassa, remember I would never hurt you." He kissed the top of my head and looked at Tayla. He didn’t make a fuss or treat me like I was crazy. It was something that made me fall for him all over again.
"There has to be some solitude Tayla. My father’s death may be great for publicity, but I don’t care if his death ended world hunger, I need some privacy. I don’t need the world to watch me mourn my father." I could feel his pulse as he held my hand and I felt awful for fearing him. He had every right to be angry he needed to say goodbye to his dad with some dignity and the world wasn’t going to let him.
"I know Shame. I will have the lot emptied before we leave, and I talk to the press." Tayla looked back at me, her smile still comforting. "Really sorry we had to meet like this, under these circumstances."
"Me too. Jerry spoke of you often and always with kindness and fondness. He always called you the fifth TAT member.” I smiled a sad smile at the memory.
"Oh no I am the Manager of this band." She came forward with her smile becoming one of seriousness. "I would never let anyone boss me around like Shame and the guys otherwise." She winked before looking at Shamus. "My job is to deal with Drew. Go out and be with your family and friends."
"Let’s get back out there." Shamus said before kissing me sweetly asking with his kiss to be forgiven.
Duh! Like I could deny him?
"Really sorry Sass." He said against my mouth effectively making me melt. I loved the feel of his talking sweet things against my lips. He may have given that piece to other women, but it was and would always be mine.
"I overreacted Shame, you have every right to be mad. I have no right to make you feel like you can’t react because I might. It’s complete bullshit that you have got to worry about that nightmare while you’re sitting smack dab in another one. My reactions are just reactions." I kissed him just as soft and just as sweet, letting my next words fall on his lips in the same manner as he did. “I’m not scared of you baby.”
He looked at me, his eyes soft and empty from anger. "I love you."
I would never get tired of hearing that. "I love you." I said back with a smile. "Now I am dying to see everyone else." I walked to the door and could hear Tayla behind me.
"I have to go talk to Cal about some guitar string fiasco." Tayla spoke as she opened the door and stopped short, looking at the man standing on the other side.
The most amazing looking man stood there smiling at the three of us. He was Asian descent, Japanese maybe? His dark eyes were coal black and he had a knowing stare to them that was a warning to anyone.
“Yeah, he’s out there paranoid waiting on the strings.” Shamus said, smiling before locking the man in a handshake and then pulling him into a hug. Cal was paranoid over everything that involved the band. Today it was guitar strings. Tayla seemed to handle the chaos in stride. Amongst all the fans and Shames obvious frustration, she was now taking the strings fiasco in stride.
“Sorry I was late, I heard about the drama at the door.” The unknown guy said.
“You’re here now, you can kick ass later.” Shamus said with a laugh.
“I’m sorry about Jerry Shame. He was a hell of a man.”
“Thanks Drake.” He looked at me with that loving glint in his eyes and smiled. “Drake I would like you to meet my Cassa.”
Drake, ok, I knew who he was. I had heard stories of Drake and his terrifying presence. I was shocked because he wasn’t what I expected. I was expecting a guy big as The Rock. This guy was built for sure, but he didn’t look the part. Based on the stories I had heard of his strength and know how, I assume his appearance is a weapon of its own. He was very ordinary, non-threatening. It could be a mistake of epic proportions to assume the man lacked strength. “Hi, nice to meet you Drake.”
“Well, I see the earth stood still for about five minutes.” He said with a smile before hugging me. “Um, sure.” I said and looked at Shamus through the crease of Drakes neck and shoulder completely confused about why the earth stood still.
Shamus laughed. “Drake is head of security Sass, and my friend. He has heard a lot about you.” He said, dragging out a lot. “From the day I signed on he has been with me, he always told me that if the world didn’t revolve around me that I may find you again.” He kissed along my jaw and whispered, "Thank God I did."
I looked at Drake. He didn’t look like the typical security guard. He didn’t seem big enough. They must have guessed my thoughts because Drake, Shamus and Tayla started laughing. “Trust me sweetie.” Tayla said and wrapped her arm around me. “You wouldn’t want to be going up against Drake. He is lethal.”
“I’m a pussy cat.”
“Trust me, he’s good.” Tayla said with a smile as we all made our way to the bar.
It was time to say goodbye to a sweet old man.
Chapter Seventeen
Cassa
I looked around the bar. There were so many people who loved Jerry. Hundreds of candles sat on the bar for people to light in Jerry's honor. I looked at the people who worked or fished or just loved him plain and simple.
I had Shamus's hand in mine; his thumb stroking the soft skin on the top of my hand as we listened to Dr. Baker talk of Jerry. We were surrounded by the rest of TAT at the table all of them nodding as various men stood with tears in their eyes as they remembered their friend. Howie went to the microphone and said anyone who wanted to talk could come up and say their piece. Every time one finished, another crabber came up honoring Jerry with a shot of Jim Beam and a story from the water.
Who I didn’t expect to stand next was Cal. Shame turned from his position at the table and looked to the remaining members of TAT and our friends. This was not in the Cal Dorian handbook. Cal was a happy go lucky type, never said a b
ad word and comforted from a distance. I knew from my time in the hospital that Cal cared he just had trouble showing it. He called me every day, even now, every day from the day of my attack. He never asked me how I was or if I was ok. Cal would call and talk about whatever was on his mind… IE TAT. He was sweet and endearing without being overbearing. You just always knew he cared for you even if he never admitted it. Actions, when it came to Cal, always spoke louder than words. Knowing he was about to speak about Jerry… well, I just didn’t expect it.
The guys at the table were shrugging, just as confused by Cal standing to talk. We all watched, Shames hand in mine grew tighter when Cal lazily poured himself a shot and made a cheers potion toward Jer’s picture.
“I knew Jerry James my entire life.” He looked at Shame then and smiled. “I have been friends with Shame since before kindergarten and have been forever it seems. I remember when Brenda passed away the way Jerry was stoic and strong as an Ox. We were young still, raising hell and wanting nothing more than to be famous rock stars. I see where we have come, and I look back wondering where the drive to do what we have done came from.”
Cal took the shot and looked at Shame. “When we left for California, having no clue what would happen, your dad called me Shame. He told me you guys had words and that you left on bad terms. It was normal for you and Jer to be at each other's throats, so I brushed it off. What I didn’t expect, though, what was your dad told me that day.”
I felt Shames hand tighten in mine, I looked up to his solemn face and could see his glistening eyes as he listened to Cal. He wasn’t upset by Cal’s words… I think he was upset that he never knew there had been words. Shame couldn’t hide the shock as Cal kept talking.
“He told me I had the mind of a businessman and he knew I would do right by all of us boys. I have tried, I know most the time I’m self-involved in all things TAT, but I had promised your old man that I would fight for us to be where we are today.” Cal pinched between the bridge of his nose and hung his head, fighting the emotion of the story. I looked to Noah, who had his arms folded across his chest and his head down as if in prayer. Chad had his arm around Carrie, who was tucked in tight in the crook of his neck idly stroking her arm. Candy had her hand on Noah's back, tracing her fingers between his shoulder blades… and Shame still sat there squeezing my hand never taking his eyes off Cal.
“He put the weight of the world on my shoulders that day and I'm so fucking glad he did Shame. He told me that you gave it all up for a pipe dream and that he was mad as hell about it too. But then he told me what stuck, and I would like to share this piece of Awesomeness with you all today.” Cal set the shot glass down and turned slightly so Shamus was in his line of vision. This was being said to the room, but the message, whatever it was, was meant for Shame only. “He told me that he only had one legacy and it was one you were never meant for. He said he had watched you over the years and saw what talent looked like. He said it was like watching a miracle in front of his eyes. Your whole life he had molded you into crabber material and you shed the lesson like a new skin. He told me you were where you belonged, he told me to keep you focused and strong and to never doubt yourself because he was mad and never meant it. Now I don’t know what he, “never” meant, but what I do know is he was so fucking proud of you Shame.”
I felt Shame flinch at Cal’s words and looked at him to see tears falling freely from his eyes. I heard the sniffles of Candy and Carrie behind me and Mike and Roni, both holding hands while drying tears. It dawned on me how bad Shame needed to hear it. I knew Jerry was proud of him, because he always told me. He never once told Shamus… I saw it now.
“I fought for us as a band because your dad's words stuck. I knew only a fraction of what you walked away from, I had no idea there was more, there was everything that you gave up to follow us. When I talked to him that day and he told me those words… I promised myself that I would fight tooth and nail to make it right.”
I glanced behind me when a wet eyed Chad Blake cleared his throat and shifted slightly to wipe at his wet face. Shame had lowered his head, his hand constantly wiping at the tears from Cal’s words. Noah still sat in the same position with his head down unmoving. I don’t know what happened the night Shame left other than he had ripped my heart out. Now I knew there was more to his leaving than anyone knew.
“I wanted you to know that he changed our lives calling me that day. I booked every club, every radio station. I knew we were tired and losing sleep, but I kept hearing him tell me you gave up everything to try. He was proud of you Shamus. He told me he always knew you would hack through a jungle just to leave your tracks, so the world knew you were there. Jerry was an old school guy who was skeptical about everything, but he knew, even when you guys weren’t talking, he knew you had what it took. He told me to push you until you were kicking and screaming and then to push more…so I did and Jer was right. You shine, brother, when you play you shine. Those were your dad's words, not mine. But the old cantankerous fucker was right.”
With that Cal took another shot, set the glass down next to Jerry's picture and left the stage. Shame dropped my hand and stood, not caring who was watching him, grabbed Cal when he made it to the table and pulled him in for a hug. This was by far the most open public emotion anyone, even me, had ever seen from Shamus. Choking on his tears he hugged Cal. “Thanks bro.” He said it quietly, but Cal heard him and hugged him tighter.
*
Shamus
"So, I will meet you at your house?" Cassa asked, my hand in hers as I walked her to the door. I didn’t want us to be seen together or she would never find peace. In the long run she would have to face it, but right now with her ex-husband most likely getting out of the clink I didn’t want to test his restraint and seeing Cassa with the rock star she had always loved… it might be the straw that breaks the psycho ex-husbands back.
I held her tight to me not wanting to let her go. The night had been a true honor to my father and now I wanted to be near someone who loved him as much as I did. "Can I come to your place?" I pulled back to cup her face in my hands. I would rather peel my eyelids off with toenail clippers than admit to needing comfort, but I trust Cassa to know the truth. "I can’t go there tonight; it’s too much right now."
Cassa leaned in and cupped my face in her hands mimicking me with a smile. Small things like that enflamed that fire inside of me making it burn brighter and hotter. "Of course, Shame." She tiptoed her small frame to mine and kissed me sweetly on the lips. "I will see you soon."
I nodded and kept her fingers locked with mine until they slipped free when she disappeared out the door. I couldn’t move from the spot, I just stood there like a pussy relishing the memory of her sweet body against mine. It was broken quickly though when hoots and hollers from behind me broke my attention.
“Hey Shame, have you got some peaches and cream, lip gloss?” This was Chad, and really the fucker thought he could make jokes at my expense when he was ten times more hopeless than me. “Carrie left hers at home, but I figured you might have some in your purse.”
I heard the smack and his responding ouch before I turned to see an annoyed Carrie glaring at him. “Don’t listen to him Shame, he’ll be regretting that joke later.”
Carrie talked a good game, but to threaten that she would refrain from having sex with him was a joke. They fucked like rabbits and she is just as bad as him.
I just smiled and shrugged accepting the jokes. I loved the jokes. It means they saw what I had been feeling between me and Sass. It meant what I was feeling was real. “Don’t hold out on him sweetie. This time I love being the butt of the joke.”
Her responding smile was more proof. “So, you guys good then? No more brooding sad sack Shamus?” That was Mikey and the sound of his voice brought the betrayal back to the surface. It also reminded me there was still too much left unsaid between me and Sass.
I shrugged and let out a deep breath, taking a seat at the table. “We still have a lot to work
out, but we both agree that being apart isn’t an option.”
“Together are how you guys should have always been. It doesn’t matter the reasons for why you left or why she rushed to move on.” Candy said, standing and dropping a kiss on Noah’s head. “What matters is how you're together now Shame.” She slipped her coat on and Noah stood, most likely to walk her to her car. There was an unspoken bond and deal between these girls that Cass wasn’t alone often. It was amazing the way they made it seem coincidental when it was all thought out. She left on her own, but one of them would soon follow.
“Shame, you coming to our place tonight?” Candy asked, looking at me then Noah. I knew why she was asking.
“Yeah… that okay?”
She was nodding. “Of course. I figured you wouldn’t want to be at home tonight.”
That right there is why these people are my family. They fucking get it even when you don’t say it. “Yeah.”
Candy turned and straddled Noah over the front of his chair. “That means I’m coming to your place.” She kissed him, biting his lower lip, forcing most of us to look away from the display.
“We need to get home to the sitter.” Carrie said, standing and tugging at Chad’s hand.
“I am hitting the ‘rents tonight.” Cal said, not bothering to see the look of hurt on Tayla. Something, I didn’t know what, but something was there.
“Can I have a few with you guys before you all leave?” I ask the guys. Carrie and Candy both make their way out the door, with Roni and Mike following them. Tayla was getting ready to leave to; her dagger glare was noticed by all of us except the one she was glaring at. Cal unaware sat flicking a guitar pick between his fingers. “Need me?” Tayla asked, hiding her frustration. Seriously, what the fuck was going on?
