TAT Box Set

by Emjay Soren

  Shamus

  We get to the hospital and I keep my fingers entwined in Cassa’s as I storm past the reception desk and straight to the double doors and wait to be allowed through. The nurse is watching me, and I am not in the mood to play sexy rock star right now. She makes her way to the small window by the doors and asks if she can help me.

  I laugh darkly, “Yeah. Look we both know why I am here and I would prefer to not have a scene. I…” My words fail as she nods, and I hear the click indicating the magnetic lock has released. I am so grateful she didn’t force me to say my name and who I was there to see, or god forbid she was clueless and I had to replay that fucking bullshit call because it was on replay in my mind. I look to her before taking a deep breath. “Thank fuck you have a soul.”

  “Of course, and know my prayers are with him.” She says with glassy eyes and I take a second to remind myself how bad as our fans are. Times like this it helps having them.

  I nod in appreciation but don’t say what I know is true and that is that Noah is beyond prayer the minute he finds out his fiancé is dead…if he doesn’t know already.

  I make it to the next nurses’ station where I see Chad and Carrie who is in hysterics. Chad is getting loud with two paramedics and a nurse. I pick up my speed and pull Sass closer but once we are within reaching distance of them she breaks free and rushes to Carrie who cries harder at seeing her and it breaks my heart.

  I take a protective stance in front of Chad who has both hands in a white-knuckle fist. I look to the paramedics and the nurse and give a simple “back the fuck off.” I turn and press my hands against his chest to get him to take a few steps back. “Calm. Bro Noah needs calm right now and he needs it because Carrie is freaked the fuck out. Turn. Walk away. I got this.”

  I left no room for argument even though he stared them down as he backed up. Once the sound of Carrie talking through her tears to Cass he snapped out of it and turned and walked toward them, taking both in his arms and letting them cry.

  “My name is Shamus James.” I say and look to the paramedics and nurse. My voice is hollow and empty and I'm digging deep for the strength to ask what I need to ask. “I'm guessing we are waiting on Noah’s status?”

  “Are you family?” The nurse asks. Before I can respond with a simple white lie of yes, I hear Carrie enraged she is screaming through her tears. “I am all the blood he has god Dammit. He is family by bone and I give permission for you to open your fucking trap and tell someone if my brother is alive!”

  Chad literally lifts her off the ground and walks farther away as she screams pleas for them to give us anything and I no longer care about keeping it together. Carrie has Chad and Noelle, so I know she will get through, but if she loses Noah she will forever be broken… it's how they are built. It's also why Noah must be okay because they are built for survival.

  “Look you can see what the wait is doing to her. She will go into panic and become a health risk if you don’t give me something here. I am willing to hand over everything in my bank for her to get an answer here so do me the favor of finding anyone who is willing to bargain if you're not.”

  The paramedics are watching Carrie. Her jaw is chattering, and she can't take a full breath and I see the switch take place as they head her way to try and calm her down or at least get her vitals checked. I look to the nurse and wish like hell I had the strength to put the charm on, but my heart was broken along the rest and I was anxious to get to Cass who had to be in shock. “He is still in surgery. I won't have any news until he is out.”

  “Surgery for what?” I ask hoping it’s not extreme.

  Nurse hatchet wastes no time and doesn’t bother with kitten gloves and goes for the ‘like a band-Aid’ tactic. “Both his lungs are punctured as well as his spleen and a tear in his liver. He has minor head wounds that will most likely cause a concussion but there was no bleeding on the brain.” She looks at something behind me and I turn to see two of Washington’s finest dressed in blue.

  “Officers.” I say but my thoughts are stuck on the plethora of fatal injuries Noah is fighting.

  “Can we have a few minutes?” They ask, and I can't figure why they want me.

  “I just got the call that Candey was gone and that Noah was in surgery, so I doubt I’ll be of help.”

  “We spoke with both Mr. and Mrs. Blake when they got here. We are trying to establish the last hour or so of the reception to see what happened.”

  “Okay. Yeah… um I left with my girlfriend Cassa maybe twenty minutes after Carrie and Chad left. I saw him holding Candey and …” I pause and feel my throat tighten with pain and sadness at Noah’s loss. Fucker was cursed or something. I might be the only one who knew what moment they shared before she left him forever. “I hadn’t paid attention to the time though.” I only cared about getting Cass home and in our bed and the list of nasty shit we got down too. “Can you tell me what happened?” I ask, and I don’t know if I can take the details of Candey and Noah's final moments together.

  “From what we have gathered they were pulled over to the side of the road for some reason.” The cop seemed confused, but I knew just as the rest of our crew knew they were most likely fucking because they were hornballs both. “A car veered over the medium and hit them with what looks like a T-bone effect. The extent of Miss True’s injuries tells us they were in the back seat when they were hit. Mr. Beckett was conscious when we got on the scene and told us he had tried to block her body with his once he saw the headlights coming toward them. From what we gathered he rolled them and he took all the impact from behind as Miss True’s body hit the opposite door head first and broke her neck. She was DOA sir, I’m sorry.”

  I felt like I would puke from the gory details. I also hoped nobody else heard them. “Have you spoken to Carrie about this yet?” I ask hoping like hell I can keep her from knowing all this. Sadly, the officer shakes his head no.

  “We notified her when we arrived on the scene. Mr. Beckett was ranting in shock that he needed his ‘Sissy’. We looked in his phone and saw her contact and told her where to meet us and her brother.”

  I am trying to take it all in and I know I’m in shock. I watch as the room continues to feel with our TAT family. Mike and Roni are beside Chad and Carrie while Roni and Cassa try to soothe her. Our roadies are huddled in the waiting room taking up most of the space and I find myself looking for Cal.

  I make my way to Chad. “Anyone call Cal?” I ask but before he responds I hear Cal yelling for me and Chad from behind the double doors. I see that bitch nurse Hatchet arguing with him that it’s too crowded and he and Tayla aren’t allowed back. Everything in me snaps seeing this bitch on a power trip. I try to be the gentleman I know resides deep inside but right now I am in shock, sad and real fucking mad.

  I make my way to the doors with Chad at my side. I can hear Cal begging her to let him back. “Look if you can't let me back there can you at least call for Chad Blake or Shamus James to come up here?”

  He sounds both livid and desperate. It is Nurse Hatchets response that sends me over the edge. With a snide laugh she rolls her eyes and looks at what I assume is Cal because I can't see through the doors. “You want me to just get on the hospital intercom and ask for Chad Blake and Shamus James to come to reception? And then shall I call the police since it will cause pandemonium in my hospital? How about you have a seat and I will let you back when it clears out.” And then she dismissed him like he was a nobody. Cal fucking Dorian is our brother not a nobody.

  Nurse Hatchet turned and gasped when she saw me and Chad staring her down from the other side of the glass. “Open the door.” I demand coldly.

  “Are you leaving Mr. James? If so I have another friend here anxious to come back.” She doesn’t even look at me as she stares at a stack of folders as if we don’t matter. Cal hears my name and starts yelling to me and Chad.

  “Hold on bud.” Chad yells and looks to the nurse with pleading eyes. “Please.” He almost whispers, and the mome
nt is deafening because Chad Blake begs no one.

  “No.”

  Before he started begging I lost it. I stepped to the glass and slammed my fist against it causing her to jump. “Look lady. I am not asking you to understand the devastation that hit our band tonight. I'm not asking you to be our biggest fan and I'm not asking for a favor. What I'm doing is telling you to open the fucking doors now or watch me get your job and your license.”

  “You don’t have the power Mr. James.” She responds with a sneer.

  “You would be amazed what kind of power I have. Everyone and everything can be bought and there is no question in my mind if there aren’t a dozen other applicants waiting to take your place. I suggest you pull the stick out of your ass and open the fucking door before we show you how rich we are.”

  “Are…are you threatening me?” She asks

  “No, I am promising.” She looks at me but makes no move to open the door. “Now.” I must have made my point because the doors opened and Cal and Tayla came rushing through. Chad guided them to the waiting room, but I stayed there long enough to make sure the nurse knew I wouldn’t be intimidated any more tonight.

  “Men like you are alike. You scare women and probably beat them after using them in every city you go to.”

  Wow.

  “No, your wrong battle Axe. Tonight, Chad married the woman he has loved for years. I went home to my high school sweetheart and Cal was most likely talking business with our manager, the sweet girl who called you a bitch just a few minutes ago. Noah proposed to the only woman he ever loved just hours before she died. You judge us because we are rock stars and you think it means we are trashy junkies and a danger to society and its youth. The only danger I pose to you is that I didn’t back down to your bullshit. I'm used to being judged by people like you and secretly love it because I go home happy to the woman I love, and I'm surrounded by the best people I fucking know. I might be an asshole to you lady, but I lost a good friend tonight, and another is fighting for his life, so my manners have escaped me. You need to check your shit though and check it fast and not fuck with us anymore. We are loud tatted foul-mouthed rockers and we are here until we know that one of ours is ok. You don’t like it go home. I'll tell your boss I fired you and I am cocky enough to get away with it so don’t push me Deloris.”

  Her gasp was all I heard when I went back to my people to wait out the night for Noah.

  Chapter Thirty

  Shamus

  It has been two days since Candy passed away. Two days in this fucking hospital waiting room as we all wait for Noah to wake up. Two days since everything I thought was right went horribly wrong.

  Cassa and Carrie went to Mike and Roni’s to check on Noelle. Carrie has been a living breathing fixture in the hospital the last two days. Knowing it can't be held off anymore, they will be meeting Candy’s mom in Gig Harbor at four to make Candey's funeral arrangements.

  I am here with Cal and Chad as we wait for Noah to wake up. He needs to wake up because Candy won't be laid to rest until he does. According to the Dr.’s here at Overlake Hospital, Noah is in a state of shock and it is his minds way of protecting him from the harsh reality he already knows on some level.

  We have refused to leave until he wakes up. Cassa has left to gather clothes and food, as have the roadies because TAT has taken up residence until he is back.

  Cal is sitting in a chair by the window texting Tayla about our press release on the accident. She is giving us until seven pm tonight because while we are all dying over the tragedy and fear for Noah, the world is salivating over the gory details.

  I will be speaking tonight on the events that took place two nights ago and I am doing it for Noah and Candy and no one else.

  Tayla asked if I would do it. We knew that Chad couldn’t because of Noah being his closest friend in the world, this was killing him. Mr. Perfect looked like shit for the first time in his life and it was sad as hell. On top of the sadness over Candey's unfair and untimely death, he was worried for Noah and that meant he was distraught for Carrie.

  Cal is acting like nothing has happened. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it, but per the Cal Dorian handbook this is his way of dealing and always has been.

  So, it left me to be the voice of TAT tonight and tell the world and our adoring fans of the hit and the loss we took. There were vigils out the window of Noah’s room. Fans with posters begging for his recovery, sympathy for his loss and posters with pictures of him and Candy on them stating that true love will never die.

  I see them, and I know they are loyal and the reason we do what we want and get paid for it, but I hope like fuck Noah never sees that shit. In this moment I understand why that banded around Cassa after her attack and did what they could to keep me from knowing and the world from telling me.

  This is in your face support, and though they mean well they will undoubtedly make things worse with pictures on poster boards showing him what he has lost.

  This is not fair.

  Before my thoughts can run away on me I see Noah shift and then…his eyes open slowly, and he visibly struggles to focus. I slap Cal on the leg to get his attention and point at Noah’s awakening body. “Get the nurse or doctor or some shit.” I say and stand to make my way to his side. “Grab Chad too.” I say as he makes his way to the door. Cal is shaken by the certainty of what we are about to answer when Noah wakes up fully.

  We don’t know if he will remember or if, God forbid, we need to lay it all out for him. I honestly don’t know what could be worse. Knowing she died with him, in his arms if I were in his shoes I don’t think I would want to forget those final precious moments.

  “Hey.” I say and see him panic some at the sight of the tube down his throat. He goes to reach for it, but I stop him and shake my head. “Cal went to get the nurse, just chill a sec yeah?”

  I watch…literally watch as his eyes scan the room. Slowly he takes in the flowers, the various food containers from all of us being in and out and then those sad eyes land on me and I watch him realize it all was real. I know he knows because he shakes his head no and looks at me with a pleading look. He is begging me to tell him he was dreaming. I want to lie so bad right now because I can't be the one that essentially confirms his worst nightmare. I am reminded of all the times over the last few months that Noah told me true, no matter how bad it hurt or gutted me to know I was wrong. Gutted me to know he had my girls back in her darkest hours. I could not lie to him.

  I sit down and pull close and take his hand in mine because I need him to feel connection to all he has fighting for him. In this moment I am TAT, Carrie, Noelle and every damn fan praying for him.

  “I don’t know what you’re thinking Noah, but I can guess.”

  He shakes his head no so rapidly that the tubes sending oxygen through his nose slips free and gets tangled in the tube down his throat. I can hear him trying to wail and fight me and I am so fucking wrecked right now it is hard to look at him.

  But I do.

  I look him square in the eyes, eyes that are crying, wet and red and I watch him losing the control he so desperately needs to survive.

  “I’m so sorry Noah.” I say and feel tears fall from my own eyes and for the first time in my life I am not ashamed. “It’s true bud I'm so fucking sorry.”

  I hear him crying out and it is broken and sounds painful because of the ventilation tube. His hands are going to his chest and I know it must hurt to cry with the trifecta of surgeries he has undergone. But though he feels the physical he is only concerned by the mental fuck he is getting knowing she is gone.

  I cannot imagine his pain.

  Cal comes in as do a slew of nurses and Doctors with Chad hot on their heels. “You all need to go.” A nurse tells me, and I look at her like she has lost her damn mind. She knows ill fight her as do the doctors and Noah’s doctor steps up to me as the other various staff surround his bed blocking him from my view. “His vitals are all over the place we need to calm him down b
efore he tears his larynx. Go.”

  He says this and looks pointedly at me. He is a bad ass dude this doctor and he knows how concerned we all are. What he is telling me is that Noah is in danger we need to get the fuck out, so they can calm him.

  I understand this and the good Doc’s reason. But fuck that I am not leaving him. I look to Cal and to Chad and they are right there with me. It was Noah trying to scream that took the Doctors attention. “In the corner now and stay out of our way!” He demands and rushes to Noah.

  I see a nurse loading his IV and know it is about to be sleepy time again. I keep my eyes on Noah’s as I see him fight sleep, tears streaming from them as he go’s silent and they close. I saw his plea though and wish I could tell him it wasn’t real.

  *

  Cassa

  I make it back to the hospital with Carrie in record time. Chad called her and told her Noah was awake but not doing good considering he remembers it all and freaked out. Oh, fucking God this is so not fair. I think of the only Noah I have ever known. I see him strong and stoic but so dark. I understood the darkness but now I knew he would be in the black. That was something I understood too. It’s a place of hopelessness. If you have been hopeless you can understand my meaning, but if you haven’t then you should hope you never will.

  I wait in the waiting room for Shamus to come to me and it feels like hours until I see him. He looks like he crawled out of hell. His face is ashen, his eyes are dark with circles around them. He has a two-day growth of hair on his face and his clothes are stretched and wrinkled.

  He sees me, and I watch his features crumple as his arms open to envelope me in the saddest embrace of my entire life.

  “Carrie is here?” He asks me, and I nod as tears escape my eyes.

  “She came with me. We were with Candey's mom when Chad called.”

  He nods and takes my face in his hands and looks at me the most intense look of our relationship. “You need to understand in any way it’s easiest baby, that I can't live without you.” His voice cracks and I watch him fall apart as he fights to tell me what he is feeling. My own tears are falling at seeing my Shame, so strong and full of love and life, broken by the tragedy. “I just watched the realest most horrific thing in my entire life. I told my best friend that the love of his life is indeed gone and never gonna be back.” He shakes his head as if trying to clear the memory. He looks at me and points to the door leading to Noah. “I just confirmed his worst fucking nightmare baby and I cannot fathom that pain. I watched him fight that truth with everything he had, and it did no good.”