TAT Box Set

by Emjay Soren

  It was happening…in about thirty minutes. All day my mind was drifting to memories of me and Carrie in the beginning, but today all I can think about was the moment her lips uttered the words all in to me. Her hair was a mess with her hat was on backwards. She’d just gotten a tattoo that day and I had originally used that as my excuse to go into the Joint. It all came to a blinding clarity that morning when she had walked into the shop for her appointment with Noah…

  “So maybe a butterfly but with the wings broken.” The tatterfly on my table was saying and I was trying desperately to not roll my eyes. “Maybe we could do some words around it that says : ‘Wild hearts can’t be broken?” Jesus the days of quality tattooing were getting thin. The bigger Thick as Thieves got the more my clientele became cheap women all with the same idea. I hated tattooing someone for the wrong reasons. Despised it. These women came in with full pockets and an agenda. No idea that the same five chicks on my table before them all had the same rendition of her tattoo. They wanted me, or Noah or a shot at Cal or Shame…the tattoo was the way in.

  We were to blame for their behavior though. We were the bad boys of Gig Harbor and we had made that name for ourselves with our actions. Our music drew the real fans in and sure it got us laid but we played with purpose.

  Same with tattooing. Me and Noah both loved art and tattoos and being the artist behind that machine was a gig we never complained about.

  In my twenties and single I had made a name for myself as a musician, an artist and a damn good lay…all things I had once prided myself on until recently.

  Noah’s sister Carrie was home for the summer, and like all the years before I was in constant hard on mode when she was around. There was something about her that I couldn’t name. She was sweet and innocent, but her innocence wasn’t the pure prude virgin type. It was more in your face than that. The Beckets weren’t innocent, they were badass, and Noah would kill me if he only knew just how deep I was in when it came to baby sis.

  He’s known all along that I have wanted to date Carrie, even though he called bullshit every time I brought it up. If I would have known that all my years as a bed hopping man whore would keep me from attaining the one woman I wanted most…I’d have been a saint and waited for her.

  I knew I wasn’t good enough for her, that she deserved more than what I could offer on paper…but I swore to myself on her eighteenth birthday that if I was ever presented with the chance to date Carrie Becket and make her mine that I’d play every card, master every trick and make any deal with any devil to keep her.

  Little had I known that Carrie, now almost twenty-one, was paying attention to me. We had been working a lot of shifts at the Joint together lately and I was stopping in more frequently to get a hit of my new favorite drug: her.

  God she was beautiful, and I use that term loosely because Carrie radiates awesome and radiance. She always wears this lip shit that smells like peaches and whip cream and I swear to fuck it’s an aphrodisiac. Every time she places that stick to her lips and swirls the shimmery gloss, I leak pre-cum from watching.

  I’d stopped seducing chicks and sleeping with them a few months back because I couldn’t take wondering anymore. I had to try and get her to see me for more than Noah’s friend and the local male slut.

  Lately…well…that was happening and much to Noah’s dislike.

  Now here she comes, into Slave to the Needle and looking like every wet dream I have ever had. She’s wearing those yoga pants that hug every fucking curve, with a thin strapped tank top that shows me the smooth skin along her shoulders and neck. Black flip flops on her feet, her toes manicured in a hot pink that stands out. Every single centimeter of her body makes me salivate and my dick is getting hard just seeing her in my space, my element. I’m fucked entirely if Noah ever caves and lets her come to one of our shows.

  The tatterfly on my table notices my dick straining in my jeans and immediately assumes its for her and places her hand on my thigh and amps her flirting. Chad Blake six months ago would have closed off the partition and fucked her right then and there. Chad Blake today just groans in protest . I can’t tell this girl no my dick isn’t into you, it’s into that right there… I need the money and tatterflie’s, though annoying and against everything I believe in, pay my bills. I live with my grandpa and have my whole life, we take care of each other and the tatterfly business keeps gramps in bingo and a social life to rival mine.

  So, I turn my wistful stare from Carrie and give my undivided attention to the tatterfly I’m about to ink. Carrie watches as I flirt with my client when she makes her way to Noah’s booth. Her eyes are telling me what her lips did last night…to prove it.

  I would. Right then with the look she gave me as she passed me by marked my fate. I’d go all in and risk it all for just a chance.

  “Fuck man!” Cal snaps at me, waving his hands in front of my face to pull my attention from the memory of when it all changed for me. “Are you having second thoughts? Because if so I am not calling you a cab, so you can bail out.”

  “Shut up jackass.” I say, and I know he is only half kidding. He wouldn’t face Carrie or Noah’s wrath if I had cold feet and ran. He didn’t need to worry though, I couldn’t wait to say I do and know she was mine irrevocably. “I was thinking about the day I asked her out for the first time. She’d come into Slave to the Needle earlier that day and I was tatting a chick… I was remembering the look she gave me when she walked past my booth. That look changed my life.”

  I expect him to roll his eyes as he always does when we talk about our girls. He’s the lone TAT guy who is single with no plans to change. But right now, he looks at me like he understands and then shocks me with his response. “It’s the eyelashes, right?”

  I’m kind of dumbfounded unsure what he means. Is he talking Carries eyelashes or someone else’s? Before I can ask he keeps talking, shocking me more. “It’s this look where their lashes kind of fall halfway, but their eyes are on you reading way more than you’re comfortable with. Right?”

  What. The. Literal. Fuck. Is. He. Talking. About?

  “Huh?” Is all I say because not only is he dead right, he also says it like he knows exactly the moment I’m talking about. Expecting an explanation, he just rolls his eyes and tells me to fuck off before walking away.

  I am confused.

  Was I supposed to offer more than huh?

  Was he attempting to let me in some big secret about possibly being in love?

  I’m literally questioning my manhood here because I am fascinated by the possibility and eager to know who this half-lidded lady is that is making Cal Dorian wax poetic and shit.

  Then I spot Tayla walking toward him slow and sure and its so far out of her usual fast paced business mode self that I catch myself paying attention. I watch her hand slide along the lapel of his tuxedo, I see her turn her face to the side and smile at something he just whispered into her ear. I watch his hand possessively (if you will) grasp at her hip in a vain attempt to keep her closer…and then I saw it. Her eyes going half-mast as she stares at him and licks her lips…

  Oh, my fucking god.

  Ohmyfuckinggod!!!!

  I feel like Mike Stapleton right now because I have got to tell someone we know what just happened. And I refuse to be that guy…so I decide the next best thing and quickly text Carrie.

  You will never guess who Cal is fucking!!!!

  Her response was immediate.

  First off baby, ew don’t say fucking unless you’re talking about us. Second…um who?

  I laugh to myself and respond all giddy and shit like a fucking girl.

  So pathetic I know.

  Tayla!!!

  And I’ll be fucking you in every position in every room on the hour every hour for the next ten days baby ;)

  Again her response was immediate.

  Ohmyfuckinggaaaaawd!!!!!

  Then another one right after.

  Stop trying to get me wet, you’ll ruin the fact I’m wearing no
panties.

  Oh, my fucking god you just gave me a boner in a five thousand dollar tux.

  Her response.

  :p

  Yeah, I’ll use your tongue later baby xoxo

  And I leave it at that and I know I’ve got her thinking of the next ten days. Though I’m hard as a bat I’m on cloud fucking nine and anxious to get this show on the road.

  I hear the acoustic sounds of a guitar start to play and every nerve in my body settles because I know this is it. A few months back we were searching for songs that Carrie would walk down the aisle to when she found this song on YouTube. It was our poem, our Elegy that some guy on YouTube channel Joel Spenser’s channel had recorded…and it rocked.

  Naturally we agreed she’d walk down the aisle to that but being the sweetheart I am I had to one up old Joel. I wait for the intro I recorded earlier to play out before Gramps handed me my old black acoustic.

  The song came easy as I played and sang each word like a prayer watching as first Noah and Candey walk down arm in arm splitting to their respectful sides, only Noah kept walking until he was back behind the doors where Carrie was waiting for him to give her away.

  I knew just moments before that she learned of the photo I placed on the small of my back as her something blue… I knew that Mike had given her the something borrowed a small heart charm bracelet that he had given to Roni when they wed a few years back. I knew that Shame took her my picture of the tattoo of her and Noelle… And Cal had taken her the real ring, the old one my gramps gave my gram so many years ago. And I know that Noah bore his soul giving her the new world that was ours for the taking.

  Mike and Roni came down the aisle next and I delight in seeing the girls faces when they see it’s me singing and playing. Shame and Sass are next, and they are followed by Cal and Tayla. I pay them no attention though because I know that our verse is next and I’m about to be tested if I can hold a tune when I see her on the arm of my best friend.

  The strings of this old guitar guide me because I lose all thought as everyone rises and the doors open.

  My heart stops!

  My voice betrays me when our eyes meet, and I know I have successfully surprised her with my guitar. She surprised me too though, my bride. Instead of a bouquet was our precious baby girl Noelle in her arms, black and pink ribbons in her hair and a million and one ruffles on a bright pink dress.

  My cup runneth the fuck over.

  I am overjoyed…overwhelmed and so in love. I feel my tears break free and fall and I am so honored by what those tears represent. I can’t take my eyes off her. The small veil that shields her watery eyes from me and the black orchid in her beautiful blonde hair. I take in all the yards of fabric hugging her every curve and see my daughter nestled in her arms, arms know are the most loving.

  I come to the end of the song and play it perfectly and beautifully though off key from the emotion racing through my body. I hand my gramps the guitar and reach for Noelle first, holding her close and swaying as I tell her how much I love her. I will never feel shame or humiliation for the tears I shed in this angel’s presence. This is a fierce and powerful love I had only ever read about and now experience every second I spend with this baby girl of mine.

  I kiss her chubby cheeks and smile as her little arms wrap around my neck. “Dada mine.” She says, and I laugh at the joke between me and my girls.

  “Noelley belly I am yours.” I say and lift her above me and jiggle her just to hear her squeal in happiness. I hand her off to Gramps after she kisses Carrie, myself and Noah about ten times each.

  It was then I took the hand of my Carrie girl and pulled her close and kissed her hard and deep. I am and will always be a bad boy and I wasn’t waiting for anyone to tell me when I can kiss the love of my life. Fuck that I’ll kiss her any damn time I feel like it. “Hi baby.” I say and hold her close kissing her just below her ear in the spot I know she loves.

  “Hi babe.” She says on a sigh and wipes a tear from her eye. We stay holding each other close for a long handful of seconds before the ceremony begins.

  “Everyone be seated.” The judge says to our guests, but we only look at one another…she is all I see in this moment.

  “Who gives this woman to this man?” He asks and we both smile looking to Noah.

  “Fuck me…” Noah says under his breath and nervous laughter erupts from the guests behind us and our family and friends. “I do.” Noah says and shakes my hand before kissing Carrie on the cheek and hugging her close. I know that this was hard for him and I’m so honored that he trusts me with her heart.

  He looks at me one last time and smiles. That smiles confirms what I know and what he knows… I will always love her.

  Cal Dorian

  I watch as Chad plays with Noelle and I can’t help but smile a little because, well, she’s so damn cute that kid. She’s managed to wrap me and the guys around her finger that girl. I pause at that thought because the images that start to flash through my mind alarm me.

  Tay with a swollen belly, Tay in a gown walking down the aisle… Tay being mine. I squash those thoughts as fast as they come because I cannot be swayed. I can’t be like Chad and Shame and Noah. I can’t put anything before the band and the success we have fought for.

  I know it has a little to do with me being me. I love women and I have had the serious relationships before. My high school sweetheart Megan broke my heart when she cheated on me the night of prom with a fucking bassist in another band. My last relationship with Kristen ended suddenly once we made it big because of the lifestyle on the road creating major turmoil between us.

  A relationship with Tay creates major friction. Shit it already does. Fucking in secret is hard enough, but ad the fact I know she is in love with me to the mix and imagine the shit storm a break up could cause. Hell, I barely can keep my hands off her now and my refusal for making a commitment has already affected the band. Everyone knows that something is up…they just don’t know what.

  Tayla is the best in the business. That means we keep her no matter what the demands are. There is my conundrum, band first. Always first.

  My mind is pulled from that one major problem in my life as I watch one of my best friends, my band mate and brother for all intents and purposes marry the woman of his dreams.

  I see the way he looks at her and I know that feeling he gets in his chest when he sees her smiling at him. I feel it too when Tayla smiles at me. I know what it means, I know I’m fucked, but my denial is all I have left to give me balance.

  They kiss, and everyone is standing and applauding and there is no doubt it’s a rockstars wedding because the eruption of hoots and hollers is how we like it.

  I step up to the line as Chad and Carrie walk back down the aisle as man and wife. I pull Tayla close wishing I could kiss her and tell her how bad I want her…but instead I tuck her in tight to my side and say nothing. I wonder if she knows though, how I feel? I see her looking thoughtful a lot, but she never says anything.

  We both know the rules of this cluster fuck of a disaster. We can never be and that’s that. I’ll use tonight for what it is. This must be our last night together. This must end before things go too far and we both get hurt.

  I tip my hat to Carrie for pulling off such a badass party. A live band was inside of the venue, playing her favorite country music and outside was the rockers venue where a DJ played all of our best stuff and some of our favorite bands. I was inside with Tayla dancing to a slow song. I didn’t know who sang it originally or the name of it, but the chorus was a man telling his woman he couldn’t love her back. I didn’t know if Tay was catching the lyrics as I was, but the song was fitting to how tonight was going to play out.

  “You look fucking amazing tonight Tayla.” I say. I’m taller than Tayla by about six inches and I love the way even in heels she comes just to my neck line. I can feel her breath on my neck as she is breathing, and I can smell the coconut shampoo she uses on her hair. I talk close to her ear, and with as
close as we are dancing I can feel the goose bumps that form on her arm as my voice reverberates against her neck.

  I feel her giggle and I know I have started the process of getting in her panties tonight. Tay is an easy target for my libido. I know there is more there on her end, hell I know there is more on mine I just won’t admit it. “You look mighty fine too Mr. Dorian.” She says and tilts her head just so and from that angle her lips are just right for the taking.

  I don’t steal the kiss though. We stare at one another like that for a handful of intense seconds, me wishing I could kiss those lips and not give a fuck at what anyone says or thinks. And I know she is wishing I would.

  I am overwhelmed with emotion and I have no choice but to pull back and end the dance. My mind is telling me that I’m taking it too far and to stop crossing the damn line. My dick and my heart call me a fucking bitch for pulling back. They both want this woman for everything she is.

  I see the hurt slip across her eyes, that sadness that is reserved for me and me alone, but it vanishes as her mask slips in place hiding her emotions and her love from me.

  Good.

  I need it to stay the fuck hidden because I’m not a hero. One day I won’t be able to pull back and then we are all fucked. “Later?” I ask, and she knows exactly what I am asking her.

  She blushes and my heart hurts.

  Fuck, I’m so screwed.

  “Yeah, I’ll meet you at the hotel?”

  I nod and we both walk off in separate directions. It was good I was ending things tonight. I had yet to take Tay at my house, in my bed so the lack of her scent on my sheets would be a good thing. Whenever we were home we would go to her place, but we were all staying at the Silver Cloud Inn in Tacoma where Carrie and Chad held the wedding.

  This was it and the thought was pissing me off. I wish like fuck I could find a way to make this work, but I knew the things that Tayla had witnessed of us on the road. She wasn’t like Candey. Candey knew the shit that went down on tour and she turned a blind eye to Noah and his sexual antics. Their relationship consisted of monogamy only when they were together in the same city. Out of sight and out of mind; though lately Noah had been keeping himself from the fangirls. Shame would be too these days now that he and Sass were on the same page. I was the last soldier taking advantage of the perks life on the road had to offer.