TAT Box Set

by Emjay Soren

  More? Fuck she had no idea she was everything. Hell, until recently I had no idea she was everything…and it was more reason to run far and run fast.

  “Are Tay, the rest are. Do you want me to lie to you to lessen the blow? Want me to pretend they don’t exist? Pretend that two nights ago it wasn’t a redheaded vixen with legs that went for days, clawing my back?” Tears spilled free of her violet eyes at my brutal confession, her tattooed hand covering lips I was desperate to kiss. Shaking my head, I forced myself to continue, to break her heart and force her hate upon me. “Pretend that two hours ago I wasn’t telling the blonde at the front desk when I would be free and alone in my room tonight? This is who I am Tay. This is who I have always been.”

  “No!” She cried out with fierce loyalty for me. She stepped toward me ducking and dodging to follow my eyes as I tried to look anywhere but at her. “You look at me God damn it!” She screamed and caught my chin in her tiny palm forcing me to see her.

  I swatted her hand and stepped back. “Back the fuck up Tay damn.”

  She slapped me.

  Hard.

  I felt the burn of her palm across my cheek, but the sound was an echo in the room. “Fuck you and everything I thought you stood for.”

  I watched her face as she took in the truth of how callus and ruthless I am. Saw the switch come on as the pain of my ending things settled on her soul. I watched her touch her fingers to her lips, fuck me red polish against pale skin. It was there my own heart broke in half.

  Broke because I watched her leave.

  It was then and there I finally took a breath and fell back against the oversized chair in my suite. I waited for the awful weight that had been plaguing me to lift. I ended things. I forced her to see me for all I was, so she would leave.

  So why did I feel that pressure tenfold in her absence?

  Before I could ponder the ramifications of what I just did, a knock sounded at my suite door. In a daze I walked toward the door the only thought I had was the flashing image of her eyes as the tears fell from them…the look of her tattooed hand over her mouth or the perfect red painted nails that touched her lips before she left.

  It was opening the door and seeing the stacked blonde dressed to kill that snapped me back to reality and the life I just threw it all away for.

  “Right on time gorgeous.” I said and let her in.

  Time escaped me with the blonde, could have been minutes or it could have been hours before I finished with her. The feeling of a beehive in my chest swarming to a catastrophic peak the minute she left. I knew it had everything to do with the explosion with Tayla and nothing to do with the stacked female that I had been inside of trying to forget her.

  My phone rang, and I saw it was our tour manager Brian, most likely the guys were looking to get wasted and party after all today was a celebration and I’m guessing the wedding was long over. I let it roll to voicemail though not in the mood to party. It chimed a new voicemail, but I wasn’t answering tonight. Now I had literally no string attached to me and I would be living it up with the crew from here out, since all my boys were settled down. I could see the good qualities of being settles, could see why guys wanted that life, but I knew I could never live it.

  Beer wasn’t strong enough and I didn’t do drugs. I leaned down and grabbed my guitar, strumming tunes that I had never heard before, let alone what would define my style. If I keep going down this sad ass heartbroken street then I’ll end up moving on to a country band, slinging tunes to the world about missing my girl.

  Blech…

  I still worked the tune though, I couldn’t stop. The only thing in this world I had complete faith in, total love for, was playing guitar. Music is religion to me, the sound of my fingers sliding along new strings; my scriptures.

  My phone started going again, this time it was Seven aka Jason, one of the head roadies that had been with us from before we made it big. He was an artist in Slave to the Needle and had been part of our crew for years. I let his roll on to voicemail too and went back to my music.

  I have been this way as far back as I can remember. It started with listening to my mom play the piano as a child and wanting to make such a perfect sound with my fingers too. I started there, and it pushed me to achieve. Next was the guitar and it was by far my first relationship. My first love and unlike so many things in life it has carried me the way only love can.

  Against all my will and hope, my thoughts drift to Tayla and I am gutted on the spot. I see those violet eyes shiny with tears I know she is crying right now, and I feel like I want to cry for the sight. Fuck…but I know I’m in love with her.

  I can’t survive this lifestyle with love for anything but what I do. I made that pact with the Devil when we formed TAT. I thought she was perfect for me because of the drive she has for career… my career. I never saw this coming…I’d never have touched her if I had.

  Tay was better off.

  A knock on the suite door took my attention and I stand with an aggravated groan fully prepared to see the stacked blonde at my door hoping for more. I open the door to see Tayla in tears and shaking uncontrollably.

  “Tay what’s the matter?” I ask and pull her into the room and right to the mini bar to pour her a drink. She is a wreck, black streaks from her mascara streaming down her face, and she is close to hyperventilating. “Talk to me Tay, what’s going on?”

  I am scared that I am the result of such sadness and hope like hell someone is dead, and this isn’t because of me being such a dick to her earlier.

  “An-an-an accident…” She says through her sobs and my stomach drops. I didn’t mean it. Fuck I didn’t mean that I want anyone dead. I want nothing more than to be the reason for her tears now.

  “An accident? Who was in an accident Tay?” I ask but I stand and head for my phone remembering the Brian and Seven calling me. I play my voicemail as I watch Tay sip from the squat glass of Jameson on the rocks, her hands shaking and her other hand over her eyes as she cried uncontrollable inconsolable sobs.

  “Cal, call me bro. ASAP.” Was all Brian said. Next was Seven and I could hear the pain in his voice. “Cal, bro. Call me dude. There uh…there was an accident tonight and I need to talk to you dude. We are all meeting at Overlake Hospital in Seattle. It uh… it was Candey and Noah man. Call me.” The message ended, and I hit replay again and looked to Tayla.

  “Noah and Candey were in an accident?” I ask and move to sit beside her and palm her chin to force her to look at me. “Tayla talk for fucks sake. Are they okay?”

  She shakes her head no and more tears spill out. She falls into my side and my arms go around her immediately. “Are they dead?” I ask, and it burns my throat to say those words.

  “C-C-C-Candey….is.” She says, and everything moves into slow motion from there. Overlake Hospital. Everyone is there.

  “Tay, we need to get to the hospital.” I say

  *

  The drive from Tacoma to Seattle was the longest of my life, and I spent half my time in a tour bus driving across the country. Tayla was beside me, googling the shit out of everything so far on the accident. This was Tayla in damage control. She was calling every press dick she knew begging for favors, promising info if they would hold off.

  This was why she was considered the best.

  By the time we finally got to the hospital, she looked the part of the aggressive, no bs manager we hired in the beginning. Gone was the emotional wreck who came to tell me what had happened to our friends.

  I grabbed her hand after parking and locking the car and together we rushed through the emergency doors, to the nurse’s triage station. “We’re here for Candey True and Noah Beckett.” I say to the nurse behind the glass.

  “Have a seat.” Is all she says and doesn’t bother looking at me.

  Bitch.

  There is a reason I keep emotions hidden. That reason is because I cannot handle them. At all.

  “No, I need to get back there.” I say, and I am alrea
dy panicking because this woman is keeping me from the people I love most in this world.

  She looked at me then, disinterested and annoyed as she rolled her eyes and spoke to me as if I were a five-year-old and confused. “And I said, have a seat.”

  I didn’t have a seat. Instead I started yelling at the top of my lungs for Chad or Shame hoping they could hear me through the two large doors blocking me from the ER.

  “Mr. Dorian, please have a seat or I will have you escorted from my hospital.” Said the nurse.

  This old bitch knew damn well who I was, knew how important Noah’s condition would be to me and still chose to dominate with her bs power. “Look, if you won’t let me back there, can you at least call for Chad Blake, or Shamus James to come up here?” I’m desperate for this lady to hear the obvious worry in my voice and have a heart.

  She laughs like the rude bitch she is. “You want me to just get on the hospital intercom and ask for Chad Blake and Shamus James to come to reception? And then should I call the police since it will be pandemonium in my hospital? How about you have a seat and I will let you back when it clears out?”

  She didn’t even wait for my reply, dismissing me like I didn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter who I am, in her position she should have compassion and understand the dire place most are in when asking to be let through. It’s an ER…nothing good ever happens in an ER and there shouldn’t be a ruthless bitch without compassion working there.

  Before I can say anything to her and let her have it, I hear Chad yelling for me to hold on and then seconds later he’s eyeballing this bitch. I know it, because I can see it on her face.

  I can hear Shame demand to let me through as this old bitch snidely asks if he is leaving. It’s hearing Chad practically begging to let me through that must have made Shamus snap. Other than Noah himself, Shame is a pretty intimidating guy. Tall, tatted and always wearing a look of cockiness and determination. Listening to him let this chick have it though…was fucking rad.

  The doors open and me and Tay come rushing through, Tay slowing only enough to look at the nurse before we continue. “Bitch.” She says it loud enough for the nurse to hear it, but Shamus wasn’t even close to done with her considering he stayed to lay her out a little more while we followed Chad.

  I watched as Tayla rushed to Carrie and Cassa and both started crying again. This was when it hit me… It changed everything I ever thought I knew about the world.

  *

  It had been two days since Candey died. Two days since she was ripped from this world and destroyed the life of my best friend. We had no clue if Noah would know what happened, what the extent of his head injuries were. We were left to wait for him to come to before we knew exactly what our next move was.

  Tayla was off handling the public, being the face of TAT while we all sat vigil waiting. We all looked and felt like shit but had literally not left his side. If we weren’t in his room, we were in the waiting room. Whatever Shamus did to that nurse was epic, because all of TAT was here. Roadies, drivers, light crew, sound crew, a few of the guys from Slave to the Needle, Seth and Lilly and our PR staff, accountants, record label and of course Tayla.

  My concern wavers between Noah’s health and whether Tayla has slept in two days. She has been planning the press release for tonight, making it clear what is and isn’t allowed. Shame is speaking on behalf of TAT. Our fans are loyal and since the word got out about the accident, a nonstop candle light vigil has gone on outside of the hospital. They need to see one of us, speak on the accident and we all agreed Shame was the best choice. Chad is taking this the hardest for obvious reasons and like it or not, accept it or not, I come off emotionally retarded in situations involving …well…emotion.

  I don’t mean to be that way. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism maybe I just don’t know how. But I am not unemotional. The only time I have been outside of this hospital in the last two days, was a few hours after arriving. I don’t know what I expected. Maybe I thought he was asleep but would wake up any minute. Maybe I thought that waiting would keep me from thinking. Maybe I thought it would all make sense once I was there and living it. Regardless I left because I was breaking down from the inside out and never would I let anyone see that. I walked as fast as I could to my car and fell apart. I cried for Candey, I cried for the band. I cried for Noah and all the shit he would have to face…and I cried for Tay because she was the only one I wanted in that personal moment. I cried because I was alone.

  That moment alone in the car made it possible to sit here now, waiting. The doctor said that his brain waves are strong and its most likely his minds way of protecting him from what he may know, or at least from the pain from the injuries. I think he’s just tired. This is Noah Beckett…he isn’t the weak type. His mind is filled with memories already that would have broken the strongest of men.

  My mind wanders to my love for Tayla, the way I deny it and pretend it isn’t real. If our situations were reversed I think I would probably shut down too.

  My mind on things that terrify me and a game of Candy crush on my phone, I am snapped out of my thoughts by Shames hand slapping my leg. “ Get the nurse or doctor or some shit.” He says and stands making his way to Noah’s bed. “Grab Chad too.” He says, and I see Noah coming to.

  Shamus

  I stood off to the side of the area Tayla had set up for the press conference. We were outside in a less populated area across from the hospital, and for good reason. To avoid complete pandemonium in the hospital we decided to hold the press conference in a small park just across the street. Journalists as well as reporters for local news, TMZ, reps for MTV and E and VH1 were all present, and behind them were countless numbers of people, all fans here showing their support. The world knew what happened, Tay had made a few statements on our behalf, but tonight I was speaking for all Thick as Thieves.

  Once Tayla had set the ground rules for what will and will not be answered, as well as stating that I will give our statement before questions, she left the stage and I took the microphone.

  “As you all know, my name is Shamus James and I am the drummer for our band Thick as Thieves. I hope you’ll bear with me. We didn’t want this scripted as it’s not our style and with all the emotions and worry I’m not at my best, so if you’ll excuse that it is greatly appreciated.”

  I feel like a beehive is in my chest, it’s anxiety of everything from Candey passing, to Noah waking, to my nuptials earlier. I am exhausted, emotionally spent and somewhere in all of it, I am blessed. I look out over the enormous crowd, and just like when I’m on stage behind my drums, seeing them, it calms me.

  “Saturday night at eleven-forty-three pm, Candey Love True passed away in the arms of her true love Noah Beckett. Noah, the bassist for Thick as Thieves and the brother of my heart, has asked me to thank each of you for the prayers, the condolences and the support. He feels it from each of you and though he is broken over his loss, he loves you all so much.”

  I clear my throat as Noah’s voice comes back through my memory from right before I came to the press conference. He’d asked me to speak on his behalf as well as Cal and Chad, and fuckin’ A right I will.

  “The extent of Noah’s injuries and his expected recovery will undoubtedly put our album release on the back burner for now, but I assure you that TAT will be back, bigger and stronger than ever. As for the personal hit we took losing Candey, we all need to get on a more emotionally level ground and it will take us some time.

  This came on the eve of Chad and Carrie’s wedding night, but I am to inform you all that they are honored to have had Candey with them that day and that her memory will forever live on through their daughter Noelle True Blake.

  We will keep you all informed in the process of Noah’s health, but the Dr.’s says he is expected to make a full recovery…” I pause and question myself if I should say what I want and decide to be brutally honest.

  “We all agreed that we would give our fans one hundred percent all the time, th
is is no different. Noah’s injuries consist of both lungs punctured, as was his spleen and there is a tear in his liver. His head wounds were minor compared to his gravely injuries, but he is awake and doing remarkable.

  I want you all to know that Noah tried to save Candey. He used his body as a shield trying to keep her from any injuries, and knowing how bad the wreck was, he would have lost his own life for hers. Candey sustained only one injury in the accident and unfortunately it was to her neck and she died on impact. We are thankful that it was fast and that she didn’t suffer but wish there could have been mercy on them both in the end.

  Regardless, to us, and I speak on behalf of Cal ad Chad as well as my girl Cassa and Carrie Blake, that Noah Beckett is and will always be the hero in this tragedy and that our support of him is limitless and we hope you all feel the same. Thank you.”