TAT Box Set

by Emjay Soren

  "Any time I was rude about it or egged it on, it was me and my ego. When they were there, I did everything I could to have your focus on me. When you were with them I convinced myself, you were thinking of me."

  I wipe the wetness from under her eye and lick the pad of my thumb. "Listen close here. I hand delivered you into that hell knowing full well you were chasing me. Shitty way to get my attention, no doubt about it, but I have a part in it. We all made it okay for you to be that girl Jen. By the time you were lost, I was the first to degrade you and hold it against you. I will never be a better person than you Jen, then or now."

  "For what it is worth Caly, I never meant to hurt you. Never." She is so determined to ensure I believe her.

  "I did mean to hurt you Jen. I wanted you and I hated you for it. It was innocent once and all of that..." I tug her hair to keep her eyes on me. "All of it was real and innocent and sweet." I kiss her sweetly on the lips. "I look back all the time and wonder what I missed with Axe and I get pissed, but I know that how it worked is how it worked and I am glad he is healthy thriving and awesome. I have read the birth reports from the hospital, I verified the reports from DCFS and Red, you fucked up a lot, but the worst thing that he was exposed to was sleeping in a car seat, being on the bus a few weeks before I got him and taking him there... that night."

  "I know." She cries and I feel like an asshole for laying it out there for her, but if I don’t it will fester.

  "I know you are sorry and remorse is a bitch is small doses, so I can imagine the hell you feel by it. But, you want to know why I can work through it?"

  She nods and lights a smoke as she finishes her wine.

  "I took a look at the entire thing. This lifestyle and the shit it brings to your door. Say Candey didn’t die and Noah slipped off the wagon for some other reason? She would have left him and he still would have had to clean his life up for her no different than you are for Axe. We all forgave him, saw his reasons and wrote the excuse. Not a single fucking person wrote an excuse for you or paved your way. You did it all alone."

  She starts to shake her head no and crying harder. "I had someone helping me Cal."

  I look at her confused and wonder what she means. "Who? Your mom?" I swear that chick was never around and she even told me herself that her mom didn’t even know about Axe.

  "Noah." Then she proceeds to tell me that he tried to buy her off and never look back and she asked for rehab instead. "It was how we became friends. After court that day, he took me to Riverside and I stayed thirty days and stripped it all away. I went to meetings with him and we talked about everything. Then that night he came in and those bikers beat him up..." She shivers and looks at the fire, flicking her smoke in it.

  "That's why you went with him?" I recall leaving that night done and over his shit. I had cut him off from everything and walked away. He only agreed to go to rehab after I had left and by Sully and Jen's hand not mine.

  "How much did he offer you?" I ask, out of curiosity. I wasn’t angry or feel betrayed. I was glad they helped each other. She was a huge part in saving Noah from himself.

  "Five hundred thousand and to never look back."

  I nod. "I was willing to offer five million but our lawyer said no and shut me down. I was mad as hell that day though, I had no idea you would give a one-eighty."

  "He offered me before court and I didn’t take it. When I left the court room that day though and saw him playing with Axe... I asked him if I could take his offer and get help instead."

  "Well I am glad you’re here stronger and wiser than ever before. Once you solved whatever equation you were working on Jen, you came back a triple threat and a hell of a mom."

  We sit in silence and I want to tell her I read the last entry of that book, but how do you say, 'so I read about your rape?' Fucking you don’t that’s how. I am not gentle or calm with that shit at all and I need to learn to be.

  "Did you read the end?" She asked me and I internally scream because even the thought of it makes me a monster. I try to think of the talk with Noah and Chad and be comforting.

  I nod.

  Not the strongest response but I am trying not to show my panic about it. She lived it for fucks sake, I need to man up and be here for her. "I did and honestly..." I look at her and sigh. "I wish I didn’t. I wanted to know the truth of it all and the details because I thought the answer would be in the details. It wasn’t. You were brutalized and traumatized and even the thought of it..." I look at her then and tell the truth, brutal or not. "I want to find em' and fuckin' kill'em Jen."

  "I have days where I want them to pay... When I think they probably do it often I feel like a bitch for not ratting them out, but fear over rules that too. I worry they will have connections and hurt Axe or you...it isn’t a price I want to pay."

  She takes my beer and sips from it. "Where I come from, that type of ugly is on every corner. I have seen them before and it is why I only go home on the nights I have doubles and don’t see you guys. It is safe here and nothing or no one can touch us."

  I can hear the fear in her voice and knowing she has seen them since makes my body vibrate with anger I try to hide. "You can move in Jen. I wouldn’t expect a thing. Keep your room and do your thing. You want to support yourself, I get that... but I have millions Jen, millions. Stop working at Skin and come here, focus on your PIT work and put the time in there. It is safe there and you are always with people that got your back because you are family. There’s and mine."

  "But if I do that, I will always wonder if I could have done it alone." She says and, fuck I admire her pride even if it isn’t reasonable anymore.

  "Pride is a glorious thing in small doses. This shit, babe it is pride before the fall shit. They know you and you have seen them? I guarantee that you see them at Skin and this shit cannot fly anymore. He lost you once before. Do not let it happen again because of pride."

  "What do you pay in rent?" I ask and I am up and looking at her.

  "Seven hundred with utilities."

  "Okay! Hold that thought." I rush in the house and to my office and pull out one of the standard contracts I have that state a contract is in effect for any reason. There is a space to explain the contract in detail until a permanent one is drawn up.

  I grab it and head outside, stopping at the counter of the outdoor kitchen. I sign it and head to her, handing her both the contract and the pen. "Pay me seven hundred with utilities. Look at it like a really empty apartment complex with three tenants. We have a pool, weight room, full kitchen, a few of them. Rent a room and use of the house from me."

  "You can’t be serious." She says and looks at me like I am joking. Nope. Not joking, just smart.

  "I have never once made a joke about a binding contract and it is binding. Me and the guys use these all the time. Roadies, crew help, Axes specialists. I am not kidding and never will when it is business and this, and only this is business Red."

  She looks to my guest house and back at me. "I need to think on this Cal... it’s a lot."

  "Okay, Noah always says that women need to detour around the obvious, so go ahead and detour. You will still sign it because I have left no other options for you not to and you know I am right. There is guest house three hundred feet from us, use that if you need more. But sign it when the detour leading you right back here is done."

  "Deal." She says laughing and I pull her up and into my arms, kissing her soundly. "Are we okay?" She asks and I get it, we covered some heavy shit tonight.

  "We have more to hash out, but we got through the worst tonight. I think we are more than okay. We will tackle more in time. For now, honestly I just want to fuck you senseless."

  She smacks my shoulder and laughs. “Tell me what I asked for is okay Cal. Tell me you understand why I need you to make a conscious choice. I am taking all the risk because I believe in us.”

  “I am ok with this plan, Jen. I think it’s wise, but know that I am not doubting that I will choose you. I can do it your w
ay and be as we have been, with more touching, fucking and dates and dinners. I am still going to pick you though after all is said and done. I’ll pick you because you are what I want, so don’t doubt me too much.”

  “Deal.”

  “I want to take you up to my bed, lay you out and start something we never tried before.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Jen

  I feel his lips fall on me and I can’t stomach the emotions running through me. I have always loved Cal and this can’t take place without that knowledge.

  I feel his lips and I can’t take air in, all I see is him and his perfect face. "I will find a way to tell you one day firefly." He says and lays me back on my bed.

  I moan at his words as I watch him undress before me. I sit to take my shirt off when he stops me. "I want to peel this from every inch baby." He moves onto the bed in just his boxers and pulls me to my knees before him and kisses me. I feel his fingers as they graze along my hip bone and slip beneath my shirt. Slowly, so slowly he lifts my shirt, bending to kiss below my breasts, his hands lifting my arms above my head as it is slipped off.

  My hair cascades over my shoulders and back. He brushes it aside to kiss along my collarbone and shoulders. "You smell amazing and fuck, you are so soft Jen." He slips his fingers under my bra straps. Then undoes the front clasp, exposing my breasts to him.

  He cups them in his big hands kissing and licking me, so slow I want to scream. "Look how perky your nipples are. Is your pussy just as ready Red?" He asks, slipping a hand down the front of my panties until he is between my lips.

  "Oh, god!" I moan as he touches me so slow and with such purpose.

  "Lay back." He says and strokes his cock through his boxers as I lay back. Once I am settled he pulls my panties down and spreads my legs so I am exposed to him. "I love licking you Jen. I love it."

  Oh, God, oh, God, ohmigod! He is flicking my clit, making me crazy for more, for him. This is unlike any other time because we both not only need it, but it matters beyond the need.

  "Cal..." I pant on an endless chant of his name. "Tell me..." I don’t dare ask for the very thing I need. I am still scared even after the confessions these last few weeks.

  He stops and comes up from between my thighs until we are laying face to face. "What, Jen? Tell you what?" He asks, dipping to kiss my neck, tilting my head back to lick upon my throat.

  Tell him? Was he mad? I couldn’t tell him all I wanted, it crossed every boundary I have built over the years. "Just don’t stop." I say hoping it is enough. But it isn’t. He won’t accept it.

  He laces our fingers and brings them between us, where his boxers covered cock and my wet entrance are. "This is want, this is need." He says stroking us both with our entwined hands. He props to his knees to bare his weight as he laces our other free hands together and rests them over my heart. "This is real. Both belong here, but if you can’t feel that or know it..." He shakes his head and drops his mouth to mine for a sweet kiss. "Then I can’t go further and I won’t. This isn’t fucking Jen."

  I nod, unable to find the words to tell him how deeply I want it all. "Tell you what Jen?" He asks again and I pull on all the faith I have to ask.

  "Tell me you want me." I say softly, watching his lidded eyes brighten. "Tell me this is real and that I won’t wake up tomorrow lost again?" I feel my throat tighten at that fear being voiced, but refuse to cry no matter how bad the fear cripples me.

  "Red, if you haven’t figured it out yet, it’s my fault for not making it clear. I am always going to bring you back to me." He kisses me, the emotion on his face evident when his tongue touches mine. "You are always in my sights so I won’t let you get lost looking for me ever again."

  He moves both our entwined hands above my head and grinds his still covered cock against me. Using one hand he slips it between us as he pulls his boxers free enough to release his cock and line it against my opening before thrusting in.

  "Fuck!" We both cry out with the impalement. I can’t control my legs as they lift to wrap around his waist. His mouth kissing and biting the soft skin over my chest.

  "The way I feel right now, with you like this... there is nowhere else for me Jen. Without it I would be lost..." He says and I cannot speak for the guttural truth he speaks to me for the first time. "There is so much I want to say or do and I fumble it all up, but here with you wet and hot beneath me I know with a devout truth that this is what home is."

  I break one of my hands free from his hold and cup his neck so I can lift to kiss him. He takes it as the incentive it is and uses his hands to hold my hips so he can pull me against him and go deeper. "I love how you take every inch Jen. Your pussy gets so red and swollen and impossibly wet. I could write songs about how selflessly you let me in."

  Like the dirty talk would kill him he slows his thrusts and locks himself deep inside of me. "I want to bust so bad, but I need to see you sweaty and soaked for me Jen." He rolls us as he says it and I know he wants to watch me ride him.

  I lift from his chest and pull him as deep as I can, rolling my hips, listening to his curses and moans as I take him. The power of the control, watching him tighten his abs as he holds back his own need to take over is enthralling.

  This is a gift from one dominant son of a bitch and I want to own it. I take his hands into mine and place them on my breasts. "Touch me." I say and arch back, placing my hands above his knees behind me.

  "Holy fuck!" He drops his hands between, using his thumbs to open me as he watches himself slide in and out. "You take me so good Red."

  I feel the sweat bead on my skin as my hair sticks to my neck and back. He sits up until my breasts are in his face. I feel his hands on my hips, rubbing back to my ass, again and again and I can’t stop from erupting.

  "Don’t stop, please. Oh, God!" I cry out as the first wave hits and I grind in taking him as deep as I can.

  "Oh, yeah baby. Cum for me, soak me Firefly."

  I place my hands on his shoulders as the crest rushes through me with sounds I don’t recognize escaping me. My body is wet with sweat and sticky, but he seems to love it as he strokes my back. I fall weak and nuzzle into his neck.

  "Look at you...so perfect and sweaty from working me." He licks a path from between my breasts until he is at my lips and his tongue invades my mouth. He scoots back with his cock still nestled inside of me. He braces his back against his headboard then looks at me. “Again?” He asks, but awaits no answer as he starts lifting me up and down his shaft.

  He bends his knees so I am trapped between his body as he fucks himself into me. "Oh yeah babe, look how you’re pinned to me... feels so good love." His voice takes an erotic growl that has me rocking against him despite my exhaustion. The minute I start moving in sync with him he groans.

  "Hell yes, Red! Take what you need. I got you." He promises. I kiss him quickly, the movement too much to stay there on his lips. I feel the tide roll in again and cup his face in my hands so I can see his face. His gaze is locked on mine. The devotion, the need I see in his reflecting my own desires, sends me over the edge, loudly.

  His eyes held a… fascination, an emotion I can’t name, but that look now had me boneless from the intensity of the climax. "You are so beautiful Jen." He groans the words before dropping a quick kiss to my lips. His thrusts become small, measured and I know he is close. "I have never felt anything like that babe. Watch me as I bust Red."

  He says it just as stopping me from moving. I feel his cock jerk inside of me followed by the wet heat of his orgasm

  "There it is baby." I slowly kiss along his chest and shoulders as he pants, breathless beneath me. His knees fall to the mattress before he rolls me to my back and he slips from me.

  He rolls from the bed, turning the ceiling fan on high before slipping into his bathroom. The air circulating over me feels amazing on my sweat kissed skin. I watch him, the swagger of a God as he comes in with a washcloth and scoots in the bed beside me.

  "Spread your legs Red." He s
ays with a tone one reserves for their beloved. I do as he demands and watch as he cleans the wetness from my core. "I love seeing this. It's depraved I know, but I love seeing my cum inside of you."

  I don’t know how he says the dirtiest shit and makes it sound like an ode to love, but he does. I stroke my fingers through his hair that is damp from his sweat.

  His hands stroke down my legs and back up before kissing me softly on the lips of my pussy before rolling to his back. I watch with deviant fascination as he cleans himself before tossing the cloth to the hamper in the bathroom.

  "I need a shower, but I can’t move." I say with a giggle and watch him nod, his eyes closed as he catches his breath.

  "Me too, but I aint moving yet." He says and rolls back to his side then pulling me until we are chest to chest. "I'll shower when I am done." He says and smiles softly.

  "You’re not spent?" I ask and trace my fingers along his jaw and lips. He stops me and clasps my fingers to kiss them.

  "Hell no! Never, Red." He rolls me to my back before rolling over himself and settling between my thighs.

  "Not even close."

  Chapter Thirteen

  Cal

  Lex gets to my house to start lyrics as I compose the music. She has brought sample beats with her so that we can format or adjust them to whatever lyrics we get.

  Normally I give input on what I like and compose based on that, however I am taking a huge and uncomfortable step here with this project.

  "So, I have an idea." I tell Lex once we are in the production room and everything is set to start writing.

  "What's that?" She asks while chewing gum and looking around the room before sitting beside me at the switch board.

  "Well... I can’t write lyrics. I have tried a million times and I suck at it. I can throw a good line in here or there, but I am better at composing."

  She looks at me with boredom. "I know, you’ve said it a million times." She snaps her gum and reaches for her binder full of songs when I hand my palm out.