Searching for the Answers

by Paige Orr

  He braces himself on his haunches quickly launching himself at my guys, and an involuntary scream passes my lips. Time seems to slow as I become motionless, watching as Xilas swipes his paw inches away from Aiden’s face. Aiden doesn’t seem bothered as he throws a malicious smile his way, moving quicker than I can follow, leaving me swinging my eyes around looking for him with my heart in my throat. My eyes are drawn back to the fight though as Aziel surges forwards, summoning a blade seemingly from nowhere, and buries it deep in Xilas’s gut. He spins away ripping his blade out as he goes, and Aiden appears beside Xilas swinging his foot at his head. As soon as the blow connects, I hear bone crunching as Xilas sails back to where he originally started, landing in a heap on the floor growling out his frustration. He pushes back on to his paws as his blood begins to quickly puddle on the ground, but he barely even looks slowed down. His eyes swing between unseen threats, and the hackles rise on his back as he begins to swipe aimlessly in the air.

  D begins to make his way around him to get to the others, and it’s like Xilas can’t even see him leaving me confused. It’s like my brain can’t keep up with how quickly everything seems to be happening around me, leaving a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. Before I can really think much about that Sam appears behind me, and it takes everything I have to hold back a startled squeal. Are these boys seriously trying to give me a fucking heart attack, sneaking up on me while trying to deal with a psychopath isn’t their fucking smartest move. He smiles at me sheepishly as he starts leading me past Xilas like he isn’t even there, as the jaguar keeps growling at unseen targets closing in around him.

  D stops on Xilas's left side, and a sly smirk covers his face as he closes his eyes and a red mist seems to seep from his skin. I shift my gaze to the jaguar watching as the red mist surrounds him, causing him to make a keening noise as he is forced back to his human form. Xilas lays on the floor panting and groaning as Taehyung steps forward. His eyes change as he makes his way towards Xilas, placing his foot across his throat. “Wrong move Xilas, we might not have known how to end you all those years ago, but we know now. You always were easy to crush, we just werent able to end your fucking miserable existance. You fucked up though, when you decided to go after the girl we love, our mate, our fucking world. You see, love means you’ll do anything to protect someone, even figure out the impossible. The mistake you made, was forgetting that we have always been stronger than you, and you never stood a chance.”

  Tae motions Gale forward, and I’m awestruck as he shifts to his demon form, I’ll never get over how fucking ethereal he looks like this. Then blue flames begin to hover over the palms of his hands very different from my flames that engulf my hand, as they don’t touch his skin. He draws a circle in the air with them, then pushes it gently towards Xilas and I watch in amazement as the circle grows, before landing on the floor leaving him no way to escape. Tae turns to me holding out his hand, and I know that it’s now or fucking never. I take a deep breath to calm my tumultuous feelings, before reaching out and taking his hand. I call my flames, watching how they dance around my fingers as I look down at Xilas. I feel a strange pity filling me for him, knowing that he’s fucked up in the head and that’s why he behaves like this, but I refuse to let that stop me from doing what needs to be done.

  I can see him pleading with me with his eyes, but I know that if I let him live he’ll do anything to hurt me and my guys, people like him hate when you take their control away from them. So I reach out, watching as my flames begin to drip from the tips of my fingers, mingling with Gales flames and strengthening them. As soon as they touch Xilas’s skin he begins to screams in agony, and instead of feeling bad for hurting him I feel damn fucking good. I crouch down giving Xilas a sickeningly sweet smile, as I grab him urging my flames to cover his whole body. I’m not too proud to say that I thoroughly enjoy watching the fucker burn.

  I get to my feet, watching as Xilas turns to ashes, and I feel arms wrap around me. “Are you okay, babygirl? I know it can be hard the first time you have to kill someone, but you did amazing.” I turn in Gale’s arms giving him a soft smile, and combing my fingers through his golden locks. “Honestly, this might sound fucked up, but I don’t really feel anything about it. Like I don’t feel bad or good, it just is what it is. I would rather do that over and over, than see any of you get hurt.” He looks at me stunned as I cuddle into his arms, and i can’t but think that maybe I’m just more fucking twisted than I thought.

  Gale

  I look down into Lilith’s eyes, fucking stunned at how well she’s handling this, we really did expect this to break her again with how hard she’s found everything so far. Our girl loves to prove us wrong though, and she really is the fucking strongest person I know. You never really know how someone is going to handle taking a life for the first time, and even though she said she killed all those vampires, she also distanced herself from it by saying it was Tunrida who did it. It’s normal to worry about the woman you love though, even if I could see the delight in her eyes as she watched Xilas burn. I don’t want her to feel bad for not feeling any guilt over her, if she truly didn’t feel anything about it like she said.

  I just really fucking hope this isn’t going to be one of those delayed reaction things, I’d rather she didn’t feel like a bad person for making sure we were all safe. I don’t blame her for her emotions, even I was a fucking mess the first time I killed someone, but she really is the kindest fucking person I’ve ever met and she doesn’t deserve to feel bad for this. She’s still looking at me waiting for me to answer, but to be perfectly fucking honest I don’t know what to say, what pushes me to say something is the hurt in her eyes when I don’t. “Sorry babygirl, It’s just taking someone’s life is really fucking hard. I’m really glad you don’t feel guilty though, Xilas was not a good man, and we don’t know how many innocent people he’s killed without regret. I was just worried about how you were going to take being the one to….pull the trigger so to speak.”

  I pull her in tighter against me, leaning down to breathe in her scent. Every day this girl proves how fucking strong she is and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m fucking proud to have her as my mate. Most demons aren’t this fucking lucky when they find their mates it’s really a shot in the dark, but I couldn’t have asked for anyone better. The fact that I get to share in this happiness with my brothers, the people who’ve always been by my side, just makes it all the fucking better. I could never have dreamed for anything better than having them by my side to protect the one we love. Having the angels isn’t too bad either, I didn’t think that we would get on at all, but after that fight I can see that we could really work well together.

  I let her go, giving the others their chance to check on her, and head into the kitchen to make her a coffee. To think that for years Xilas has gotten away with his bullshit, and all because we had someone we wanted to protect he was dealt with so easily. I mean, that man left us all in a panic just a few fucking days ago, yet here we are after kincking his ass. It kind of makes me wish that we spoke to Lilith about this sooner, because she would have figured it out somehow even if it was from Tunrida. Our mate is really fucking smart when she is trying to protect us all, and I’m glad we ended up with such a perfect woman

  I mechanically turn the machine on, going through the motions to set it up, stuck in my own thoughts. Maybe all of this shit just proves how much we have to stop hiding shit worried that Lilith will break over it . She's proved to us over and over again that sure, she might struggle with shit at first, but she always ends up being the one that handles shit the best. At this point it’s pretty fucking obvious that keeping shit from her makes it worse anyway, so what harm is there in keeping her in the loop. I hear footsteps behind me, and turn to find Tae walking towards me, looking like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

  “Hey man, how’s she doing now? She seemed fine when I was talking to her, but you know I can’t help but worry. I don’t want her feeling
bad about what she had to do, Xilas had that shit coming to him, and he’s done a lot worse to other people.” He takes a deep breath, rubbing his hands over his face. He looks fucking exhausted, I get it though, we’ve been bracing for this fight and the adrenaline from waiting has left me feeling kinda empty too. “Yeah, strangely enough she feels fine. I thought she would maybe freak out or something, but it’s like she doesn’t really feel anything about it at all. I can’t really tell if she’s just blocking the emotions, or if she really doesn’t feel bad about it though. I’m just glad that there aren’t any tears, I fucking hate seeing her like that.”

  I nod my head agreeing with him before turning around and setting cups out for us all, I know that me and my brothers can handle ourselves, but no matter how many fights we win the ones we fight seem to forget that. going through the motions to keep myself busy. The adrenalin crash is always the worst part about these fights, we always gear ourselves up to handle anything they could throw at us, but it never really comes to that. While pouring each of us a cup, I take the time to truly think over what he’s just said. I hadn’t really thought about how she could just be burying her feelings, but something tells me that she really is doing as well as she says. She doesn’t really have any reason to hide how she’s feeling from us, and we all promised to be more honest with each other, she wouldn’t go back on that now.

  Once I’ve finished pouring the coffees, I grab a tray placing all the cups on it, preparing to head back into the living room. I want her to relax right now, if we’re crashing this bad right now then I can only imagine what it will be like for her. I remember the first time that me and the guys fought together, there was an attack from the angels downtown. Sam had to push himself harder than he ever had before, casting an illusion that would keep all of the humans in doors so they didn’t get hurt. I was such a cocky bastard back then thinking that nothing could hurt me, it’s why me and D didn’t really get on at the start, even though we hid it well from the others. My cockiness ended up with me being knocked out and D saving my ass, I thought I was fine afterwards, but a couple of hours later I felt the guilt and pain from having to kill, I just hope that shit doesn’t happen to Lilith. Turning around I stop next to Tae patting him on the back, and giving him a reassuring smile, before heading into the living room knowing that he needs a moment to breath on his own. The pile of Xilas’s ashes is still sitting where they fell, and Lilith is curled up on D’s lap staring at them with a blank expression. Taking that as my cue, I place the tray on the coffee table, picking her cup up and crouching down in front of her.

  “Hey babygirl, I made you some coffee. Are you sure you're okay? I don’t want to annoy you by asking over and over again, but you're staring at those ashes like they hold the answers of the universe. If I knew that was your kink I would have turned myself into ashes ages ago.” My bad attempt at a joke seems to snap her out of it, and she slowly blinks, turning to me with a tired smile, reaching out for her cup. “I’m fine, I promise. I guess I’m just as surprised as you guys are. I really thought that killing someone would make me feel bad but as I said, it’s like I just don’t feel anything at all. Well, that’s kind of a lie, I’m fucking glad he’s gone. Does that make me a bad person? Like I seriously enjoyed killing him, doesn’t that make me like a sociopath or something?”

  I reach out, taking her hands between my own, and rub them reassuringly, feeling how cold they are. I don’t know if she’s just in shock, or it’s from using her fire the way she did, but I really don’t like that shit. I hate the fact that she feels there’s something wrong with her because she doesn’t regret killing the fucked up bastard Xilas. He’s not worth feeling this way over. “No babygirl, you could never be a bad person. Xilas did a lot of bad things in his life, and he didn’t leave you any other choice. If you had left him alive he would’ve never stopped coming after you, and I doubt he had anything nice planned for once he got a hold of you. You’re one of the kindest, most considerate people I’ve ever met, don’t let this get in your head. You did what you had to do, that’s all there is to it.”

  Lilith

  I really appreciate the guys being so worried about me, and I totally understand why, but I don’t really know how to take all this. Gale really is a fucking sweetie though, trying to make me feel better, even if I don’t need it. They really make me feel like it’s okay to feel the way I do, even if I feel nothing. Most people would feel guilty I suppose, but I really don’t see why I should feel that way. Xilas was a fucking creep, and if I had to make the same choice between someone else and us again, damn fucking right I’d make the same decision. I’ve let fear control me since I found out the truth of who I am, and I’m not prepared for my fear to get us killed. It's about time I accepted that this is my life now.

  I guess I should really stop focusing on Xilas now though, if he tracked us down so easily, who’s to say that my grandfather can’t track us down just as fucking easily. Let’s be honest here, he’s a much bigger threat than Xilas because he really could kill us all, he is an Archangel after all. Like my mind fucking conjured him, my phone begins to ring, and an ominous feeling builds inside me. Pulling my attention away from the guys, I answer the phone, hearing my grandfather on the other end. My whole body tenses at the sound of his voice, and all my guys eyes swing towards me.

  "Hello Lilith, I'm sure you know who I am, so I won't waste both of our time with the introductions. Now, it seems that you have taken two very important assets of mine, and to say I'm unhappy is an understatement. Those two don't really understand what it means to turn against me. But I'm a fair person, so I will give you one chance to return them to me or you won't enjoy the outcome. I don’t like to threaten family, but you’re not really anything to do with me, so don’t feel too bad."

  I huff out a low laugh, is this motherfucker for real? He seriously expects me to let him speak to me like he fucking owns me! I feel the anger surging forth, causing me to clench my fists tight enough to draw blood, but at this point I don't really give a fuck. I refuse to be anyones tool to hurt the people I care about, especially when they speak down to me like that. I really don’t know where he get’s off being such a fucking ass, I’m not going to b scared to speak my mind with this pathetic excuse of a man.

  "Listen here, gramps. I don't particularly owe you a fucking thing, and I sure as fuck ain't one of your snivelling little underlings! Incase you've forgotten, let me refresh your fucking memory. For years you let your slut of a daughter abuse me along with your pathetic fucking guards, you ranted and raved about how I'm an abomination who you wanted put down. Now you think you have the fucking right to call me, demanding that I force my mates to crawl along back to you. Well that's just fucking stupid! I don't follow your fucking orders old man, and I sure as fuck won't force them to do something they don't want to do, so why don't we cut to chase. You threaten me, I tell you to go fuck yourself, and then I hang up on you. I know that may be too simple for you to follow, but that's most likely how this conversation is going to go, so why don't you hurry up already."

  I hear a low chuckle, and turning I find Aiden with tears streaming down his face, trying to hold back his laughter. I can't stop the smile tugging at the edge of my lips, and I begin to grin when he can't hold his laughter in anymore. The rest of my guys begin to laugh along with him, as I listen to the silence on the other end of the phone.

  "You dare to laugh at me child! You will return them to me at once, I'm not asking anymore, believe me you will like me a lot less if you don’t do as you’re told.! You think the things I overlooked were cruel? You haven't seen anything yet! I could end your life so easily, yet you dare defy me!" A chuckle passes my lips, and I hear him panting in anger through the phone. It's almost too easy to get a reaction from this fucking idiot, but then I'm sure he's not used to anyone telling him no.

  "Listen gramps, as amusing as your threats are, I've already told you that I don't answer to you. Now it's my turn, I might be young, and not fully in
control of who I am. That doesn't mean that I'm going to be easy to walk all over! I'm sick and tired of your side of my family thinking they can snap their fingers and I'll jump at their command, you lost the privilege of asking me to do anything when you decided I was nothing more than shit on the bottom of your shoe. Now if you'll excuse me, I have more important things to deal with than your fucking bitching and moaning."

  With that I hang up the phone, with a satisfied smirk on my face. It really is about time I grew a fucking backbone when it comes to my family. I’ve let them all walk all over me for way too fucking long, but I’m not the same silly little girl that I used to be. No, now I’ve got my guys looking out for me, and I know that they’ll be there for me no matter what we go through. I can’t really explain how fucking satisfying that was, to finally stand up for myself instead of cowering to a raised voice. I’ve certainly grown since I found out what I am, and I’m pretty fucking proud of myself for that.