Esrever Doom

by Piers Anthony

As the time of the race approached, they got together again. “Now the strategy,” Kody said. “Only one car can win: the one that runs the full course without getting crashed out by others. So you will have to be constantly on guard. Every intersection is a chance for mischief. These cars are strongest with their bumpers, front and back; a side impact is likely to be lethal. So if you have to crash into another car, do it head-on. Make sure you have your seat belts on.”

  “Squawk.” TEAM

  Kody considered briefly. “Right again, Zap. We’ll surely all do better if we operate as a team, running interference for each other. That means if you see an enemy car coming to ram one of us, you ram it first. If all three of our cars get through, then we can make it a straight race to the finish line to determine the winner. Remember, the course is marked by red banners, so when in doubt, follow them.”

  It was time for the race. They lined up with about seventeen other cars. Theirs were three black ones, a color other drivers did not seem to favor. A loud horn blew, and they were off.

  Immediately other cars started swerving into each other, trying to knock them off the better tracks. The tracks themselves were a spaghetti pattern, winding about, crossing and recrossing each other. It was almost impossible to be sure of avoiding collisions.

  Indeed, other cars were gleefully racing to the intersections, trying to catch each other broadside. One succeeded, and the victim car was not only pushed off the trail, it rolled over and finished on its roof. It was out of the race.

  “Look,” Zosi said.

  There was a sign he had almost missed. MOUNTAIN ROUTE

  “Now that’s interesting,” Kody said. “There is a red flag there, so it must go through. But it may be rough riding.”

  “No rougher than crashing.”

  “Right. Maybe easier to handle. I’ll signal the others.”

  Ivan was just ahead of them. Kody honked, then put an arm out his window, pointing to the offshoot trail. Ivan could recognize him because of the color of his car. He saw Ivan nod.

  He swerved to close on Yukay, and signaled her. She too nodded, and swerved her car in that direction. But another car was barreling through, aiming to catch her broadside as she made her turn.

  Kody jammed his foot down on the gas pedal, angling to intercept the other car. He slewed into it, shoving it off the trail. Yukay escaped, but Kody’s car was badly dented. Fortunately nothing vital had been bashed.

  Then they were on the mountain trail. But three other cars had seen their maneuver, and swerved to take it too. A red one, a green one, and a blue one.

  Kody knew how to handle that. He was third in their line of three. He took the center of the trail, blocking off the next pursuing car so that Ivan and Yukay could move ahead without having to watch their tails. When the red car tried to get around him, Kody moved across to block it again. It could not pass him. It fell back, frustrated.

  Then, probably by sheer chance, the other two cars, green and blue, zoomed up side by side. He could block one, but not both. What to do?

  But Yukay dropped back, taking her place beside Kody. Now they had a two-car block, and the trail was not wide enough for more.

  Until the trail divided. The blue car peeled off and took the right trail, and Kody could not stop it without leaving the left trail vulnerable. The blue car forged ahead, unblocked.

  Suddenly a car zoomed in from the side, on a cross trail Kody hadn’t seen. It crashed into the side of the blue car, denting it in and almost breaking it in half. It was Ivan! He had looped back to help them.

  After that other cars were not so eager to challenge them. They had the mountain trail to themselves. That did not mean the way was easy; the trail soon rose up into those mountains, and became a narrow cut in the side. They had to slow down to navigate it safely.

  And more colored cars came up behind them, eager to smash bumpers. A bump on a curve could boost a car right off the ridge and send it rolling down the sleep slope. How could they handle this challenge?

  Kody had an idea. He slowed his car, then brought it to a complete halt right in the middle of a curve. He could not be passed, and if anyone tried to bump him—

  A purple car tried. It came charging up. Zosi put her arms over her head.

  Just before the purple car struck, Kody let up on the clutch. He had kept the motor running. Now his car lurched forward and stalled. But it was enough; the purple car, unimpeded, missed his car and sailed off the ledge. It bounced down the mountain, turning end over end. Finally it landed in the water of the river below, and sank. It was out of the race.

  Zosi peeked out from under her arms. “No crash?” she asked faintly.

  “No crash,” Kody agreed with satisfaction. This time.

  He started the motor again and drove forward to catch up to the other black cars, which were waiting for him. The enemy cars seemed to have been cleared out of this section, so it was safe to move on. Kody continued as the third of the three.

  “Keep an eye out behind,” he told Zosi.

  She turned around in her seat to peer back.

  “No, use the rearview mirror.”

  She looked down at her bottom. “There’s a mirror there?”

  She had no familiarity with cars. Kody realized that he should have considered that before giving her technical instructions. “I’m sorry, Zosi. I didn’t mean to confuse you. Look out the side window. There’s a mirror mounted there. You can see behind us via that.”

  “Oh!” she said, surprised as she found it. “I can see everything! But it’s moving backwards.”

  “That’s the magic of reflection. Let me know the moment you see any car coming up behind us. That will allow me to pay full attention to what’s ahead of us.”

  “Yes, I will do that.”

  He reached across and took her hand, squeezing it briefly. “Have you thought more about being the governess for little Plato?”

  “I know I should do it,” she said sadly. “But I just can’t.”

  “You feel unqualified?”

  “No, I think I could do it, and of course Eve would usually be there to set him straight if there was a problem.”

  “You dread living in Hades?”

  “No. That’s no worse than regular Xanth, for me.”

  “Living is that bad?”

  “Not exactly.”

  Kody shook his head. “I don’t see the appeal in being a zombie.”

  “Zombies don’t have much feeling.”

  “Feeling?”

  “Joy, sadness, excitement, anger, fear…” She trailed off.

  “I heard that ellipsis. It means there’s something you’re not saying.”

  “Yes.”

  Kody might have been annoyed, but had learned patience with Zosi. “Something you’d rather not talk about?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is it anything I might help you with?”

  “Maybe.”

  Now his curiosity was growing. “Zosi, please. I don’t like seeing you unhappy. Will you tell me what it is?”

  “Yes,” she said faintly.

  That was his cue not to press it further. But his curiosity overruled his decency. “Tell me.”

  “Love.”

  It took him a moment to reorient. “That’s the emotion you don’t want to discuss?”

  “Yes.”

  “What is so bad about love?”

  “Nothing, I think. It’s wonderful.”

  “Then why don’t you want to talk about it?”

  “You’ll be mad.”

  “No, I won’t.”

  “Annoyed.”

  With anyone else he would be verging on it. “Zosi, I promise not to be annoyed. What is it?”

  She was silent. He glanced at her, and saw she was crying.

  “Oh, Zosi, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Only I’m not sure how I did that.”

  She just continued crying.

  She needed to be held and comforted. But there was no place to park
the car, and pausing here might not be safe anyway.

  “Zosi, I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I can’t stop driving right now, but if you squeeze over toward me I’ll put my arm around you.”

  “But you need it to drive the car.”

  “I can spare it for a while.”

  She managed to get close beside him without unfastening the seat belt. He put his right arm around her shoulders and drew her close.

  Then, belatedly, it came to him. “You love me! And I can’t stay.”

  Her tears accelerated.

  “And you don’t want to live if you can’t be with me.”

  She put her face against his shoulder, soaking it.

  “You’d rather be a zombie, because then it won’t hurt so much.”

  “Zombies don’t feel much love,” she murmured.

  “But if I could stay, then you wouldn’t mind living so much.”

  “Yes.”

  Kody experienced a whirlpool of emotion. “I wish I could stay! So I could be with you. I think I love you, Zosi. But I can’t stay. When this Quest concludes, I’ll wake and be gone. I have no choice.”

  “Yes.”

  “I can’t fault you for not wanting to live. They’ll have to find some other person to governess Plato.”

  She continued silently crying.

  “Zosi, I can’t take my eyes off the trail. We’d run off the pavement. I want to kiss you, but I’d get freakish and we’d crash. Still, if you kiss me on the side of the face, that would be nice.”

  She lifted her head and kissed his cheek. It was nice.

  That was all they could do. At least they understood each other.

  After a while she returned to her seat and resumed looking behind them. Fortunately no cars were following.

  The trail ascended across the mountain slope. They left the trees below and advanced through brushy reaches. They could see down into the neighboring valley, where trees clustered around a river; it was nice scenery.

  But Kody distrusted this. There was bound to be something to interfere with their progress toward the end. Races didn’t like to make it easy.

  Then he spied it. The mountain rose up to a ridge, and the trail climbed on top of that ridge. There was a nervously narrow section high above the valleys on either side, with no guard rails. It was wide enough for a car, but only barely; any drift to either side would put a wheel over and stall the car right there, if it didn’t tumble all the way down.

  They drew up in a line before it and consulted. “We can make it,” Ivan said. “Single file and very slow. But I don’t trust it.” He was echoing Kody’s thought.

  “Squawk.” Zap spread her wings and took off. She flew above the trail, checking it. Soon she returned. “Squawk,” she repeated, and on her side was printed GAP.

  That was mischief. How could they navigate it if there was a gap? But Kody tried. “How big a gap?”

  FIVE FEET

  That just might be navigable at speed. “Is the near side higher than that far side?”

  SLIGHTLY

  “So we could hurdle it if we drove fast enough?”

  YES

  “But if we veer to either side landing, it’s disaster,” Kody concluded.

  “Squawk,” Zap agreed.

  This was a challenge of nerves. “Probably we should turn back,” Kody said.

  “But I’m ready to do the jump,” Ivan said.

  “So am I,” Yukay said.

  “But if you try it and miss, you’ll tumble down the slope to the valley and be out of the race at the very least, and lose your life at the most.”

  “Maybe not,” Yukay said. “These vehicles are strongly built, and I suspect buttressed by magic, at least as far as the seat belts reach. Otherwise the contests would not have much repeat business. We probably put our cars at risk but not our lives.”

  Kody considered. That did make sense. “Well, if you’re willing to gamble, so am I. Let’s go for it. But maybe Zap should fly rather than weighing down Yukay’s car for this.”

  The others agreed. Zap flew ahead, indicating where the gap was. Kody led the way this time, to give the following cars an indication how to handle it. The trail was narrow but firm, with good traction, and the car’s steering was precise. This could be done.

  He came up to where Zap hovered. That would be the gap. He accelerated carefully, building up enough speed but not too much. The cars behind paced him, being guided by him. He hit the gap and sailed across it, seeing that the mountain was about five feet below; it was not a total gulf. He landed and drove on; he had made it.

  Almost immediately behind, Ivan jumped. He landed well, but one rear tire chipped the edge of the pavement. It crumbled down into the gap. But Ivan had made it.

  Then came Yukay. She landed perfectly, but that fractured edge gave way, yanking the car askew. She went off to the side. The car went tumbling down the slope.

  Zap dived after it. Kody couldn’t stop, and neither could Ivan, but Zosi called out what she saw in the mirror. “The car hit a boulder and stopped partway down. Zap is landing by it. Zap’s got Yukay! They are flying back up, following us.”

  “Zap must have hung on to the lighter knot,” Kody said, relieved. “They are out of the race, but at least they’re all right.”

  They drove on, and in due course the trail meandered back down the slope until they were on level ground amidst the trees. He drew to the side and stopped. Ivan parked beside him.

  Zap came down to join them, and Yukay got off her back. “While Zap was carrying me, I saw cars lurking in ambush ahead,” Yukay said. “You can’t afford to ignore them.”

  That was important news. “Can we avoid them?” Kody asked.

  “No. There’s only one navigable trail leading from the mountain, and they are guarding it.”

  “Then we’ll have to take them out.”

  They discussed it briefly, and decided to have Zap join Ivan and Naomi, riding in the backseat, while Yukay joined Kody and Zosi. If Zap had flown over the acorn tree, the lurking cars would know they had been spied, and no surprise retaliation would be feasible. Then they moved on.

  Kody peered ahead, searching for the ambush, but couldn’t see it. Without Yukay’s warning, they would have been caught by surprise.

  “Under that big acorn tree,” Yukay said. “I made note of the spot. Two cars. They must be working together.”

  “As we are,” Kody said. “It makes sense to team up to eliminate competition, then settle things among friends.”

  “It does,” she agreed.

  Kody put his arm out the window to signal Ivan. Then he proceeded toward the tree as if unconcerned.

  As he approached it, a gray car lurched out, intent on collision. Kody was ready. He floored the accelerator, leaping forward. The gray car missed him by inches.

  And got caught by Ivan following close behind. It wound up in the brush, out of commission.

  Meanwhile Kody made a tight turn around the tree, throwing up dirt, almost freaking out Yukay. “That’s how he drives,” Zosi reassured her. Actually it wasn’t how he normally drove, but this was a special situation.

  Sure enough, the second car, a yellow one, was now revving up, ready to broadside Ivan before he got clear of the ruined gray car. Kody came at it crosswise, catching it at the rear and spinning it out of control. It fetched up against the trunk of the acorn tree.

  But it was not yet out of commission. Its wheels churned up dirt as it got back into action. Kody backed away, not in position to engage with his bumper.

  And Ivan caught it from the side, staving it in. This time it was dead.

  They paused to compare notes. Both black cars had dents, but both remained fully functional. They had dealt with the ambush.

  They resumed driving, following the flags.

  “Why does this look familiar?” Yukay asked as she peered out the window.

  Now Kody recognized it too. “We’re coming back to the starting line! We got turned around.”
/>   “I don’t think so. The route has been plainly marked throughout.”

  “It finishes where it starts,” Zosi said.

  That made sense. Every car had to run the course, but it was circular. So spectators could observe the start and the finish without moving.

  But the race was hardly over. Only one car could survive to cross the finish line and take the prize. There were bound to be others waiting to intercept them.

  And there were three other cars that had made the circuit by using the main trails. They were chasing each other in smaller circles, trying to crash them out. An orange car caught a white car broadside as Kody and Ivan came up, smashing it into oblivion. Kody saw the driver get out unharmed.

  Now it was two against two. The orange car and a pink one reoriented to face the two approaching black cars. The orange one came straight at Kody. Would a head-on collision leave both cars intact, or wreck both? He could not be sure how strong the bumpers were. He didn’t care to risk it, but the orange car was giving him little choice.

  He swerved to the side, but the oncoming car swerved to match him. It wanted that collision! He swerved to the other side, and again the other matched him. He started to swerve a third time, then reversed before completing it. The other car had no time to correct before they slid past each other so closely that paint scraped.

  “Hang on!” Kody muttered to the others. Then he threw the car into a turnaround skid and accelerated back the way he had just come. Yukay opened her mouth to scream, but Zosi, who evidently had stronger nerves, or maybe duller zombie nerves, cautioned her.

  The orange car was just turning to come at him again, and was caught broadside by his surprise maneuver. It was finished.

  But as Kody tried to pull away from it, the pink car caught him broadside, staving in his midsection. His car lost power; a key cable had been broken. He was out of the race.

  But as the pink car disengaged, Ivan caught it broadside and sent it spinning. It slid to a halt and moved no more.

  Ivan went on to cross the finish line, the winner. Kody and the others climbed out of their cars, all losers. But they had succeeded in promoting one of their own number to the victory. They assembled in the prize area.

  “AND WHAT PRIZE DO YOU CHOOSE?” the loudspeaker asked. Kody saw Polly Ester, every bit as buxom in the flesh as in the poster, waiting expectantly.