Perfection of Suffering (The Shadows of Wildberry Lane Book 1)

by M. Sinclair

  “Stratton. You need to leave. I promised to hear you out, but honestly, there is nothing to talk about,” I said, feeling strong despite my heart breaking. “I heard exactly what you said.”

  “Dahlia,” his voice was rough, his eyes filling with pain at my expression as I pulled a pillow to me, using it as a shield for my heart. “You don’t understand.”

  “Do not tell me what I do and do not understand,” I demanded quietly, tears welling in my eyes despite trying to keep it together. “Just leave. Don’t worry, Stratton, I will make sure to not bother you anymore—”

  “Angel,” he groaned, sounding miserable. He crouched down so that he was looking up at me, his arms on either side of where I sat. I could feel myself leaning forward as I cursed myself. Why was it so difficult to stay mad at him?

  Remember what he said, Dahlia. Just remember.

  “Just go,” I demanded softly. “I don’t want to argue. I was just… surprised to hear you felt that way. I’ll get over it.”

  “No!” he snarled, pulling on his hair, his expression letting me know he hated that idea. “Just hear me out. I did not mean any of that shit. Those fuckers are from the fight circuit I am part of, and I can’t have them knowing—”

  “About me?” I questioned, a tear breaking down my face. “I get it if you didn’t want them assuming I was your girlfriend. Fine. But you could have just told them we were friends, Stratton. I have been nothing but one hundred percent there for you, even though you ignore me and my attempts to be friends again and again… do you know how often I feel stupid for just reaching out to you? But now I just feel like a complete idiot. You don’t even want friendship from me! But I don’t deserve to be talked about like that, and you know it.”

  Stratton’s rough, warm hand grabbed my jaw as he pulled me forward, his voice sharp. “Dahlia, angel, this has nothing to do with you. Those assholes are from a group that I go against often. They do this shit to people all of the time, targeting their weaknesses and using it to get them out of the ring. They are part of some dumb gang two towns away. I won’t risk them thinking you mean as much to me as you do. I keep a distance for a fucking reason, and it’s not because I want to.”

  I blinked, trying to listen to his words instead of my insecurities. “How much do I mean to you?” Maybe my attempts at some form of friendship or relationship hadn’t been in vain…

  Stratton’s cool eyes softened and warmed. “You have no idea. No fucking idea. But I can’t bring you into this shit, Dahlia—not until I am done fighting. I am not risking your safety like that.”

  “Why don’t you stop?” My hand was shaky as I brushed his jaw lightly.

  He closed his eyes, leaning into it, before he answered bluntly. “I wish I could. We need the money, though.”

  What?

  I paused my hand as Stratton’s body froze as if realizing what he had said. “Stratton, what are you talking about?” Ms. Lori and he had always been fine financially, right? I had never heard there being an issue with it. At least, unless I was missing something major.

  He shook his head, moving his gaze to the comforter. “It’s nothing, Dahlia. Just please understand this isn’t you.”

  I felt my anger spike momentarily. “Right. Okay. ‘It’s not you, it’s me’? Just leave, Stratton, I can’t keep doing this. Four years, over four years, this constant back and forth! Why can’t you just be honest? What is your problem? What is the big secret that has made you abandon all of your friends? Made you ditch our friendship like it was nothing?!” Tears were now one hundred percent drenching my face.

  So much for staying strong.

  “Goddamn it!” His fist hit the bedding as he met my gaze, longing and sadness there. “Stop it, angel. Just fucking stop it.”

  “It’s true,” I sniffed, rubbing the back of my hand over my eyes.

  “It’s not fucking true!” he growled and cupped my face with both of his hands. “I’m crazy about you, Dahlia. I have been for god knows how long. But I won’t have you be part of this shit show my family left me in. I am not the right guy for you, and I probably never will be—”

  “What shit show?” I demanded softly, trying to ignore the part where he said he was crazy about me. I had no idea what to do with that information or the odd bout of hope it was inspiring. Dangerous hope.

  His eyes darkened. “When my parents passed away, my grandma and I realized that my father had been screwing over the company and essentially draining it. We are broke, angel. Absolutely fucking broke. We have the house, but only because it’s paid off. Any money I make goes to my grandma’s medical treatment.”

  Oh shit.

  “Stratton,” I breathed out on a sharp exhale. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  Anger flashed in his gaze as he stood, looking both vulnerable and furious. “I don’t need sympathy or fucking pity.”

  “This is not about sympathy or pity!” I stood up with an incredulous expression. I followed him towards the balcony, hating that he was leaving, but I didn’t stop him as he slung on his jacket and climbed over the side of the railing.

  “Where are you going?” I asked softly, hating the distance between us. Always distance.

  His voice was raw and pain-filled as he offered me a heartbreaking expression. “I am crazy about you, Dahlia, but this can’t happen. Not until I fix what my parents royally fucked up. I will never risk your safety, even if it means never being together.”

  I stood there, heartbroken, confused, and hopeful in a weird way as he made his way down the side of my house and offered me one last searing look before leaving me in the light rain. When he was finally gone, I muttered a soft curse and made my way inside my room, closing the balcony doors but not locking them.

  How long had he been able to climb up into my room? Seemed a bit practiced… and that turned me on. God. I was so, so weird. What was wrong with me?

  Before I could overthink anything else, a knock on the door had me walking towards it as I heard my phone ring. I knew it was probably Kingston or the twins. I frowned, hating that I’d just left their game, but this talk had been necessary. God. How did I even begin to handle what Stratton had told me? I squeezed out the ends of my hair as I opened the door to find my mom standing there.

  I instantly knew that she knew Stratton had been here.

  “You okay?” she asked softly.

  “Not really,” I answered, shaking my head. “I just don’t get it.”

  I knew she didn’t fully understand what I was talking about, but when she pulled me into a tight hug, I relaxed a bit. Stratton’s secret wasn’t mine to tell, but I also knew that my mom wasn’t stupid. She had never commented on the distance between me and my once best friend, but she had very much noticed it.

  “I think every man goes through a period of time where he has to figure out what he wants in life,” she responded softly. “Some figure it out right away, others are a bit more confused. I’m sure losing his parents at a young age didn’t help. You have amazing judgement, Dahlia. If you think a friendship with Stratton is worth salvaging, then keep trying. If not… well, screw him.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at her small amused smile as I sighed but nodded. I had to wonder how she knew he had been here. The boys outside, maybe? Or maybe she had been able to hear him. Honestly, sometimes I felt like my mom knew way more than she let on. About literally everything.

  “Remember, I am always here to talk. I have been through it all at one point or another,” she teased. “Just come find me, okay?”

  “I will,” I whispered.

  “Also, dinner is going to be ready in about two hours, and if I had to guess, you won’t be able to hide from the group of men sitting in our driveway.”

  I groaned and shook my head. “Tell King I have time still.”

  “Time?”

  “He’ll know.” I scowled and tugged out the ponytail holders at the end of my braids. “I’m going to go shower to warm up. I’ll be down soon.”


  She nodded. “I am going to run over to Haven’s house for about an hour, so if I am not back when you’re done, just come on over. You know she would love to see you.”

  With a small nod, I closed my bedroom door and walked towards my bathroom and turned on the shower. My brain was buzzing with a million different things as I slowly got undressed, then stepped underneath the hot water, letting out a small sigh of relief.

  How the heck hadn’t we realized what was going on with Stratton and his family? Why didn’t he tell us? Also, was I insane, or had he said he was crazy about me? I shook my head as a small smile curled on my lips.

  Stratton was crazy about me.

  A plan began to form in my head as I felt determination flow through me. He was scared about being good enough? About not wanting to put me in danger or something like that? Fine. I had no problem showing him that he had always been good enough for me. I didn’t care about money, and danger or not, I wanted him back in my life.

  Even if I didn’t understand how that was going to work, considering the twins… well, yeah, everything with the twins.

  Reality hit me, making me realize just how serious I was about my emotions regarding Stratton. This was so far past a crush that I didn’t even know what to do anymore.

  I knew it sounded like a selfish desire, but I wanted each of them. Hell, even Dermot! I had a serious problem, because just the idea of having them and touching any one of them sent courses of heat rolling over my skin.

  No. I was not going to get all hot and bothered for nothing.

  That didn’t stop me from running my hands along my skin, my breasts tightening and nipples pebbling under the hot water as fantasies began to grow in my head. Always the same. Always so intoxicating and lust-inducing. It didn’t matter when—if I started imagining any one of them touching or kissing me, especially multiple of them at the same time, I became absolutely drenched.

  My fingers slid down to between my thighs where I was already soaked and feeling needy. My clit pulsed as a tremor worked its way over me, making me lean against the shower wall.

  Images of Stratton’s hands on me, massaging and teasing my skin, had me letting out a soft moan as I swirled my wet heat across my clit. Sinking a finger in, I imagined how fantastic it would feel, just for once, to have King’s lips on my neck, or Sterling standing behind me, rubbing against me with what I could tell was an absolute monster between his legs. My toes curled as I let out another soft moan, wanting Lincoln’s fingers where mine were, or maybe Dermot’s mouth. Holy hell.

  A shock of lightning went over me as I felt my climax slowly build, my other hand not so gently teasing my breast as I imagined their voices against my ear, whispering things that would make me come on the spot. Honestly, I had tried watching porn before, but there wasn’t much that could get me off like thinking about them.

  A frustrated whine broke from my throat as I continued to feel as though I was about to come but couldn’t, my eyes screwed shut with need and frustration.

  “Fuck,” I whimpered, sinking another finger into myself as my fantasies felt like they took over completely, a pair of lips closing around my other nipple as I felt everything heighten.

  My eyes flew open in realization.

  “King,” I gasped, realizing that the man in question was kneeling in front of me, in the shower, caging me to the wall as his teeth tugged gently on my nipple, making everything inside of me tighten. Holy hell, I needed to come. My fingers paused, but when he pulled away, I nearly came from just the sight of the man on his knees, the look in his eyes nearly feral.

  “Keep fucking touching yourself,” he demanded in a low, smooth tone. “I didn’t tell you to stop, princess.” I didn’t even have the words to start questioning when he had shown up or if this was some amazing fantasy.

  “I— oh shit!” My head fell back as King’s thumb replaced my fingers, rolling over my clit in a pace that had my body tightening up. He leaned back up and roughly bit and teased my other breast, my pussy tightening around my fingers that were still buried inside of me.

  “Move those fingers, Dahlia,” he demanded roughly. I moved instantly, giving into his dominance, my hands finding their way over his shoulders. I let out a cry of relief as he sunk a finger inside of me, my hips rocking against him as he let out a low growl-like sound from the back of his throat.

  “I’m going to come,” I whispered, almost in shock because I had only ever climaxed by my own hand, and this man was absolutely playing me.

  “Come on my fingers, princess,” he ordered sharply, his eyes eating up my every expression. When he added a second finger, my knees broke and back arched as a climax burned through me like a volcanic explosion. I gasped out his name as every inch of my body turned warm and hazy in relief.

  Oh my god.

  My eyes stayed closed, afraid to break the moment as Kingston’s completely soaked and clothed form crowded me to the shower wall, keeping me pinned and standing as I felt my head fall back. Finally, I looked up at him.

  “Fuck, you are so goddamn exquisite.” He sounded almost angry.

  Before I could find a response, his lips were on me. Hard. Demanding. My entire body gave into his control, his fingers wrapping around my neck in a firm grasp. I let out a soft, needy whimper as my fingers worked their way into his wet hair, realizing that our first real kiss had come after him seeing me naked and making me come, for the first time ever by someone else’s hands, at that. I didn’t fight him when his mouth demanded dominance and his tongue pressed against mine, exploring my mouth before he pulled back and nipped my bottom lip. Hard.

  “Ow,” I whimpered, noticing my blood on his lips as he offered me a searing look.

  “You don’t fucking touch yourself without one of us here,” he demanded, his hand possessively tightening on my throat. His words had me nodding weakly as I tried to process what the hell he was saying.

  Us?

  “I am so confused,” I mumbled.

  The water shut off and I let out a small, confused noise as Kingston Ross, long-term best friend and crush, wrapped me in a towel and kissed my forehead. Like he hadn’t just gripped my throat and told me I wasn’t allowed to come on my own anymore.

  I didn’t even bother voicing a complaint as he lifted me easily and carried me towards my bed. I stared at him through hooded eyes, a small yawn almost breaking through as he kicked off his dress pants, leaving him in boxers. Holy hell… he was so hard. And then he ditched his shirt. I scowled as he grabbed a pair of spare sweatpants I kept for the boys. I wore them, usually, but I essentially had a men’s wardrobe available just in case.

  I blinked as he sat down in front of me, tugging me to sit curled against him as he gripped my jaw gently, running his fingers over my pulse and forcing me to give him my undivided attention. Right… because I hadn’t been doing that before.

  “What the hell is going on?” Kingston’s eyes blazed with green heat.

  I frowned. “The part where you just made me come after breaking into my room?” A blush invaded my cheeks as he chuckled softly, offering me an affectionate kiss on my nose before his face went serious again.

  “Why did you leave today? Why did you need a break?” he resumed, his expression filled with concern and worry. Also a bit of anger, but not nearly as much as when I had first seen him in the shower. In the shower… when he had… oh my god…

  I’m sorry, but there was no way I wasn’t imagining all of this.

  “Dahlia,” he urged, his voice rough and heated again. “Love, I don’t know where your mind is going, but I need you to talk to me. I can’t fix what I don’t know about.”

  I blinked as panic hit me, not about Stratton, but about everything King didn’t know. I mean, he was my best friend, and he didn’t even know…

  “Lincoln and Sterling both kissed me last night.” And today, technically.

  Kingston blinked before he tilted his head. “Sterling also? Fucking bastard. I knew he was hiding something. But I alread
y knew that. Now, what’s actually wrong?”

  Well, that didn’t help with my confusion at all.

  “You’re okay with that? With me kissing the twins? After what just happened in the shower?” I demanded quietly. What was I missing here? I mean, clearly I wasn’t imagining the attraction between us, unless Kingston just did that to all of his friends.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?” He arched a brow as if I had told him it was going to rain today or something.

  Disappointment hit me square in the chest as I felt myself near the point of ‘I’m going to start sobbing like a total baby because today has sucked so hard.’ I managed to get some words out. “I don’t know. I mean, I just assumed that you may have felt something for me, especially after the shower just now, but… you don’t. This is stupid. You should go. I clearly am crazy, and you probably don’t even know what I’m talking about. I’m fine, I am totally just fine— King!”

  My rambling was cut off when King literally tackled me back against the bed, his frame filled with tension and eyes searing with enough heat to burn me alive. I squirmed underneath him as he locked down on me.

  Who the hell was this version of King? I mean, I was a huge fan, but can we say whiplash?

  I clearly was done rationalizing anything for the day. It wasn’t working.

  Then Kingston Ross blew my ever-loving mind.

  “Dahlia, the reason I am okay with Lincoln or Sterling kissing you has nothing to do with how I feel about you, or the intensity of it. My feelings for you have never been in question. I’ve been in love with you since I could fucking talk, and that is never going to change.”

  I inhaled sharply, pure adrenaline and joy rushing through me as he continued. “More so, I know the others feel the same. So, no, of course it doesn’t bother me that the twins kissed you. Now, if someone else had, who wasn’t one of us, I would kill them. Not metaphorically, either. I would fucking gut them and bury them six feet deep—”

  “Kingston Ross,” I slapped a hand over his mouth to stop his murderous rampage, not knowing if I should laugh or cry. “What the hell are you talking about?!”