Knockout Girl

by Natasja Eby

  I’m not even sure I mean the apology, but it seems like the Canadian thing to do before I clumsily skate away from Adrian and his messy hair and cute dimples and silly little accent.

  CHAPTER seventeen

  Walking into the cafeteria today is like walking into a parallel universe. Julian is surrounded by people. I was only like a minute late leaving my last class and this is what happens. Kids from all different cliques are sitting around his table, talking amongst themselves but also including him in their various conversations. I catch Adrian pointedly ignoring Julian and his new posse.

  For the first time since my first day here, I don’t know what to do with myself. I mean, it’s cool that so many people want to hang out with Julian, but I don’t see an empty chair anywhere near him. And to be perfectly honest, he doesn’t even seem to miss me.

  I stare for a minute longer until I hear a voice beside me say, “Sickening, isn’t it?”

  It’s Cherry. “What is?” I ask, feigning ignorance. I turn towards her and see that her hair is now electric blue which goes great with the black studs in her ears and eyebrow.

  She points with her chin in Julian’s direction. “The clinging pop culture masses. They always find the next best thing.”

  “What’s wrong with them wanting to hang out with Julian?” I ask, as I head toward the nearest empty table.

  “What’s wrong with it?” she repeats, flopping down into one of the chairs. “Tell me, why do you like Julian?”

  I wonder if she’s trying to trap me, trick me into admitting something that’s not true. But that’s not like Cherry and I don’t think she meant it that way. So I answer, “He’s nice, smart, determined. Makes a great punching bag.”

  Cherry doesn’t laugh. “He’s hilarious, he always knows the right thing to say, he has almost every single issue of Captain Canuck, he’s brilliant, and he’s so genuine it hurts.”

  “What’s your point?” I ask, though I’m dying to know what Captain Canuck is.

  “My point is that those people over there don’t know Julian,” she says. “Not like you do and not like I do. They’re all into him now because he’s got muscles and an interesting story. But as soon as that fight is over, no matter the outcome, they’ll slowly start to forget about him until he fades into the walls all over again. He deserves better than that.”

  Well, this is almost heading in the right direction. But I feel like there’s more that she’s not saying. “Can you blame them?” I ask. “He does have an interesting story and he has changed dramatically. Why not let him enjoy it while it lasts?”

  Cherry gives me a look that lets me know that what I said was completely off the mark. And then it hits me. It’s not them she’s mad at; it’s him. But why?

  I must have asked out loud because the next thing I know, Cherry is bursting out, “Because I liked him when he was just him. Before the working out, when he was cool in his own way. And he stood me up! But for these punks—I just don’t get it.”

  She’s trying to hide it, but I can see tears lurking beneath that heavy eye makeup. She’s hurt and I’m not sure how to fix it. I’m not even sure if it can be fixed.

  “Oh, Cherry,” I say kindly. “I’m so so–”

  “Do you see what you’ve turned him into?” she asks me, her eyes narrowing to a glare. “All for some stupid boxing tournament? All to prove some stupid point?”

  Wait, I thought she was mad at Julian. But now she’s mad at me?

  “Look, I didn’t turn him into anything.” I try not to sound defensive, but I don’t like her tone of voice or the things she’s saying. “He did this all on his own. He chose to take up boxing, he chose to make a point. He’s worked really hard for this and if you were really that into him, you’d be proud of how far he’s come in such a short time.”

  “Proud?” Cherry says, the hurt still evident on her face. “How can I be proud of something so shallow, and stupid, and fake? How can I be proud when I know he’s just going to get hurt—by Red and by all those people who suddenly want to be friends with him?”

  “You still don’t believe in him, do you?” I ask. I honestly can’t figure out where Cherry’s feelings for Julian stand.

  “Believing in him isn’t going to make him win,” Cherry answers hotly.

  I give her a hard stare and I know the instant it works. She shrinks back a little. “Look around you, Cherry,” I say in my strongest voice. “Those aren’t just jocks over there with Julian. There are all kinds of kids—nerds, art kids, band geeks, jocks, popular and unpopular kids. And if I do recognize them correctly, there are some who have and others who have not been bullied by Red. They all want to be with the one person in this school who will actually stand up to Red. Can’t you see? Julian already has won.”

  Cherry’s mouth drops open, but I don’t stick around to see what she has to say. I stalk off and head towards my locker because I really have nowhere else to go since lunch is only halfway through.

  Julian finds me a few minutes later and I’m surprised that he’s broken away from the crowds. He smiles at me and I can’t help smiling back.

  “Hey, Ella,” he says gently, dropping down onto the floor next to me. “Are you okay? I hope your parents weren’t all weird about us sparring yesterday.”

  “Oh, no,” I said. “I wasn’t even thinking about that and actually my parents were pretty cool about it.”

  “That’s cool.” He can tell something’s up, I know it. “So…I saw you talking to Cherry just now. I hope you maybe put in a good word for me?”

  I shake my head. Well, technically I put in a lot of good words for him, but it wasn’t like that. “Sorry, but we were actually kind of arguing.”

  “Oh,” he says disappointedly.

  “But it was about you, if that helps.”

  He lifts an eyebrow. “How is that supposed to help?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He’s silent for a moment, then he asks timidly, “Soo…what did she say about me?”

  “Oh, Jules.” I sigh and look him straight in the eye. “She likes you a lot but she doesn’t know what went wrong between you two and now she feels out of place because you prefer to spend your time with other people instead of her.” Julian’s eyes drop to his lap and I add, “I don’t really get what happened either.”

  Julian takes in a deep breath and out rushes, “I just panicked, okay? First, I couldn’t believe she would ever want to go out with someone like me. Then when I finally convinced myself that yes, the coolest girl in school could maybe possibly be attracted to me, of all people, I psyched myself out. I got all obsessed over the potential for our new relationship, but then it occurred to me that I am just not good enough to be Cherry’s boyfriend, and that when it ended, it would be really messy because I would probably cry more than she would and beg to have her back and she would maybe stomp all over my heart when she realized what a total dork I really am and that she could do so much better. So in the end, I did us both a favour and made sure that first date never happened.”

  My eyes are probably huge. I can’t believe all of that was going through his head. “Are you kidding me?” Of course he wasn’t, not by the look on his face. “Okay, look, this is fixable. But you’re going to have to be brutally honest with her and hope that she doesn’t think that’s the dumbest thing she’s ever heard.”

  “Is it really that dumb?” he has the nerve to ask.

  “For you, yes,” I answer. “For a 12-year-old girl, no.”

  He gives me a withering look and I laugh.

  “I promise we can fix it,” I repeat.

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Ella,” he says in that timid voice again.

  “I promise.”

  ***

  I see Adrian coming towards me at the end of the day, but I ignore him and skitter away. I’m not ready to talk to him yet—I’m not even sure what I would say. Besides, I’m already late to practice with the girls. They promised to help me with more weight
training today, even though I kind of like sparring more than anything else.

  Denny, Marissa, Madison, and Emily are already there. Denny and Maddy are already warming up in their makeshift ring while Marissa and Emily are spotting each other while lifting weights. Denny grins at me and I know she’s dying for a chance to spar with me to see how far I’ve gotten in my training. With the tourney coming up soon, the girls have started sizing each other up and I guess I’m fresh meat to them.

  “Hey!” Emily calls just before she and Marissa switch places.

  “Hi,” I say back.

  Emily positions herself beneath the bar while Marissa resets the weights. I personally don’t know how much they can each bench press, but I’m sure it’s a lot more than I can do. Not to mention that Emily is literally carrying a one-sided conversation while she does it.

  “So…soon…” she says between lifts.

  “What is?” I ask.

  “The tournament,” she huffs before lifting again. “I can’t…believe it…”

  “Shh,” Marissa chides Emily, rolling her eyes. “We try not to encourage her to talk and lift at the same time. It takes too much energy.”

  “Sorry,” I mumble.

  “Not…your fault,” Emily says with a smile.

  “So, like, what are you going to wear?” Marissa asks me. Emily starts to answer, but then Marissa shushes her again and tells her she was asking me.

  I stare at her for a second, wondering why she would ask such a strange question. “Aren’t we all wearing the same thing? I don’t know whether I’m blue or red yet, but…”

  “Oh!” Marissa dissolves into a fit of giggles. “I meant to the spring dance. It’s the same night and we’re all going together. Except, well, Maddy has a date, but we’re still kind of going as a group.”

  “The dance?” If I were still in Hawaii, I totally would have already planned out the entire evening down to the last detail, including who I was going with. But I’ve been so busy with boxing stuff that I didn’t even realize it was the same day as the matches.

  “Yeah,” Emily says, sitting up on the bench. “We were going to ask if you wanted to join us, but we sorta figured someone would have asked you by now.”

  “Umm, no, I haven’t even been thinking about it,” I say to them.

  “Really?” Emily says incredulously. “You mean, you don’t have a date?”

  “No.”

  “Oh, we just thought…” Emily doesn’t finish her sentence.

  So Marissa does for her. “We thought since every single guy here has had his eye on you since you moved here, you would have been asked by now.”

  “What?” I exclaim. Since when have guys been checking me out and how did I not notice? Old Elli would definitely have noticed that. What has this country done to me? “I’m sure that’s not true.”

  “It’s true,” Marissa says with a little laugh. At least she doesn’t sound jealous. “But hey, you know, when someone does finally ask you, find out if he has any friends for us. Boys seem to be very intimidated by female boxers.”

  I look from Emily’s friendly smile and inviting hazel eyes to Marissa’s shiny blond hair and slim build and wonder what kind of guy would be intimidated by them. I feel like they are so much more deserving of dates for the dance than I am.

  “Boys are stupid,” I say after a moment. “Especially the ones who don’t want to ask you out.” I look over to where Denny and Maddy are fighting and with a wry grin, add, “Although, if they’ve seen you box, maybe there’s good reason for them to be afraid.”

  Emily and Marissa both chuckle and I’m glad I didn’t offend them. Emily offers me the bench and I settle onto it while she and Marissa reset the weights—to a substantially lower weight, I might add.

  I put my hands on the bar and say, “Would either of you consider throwing a match if I got you a date?”

  Emily and Marissa look at each other with matching mischievous faces and then Emily says, “Not a chance, new girl.”

  ***

  I’ve decided that the spring dance is the perfect place for Julian and Cherry to reconnect. I just have to figure out the logistics of how I’m going to get them both to go together without them knowing it.

  I burst into my house, calling for my mom so that I can beg her to take me dress shopping. Mom and I don’t always see eye-to-eye on everything, but she has a fantastic sense of style and it’s been a long time since we’ve done anything fun like that together.

  “Mom!” I call, going from room to room when she doesn’t answer. I find my dad in the living by himself, vacantly staring at the blank TV. “Hey, where’s Mom?” I ask him.

  He shakes his head. “Mom’s not here. She’s spending a few days with your Grandma.”

  “Oh,” I say, surprised. “Is everything okay? Is Grandma sick or something?” I don’t know my Grandmother that well (beyond her apparent love for knitting me winter hats), but I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to her before I even got a chance to get to know her.

  “Grandma’s fine,” Dad answers in a monotonous voice. “Mom just…” huge sigh, “needed a few days away.”

  My heart drops into my stomach and I swallow audibly. “What—what are you saying?”

  “Just that your mom needs a few days away,” he says cryptically. Finally he looks up at me and I can see that his eyes are red, like he might have actually been crying, which makes me want to cry.

  “Okay,” I say softly. “Can I—is there anything you need?”

  Dad shakes his head. I start to walk away but then I go back, sit next to him on the couch, and wrap my arms around his neck like I used to do when I was little. He seems surprised, but a split second later, his arms are around me so tightly I almost can’t breathe. But I can’t pull away. I won’t until he does. It doesn’t last long, our heartfelt hug, but I think it might have made him feel at least a little better. I give him a small smile and then retreat to my room.

  And then I cry because I’m not sure what else to do.

  CHAPTER Eighteen

  What is happening? Adrian and I are still avoiding each other, Cherry has been giving me the silent treatment for chewing her out, and my mother has been gone for three days. I mean, I’ve talked to her on the phone and I tried to be all normal, and she said she’d go shopping with me this weekend, but like…she hasn’t been home.

  On top of that, Dan hasn’t been seen since Dad dropped that bomb on me, which makes me think his living here had something to do with Mom leaving. And I don’t know who to unload on except Julian. But he’s starting to get super annoyed that his boxing coach ditched him.

  “I’m sorry, Jules. I don’t know what to tell you,” I say to him. I feel like I’ve apologized fifty times already, and every time he tells me that it’s not my fault and to not worry about it. But I am worried. We still need Dan.

  I still need my mom, too.

  “Elli,” Jules sighs. “For the last time, can you stop trying so hard to be Canadian? Apologies only go so far, and you don’t even have anything to apologize for.”

  “Okay,” I say quietly. But I can tell by the way he’s beating the crap out of our punching bag that he’s really not happy. So I change the subject as I cling a little tighter to the bag to keep it from flying all over the place. “Are you…going to the dance?” I ask.

  Julian pauses briefly in his punching but then continues. “Umm, no?”

  “Oh.”

  Punch, punch. “Why do you ask?”

  “Doesn’t everyone go?” I ask. Why is he still punching the stupid bag? Hasn’t he warmed up enough?

  “I’ve never gone to a school dance,” he says matter-of-factly.

  “What? Julian, what?” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am, and I momentarily let go of the bag.

  Which is when Julian decides to throw the hardest punch I’ve ever seen, effectively knocking the bag straight into my torso. I lose my balance and fall to the floor, howling in a very unladylike fashion.

>   “I’m so sorry!” Julian practically shouts in my face as he reaches down to help me up.

  I put my hand in his and he yanks me upwards a little too fast. With his face inches from my face, he asks, “Are you going?”

  Old Elli would probably be swooning at this point. New Elli is wondering why she can’t pack on muscle mass like Jules has. “Going...? Oh, to the dance? Yeah, the girls said they would go as a group. You should come, it’ll be fun.”

  Julian stares at me for a second, lets go of my hand, and says, “I’ll think about it.”

  I shake off the weird vibes I just got from Julian and wish for the thousandth time that Dan were here. Without the structure of having our coach dictating our training sessions, we kind of lollygag over what to do after we’ve warmed up. I want to spar, but Jules sides with Dan on this issue—it’s not safe for me, it’ll throw him off, yada, yada, excuses.

  I sit on the ground with a humph and start stretching out my legs again even though they’ve already been stretched. “Why are we even doing this if we’re not going to spar or receive any training?”

  Jules sighs and sits next to me. He can’t stretch as far as I can, but he’s still pretty limber. “Because I’m supposed to fight a very large and angry person in a month and I’ll probably get seriously injured, but I might as well look good while I’m doing it.”

  “You’re going to be just fine,” I say with confidence. I really do believe it. He gives me a look. “Red’s not really that much bigger than you, you know. In fact, I think you might even be taller than him.”

  “Well, experience will take care of that for him,” he mutters. “You haven’t heard from Dan at all?”

  I shake my head. Julian, being the amazing friend he is, knew right away that something was wrong when we saw each other the day after my mom left. I told him about it and he was very sympathetic, especially having divorced parents himself. Then when Dan didn’t show up for training that night, we assumed the two disappearances were connected.