Understand Rap

by William Buckholz

  STUNTIN’ IS A HABIT

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “GET LIKE ME” ON ALBUM: THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD BY ARTIST: DAVID BANNER

  Engaging in showy behavior that brings me as much attention as a stuntman would receive from an audience observing his death-defying maneuver is something I do on a regular basis without taking much notice of or making it a point to emphasize.

  HOPPED UP OUT THE BED, TURNED MY SWAG ON

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “TURN MY SWAG ON” ON ALBUM: ISOULJABOYTELLEM BY ARTIST: SOULJA BOY TELL ‘EM

  I anxiously approach a new day by leaping from my place of slumber, and I immediately establish a mind-set of confidence, success, and pride, which can be sensed from the way I walk, talk, and act.

  CAN’T STOP ‘TIL I SEE MY NAME ON A BLIMP

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS” ON ALBUM: LIFE AFTER DEATH BY ARTIST: THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G.

  I have to keep rapping and engaging in lucrative and successful business practices until I have achieved one of my dreams: to have my name displayed in lights on the exterior of a dirigible.

  I WAS A O.G. IN THE HOOD BEFORE I TURNED TWENTY-TWO

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “WESTSIDE STORY” ON ALBUM: THE DOCUMENTARY BY ARTIST: THE GAME

  At a young age, I was considered an original gangster, a term usually reserved for someone who has engaged in the same type of behavior as me for a very long period and has gradually established their reputation. I was rapidly promoted to this level of respect due to the large amount of gangsterlike activity I engaged in within a relatively short time.

  SO MUCH DIRT, I NEED TO BE IN THE GUINNESS BOOK

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “AMERIKKKA’S MOST WANTED” ON ALBUM: AMERIKKKA’S MOST WANTED BY ARTIST: ICE CUBE

  So many things have taken place of an unclean nature that a new category for such a thing should be created for me in a well-known record book.

  NEVER KNOWN AS A SWEATER

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “2 LEGIT 2 QUIT” ON ALBUM: TOO LEGIT TO QUIT BY ARTIST: MC HAMMER

  Nobody who is associated with me would ever expect that I would act nervously when confronted with a difficult situation because I am known as a cool individual who can handle anything that comes my way without perspiring.

  I CALL ALL THE SHOTS, RIP ALL THE SPOTS, ROCK ALL THE ROCKS, COP ALL THE DROPS

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS” ON ALBUM: LIFE AFTER DEATH BY ARTIST: THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G.

  I tell everyone what to do or make all the decisions, I have a good time going to all the popular locations, I wear all the best diamond jewelry, and I obtain all the convertible vehicles.

  HATED ON SO MUCH, PASSION OF CHRIST NEED A SEQUEL

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “MY LIFE” ON ALBUM: LAX BY ARTIST: THE GAME

  I have been unjustly persecuted for my actions and the things I have said to the point that were a movie to be made of my life, it could be marketed as a follow-up to a popular film about the life and death of Jesus.

  I DON’T JUST RHYME, I OWN LIQUOR STORES AND SUCH

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “SPORTS, DRUGS & ENTERTAINMENT” ON ALBUM: S.D.E. BY ARTIST: CAM’RON

  Not only do I provide myself with income as a successful rapper, but I am also involved in various business ventures or investment opportunities, such as the purchase of highly profitable shops that sell alcohol.

  THE WAY I FLOSS, Y’ALL CHICKENS SHOULD BE CLUCKIN’

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “ALL THE CHICKENS” ON ALBUM: S.D.E. BY ARTIST: CAM’RON

  My appearance, highlighted by my stylish clothes, fancy car, and expensive jewelry, which is so clean that the only thing left for me to do would seem to be to put the finishing touches on my teeth with a piece of string, should make women who I treat like domesticated poultry provide sexually for me.

  YOU SAY THE LIQUOR STORE, I SAY BRINKS

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “FORCED TO DO DIRT” ON ALBUM: VI—RETURN OF THE REAL BY ARTIST: ICE T

  I have set much more ambitious goals than you when it comes to acquiring wealth, with your focus on trivial amounts, such as those contained within the cash register at a somewhat low-security alcoholic beverage retailer, and my focus on the much larger quantities contained within an armored vehicle operated by a private currency transport company.

  I DROP UNEXPECTEDLY, LIKE BIRD SHIT

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “KICK IN THE DOOR” ON ALBUM: LIFE AFTER DEATH BY ARTIST: THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G.

  Just as many people are not aware of winged animals’ cloacal expulsions until they are actually defecated upon, nobody expects to hear the amazing lyrics I utter while rapping, and they are shocked and impressed.

  NO MORE HATERS, NO BLOWIN’ NINTENDO CARTRIDGES

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “DIAMOND IN THE BACK” ON ALBUM: CHICKEN -N- BEER BY ARTIST: LUDACRIS

  Now that I am successful I no longer have to worry about the annoyances of life, such as people who disrespect me or having to forcefully exhale into a video game to displace dust that may have been preventing an electrical connection to be made to a popular video game console.

  I’M DOIN’ THE HULK HOGAN, BUT THEY AIN’T SAYIN’ NOTHIN’

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “AIN’T SAYIN’ NOTHIN’ (REMIX)” BY ARTIST: FAT JOE

  I am mimicking the motion of a professional wrestler in which he spins his hand around a few times before holding it behind his ear to encourage the crowd to cheer more loudly. I am using this motion to see if people have anything bad to say about me, but they are afraid to speak.

  THOUGHT I WAS BURNT UP LIKE PEPSI DID MICHAEL

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “THROUGH THE WIRE” ON ALBUM: THE COLLEGE DROPOUT BY ARTIST: KANYE WEST

  When I got in a serious car accident, my adoring fans feared the worst, thinking I had sustained serious burns to my body like Michael Jackson did while on the set of a Pepsi commercial he was filming during the 1980s.

  CALL ME GEORGE FOREMAN ‘CAUSE I’M SELLIN’ EVERYBODY GRILLZ

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “GRILLZ” ON ALBUM: SWEATSUIT BY ARTIST: NELLY

  I am receiving money in exchange for the decorative gold-and-diamond-studded mouthpieces people in the community are wearing, and my popularity is similar to that a former boxer had while successfully selling convenient food-cooking appliances.

  TOP GUN SHUT DOWN YOUR FIRM LIKE TOM CRUISE

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “WOO HAH! GOT YOU ALL IN CHECK” ON ALBUM: THE COMING BY ARTIST: BUSTA RHYMES

  I am an expert rapper whose skills include the ability to reference two popular movies by the same actor in one line while at the same time delivering an insult to you and your group of friends, which highlights myself as someone with the confidence of a fighter pilot and you as hopeless as a corrupt group of lawyers facing prosecution.

  I GOT GAME LIKE STUART SCOTT

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “3 PEAT” ON ALBUM: THA CARTER III BY ARTIST: LIL WAYNE

  My skills pursuing and attracting women are on par with the great familiarity a knowledgeable reporter displays while hosting a television program summarizing recent sporting events.

  PEOPLE HATE ME LIKE BILL O’REILLY

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “TRUNK BANG” ON ALBUM: DORROUGH MUSIC BY ARTIST: DORROUGH

  People’s jealousy of me because of my success is comparable to some people’s intense dislike of an opinionated conservative talk show host who was previously involved in a feud with rapper Ludacris.

  MY SWAGGER IS MICK JAGGER

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “SWAGGA LIKE US” ON ALBUM: PAPER TRAIL BY ARTIST: T.I.

  My assured attitude and corresponding body language matches that of the Rolling Stones singer and front man who is known for his confident strut on the stage.

  HE ‘BOUT TO GO OUT LIKE SCARFACE

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “THUG ANGELS” ON ALBUM: THE ECLEFTIC: 2 SIDES II A BOOK BY ARTIST: WYCLEF JEAN

  A person is about to leave this earth with the same conviction that character Tony Montana, a Cuban gangster in a movie about the rise to power of a cocaine dealer that is loved by much of the rap community, had while putting up a strong fight with an
automatic weapon in an attempt to defend himself and his home and business even though he was outnumbered.

  THE RING I GOT, LIBERACE WANT IT

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “FLOSSIN’ SEASON” ON ALBUM: 400 DEGREEZ BY ARTIST: JUVENILE

  The band on my finger is of such great value that a certain very wealthy and flamboyant pianist with a penchant for extravagant clothing and jewelry and who was known for somewhat frivolous purchases of such items would have liked to have had it in his collection.

  AL ROKER, I USED TO KNOCK POUNDS OFF

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “HATE” ON ALBUM: THE BLUEPRINT 3 BY ARTIST: JAY-Z

  A weatherman from television lost weight through surgery, diet, and exercise, while I got rid of large quantities of drugs in an undis-closed manner.

  I’M ABOUT TO GET MY BILL CLINTON ON

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “EVERYGIRL IN THE WORLD” ON ALBUM: WE ARE YOUNG MONEY BY ARTIST: YOUNG MONEY

  I am about to receive oral sex from a woman I am in a position of power over and then possibly state that I have not had sexual relations with her if anyone asks.

  I GOT MORE RHYMES THAN CARL SAGAN’S GOT TURTLENECKS

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “HEY FUCK YOU” ON ALBUM: TO THE 5 BOROUGHS BY ARTIST: BEASTIE BOYS

  The number of rap lyrics I have recited is greater than the number of sweaters contained in a famous astrophysicist’s wardrobe.

  GAVE BILL GATES SOME BINOCULARS AND SAID LOOK OUT FOR ME

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “ON TOP OF THE WORLD” ON ALBUM: PAPER TRAIL BY ARTIST: T.I.

  Were wealth measured by distance and because I may soon be surpassing one of the richest men in the world in net worth, he would require a pair of small, handheld telescopes in addition to his corrective lenses to see me.

  BOTTLE-SHAPED BODY LIKE MRS. BUTTERWORTH

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “TOUCH THE SKY” ON ALBUM: LATE REGISTRATION BY ARTIST: KANYE WEST

  Your curvaceous figure, highlighted by your breasts and hips, resembles the shape of a pancake syrup container that looks like a woman some people find attractive.

  I’M GANGSTA—MORE LIKE DEEBO WHEN HE WAS ZEUS

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “WESTSIDE STORY” ON ALBUM: THE DOCUMENTARY BY ARTIST: THE GAME

  I’m less like the character that actor Tom Lister Jr. played in the movie Friday, who was somewhat dumb, and more like the character he played opposite Hulk Hogan in the movie No Holds Barred, who was very strong and difficult to harm.

  JAMES BOND, JACKIE CHAN, AND THAT BITCH MACGYVER

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “#1 STUNNA” ON ALBUM: I GOT THAT WORK BY ARTIST: BIG TYMERS

  The items I own and the behavior I engage in are as impressive and awe-inspiring as those of a spy from books and movies, a famous martial artist who showcases his skills in films, and the main character from a television show of the same name who uses his mental abilities and readily available objects to get himself and others out of difficult situations.

  SHOW YOU HOW TO WILD OUT LIKE JACK TRIPPER

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “SO FRESH, SO CLEAN” ON ALBUM: STANKONIA BY ARTIST: OUTKAST

  I will demonstrate behavior you can mimic should you want to have as fun and crazy a time as a mistakenly homosexual character from a television show that began in the 1970s who lived with two women and often had a difficult time staying calm.

  FLOW RETARDED SORTA LIKE THAT RAIN MAN

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “SAY YEAH” BY ARTIST: WIZ KHALIFA

  My rapping ability is so shocking in its effectiveness that listeners feel stunned when they hear me and I therefore compare my abilities to those of a movie character who was an autistic savant and may at times have caused people that observed him to become speechless.

  IF JEEZY’S PAYIN’ LEBRON, I’M PAYIN’ DWYANE WADE

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “EMPIRE STATE OF MIND” ON ALBUM: THE BLUEPRINT 3 BY ARTIST: JAY-Z

  Were another successful rapper to pay the budget price of $23,000 for a certain large quantity of a particular drug, which happens to reflect one basketball player’s jersey number multiplied by 1,000, I might be able to procure the same quantity of that drug for only $3,000, which is an amount equal to a different basketball player’s jersey multiplied by 1,000 and an excellent bargain.

  NINO COULDN’T DO IT, BUT THEN WAYNE HIT THA CARTER

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “UPS AND DOWNS” ON ALBUM: BACK ON MY BUCK SHIT BY ARTIST: YOUNG BUCK

  In the 1991 movie New Jack City, Wesley Snipes plays a character named Nino Brown, who takes over an apartment complex called the Carter but has to give up his drug business there. In contrast, rapper Lil Wayne gained fortune and fame through the release of his album Tha Carter, which he continues to enjoy today.

  CREEP TO THE PAD ‘CAUSE MOM’S GOT THE GRUB ON THE GRILL

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “1ST OF THA MONTH” ON ALBUM: E 1999 ETERNAL BY ARTIST: BONE THUGS-N-HARMONY

  Slowly make our way by car or sneak by foot to Mother’s house because she is cooking dinner and she will surely let us partake in the meal, which will energize us for the rest of the night’s activities.

  LIKE MCDONALD’S, I WAS FLIPPIN’ THEM ORDERS

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “MONEY” ON ALBUM: LAX BY ARTIST: THE GAME

  One may be so good at taking people’s requests for drugs, receiving their money, and providing them with the product they requested in a timely manner that one rivals the admirable speed with which a major fast-food chain provides its patrons with delicious hamburgers and French fries.

  AFTER THE PARTY IT’S THE HOTEL LOBBY

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “IGNITION (REMIX)” ON ALBUM: CHOCOLATE FACTORY BY ARTIST: R. KELLY

  The sequence of events that happens following a celebratory gathering is that we congregate in the front room immediately inside the entrance to our temporary lodging to mingle before pairing up and making our way to more private quarters to get to know each other better.

  I’VE GOT HOES IN DIFFERENT AREA CODES

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “AREA CODES” ON ALBUM: WORD OF MOUF BY ARTIST: LUDACRIS

  I have females in various parts of the United States who are represented by the three digits that begin the telephone numbers allocated for the regions in which they reside, providing me with many possibilities for companionship as I travel the world, should I care to contact them.

  BODIES BEIN’ FOUND ON GREENLEAF

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “LET ME RIDE” ON ALBUM: THE CHRONIC BY ARTIST: DR. DRE

  At one point in time, a major boulevard in Compton near Los Angeles was a dumping ground where bodies were often placed following murders, so it would be possible to happen upon a cadaver if you frequent this area.

  CLAIMIN’ DETROIT WHEN Y’ALL LIVE TWENTY MILES AWAY

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “MARSHALL MATHERS” ON ALBUM: THE MARSHALL MATHERS LP BY ARTIST: EMINEM

  You tell people you live within the city of Detroit, which contains many rough neighborhoods, but in fact you have never experienced true urban life because in reality you live in the safety of the suburbs outside the city limits.

  THEY EVEN MADE ME SHOW ID TO GET INSIDE OF SAM’S CLUB

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “NEVER LET ME DOWN” ON ALBUM: THE COLLEGE DROPOUT BY ARTIST: KANYE WEST

  I was required to show proof of who I was before being permitted to enter a warehouse store where security is not known to be particularly tight, and this may have happened because of racism.

  ROCKS AND PRESIDENTS LIKE MOUNT RUSHMORE

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “MONEY” ON ALBUM: LAX BY ARTIST: THE GAME

  When seen together, crack cocaine pieces and paper currency showing the faces of former U.S. leaders might remind one of the sculpted mountains at a national landmark in the state of South Dakota.

  ONE OF US GONNA SEE THE CEMETERY

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “HOW DO U WANT IT” ON ALBUM: ALL EYEZ ON ME BY ARTIST: 2PAC

  We are very angry with each other and refuse to concede anything in an argument. Therefore, one of us may visit a neighborhood burial area for a permanent stay.

  BIG PIMPIN’ DOWN IN P-A-T

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sp; LYRIC FROM SONG: “BIG PIMPIN’” ON ALBUM: VOL. 3: LIFE AND TIMES OF S. CARTER BY ARTIST: JAY-Z

  We are engaging in celebratory activities in Port Arthur, Texas, that are similar to those the manager of a group of prostitutes may partake in, but done on a much larger scale.

  SO MUCH DRAMA IN THE L-B-C

  LYRIC FROM SONG: “GIN AND JUICE” ON ALBUM: DOGGYSTYLE BY ARTIST: SNOOP DOGGY DOGG

  There are so many wild and unbelievable things happening in Long Beach, California, on a regular basis that it is difficult for me to wrap my head around them, let alone explain them to you in a three-minute song.