A Whole New Me

by J C Carter

  Drinking tended to make me uncomfortable, or rather drunk people. I'd had a few uncomfortable encounters with drunk relatives at family parties when I was younger. Nothing bad, just the kind of thing that leaves you feeling pretty embarrassed.

  I don't have a problem with people drinking though. And even I indulge a little bit every now and then. But I still want to keep my wits about me tonight, just to be safe. Sure, I had Bronte and the group of girls. But I wasn't going to rely on anyone else to keep me safe.

  It's a little while later when our group decides to make our way to the party, which is on the other side of campus. There are two areas for dorms, one downtown, close to where the frat house is located, and ours, which is located by the lake. We could walk, it would only take about twenty five minutes, but most of the girls are wearing heels, and no one is a fan of that idea. So we all pile onto the free campus bus, which will get us there much faster.

  It's clear we're not the only ones headed to a party tonight. As the bus is packed full of groups of students, dressed in their best casual party attire. We all try to stick together and when our stop comes up we all take a minute to make sure everyone in the group has arrived in one piece.

  Bronte has hung onto my hand the entire time so we don't get separated. I've never really had a friend like her, I'm pretty sure of that even though we just met. We just kind of click.

  The house is just down the street from the bus stop so it only takes a minute to arrive. Somehow I end up being the one to get to the door first. I raise my hand to knock, even though I'm sure no one will hear it, but before I can get there the door swings open. And standing on the other side is the one person I'd planned to avoid here tonight, and he's giving me that damn smile. Crap.

  Chapter 4

  "Hey Diner Girl," he says with a smirk. I'm beginning to believe that's his signature look, it's how he gets the girls. "You're looking especially gorgeous."

  Of course he had to be the one opening the door, he had to be the first person I see tonight. And he's staring at me, so I say the first thing that pops into my head.

  "Hey loser." And I have absolutely no idea why I said that. I'm cringing inside as Ricky lets out a barking laugh, clutching his chest in mock pain. I hear Bronte openly laughing behind me so I push past Ricky and make my way into the house, anything to escape this painful encounter.

  I walk further into the entryway that's filled to the brim with partygoers, and glance back to see that Ricky still has his eyes on me.

  I actually like the way he's looking at me. Like he really does think I'm gorgeous. Usually when guys say that to me, accompanied with a look, it makes my skin crawl. Because I know they don't have good intentions, they usually just want in my pants. But Ricky is looking at me like he appreciates all of what he sees, not just my body.

  He's looking at me like he actually wants to get to know me in every way. I'm not sure how I can tell, but I'm confident I'm right. And unfortunately that actually makes Ricky more appealing to me. I like the way the look on his face makes me feel.

  I know I'm a pretty girl, but I've never thought I was a knockout or anything. I'm short, I barely reach 5ft 1in. My hair is shoulder length, dark brown, and thick. And it does have some pretty red and gold undertones when the light hits it. My face is oval shaped with almond shaped eyes and my eyes are so dark brown they almost look black. My nose is a little too thick for my liking, but I work with what I've got.

  My chest is a good size, not too big but not too small, and I was blessed with a skinny waist. And my butt, well let's just say it makes finding jeans difficult. The one thing I love about myself, without a doubt, is my smile. It's big and bright and people always say it lights up a room. And Ricky? He's making me feel gorgeous. It's almost too much, so of course I all but run away.

  I grab Bronte's arm and pull her along behind me as I venture further into the house. On one side of the entryway is the living and that looks like it leads into another room that houses a pool table and dartboard. On the other side of the hallway is a staircase that leads to the second floor, and straight ahead is the kitchen. That's where I want to be.

  I don't want to give anyone the chance to trap me and I figure the kitchen is the best place to avoid that. They're usually more open.

  This kitchen reminds me of an old farmhouse kitchen, which makes sense, because this is definitely an old house. It's pretty big, there's a large island in the middle, with cabinets and drawers lining two walls. The stove fills up part of the island, that must be a relatively new feature, and a large fridge sits off to the left.

  There's what looks like a pantry also off to the left on one side of the fridge and a small hallway that must lead to the backdoor. The other half of the room holds a large kitchen table with bench seats and some kind of hutch, though I can't see what's inside.

  There are people here, but less than everywhere else, so I officially decide this is where I'm going to settle.

  I turn to Bronte and say, "I think I'm going to hang out here. You know, just going to grab a drink and people watch," I say, pointing to the dozens of bottles lining the countertops. The island is covered with cups, tubs of ice, and anything you could ever want to add to a drink. That includes not only cherries, but also tiny umbrellas.

  "Are you sure? I was going to explore a little, but I don't want to leave you on your own."

  "I'll be fine, we've both got our phones, and I don't plan on moving. Go have some fun."

  "OK, I'll check back in a little later." I give her a smile and wave her off before going to grab myself a drink. I mix myself a rum and coke add a couple of cherries, my drink of choice if I had to pick one.

  I make myself comfortable up against the counter right where the two make a little corner. It's my own little space, out of the way of the masses. I know I should probably be mingling or something, but hey at least I'm here and that's enough for now.

  What I don't realise until it's too late is that I can totally be boxed into my little corner. A fact I discovered when this guy came up about an hour into the party to try and hit on me. I say try, because he's too drunk to even try to flirt with me. Or at least flirt well.

  He's been drunkenly flirting with me for the past ten minutes and it's driving me crazy. Everything was going fine, I was just minding my own business, enjoying the music and drunken antics when he walked up to me. He's been laying on the compliments and currently he keeps telling me how gorgeous I am.

  "You're gorgeous, you know that? Like really gorgeous, I bet you hear that all the time, but I really mean it baby."

  I cringe, because not only does he sound ridiculous telling me how gorgeous I am for the fifth time, but I also hate being called baby. Like I actually loath it, come up with something original you cliche dumb ass.

  I'm desperate for someone to come rescue me, but I haven't seen Bronte since she came by a half hour ago, apparently she met a guy. And I don't really know anyone else here. I haven't spotted anyone else in our group, because they're probably out there enjoying themselves. And since there's a keg in the living room, they don't really need to come in here.

  But seriously, I can't quite figure out a way to ditch this guy, and I'm seriously considering just making a run for it. I'm not scared of this guy or anything, but he is really starting to annoy me.

  I'm a few seconds away from actually doing it, when I feel an arm rest around my shoulder. I don't even have to look to know who it is.

  Because how could I forget that I technically do know someone else here, and of course he would be the one to come to my rescue. I'm momentarily grateful for his presence though, even if he annoys me. I lean into him just a little bit in silent thanks and I feel him lightly tap my shoulder in acknowledgment.

  "Hey babe, here's that drink you wanted. Sorry it took so long," he says, handing me a cup with what looks like water. I'm already holding a drink, still sipping that same rum and coke though it's warm now, a fact the drunk idiot didn't seem to notice when he kept askin
g me if I'd had a drink yet.

  I quickly down what's left in my current cup, warm rum is kind of disgusting by the way, and grab the cup that Ricky is offering. I smile up at him with what I hope passes for adoration and turn to look at the drunk guy. He's giving Ricky what I think is supposed to be a glare, but it just looks like he's concentrating really hard.

  Ricky pulls me tighter against him and says, "Hey man, thanks for keeping my girl company but I've got it from here."

  I don't miss the slightly menacing tone and thankfully neither does the idiot, because he turns and practically sprints away through the crowd. I breathe a sigh of relief and turn to Ricky with a begrudging smile on my face.

  "Thanks for that, I was just contemplating my escape plan when you showed up."

  "Yeah well you definitely looked like you could use an out. Though honestly, I was kind of hoping you'd knee him in the balls or something."

  "You were watching me," I ask, not bothering to keep the look of annoyance off my face. How long had he been watching?

  "Not for long," he responds quickly as if he knows what I'm thinking. And maybe he does, my mom always says I wear my thoughts and feelings on my face. "I was just coming in here to grab a drink when I spotted you. I wasn't sure if I'd be interrupting by coming to talk to you, so I hung back for a few minutes. But then I saw your face and you looked pretty pissed, so I took a guess and here we are."

  "Good guess," I admit, though it takes some effort. "Well, I think I'd better get going," I say because I'm hoping he won't want to chat.

  "Wait," he says, reaching out to place a hand on my arm, though he thinks better of it at the last second and pulls back. "I'm glad I ran into you, I was wondering if you'd want to go out with me sometime?"

  My heart sinks a little, because I was afraid he would do this. And even though I do kind of like him, I feel like I have to say no. I just got out of a relationship and I think it's too soon to start a new one.

  "Look Ricky, I'm sure you're a nice guy. Actually no I'm not sure, but you seem nice enough," I try again. "I'm just not interested in a relationship right now."

  "Who said anything about a relationship? This would just be dinner."

  I pause, thinking for a second. Why did I assume he meant something more? I mean he didn't even say that, it's just where my mind went. Maybe because I'd always been a relationship girl. Not that I'd been in many relationships, but I just never considered that there was any other way to do things. I look up at Ricky's annoyingly handsome face, and remind myself that I'm trying to be the new me.

  And maybe it's also because I'm slightly tipsy, being the lightweight that I am, that I hear myself say, "I want to kiss you."

  I've moved closer to him without realising it and I keep glancing at his lips. And he's staring at me like I've suddenly grown two heads. Not that I can blame him, because in the span of seconds I've gone from standoffish and annoyed to please take me now.

  "Tessa, normally if a girl told me she wanted to kiss me, I wouldn't waste a second. But I'm not sure you even like me that much. And my gosh when I say that out loud it makes me sound like a desperate idiot."

  I don't bother to contradict him and instead let out a little laugh. "It's not exactly you that I don't like, it's guys like you. But the more I see you, the more I think that I don't care so much. You don't have to like someone to find them attractive," I say as I grasp onto his shirt and pull his face down towards my mouth.

  "What do you mean guys like me," he asks with a confused look on his face.

  "Kiss me and I'll tell you," I say in a breathy voice that I don't even recognize. And in my head, I'm screaming, "who the hell are you right now?"

  "Go out to dinner with me and I'll kiss you," he counters, looking as serious as I've ever seen him.

  "How about coffee," I suggest instead. “Less date like."

  "Always have to have the last word don't you Diner Girl? Fine, you win. Coffee tomorrow morning. Deal?"

  "Deal," I say. And then we seal it with a kiss.

  * * *

  "I knew it, I knew he liked you," Bronte yells excitedly from where she's standing on my bed.

  We're all a little wine drunk at this point, it's from Alex's secret stash. After my kiss with Ricky, he backed off a bit and we just chatted about nothing in particular. He seemed perfectly content to just stand around with me instead of rejoining the party.

  We firmed up our plans for the morning, agreeing to meet at 10 in front of the student store. I figured I might as well run some errands while we grabbed coffee. Apparently I was determined to make this the least date-like date ever.

  We talked a little about school, if we were ready for classes, and how much money we were going to have to blow on textbooks. After that we just kind of stood there together in silence. And surprisingly it was more comfortable than awkward.

  Bronte found me not long after and we decided to head home, Lena and Alex joining us. And now, the four of us were sprawled out in my room, drinking cheap wine and chatting while Gilmore Girls played on the TV.

  "Go ahead and gloat you lunatic," I say sarcastically. "But will you please come down from there before you break something. You're making me nervous," I say, watching her sway a little on her feet.

  "Yes, mom," she jokes, rolling her eyes at me.

  "You want to go out with him though, right? I mean you initiated the kiss so you must like him a little," asks Alex while trying to toss popcorn into Lena's mouth.

  "No, I do. But I'm not sure I should," I answer, knowing that I'm not making much sense. "I guess it just feels wrong, because only a week ago I was with someone else. Isn't it too soon? And what if he's like Jackson, I mean he definitely seems like he is. And I wanted to be different here, not attaching myself to a guy first thing. How does that make me look?

  Especially since I told him I didn't want a relationship, so he probably thinks I'm just looking for sex. Which I guess I am and I know there's nothing wrong with that, but I don't know you guys I'm kind of freaking out here."

  I look up to see them all watching me like I'm some kind of caged animal and a slightly awkward silence descends.

  Alex comes over to where I'm sitting against my bed, she settles down next to me and takes a deep breath.

  "Ok Tessa, calm down. I think you're way over thinking this, it's barely a coffee date and it's not like you have to commit to anything. And as far as what he thinks about the no relationship thing, you won't actually know until you talk to him. But my guess is that he'll definitely be interested."

  Lena jumps in here, "Right, what guy wouldn't be interested? And you're right, there's nothing wrong with a friends with benefits relationship as long as you both agree. It's OK to want to be with someone in whatever way you choose. There is no right amount of time either. Everyone's different. And for the record I am totally on board with this plan. Get yours girl," she says excitedly.

  That sends us all into giant fits of laughter and by the time we all calm down I feel a lot better. I think I just need to relax and see where this goes. If I want to really commit to this 'new me' thing that means I have to stop trying to control everything. I want to be more fun and carefree about things like this.

  We watch a few more episodes of Gilmore Girls, we're all big fans of the show. And then we say our goodnights agreeing to hangout again soon. They all wish me luck for tomorrow with smiles on their faces. It's 1 am by the time my head hits my pillow and I hope that my nerves don't keep me up all night long.

  Chapter 5

  Ricky is already waiting when I get to the student store and he's holding two coffees. He spots me and smiles, extending one of the cups to me.

  "I wasn't sure how you took your coffee, so I guessed. Dark roast, cream, no sugar."

  I try not to make a face, because I hate dark roast. He did get the second part right however and it was a nice gesture so I don't complain.

  "Thanks, that was really nice of you."

  "No problem," he says, looking s
lightly pleased with himself. "Are you ready to shop?"

  "Oh yeah, I can't wait to spend hundreds of dollars on overpriced textbooks that I'm sure I'll barely use.

  "That's college for you. So, how many books do you need to get anyway?"

  "I'm only taking four classes, but one is intro to English Literature, so I have to get a few novels too. Eight books in total I think? Hopefully the novels will be fairly cheap and if I like them I'll keep them for my collection. You?"

  "I'm taking five classes, one for each," he says as he holds the door open for me to go in. Right inside the front door is a sort of lobby that houses a coffee cart, a vending machine, and lockers. There's a sign that lets us know that all bags must be kept in a locker and are not allowed inside the store.

  Ricky takes my backpack before I can object and places it in a locker with his. He produces two quarters from his pocket, drops them into the coin slot, and pockets the tiny key. He then turns to me.

  "Figured you wouldn't have any change on you. Freshman never seem to know that the student store makes you put your stuff in lockers. I think they mention it during orientation, but it's so quick no one ever remembers. I know I didn't.”

  "Well, thanks for passing your wisdom onto me. You're a Junior right?"

  "Right," he says with a big smile, like he's so happy that I know this small piece of information about him.

  "Oh don't go getting a big head, one of the girls on my floor mentioned it last night."

  I don't include the part where they were discussing how hot he is or that we were discussing me having a crush on him.

  He just smiles and starts to walk toward one of the staircases on either side of the lobby. One of the staircases leads up and one leads down, the signage let's me know that textbooks are downstairs and the actual store is upstairs.

  When we get to the lower level I have to stop and just take it in. The room is huge and filled with aisles and aisles of books. Granted most of them are textbooks, but still, it's a sight to see.