Mambo in Chinatown

by Jean Kwok

  Nina and Keith had been announced as the winners by now and she was laughing and crying at the same time as she grabbed me. I hugged her back. Then we were whirled away by everyone waiting to congratulate us.

  —

  It was hard to push my way through the throng of people. Everyone wanted to tell us how captivating we’d been, but Ryan must have understood what I was trying to do because he made sure we kept moving forward. I reached the spot where I’d seen the Chinese man. Had I been mistaken? Then he was in front of me and it was Pa, with Lisa by his side. He dashed a hand across his eyes, took me by the shoulders and embraced me. “It was like I caught a glimpse of your mother again, when she was young, but it was all you, Charlie. I am proud of you, dishwasher daughter no more.”

  I could hardly keep my balance, this was all so much to take in. “I’m so glad you came, Pa.”

  I turned to my little sister, who was staring at me as if she were in shock. “I almost didn’t even recognize you out there, Charlie.”

  I slung an arm over her thin shoulders to hug her. “You remember Ryan.”

  Ryan bent down to give her a kiss on the cheek and I saw his intelligent eyes taking in the walker she leaned upon, how pale she was.

  When he straightened, I laid my hand on his arm and addressed Pa. “My partner . . .” I took a breath. “. . . and boyfriend, Ryan.”

  Pa had already been eyeing him. Now he swallowed hard. Slowly, he extended his hand and they shook. “Are you a dancer man too?”

  “No, I’m a gardener, sir.”

  Pa nodded. I could tell he liked the gardener and the sir part. “Maybe you can come to have a cup of tea sometime.”

  Twenty-Four

  R yan drove all of us back to New York City that evening. Most of the other dancers stayed since the competition would continue through the weekend. In the van, I asked Pa, “How did you get here, anyway?”

  “We took the train. The lady at the train station helped us figure it out.” He looked proud of himself, then ashamed. “I was going to barge in and save you from yourself. I didn’t understand.”

  “It’s all right, Pa. I’m so glad you and Lisa saw me dance.” I glanced over at my sister, who’d been quiet and withdrawn. The trip must have exhausted her, plus the bewildering array of new people.

  As Pa and Lisa got out of the van, Ryan caught my hand and kissed my knuckles before I could leave. I leaned toward him and whispered, “See you very soon.” Both Pa and Lisa were watching us. Pa made a brave effort to stop wincing when I exited, but I couldn’t read Lisa’s expression at all.

  —

  The next morning, I was humming to myself as I made breakfast for all three of us. It was just toast, and for once, I didn’t burn it. I set it in front of Ma’s altar and bowed. “I know you’ve been guiding my steps, Ma. Thank you.”

  At breakfast, I said to Lisa, “To celebrate, I’d like to buy something pretty for you today.”

  “Really?” She perked up, and for a moment, she looked like the old Lisa. “But it’s hard for me to walk too far.”

  “We could just go to one of the bigger stores in Chinatown, and maybe you could come with us, Pa. You don’t have to work today.”

  He said, “I am not so good at shopping.”

  “But if Lisa becomes too tired, you could help me walk her home. We’d be able to stay out longer that way, and I’d really like to do something fun with the three of us.” I could barely contain my happiness: the competition, my dancing, and I had a date with Ryan that evening. I pushed my worries about Lisa away, just for today.

  Pa muttered, “This will be fun?” But he was smiling.

  —

  A few hours later, Lisa and I stood in one of the dressing rooms at a large boutique in Chinatown. We’d chosen the handicapped dressing room so we’d have enough space for Lisa’s walker. I hung up the cute dresses I thought she might like. She hadn’t wanted to try anything on but I’d insisted. Pa was hovering around outside the curtain, waiting for us.

  “This is such a lovely color for you,” I said, taking a dark rose sundress off its hanger. “Let me help you.”

  Lisa just stood there in her walker, staring at our reflections in the mirror.

  “Come on, give me your hand and we’ll get your top off.”

  She batted me away. “No, don’t touch me. Just stop it, Charlie.”

  I stopped. “What’s wrong?”

  “I didn’t want to come here, I don’t want a new dress, but you wouldn’t listen to me.”

  “I was just trying to get you out of the apartment for a while.”

  The expression on her face was bitter. “It’s all about you and what you want, isn’t it? You, the dancer; you, with your great boyfriend; you, Pa’s wonderful daughter. You don’t care about me at all.”

  The blood rushed to my head. “So you’re jealous, is that it? It’s finally my turn and you can’t take it.” Then I caught sight of us in the mirror: me standing fit and straight, and Lisa’s hunched body in the walker. I was immediately overcome with remorse. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry.”

  Her eyes reddened. “You used to read with me every night. You were there for me. This past year, you’ve only been thinking about yourself and your dancing, you even fobbed me off on Uncle Henry to study for the Hunter test. You haven’t been paying attention.”

  “Oh, Lisa. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” I gathered her in my arms, the way I had from the time she was a toddler.

  She started to sniff. “You left me. And I needed you.”

  Now Pa poked his head through the curtain. “Are you girls all right?” When he saw us, he quietly slipped into the dressing room and stood in the corner.

  I was trying now to blink the tears back too. “I always love you, Lisa, and even if it seemed like I was distracted, you were never far from my thoughts. I’ve been so worried about you.”

  Her voice was muffled against my shirt. “You were right too, I am jealous of you. I watched you at that competition, you were so strong and beautiful, and everyone was applauding for you, even Pa, and I just hated you for it. I couldn’t stand it anymore. Ever since then, it’s been like there’s a balloon inside me, and it’s getting fuller and fuller until it has to pop. But I don’t really hate you, Charlie.”

  “I know.”

  I could barely hear her now. “I’m not a good person. I’ve done things, I’m so ashamed.”

  Above her head, I met Pa’s worried eyes. “What kind of things? Nothing can be so bad that you can’t tell us.”

  She shuddered like a small animal.

  I stroked her hair. “Whatever it is, we’ll help you. I promise. We won’t be mad at you.”

  “Dennis . . .”

  My forehead furrowed. “What about him?”

  She took a deep breath. “He was like a big brother to me, he was so smart and cute, and I’d follow him around the clinic, and then I started to like him even more, you know?”

  I nodded, relieved. Lisa had a crush, that was all.

  She continued, “I tried to make myself as pretty as possible whenever I went there. I wanted him to like me back. Then one day, he kissed me.”

  My entire body stiffened. “What?”

  Pa went white.

  “I was so happy and it felt nice. But then he went on and on, and it didn’t stop.” She started to sob. “It didn’t stop, Charlie.”

  Pa stepped forward on rigid legs. He laid a careful hand on her shoulder as his voice trembled with anger. “Dennis touched you?”

  There was complete stillness, then her dark head, smelling of sweat, gave an almost imperceptible nod. A cold creeping feeling stole into my lungs and my pulse started to trip over itself. It was all I needed to know. It all fit now. Lisa’s symptoms, the way she’d been acting. And even when she’d stopped working there, she’d undergone the
treatments at Uncle’s office—it must have been awful for her to see Dennis all that time, to have him brush against her as he helped Uncle. I squeezed her so tightly I was afraid I’d hurt her.

  She whispered, “He made me do things to him too.”

  The veins stood out in Pa’s neck.

  I couldn’t seem to stop shaking. “Why didn’t you tell us before?”

  “It was my fault. I started it.”

  Now both Pa and I held her. He said in a broken voice, “No, it was not your fault. You are an innocent child. Did he rape—” Pa’s voice broke off and he covered his face with his fingers.

  Lisa shook her head. “No, but it was getting worse. Thank goodness my legs started failing and I didn’t have to work at the clinic anymore. Uncle and Aunt had no idea. Dennis would get me alone when they were gone or busy. I was so scared and ashamed.”

  I said, “He’s a grown man and you’re a child. Whatever happened was completely his fault. You had a crush on him, that’s normal. He took advantage of you. What he did was criminal.” I thought back to what Lisa had accused me of and my stomach started to heave. “I should have seen it. I was too selfish. I blame myself.”

  Pa said, “No, Charlie. No one could have known. Not even your uncle and aunt saw, and they were there every day.”

  Lisa whispered, “Is everything going to be all right?”

  Pa and I looked at each other. “Yes. We’re going over to the clinic right now.”

  —

  Since it was Saturday afternoon, the clinic was packed. There were so many people crowded behind the door, we could barely get it open. Aunt Monica rose from her seat as the three of us entered. “Is something wrong?”

  Pa said, “Yes. Where are they?”

  Aunt Monica pointed toward one of the treatment rooms, then trailed after us. “What is happening? You can’t just interrupt them, they’re with a patient.”

  I stood close to Lisa as we went down the hallway. Her body looked so fragile and she was shaking. “I’m here, Lisa. The only person who should be worried is Dennis.”

  “Dennis?” Aunt Monica echoed.

  By now, Pa had pushed open the door of the treatment room. Uncle Henry, Dennis and the patient, a heavy middle-aged man without a shirt on, looked up. I saw fear cross Dennis’s face when he saw us.

  Pa said to the patient, “Get out.” The man grabbed his clothing and fled.

  Uncle Henry said, astonished, “Brother, what is wrong?”

  Pa’s mouth opened but no sound came out.

  I had my eyes fixed on Dennis. I felt my breath in my throat, choking me. “You asshole.”

  Aunt Monica shoved us all fully into the room and shut the door behind us. “You’re going to cause a panic with our patients. What is going on?”

  Pa stepped over to Dennis, grabbed him by the shirt and shook him. “This son of a dog has been doing things to my daughter.”

  Uncle tried to step between them. “I know you’re protective of Charlie but—”

  Pa pushed Dennis away from him with a violent gesture. “Not Charlie, Lisa!”

  They all froze. Uncle’s face paled until only a few red blotches were visible on his cheeks. He whispered, “You cannot make those kinds of accusations. How can you even think that?”

  “He’s been molesting her.” I almost gagged to get the words out. “That’s why she’s been so ill. All the times she was alone there, he took advantage of her.”

  Dennis met my eyes, his face blank. He seemed relaxed, only I’d learned to read bodies by now and I could see that his shoulders were rigid. “That’s ridiculous. Lisa was all over me, following me around, everyone saw it. Now she’s trying to blame me for her own fantasies.”

  Pa reached for Dennis again but Uncle kept himself in between them. I’d never seen Uncle look so upset. He said, “We need to get to the bottom of this in a rational way. Lisa, what happened?”

  Lisa had been standing in her walker, frozen and breathing shallowly. She didn’t speak. I went over and helped her into a chair, then stood in front of her with her hands clasped in mine. I looked into her wide frightened eyes. “Now is the moment, Lisa. You just have to tell them what you said to us.”

  She pressed her lips together.

  “The child is upset,” Dennis said. “You can’t listen to anything she claims anyway. She just wants attention and will do whatever’s necessary to get it. I can’t believe you’re taking her silly talk seriously.”

  Uncle turned to him and gave him a cool look. “My family would not be upset for no reason.”

  Aunt Monica crossed her arms. “This is ridiculous. Dennis would never do such a thing.”

  Lisa pulled away from me and buried her face in her hands. We could still hear her muffled words. “I wanted to stop but he wouldn’t. He just kept going.”

  I heard Uncle’s sharp intake of breath.

  Dennis’s eyes were shifting wildly from side to side. “None of this is true, I never touched her. All I’m guilty of is that I didn’t want to break her heart so I was nice to her. Honest.”

  Aunt Monica said, “I believe him. He’s the most trustworthy person around. That child just wants to cause trouble.”

  I glared at Aunt Monica. “Don’t you dare say that.”

  Dennis said, “Where’s the proof? There isn’t a mark on her.”

  I hadn’t thought of that. Lisa didn’t look up or respond, only seemed to shrink further into herself. That clever bastard. He’d been careful. “She’s had all these symptoms this past year. It started soon after Dennis arrived. The bedwetting, the nightmares, the weakening of her legs.”

  “Wait,” Dennis said. “How can you blame all of that on me?”

  I thought of what Naomi had told me about conversion disorder. “We’d need to get her examined to be sure, but mental trauma can lead to physical symptoms exactly like those.” I appealed to Uncle Henry. “Every Chinese medical practitioner knows the psyche and the body are one.”

  Uncle’s quick eyes scanned Lisa. He turned to Dennis and slowly clenched his fists.

  Dennis started to back toward the door and began to babble, “I didn’t do anything, I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t my fault—she asked for it!”

  Uncle roared, “I trusted you!” He and Pa both stepped toward Dennis.

  Dennis grabbed the doorknob, yanked the door open and fled down the corridor.

  Uncle yelled through the doorway, “I will prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law!”

  By then, Dennis had run out of the clinic. Uncle strode down the hallway to the crowd of shocked patients and said, “The clinic is closed today. Leave now.”

  When Uncle Henry returned to us, Aunt Monica said, gasping, “There is no proof. How can you be sure? What will everyone say?”

  Uncle ran a visibly trembling hand through his hair. “I am certain. This will already damage his reputation in Chinatown beyond repair. We won’t bring Lisa’s name into it, just allow people to believe what they want of him.” He bent down and spoke gently to her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t think you would believe me. I’m only a girl.”

  He looked stricken. “What a fool I’ve been. This happened under my nose.” He stood and turned to Pa. “I failed you, brother.”

  Pa took him into his arms and the two men held each other for a moment. “That man has caused enough damage. Do not let him hurt us any further by feeling guilty. He alone is to blame.”

  —

  Summer was ending. I started getting both Lisa and me up at the crack of dawn on Sunday mornings so we could join Godmother Yuan to do tai chi at six thirty in Gossip Park. The first time we got up so early, Lisa protested. “Why do you always have these crazy self-improvement programs? Now that we’re reading Pilgrim’s Progress again, isn’t that enough?”

  “Come on
, I’ve always wanted to do tai chi together with you.”

  “Why can’t we go to the Saturday afternoon classes you help teach?”

  “Because I want to be a part of the group with you, not leading it. And since I’ve started qigong training with Godmother, I need my full concentration for that.” I’d finally consented, and while it was hard for me to lose control of my emotions, I could feel it healing me. “Anyway, Godmother says the most powerful tai chi sessions are at dawn, in the open air.”

  I hoped it would help bring Lisa back into her body. Although it would mean getting painfully little sleep, I thought it was exactly what she needed right now to heal her body and soul. She’d been so damaged. She still wet the bed sometimes and often she woke up screaming, but the problems with her legs had disappeared. Mr. Song had guided us through everything. Pa had signed the insurance papers and Lisa was fully covered now. The western doctors could find no physical problems, which was a great relief. She was talking to a very good psychiatrist every week—Naomi, my dance student. Now I wanted to start the eastern medicine part of her healing as well.

  We stood at the edge of the group in Gossip Park. This early in the morning, even the late August heat wasn’t too bad yet. I caught sight of Godmother Yuan, who waved at us. Lisa shifted from leg to leg, nervous. Then the group started to move as one, and I could feel the energy flow outward to surround us. I nodded at Lisa to encourage her to follow along, as I was.

  We rose from the basic position of having our weight balanced into the Pouncing Tiger, where our arms guarded our faces as cats do. We swirled and flowed from position to position. We went from High Horse stance, where we bowed our legs as if we were balanced upon a horse, to the Crane, where we stretched our arms out like an ascending bird, with the left knee raised. I stopped worrying and just felt my life force flow through me. In many ways, it was similar to doing ballroom when I felt most grounded. And it was hard. Lisa made mistakes several times but managed to keep going. By the end, I was sweating and Lisa’s cheeks were pinker than I’d seen them in a long time. The old Chinese people seemed as calm as ever. They bowed to each other and us, then left.