January Embers

by Hildred Billings

“I was wondering if you and I might have a private chat sometime soon.” What gave? Mik could lower her voice and not have everyone in the library look in their direction? She actually kept it at a decent volume? Feh. That wasn’t fair. Ari swore she couldn’t breathe right now without alarming God up in Heaven. “I think we have some things to talk about if I’m going to be back in town.”

  Not that Ari was in the business of smiling at people, but she surprised herself when she knitted her brows into a scowl and frowned so hard she swore she smelled something foul. It’s all the bullshit coming out of this one’s mouth. “I don’t know what there is to talk about. You’re back in town. So what? Just stop falling off ladders. It’s not good for you.” And it makes me have to come see you. Bad enough Ari saw her ex all around town now, after ten years of blissful separation.

  All right, so it wasn’t always so blissful. Especially that first year after she was dumped. The only reason it didn’t extend to two or three years was because Ari finally threw herself into something productive. She wouldn’t say she became an EMT because of Mik, but that breakup and subsequent time apart certainly allowed Ariana to figure herself out and grow up a little.

  More like a lot…

  “Well,” Mikaiya squeaked, “we didn’t really get a lot of closure, and…”

  “We’ve both moved on,” Ari hissed. “I’ve got my life, you’ve got yours. You don’t seem to be held too far back from relationships. I saw how much your new girl cares about you when I had to come bail you out of an injured neck.”

  Mikaiya truly embraced bemusement now. “My ‘new girl?’ Oh, you mean Skylar?” She laughed, as if that were the most ridiculous thing anyone in town had said to her since she got back. “She’s not my girlfriend. Just a friend. For shit’s sake, she’s straight.”

  Ari took a step back. “Then what is she doing here?”

  “I know, right? She followed me here from Portland. Said she wanted out of that city life, so… here she is, looking for a job in a town where it’s all about who you know.”

  Ariana scoffed. “You know what? Fine. Let’s talk.” Before Mik could smile in relief, Ari continued, “but not today. I’ve got shit to do.” That shit included decompressing from this run-in. Ari needed a beer and a TV show to take her mind off things. “I have Tuesday off. I assume you don’t have much going on around here and that day will work for you.” Maybe give her a little time to realize she really did have a graver head injury after all. Couldn’t hang out if she was trapped in bed with trauma!

  “You’re right about that.” Mikaiya pulled out her phone and opened her calendar. Everything was clear. Ari didn’t know if she was more impressed with that, or the fact that Mik’s phone was so big other people could see what it said. “I’m free Tuesday. All I do is catch up on my grandma’s chores and make sure she doesn’t overextend herself. Or eat too much crap.” She sighed. “Where should we meet? Heaven’s? That place looks pretty cute.”

  “No. We’re going for a light hike up Wolf’s Hill. Just the two of us.” That way nobody could hear their screams. Of anger. At each other. That were inevitable. I’m not going to kill her, I swear! “Unless it turns out you really do have a concussion, in which case we shall reschedule.” Ariana may be trained to handle it, but she wasn’t about to volunteer her life-saving services unless it was necessary.

  Mikaiya let out a low whistle before lowering both arms, knuckles pressing into her hips. The movement opened the front of her flannel, revealing a tight V-neck beneath it. Great! Nice cleavage! See that hasn’t changed! “A hike, huh? You want to torture me? Well, I probably deserve that. Fine! Weather permitting, we’ll meet in the parking lot at the base of Wolf’s Hill.” Mik turned around as if she were about to leave. At the last second, she turned back around. “What time? Should I bring lunch?”

  Ari slowly shook her head. “Eat a big breakfast. I’ll see you at eleven on Tuesday.”

  They parted ways soon after. Mik headed toward the bathrooms, and Ariana continued her march outside. She shot the librarian on duty a warning-filled look that what happened here should not be passed around town. Whether it did any good… well, she’d find out the following day, now wouldn’t she?

  By then, the regret would settle in as well. Yet her pride refused to let her cancel. Although when Tuesday rolled around, she was compelled to stand her ex up at the base of Wolf’s Hill. See how she likes it.

  Which was exactly why she got in her truck at 10:30. Yup.

  Chapter 9

  MIKAIYA

  She shut off the engine and let out a giant, resolved sigh. The silence brought into the cab of her truck reminded Mik that she was out in the middle of nowhere, among the trees, the brush, and the open sky – that was currently covered in thick, graying clouds. Kinda smelled like rain. Good thing Mikaiya brought her rain jacket and a hat with a small visor. She may be a native Oregonian, but there was still nothing worse than water in her face.

  Well, clearly I’m well enough to drive. That was the one positive of this moment she’d take to bed with her that night. It wasn’t quite one week since her fall, and the doctor had been pretty clear that she not drive by herself. Yet here she was, sitting alone in her truck at the base of Wolf’s Hill two miles out of town. She had snuck out of her grandmother’s house right after breakfast, around the same time when Skylar rushed out to a last-minute job interview at the GP’s clinic. It was Mikaiya’s chance. Not that she had considered standing her ex up. All right, so maybe the thought had passed her mind… but only as a self-defense mechanism. The thought of marching up one of the biggest landmarks in the county with the ex she had wronged when they were kids made Mik so woozy that she almost wondered if she had a concussion, after all.

  She glanced to the side and saw Ariana’s truck parked at the far side of the public lot. There was only one other truck around, and it was surrounded by young men in their hiking gear. Looked like they were finished for the day. Either that, or they were simply psyching themselves up for another round up and down the hill.

  Where the hell was Ari, though? She hadn’t gone ahead of Mik, had she?

  Maybe the wolves got her. Wolf’s Hill was named after a small rock formation near the summit. Someone had decided it looked like a wolf howling at the moon, and the name stuck. Yet there used to be more than a few wolves in the area, too. Back before they ran away from encroaching civilization or were hunted down by ranchers protecting their livestock. Now it was a rarity to see a wolf. Coyotes were more common, since so many of the ones in the area had little fear of humans. Same with the raccoons. Two of them had come by the house the other night to root through the garbage, and poor Skylar was not prepared for huge hissing “trash pandas” with claws the size of her face. That was the same day they found out the neighbor’s cat had been killed. Raccoons don’t play the hell around. Neither do coyotes.

  Wolves, though. They were more cautious around humans, but that may have only spoken to their intelligence. Ari always reminded me of a wolf, even before her big transformation. Only back in high school, Mik was more likely to call her a wily little fox. She had definitely grown into a wolf, though. A big, silently tough one that was as likely to rip out her throat as she was to calmly walk away, living to fight another day.

  “You gonna get out of that truck or what?”

  Mik almost jumped out of her seat. There, beside the passenger-side window, was Ariana dressed in a slim black rain jacket and a scarf that could easily be wrapped around her head should it start raining. Then again, she was probably a woman who was used to traipsing about in the natural elements. An EMT couldn’t control the weather when it came to responding to calls.

  “Good morning to you, too.” Mikaiya unsnapped her seatbelt and opened her door. Ariana remained on the other side. “Great weather, huh?”

  “For January, it’s not so bad. At least it’s not freezing.”

  No. Mik supposed it wasn’t. Nothing like the freezes they had the past couple of years, parti
cularly around Portland. Not a bit of snow, and the only ice on the roads came in the dead of night when it maaaaybe reached sub-thirty degrees. It was always melted by the time most of the world woke up.

  They reconvened at the start of the well-worn trail. “I haven’t climbed this hill since high school,” Mikaiya said, almost forgetting who she was talking to. You know, when we used to steal up here for some alone time? Ariana wasn’t the only one Mik went hiking with, though. Abby Marcott used to be a lot spryer back in the day. Hell, anyone with two working ankles and decent joints took the slow trails up the gentle hill. The reason it was so popular was because almost anyone could reach the summit in about an hour. In the summer, it was covered in sunshine, greenery, and that touch of fauna that made both the locals and the tourists swoon. In January, however, it was simply a common place to stretch one’s legs, as long as they didn’t mind getting a little wet.

  “I figured it would give us some privacy,” Ariana said.

  Mik was slightly taken aback. “Yeah. Good idea.” She didn’t delude herself into thinking they were randy teenagers looking for a pretty place to make out – and maybe more. Mik shuddered. We were really dumb back then. It hadn’t been enough to hold hands and steal kisses. They had to get dirty against old trees and in the tall, ant-infested grass. Always sounded romantic in their heads, but Mikaiya hated having to explain all the bug bites in the most unnatural of places. Luckily, her grandmother never asked many questions.

  We have things to talk about… Mik had been rehearsing what she wanted to say for the past few days. How did one explain the terrible circumstances behind what may have been the worst night of their lives?

  They spent the first part of the ascent awkwardly talking about their families. Mik was surprised to hear that Ariana no longer had much contact with what was left of her family in Roundabout. It had nothing to do with her sexuality, and everything to do with a house fire that destroyed many of their possessions. I had no idea… That was something Abby had never told her granddaughter during their monthly phone calls. Mik heard all about the businesses that came and went from Paradise Valley, but not the minutiae of who moved out and whose houses burned down.

  “At least nobody died?” Mik said, feet attempting to trip over a straight portion of the trail. Ari looked back at her as if she had done that on purpose. “Sorry about some of your childhood stuff, though.”

  “Nobody died, but it was a good excuse to put a lot of things behind me.” Ari shrugged. “The person I was then, and the person I am now are completely different.”

  Mikaiya momentarily stopped, allowing Ari to get a few more paces ahead of her. Some rain fell through the canopy rising above them. Dirt slowly turned back into mud. Not enough to make their ascent too dangerous, but enough that Mik took note of it. Glad I wore my best boots. They didn’t get much use in Portland, but she had already broken them in after two weeks back in Paradise Valley.

  “I’m pretty different, too,” Mik finally said. “I’ve grown up a lot since high school. I guess Portland helped a lot with that.” She didn’t expand on what that meant, because she doubted Ariana would be impressed with the details. But going to college and getting a job in Portland’s biggest city had definitely matured her and hardened both her external and internal shells. People came and went so easily in Portland, a city that had become as transient as other worldly American hubs. She had been exposed to cultures she only read about in high school textbooks. The poverty and crime exhibited in certain pockets (that grew the longer she stayed there) toughened her up to a world that wasn’t as kind as she wanted to believe it was. The hustle and bustle of city life gave her that rush of energy she had always craved while growing up in a small, rural town, but it also exposed her to anxieties she never knew existed. People said she didn’t look too different from her high school days, but she felt different. That was what made coming back to Paradise Valley so hard.

  I’m not the person you used to know, Ari. Like I hardly know you anymore. This well-built woman sauntering up the gentle slope of Wolf’s Hill was so different from the stringy girl who used to giggle against Mikaiya’s lips, that Mik barely knew who she was!

  “Guess that fancy job wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, huh?” Ari asked over her shoulder.

  After the first drop hit her scalp, Mikaiya pulled on her hat. “What did you hear about it?”

  “Only that after you graduated, you got some job in marketing. Don’t know what for, or who it was about, only that it was ‘marketing.’”

  “Well, it’s true. I worked for a marketing firm headquartered in downtown Portland. They said I was one of the lucky ones, because out of everyone in my PSU program, I was the one selected to come work for them a few months after graduation.” She didn’t mention that she used those few months to backpack around Europe with a girl she couldn’t stop fooling around with for more than a few seconds. That relationship had been doomed before it began, but the backpacking trip extended its life a few precious breaths. As soon as they were back in America and the thrill was over, they parted ways, Mik to her full-time job and her ex to the other side of the country. “I worked for them until recently. When I heard my grandmother needed help, I decided to quit that job and come home for a while.”

  “Quit, huh? Your grandmother told people you were only taking a leave of absence.”

  She did? Mik didn’t know why, other than Abby may have misinterpreted the truth. “No, I quit. It was too stressful. They made us work in teams, competing against each other to get marketing gigs. If our team ‘won,’ we got bonuses and better networking relationships with the clients who liked our work. You have to understand, they were only paying us minimum wage, so those bonuses made up a bulk of our income.” It would have been another story if Mik made around $15 an hour, which could have helped her comfortably pay for her one-bedroom apartment on the eastside without panicking about work. That wasn’t the point, was it? My company wanted us “incentivized.” The execs made money no matter what.

  “Sounds rough. I barely make minimum wage out here, but I guess it goes farther.”

  “Yeah… so, you’re an EMT, huh?”

  Ariana turned around, one eyebrow raised. “So you’ve noticed?”

  Mik blushed. “I mean, it’s kind of unexpected.”

  “I like helping people. It was something I sort of fell into after realizing that.”

  “Clearly, you’re good at it.”

  “Am I?”

  Well, you put aside our differences to help me. “Yes. Also, you’re a Stephen King fan now, so that’s another way you’ve changed.”

  “Yes. I’ve changed.” That was all Ari said as she rounded a bend in the trail. Mik followed her, of course, but it felt like she was entering some weird gravitational pull that could easily be the end of her.

  They were silent for several more minutes as they continued up the trail. Nobody else passed them, either on their way up or coming back down from the summit. Guess it’s not a big day for taking on Wolf’s Hill. Ariana certainly wasn’t bothered with physical exertion, since she kept her hands in her pockets and looked as if she were on a leisurely stroll as opposed to a mild hike. Mik wasn’t terribly out of shape, but she’d be lying if she said she was totally unbothered by forty-five minute’s worth of steady climbing. Just don’t start breathing out of your mouth, and you won’t look like a city-slickin’ fool!

  The summit was as clear as the rest of the trail had been. Ariana kept her hands in her pocket as she perched atop a smoothed boulder overlooking the valley that dipped down from the west side of the Coast Range. Beyond another small set of hills was the Pacific Ocean, and they said on a good, clear day one could see the surf. Well, Mik had never seen it, even on clear summer days. If somebody wanted to see the ocean from that far away, they got in a car and drove for half an hour. Wolf’s Hill simply wasn’t tall enough to see that far.

  Yet it was tall enough to make Mik glad to sit down.

  “So…”
Here she went. The moment Mikaiya had been dreading since she realized she was moving back to Paradise Valley, let alone the day she first saw the new Ariana Mura. “I really, really want to explain what happened that one night.”

  Ariana snorted. “That one night? You mean the one when…”

  “Yes. That one.” The only reason Mik cut her off was because she couldn’t bear to hear the details she already knew. “There’s stuff that happened I’ve never told anyone but my grandma. It’s why I had to leave so suddenly.”

  Mik looked up to find Ari giving her the biggest side-eye of their lives. Yup. This is when I die. All alone at the top of an isolated hill. A long, long way down if she “fell” off the wrong side of Wolf’s Hill. Ari might still be pissed enough that she booted her ex without thinking. A crime of passion! It would be a fitting end to Mik’s strange life.

  “Don’t see why we need to hash it out,” Ariana said. “Not like it happened a year ago.”

  “No, but I think about it all the time. I’m sure you do, too.”

  That got a serious furrow of the brows out of Ariana, who was looking more and more likely to bash in Mikaiya’s skull. Didn’t matter that Ari sat with a cool demeanor and kept her hands to herself. Mikaiya knew what was likely to come should they go down this road. Yet who am I to stop it? She deserves to know. They were old enough to understand what had happened.

  “I knew you were gonna be in trouble as soon as I saw you were back in town.”

  “Hey, if you really don’t want to know what happened, so be it. I won’t force you to listen to me.”

  Ari shook her head. “You wanna know what it looked like from my end?” She didn’t wait for Mik to respond. “I was some stupid fool waiting for you on the edge of town. I snuck out of my house with a backpack full of crap and waited and waited, Mik. I thought something horrible had happened to you. When I finally snuck back home and called your place, your grandma told me that you had already gone to Portland and weren’t planning on coming back. Thought she was lying. Maybe she figured out what we planned and put some stop to it on your end.” An irritated scoff burst from Ariana’s muscular form. “But nope. I found out pretty quick that you really were gone. No word. No nothing.” She paused. “It really fucked me up.”