It's Never Easy: A Boudreaux Universe Novel

by Dani Rene

  “I don’t believe in leftovers, just second chances. Perhaps you were his wife, but love is what makes a relationship, not money, not titles, and certainly not possessions. I think it’s time you saw yourself out.” I gesture with my chin toward the door, and I can tell from her expression she’s not very impressed with me. But I don’t give a shit. I’m here, and the only way I’m walking out is if Julian tells me he doesn’t have feelings for me, and I should find another job.

  But he hasn’t done that.

  The blonde swings her hair over her shoulder, spins on her four-inch heels, and walks out of the office. Moments later, the door slams, and I breathe. Glancing up at Julian, I notice him staring at me.

  “What?”

  “You came back,” is all he says. His tone gentle, filled with shock, and I can’t help but smile.

  Nodding, I tell him, “I was sitting in the park across the way, waiting. I don’t know why I couldn’t leave like you told me to, but . . .” I can’t finish my sentence because I’m not sure what to say. Yes, I didn’t want him to think I could give up so easily, and yes, I also didn’t want to give up so easily.

  “I don’t know what to say,” he finally replies. “I mean, I know I sent you home, told you to leave, but I just didn’t want you to be the target of her fury. She tends to focus her energy on someone or something, and she doesn’t let go.”

  “Is it over?” I ask, even though from the happiness in his eyes, I know it is.

  Julian grins. “It is. She wanted money. She didn’t want to tell me why she stayed married to me and, to be honest, I don’t give a shit because she’s finally gone. The paperwork is legit,” he tells me.

  It’s never easy giving your heart to someone, trusting they won’t break it. But if you never take the chance, you’ll never find happiness.

  “I wasn’t going to come back,” I finally admit. “At least, not until tomorrow. But I had to say something to you.” I look up to find Julian staring at me. He’s handsome, giving me that stupid smile, and I want nothing more than to kiss him. “I’ve never felt so strongly about someone before. And I don’t know what to do with it. This” — I wave my hand between us — “thing is strange to me, and I don’t know how to handle it.”

  “We can take it one day at a time. We don’t have to rush into anything if you’re not ready. I acted like an asshole when I said you should move in. I jumped the gun because I felt the need to have you around all the time.”

  “But I acted out. I should’ve stayed, spoken to you, but I felt like you pushed me away. And perhaps it was my feelings from when my dad left. They seem to haunt me daily. I’m always reminded that if he could so easily walk away, then anyone can.”

  “Does my gorgeous girl have daddy issues? Because I can fix those for you.” Julian’s tone turns husky, but his expression is deadly serious. “I’m not your father. I never will be.”

  “You can’t promise me that,” I tell him because it’s true. Nobody can ever promise to stay with one person all their life. Surely. Well, I suppose there are exceptions, but right now, I find it difficult to trust, and that’s my problem, not Julian’s.

  “I can promise that,” he tells me confidently. “I can promise it because I feel myself falling for you. My mind is on you all the fucking time, and I’m not complaining. Nea, you bring a light into my life that wasn’t there before.” He reaches for me, his hands cupping my face, and his thumbs swipe over the apples of my cheeks. He holds me tenderly; I feel my eyes burning with emotion.

  “You’re sweet,” I tell him, and his eyes dance with desire.

  “Come,” he says, lacing his fingers with mine and tugging me through the house until we reach his bedroom. Once we’re inside, he walks toward the bed and stops. I’m standing at the mattress, with my heart thudding against my ribs. “Strip.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. I’m going to show you just how serious I am about you,” he informs me as his mouth kicks into a smirk that sets my body alight. I pull off the dress I’m wearing, and I slowly lower it to the comforter before I unclasp my bra and allow it to fall to the floor.

  If I thought Julian’s eyes were dark before, they turn purely feral right this minute. Once my panties are on the carpet, Julian spins me around so my back is flush with his front.

  His chin rests on my shoulder, and I look up to see us in the reflection of the mirror he has in the corner of his room.

  “Do you see that girl?” he asks. I nod. “She’s mine. I’m no longer beating around the bush about my feelings, Nea.” His tone lowers with every word until he’s whispering in my ear, sending heat soaring through every inch of me. “She’s the one I want. Every inch of her, every single beautiful, flawless inch of this body is mine. But not only that, your mind, your heart,” he says, pointing to my head, then to where my heart is beating a fast and repetitive rhythm in my chest. “Those are mine too.”

  “Julian—”

  “Bend over, put your palms flat on the bed, and watch yourself in the mirror,” he orders in a gruff tone.

  Silently, I move into position. My stomach flutters at the fact that I’m once more bent over in front of him. And I can’t deny that I’m wet. My center is slick with need. Suddenly, a harsh swat of his hand lands on my ass, causing me to yelp. I watch my reflection, how my face contorts, how my mouth opens into an O-shape when he continues my punishment.

  I’ve never been spanked by another man, but with Julian, it turns my blood hot. He rains down six slaps on both cheeks, the burning flesh stinging as he then gently massages me with his big hands.

  It’s both pain and pleasure. His fingers dip into my folds, and a low groan vibrates in his throat when he feels my heat. “Fuck, Nea, you’re so wet, so needy for me.” His voice is filled with unbridled lust.

  “Julian, fuck me,” I plead, glancing at him from over my shoulder. I want him inside me, filling me, claiming me as he said he would. With two more slaps on my ass, I hear the hiss of his zipper, and seconds later, I’m filled, stretched, and loved by this man who’s come into my life and turned it upside down.

  And I couldn’t be happier.

  Chapter 26

  Nea

  I’m happy.

  I’ve never felt so at peace.

  For years, I’ve been depressed because I felt like I was alone in the world. And I was. Until I found myself in the one place I’d always dreamed of, and here I found someone who cares for me. I check my appearance in the mirror, making sure my hair is sleek before I grab my purse and race for the door.

  When it swings open, I see Julian’s handsome face and his stupid smile. It’s been three months since I first laid eyes on him, and he only gets more handsome every day.

  “Are you ready?”

  I nod. “I am.” Even though my stomach is fluttering with the thought of going to the house today, I know it’s something I need to do. Not necessarily closure, but just to say goodbye to my mom in a way I couldn’t do at the funeral. It was one of the worst days of my life, and I’m sure today will be as emotional as that one. If not more so.

  We walk hand-in-hand down to the car. Julian’s quiet when we settle into our seats, and I want to ask him if he’s okay, but there’s a gentle smile on his face, which puts me at ease. I wanted to do this with him. He had promised to take me to the house when I told him about it and having him beside me feels right.

  I can’t yet say it’s love I feel for him, but there is definitely something between us, something far stronger than I ever anticipated. I need to catch up with Phee. Hopefully, when I get back tonight, I’ll be able to Skype her. She should be getting ready to come back home, and I can’t wait for her to see the life I’ve made for myself in New Orleans. Even though I haven’t been here all that long, it’s as if I was always here.

  Or like I’ve just come back from a long holiday.

  “Are you nervous?” Julian asks as we hit the road.

  Thinking about it now, I have to say I am. “Yes.
I don’t know why. It’s not like she’ll be there, but you know when you’ve had this idea in your mind about something all your life, and then you finally come face-to-face with it . . .” I glance over at him, and he nods, casting a quick glance at me.

  “You don’t want to be disappointed.”

  “Yes. Exactly that. Not that I can imagine I will be, but I wonder if the place will offer me the calm and solace I’ve been expecting.”

  “It’s what you make of it, not what it makes of you.” Julian’s words slowly sink in, and it leaves me with a question I need to know the answer to.

  “Where is your mother?”

  His expression changes for a moment before he smiles sadly. “She was killed when I was young. Her plane crashed on her way back from China, where she was meeting with her business partners.”

  “I’m so sorry, Julian.” Even though Julian said it was when he was a boy, I can’t imagine that pain and heartache ever goes away.

  “I think that was the moment my father broke. He was good to me, don’t get me wrong, but I know that he loved her very much. He always had photos of her around the house and spoke about her often.”

  “That’s good. Do you have photos of her?”

  “In my wallet, just a photo of me on vacation with my folks, and she’s holding me up on the beach. She had one of those wide-brimmed hats on.” His expression is filled with sadness and happiness that seems to meld together, and I want to hold him. Listening to him talk about her makes me happy, and I’m ecstatic that at least he has happy memories of her.

  “What about you?”

  “Well, my mother was a single parent, and I remember every moment I spent with her. Just how much she loved me, how she would tell me she was proud of me for things I achieved. I know she would be happy that I made it here.”

  “I remember you said she wanted to bring you down here.”

  I nod. “Yes, she wanted to show me the city that held her heart. But we never got a chance. She was sick before we could plan the trip and then, not long after, she was diagnosed and I lost her.”

  “I think that is worse,” Julian says as he takes a left, and soon, we’re stopped against the sidewalk, and I know we’ve arrived at the house, but I can’t turn my attention away from him.

  “What is worse?”

  “Watching her get sick, seeing her take her last breath,” he tells me, and the lump in my throat makes it difficult to swallow my emotions. “Come on.” Julian takes my hand and presses a kiss to my knuckles before he exits the car. He rounds the front before opening my door and helping me from the seat.

  We’re standing on a road lined with beautiful homes. Nothing like his house, but they’re gorgeous with architecture from years ago, still in pristine condition.

  “These are all so stunning.”

  “The people tend to look after the properties, and especially those who have the porches out front. Normally, you’d find a road like this filled with tourists taking photos.”

  Julian takes my hand, and we walk down the road. It’s only a few houses down when he stops and turns me around. We’d been facing the wrong way. When my eyes land on the familiar house, I know in my heart this is it. Nothing has changed. The photo and the reality are one and the same. My chest tightens. I pull out the photo I’ve kept in my purse since my mother died, and I knew this is where I would one day end up and hold it against the backdrop of the home in front of me.

  “It’s a carbon copy,” Julian says. “Do you want to see if you can go inside?”

  Do I? “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t want to bother the owners. No, this is enough. Just seeing it, knowing it’s real.” He nods silently and then stands there for a long while beside me. We just look at the house, and I can almost see my mother when she was younger. As if a movie is playing out in my mind, I watch her racing down the street, playing with friends. I imagine her coming home from dates, and her dad waiting outside for her. Everything she did was on this street— the most formative years of her life.

  Tears sting my eyes, and I have to blink back the emotion.

  Chapter 27

  Julian

  Nea has been different over the past few days. She’s attentive, affectionate, and I’ve found myself falling more and more each day I spend with her. I don’t want to rush into something, but I would like her to move in with me. The need to have her close has taken over my thoughts, and each day she comes to work, I want to broach the question, but I chicken out when we actually sit down together.

  Driving her to the apartment she’s renting each night has become more difficult, and I know I need to make a move. I don’t want to say goodnight to her and leave her alone while I return to my bed with thoughts of her on my mind constantly.

  And I know that waking up beside her will be perfect in every way. She’s spent the night a few times, but having her in my space all the time is something I crave so badly. With Shay, I was happy to have her leave and go off on her shopping sprees. I would, at times, sleep in my studio, telling her I was busy when all I needed was space.

  With Nea, everything is different.

  “Good morning,” Nea says excitedly from the doorway as she enters the studio. In her hand, she’s carrying my favorite mug filled to the brim with black coffee I know I’m going to swallow easily because I had a late-night getting artwork ready for another show. This time, my paintings will be transported to New York.

  “You made me a coffee?”

  With a blush, she grins and nods. “I always make you coffee.”

  It’s now or never, Julian. As I think it, the words tumble from my mouth without a second thought. “What would you think about you making me a coffee in our kitchen?”

  She looks at me for a while before she narrows those pretty eyes and pins me with a stare. I can tell she’s thinking and rethinking her response because she’s chewing on her lower lip. I’ve noticed her do it over the past couple of weeks since I really took my time to take her in.

  “And perhaps waking up next to me every morning?” I continue when she doesn’t answer. I keep my expression schooled, but the nervous energy rushing through me is too much to take. I don’t want her to say no, but I also can’t force her into doing something she’s not ready for.

  I would prefer she say yes because that’s what she would like, rather than feel obligated to do it because I want it. Nea steps closer to me, her perfume taking hold of me just like it did the first day she walked into this house.

  I can’t stop thinking about that moment. When I first laid my eyes on her, I knew I was fucked. She was too different, in a mesmerizing way, for me to ever not fall in love with her. I may have fought it, I may have been completely and utterly fearful of it, but now that it’s happened, I know I can’t stop it.

  “Is that you being coy and cute?” she finally asks, leaning up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to my lips. Her scent, her taste, everything captures me like a fly caught in a spider’s web. That’s what she’s done to me. And I can’t deny I love every second.

  “I love you,” I tell her, the truth slipping free. “And I want you beside me.” There are no more secrets between us. This one was always the biggest. I knew I had fallen in love with her the night I took her to dinner in the Quarter. I knew it when she smiled at me from across the table.

  “I never thought this is how my new life would go,” Nea admits, a small smile dancing on her lips as she looks up at me. “But I can never change the way I feel because I love you too, Julian.”

  The breath that was stuck in my lungs whooshes out in relief at her response. Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her in, my hands roaming their way to her pert ass, and I lift her up.

  Instinctively, she wraps her legs around me, and I crash my lips to hers. She whimpers when I squeeze the cheeks of her ass, which allows me to dip my tongue into her mouth. The tension in my muscles eases, but the blood rushes straight to my cock when Nea grinds on me.

  “We have work to do, naughty gir
l,” I tell her, but I don’t release her. I probably should, but she feels far too good against me.

  “Will my boss allow me an hour for brunch?” she teases between kisses on my lips, cheeks, even my nose.

  “He’ll think about it, but you’ll have to definitely make it worth his time,” I growl, my mouth finding purchase on her neck and sucking the sensitive flesh, earning myself a dick-hardening whimper.

  “I think I can arrange that.” Her words add fuel to the already raging fire, and I walk us into the bedroom, kicking the door shut.

  Time to make more memories.

  Epilogue

  Nea

  One year later

  I’m not sure where we’re headed. Julian hasn’t told me anything. I’m in the car with a blindfold on and, to be honest, my heart is racketing in my chest.

  “Are you seriously not going to tell me where we are going?”

  “It’s a surprise,” he tells me, and I can hear the smile on his face. Now that the gallery is doing well and the house is being slowly turned into an event venue, we’ve started looking at properties nearer the Quarter. I told him I would love to be close by so we could have walks in the evenings. The energy of the city is intoxicating, and just watching the crowds, seeing the tours, and being a part of it has me excited.

  I feel each left turn and right, as we make our way through the streets, and I’m tempted to pull the blindfold off. I’ve never been one for surprises, but I breathe deeply, knowing and trusting Julian to know what I’ll like.

  When we finally come to a stop, Julian leans over and whispers in my ear. “Don’t go anywhere.” I can’t help but giggle. It’s not like I can see where to go anyway. I hear the car door open, then shut, and soon enough, my door opens. The gentle breeze fills the car, and Julian’s hands are on me, helping me from the seat.