Gasping wildly, she swung her tear-swollen gaze in that direction.
“Bella! It’s me,” Braden murmured in a concerned tone. “Can I come in?”
She caught her breath.
If anyone could understand, it’d be him.
But, was she really ready to let him in that deep?
As the fear lanced her, she yelled out. “No, go away!”
“Baby, open the door.” His voice was so comforting and gentle. “I’m not leaving you. Not for anything. Do you understand me?”
“Braden…” she wept openly. “Everything’s all wrong.”
“Whatever it is, we can fix this---I promise you that we can.” A desperate note tinged his tone. “Just let me help you…please talk to me.”
“No one can help me.” Whimpering on a painful sob, she stared longingly at the closed door. Even though it was closed, she felt his presence. For some reason or another, she wanted to let him inside her dark and torturous world. The realization made her cry harder. “Are things ever going to be okay?”
“They will be okay. You just have to believe that they will.” In his voice, the concern was palpable. “Baby, you’re not alone. I’m here---for anything and everything that you need me for. Now, will you please open the door?”
“A—alright,” she sniffled, releasing the pillow and sat up. Still, she was dressed in the sheer robe from the previous night. Only this time, she wore a black brassiere and thong along with it. She paid no heed, though, to her state of dress, and raced across the room. With a badly shaking hand, she grasped the knob. Taking an unsteady breath, she opened it to find him dressed in a white polo top and white trouser. But, his eyes, oh,his eyes, they peered directly into her tortured world. He found and saw her, really saw her. At the startling realization, she nearly crumpled to the floor. Wounded, lost, and hurt, she stared up at him with tear-glistened eyes. “Please…I need you…”
Without saying a word, he scooped her up.
Sobbing uncontrollably, burying her face into his nape, she held on.
They reached the bed within seconds.
Sinking down onto the side of the bed, he cradled her across his lap.
Crying still, she clung as tightly as she could.
“Hold me,” she pleaded, shaking all over, and strengthened her hold. As she buried her face into his nape, her hot tears soaked his skin. Against his flesh, her tearful words were muffled. “Please never let me go.”
“I’ve got you, baby,” he soothed gently, cradling close, and kissed atop of her head. “I’ve got you.”
“I lost him, Braden,” she whispered real low, so low that her voice was barely audible. “I lost him, and he’s not coming back. No matter what I do, he’s never coming back.”
For the longest moments, she just cried.
Really grieved for what she’d suffered and lost…
As she recounted the horrid tale of Gage’s death, he held her tighter. At intermittent points, he asked questions, and when she able to, she supplied them. Over the passing time, she found great comfort.
He was all that she needed.
Two hours later, he still held her.
They lay together on the bed entwined.
Selfishly, though, she didn’t want him to go.
Gently, he pressed a kiss against her head. “You okay?”
Her nod came slow. “I am now.”
“All this time, you’ve been carrying this load alone.” His strong hold tightened as he maneuvered her, until she was fully propped on his chest. Now, they were eye-level to eye-level, and the look in his gray orbs was telling. “With me, you don’t have to do that.”
“I know.” As she met his gaze, hers still felt puffy and swollen. Her truthful words came out in a low whisper. “I trust you with my life. Don’t ask me why, but I do.”
When she moved to look away, he grasped her chin and stayed her.
“And I trust you with mine.” His lips curled in a tiny smile. “Can say there’s not many that know of my little secrets.” Suddenly, his gaze simmered with anger. “Please don’t get upset with what I’m about to say. But, when I think of the hell and torture that he’s put you through, I want to kill him.”
“Don’t say that---”
“Why not? It’s true.”
She faltered for a brief second.
Hadn’t she actually planned to murder him?
Only faith and goodness had stayed the firing gun in her hand.
“Please just let this go.” Her eyes became filled with sudden anxiety. “I don’t want you to suffer anymore than you have on my account.”
“What about your suffering?” he asked with a hint of anger. “He stole the life of an innocent child, and then has the audacity to think that he should get away with it? On top of that, he believes that you should be in a relationship with him? I mean, who does that shit? Who’s that fuckin’ cold?” His grip firmed on her chin. “I can deal with him hurting me. But, I will not stand back while he hurts you and Mama.”
She stiffened against him. “What are you talking about?”
“He’s going to pay for killing Gage.” His eyes went stone cold. “I haven’t figured out how to make that come about yet. But, I swear on my life---”
“No!” Struggling against him, she finally sat up. “You’ll do no such thing.”
“He’s not going to get away with murdering an innocent kid! I won’t stand for it, not for a minute---”
“And what about me, huh?” she demanded, surprising him with a fast straddle, and then slapped his chest. “Have you considered how it will make me feel? Opening this all up again, I don’t know what it’ll do to me mentally.” She clutched her head before watching him with wild eyes. “I’m still trying to deal with Gage’s death. Right now, I can’t think about anything but surviving it.”
“I get that, baby,” he whispered lowly, grasping her hands. “But, that sick bastard has gotten away with enough. I won’t let him hurt you. Not like that, and no more innocent people are going to die because of it.” He stared at her defiantly. “More than that, we need to talk about something else. That something else is me and you.
“What?” she asked, nearly shocked into silence. Talking about that, would only set her off further emotionally. After watching him for a few moments, she scrambled off of him and hit the floor. Chest heaving fast, she looked at him accusingly. “Is this really a time?”
“Is there ever a perfect time to talk about real truths? Maybe my timing sucks,” he admitted with an anguished expression and left the bed slow. Now, he waited a few paces away from her. “But, I want to talk about us. Right here and right now when we don’t have any outside interferences.” The pain constricted on his features. “Baby, we’re safe within these walls. We can tell each other anything and no one can touch us. And all these weeks, we’ve been skating around the issue---”
“I’m not going to talk about this with you right now.” With her eyes swimming with fresh tears, she stomped to the door before snatching it open. “Get out.”
“Why are you with him?” he demanded with force, and his tone was also laced with open confusion. “Are you suffering from Stockholm Syndrome or something like that? Nothing’s making any sense.” A frown crumpled his forehead. “Are you being truthful with me about everything where Vitali is concerned? Something just isn’t adding up.”
The guilt dropped her conscience lower.
No longer could she stand it!
Breathing within her treacherous filth was too much.
A breath barely left her as she murmured. “I said, get out---”
To her relief, he didn’t protest.
As he drew closer to her, she leaned against the open door for support. When he stopped directly before her, she gave a silent prayer. Just as he made moves to speak again, she interrupted quickly. “Braden, please…”
“I know there’s something there between us,” he insisted. “…whether you want to admit that or not---”
“Stop it!” Then, softening her voice, she dropped her eyes to his chest before pleading. “Please, just go.”
“I won’t let this go.” Reaching out, he gripped her chin. “Sooner rather than later, you’ll have to face the truth yourself. Then, there will be no place for you to hide.”
Staying silent, heart breaking, she watched him leave.
***
An hour had barely escaped the budding night.
Now, it was a quarter to 11 pm.
A faint noise sounded outside the bedroom door.
She caught a breath.
Deep down, didn’t she already know who it was?
Wasn’t that why she left no barriers between them?
Perhaps, he’d sensed it earlier while leaving.
With a soft click, the bedroom door came open.
As it did, the hallway light spilled inside, but it was quickly overshadowed by his large frame as he stood within the doorway. Without seeking any permission, he ventured inside the bedroom door. After he closed the door and twisted the lock, a dangerous electrifying energy charged the room.
In the reigning silence, she heard her thundering heartbeat.
Pushing back against the pillows, she sat up in the bed.
Still, he said nothing……
Helplessly, her eyes tracked over him.
Damn, he was sexually intimidating in a strong, potent, and deeply desirable way. A black silky kimono robe covered his well-built form, and it was belted loosely at the waist. He hadn’t shaven. Because of it, the dark stubble roughened his jaw bone, making him all the sexier.
But, his eyes, she breathed unsteadily, staying a tormented sound.
They were the window to his soul.
Within them, she saw everything.
While he said nothing, she understood.
The pulse jumped wildly at her nape.
Deep inside, wasn’t she wrestling with a similar calamity?
Because there, her real feelings stirred with unrest and demanded release from her self-imprisonment. But, he saw her, too, though, she realized, clinging to his gaze all the way. Just as she witnessed his torrid feelings, he did the same; and didn’t that place her heart in further danger? With trembling hands, she clenched the silk sheets. “Y-you shouldn’t be here.”
“Maybe not…but deep down…you want me to be…” A shaky breath of need escaped him. “Bella…”
Her whisper was low and distraught. “Please don’t do this to me.”
“Don’t you get it? I have to…for both of our sakes.” His voice was needy and low. “Because seeing you and being with you like this---
“Braden---
“If I don’t fight for you, for us, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. Damn it, Bella,” he whispered hoarsely, and the tears shimmered bright in his gray orbs. “You mean more to me than you’ll ever understand. Tell me what I need to say or do to make you stay. I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”
Her tears began falling.
She released a weakened and helpless sob. “Baby---”
“This thing between us…it’s bigger than the both of us.” His voice roughened with emotion, and while he struggled to control it, he failed. “We can’t keep pretending that it’s not there.”
She gave a tearful whisper. “We have to---”
“No, we don’t. This pretending---this wedge that we’ve placed between us---it’s done and over with. No more games.”
She was held transfixed as he moved away from the door. Rather than coming to the bed, he stopped dead center of the room. Wounded, vulnerable, they watched each other with a deep longing. Though several feet separated them, a profound emotional closeness breathed, one that hadn’t in months. Now, in the moonlit room, separatism wasn’t an option within this eye-opening encounter.
“What we feel for each other surpasses any reasoning. That’s what makes our situation so terrifying, isn’t baby---the fact that we need and want each other so damned much. But, can’t we be afraid together? Don’t we owe ourselves the chance to see where this will lead?” On his handsome face, the emotions were raw and thick…too beautiful and haunting simultaneously. “Baby, I need you.”
The hard sobs finally overtook her.
Crying softly, she turned away from him.
For a brief moment, he allowed her to.
Then, he gave her no further solace in that regard.
Only real honesty would free them.
“Tell me the truth, Bella.” His words were desperate, haunted, and pleading at once. “Is it too late for us? Will there never be a you and me?”
Overhead, the dark ceiling was a teary blur.
She was crying that much.
A painful silence hummed.
Finally, she couldn’t endure it any longer.
“I hate being away from you,” she confessed tearfully, curling in a ball, and then turned towards him again. Beneath the sheets, her body trembled all over. Facing him like this, it was all opening and revealing, deep down to her very lonely and lost soul. “But, our circumstances make things difficult. Your father----”
“To hell with Vitali! I don’t care about him.” His tortured gaze clung to one that held an equal level of torment. Chest heaving, breathing unsteadily, he watched her through a teary haze, and the sight of his agony crippled her. “Stop doing this to me.”
Her tears spilled over. “I’m not trying to hurt you---”
“But, you are. Not only that, you’re hurting yourself. Don’t you understand that? Every time you look at me, every time that you pretend to not care, you’re spiraling us into an emotional hell, and I’m fucking sick of it.” On his handsome features, his look became more pleading. “No more games. No more pretending. Look at me, Bella.” When she raised her tearful eyes back to his, he voiced a powerful demand. “I want you to look at me and tell me that you don’t want to be with me.”
How could she voice such an untruth, she mulled, lips trembling.
For didn’t she love him more than anything in the world?
She passed him a helpless and stricken look. “Braden---”
“I love you, Bella,” he whispered, broken. “Nothing in this fucking world will ever change that. Not Vitali. Not anything.”
His words lanced her already fragile heart.
But, they brought a hope that she’d needed for so long.
Finally, selfishly, could she bow to her own wants?
How could she not?
The fraught moment demanded it.
Across the moonlit room, their tortured gazes clung.
“I have strong feelings for you,” she whispered back. “…feelings that I’m trying to make sense of---”
“I’ll take that for now,” he broke in, eyeing her close. “But, eventually, you’ll have to accept things and say it out loud. But, I’m a patient man. So, I’ll wait for it.”
A powerful energy charged the room.
His gaze darkened. “That wasn’t so bad was it?”
“What?” she asked somewhat breathlessly.
“Saying what you feel out loud.” A light glimmered in his orbs. “For the longest time, I was afraid too. Deep down, a small part of me is still fearful of us. You’ve taken me to a place that’s completely foreign. You’re the only one that I’ve ever opened up to like this---”
The tears swelled in her eyes. “Baby---”
“But, there’s a freedom in it, though…you make me believe that anything is possible. You’ve brought hope and light into my world---a place that’s been so fucking lonely and dark.” His eyes shimmered bright with tears again. “Thank you for that. Whenever my fucked up world comes to an end, I’ll know that I’ve had one thing that meant every damned thing.” His lips curled into a hopeful smile, but then fell. “I hope that my words don’t scare you. But, I’m just trying to explain how I feel.”
“And I understand that--”
“Yet, it still feels like a part of you wants to run.”
“I’
m afraid---afraid of my feelings for you. They control me. Nothing else makes sense but my selfish need for you,” she admitted, holding his gaze. “Isn’t it a dangerous thing to desire or crave someone that much? I mean, wouldn’t it be close to obsessive? A lot of times I think I am obsessed with you. You’re all I think about---day in and day out.” Finally, she expelled a desperate breath. “Our feelings for each other are like a wild beast. There’s no controlling them. Doesn’t that prove that we should rethink our situation---”
“No.” His one word held finality and acceptance. “I’m not going to allow you to hide from me now. I see you, all of you,” he rasped quietly, and slowly began un-belting the robe. As the sash was freed, the robe fell wide open and revealed his big, naked, hungry, and needy body. All the while, his gray orbs bewitched hers with a heady invitation. “We’re done with all the hurt.”
Wasn’t he right? Wasn’t it time to finally stop running?
So far, what had it gotten them?
Could they really make it work?
“I don’t want to hurt anymore,” she whispered, biting her trembling lips. Finally, crumpling, she voiced her haunting confession. “I need you, Braden. Only you…”
At her admission, a dangerous gleam shone in his eyes.
A sexual roughness tinged his tone. “Come here.”
With a perfectly timed slowness, she crawled from the bed. Then, pausing alongside it, she allowed him to drink her in. As his heated gaze fell on her semi-clad form, she nearly melted in a puddle. The lacy, strapless black brassiere and matching thong were all revealing, outlining her lushness and curves. Through the fabric, her nipples were already budded tight and on full display. For his eyes lingered there for so long…While they slid over her, she shivered in response, and her reaction was too telling. Her body’s betrayal was crippling to her bravado and resolve. She was his in every sense of the word, she mulled helplessly, releasing a low plea. As she hovered there, his hungered look intensified, and again, she was weakened beyond repair. “Braden---”
His voice was thick. “I said, come here.”
Heart thudding fast, she slowly crossed the room towards him.
In the moonlit bound room, time suspended.
Rise of the Titan Page 53
