I Can't Trust You

by Roxy Gray

  * * *

  I spend the rest of the weekend in a blur. Before I know it, it’s Monday evening, and there’s still no sign of Violet.

  “Where are you, V?” I ask aloud as I stare at her last messages on my phone. I’ve tried calling and texting her multiple times with no answer. Each time I re-read her pleas, my heart sinks a little lower. My fears grow. What if we never find her? What if she’s just…gone? What if I missed my only chance? Violet reached out to me, and I was too busy wrapped up in my own problems to notice. She could have texted anyone in the world that night, but she chose me. And I fucked up big time.

  Then, as if by magic, I have an idea.

  I open my laptop and get online. “Yes!”

  Violet would occasionally use my laptop, hers being unreliable. By some miracle, I still have Violet’s login information saved for the cloud. It works, and I’ve never been so thankful.

  Upon logging in, I see that I have access to all of her text messages and photos. Part of me feels guilty for looking at them, but I want Violet back. Making sure she’s safe is far more important than an invasion of privacy. If I have to do some snooping to find her, I will. I’d rather have Violet be angry at me than be hurt or lost. Or worse, I shudder.

  I message Officer Daniels to let him know what I’ve discovered, then resume my investigation.

  None of Violet’s photos give anything away. I don’t find anything interesting or suspicious. Just some selfies, images of food, and a few pictures of Violet and me at the beach several months ago. It was summer then, and the two of us look happy. Our faces are lit with smiles, and we have our arms draped behind one another in a half-hug. Violet’s blonde hair shines in the outdoor sun, and her blue eyes are piercing, right beside my green ones. I miss you, Violet.

  When I move on to her messages, I find them to be far more suspicious. Apart from the usual check-ins from Violet’s parents, there are a lot of texts from unknown phone numbers. It’s odd that she would be messaging someone regularly without entering their name into her contacts. Almost daily, it seems. Sometimes even to a few different people. When I begin to read through the conversations, things start to make sense.

  The text messages are crystal clear: arranging rendezvous, discussing payment and current stock. Requests for specific quantities by the gram… how did I not see it? Violet’s jittery demeanour, her constant irritability, and her mysterious ‘meetings’ make total sense. Now that the proof is here in front of me, it seems obvious.

  She has a drug problem.

  Last year, Violet struggled to make it through her coursework. This year, I hadn’t heard a peep from her about falling behind. Is that because she was boosting her productivity in a new way?

  A wave of guilt washes over me. I should have been a better friend and made sure Violet was alright. If I hadn’t been caught up in my own problems, maybe she’d still be here right now. Maybe she would be safe.

  I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I’m shocked. I don’t look like myself. My pale green eyes are puffy from crying, my cheeks gaunt, and my black hair is uncombed, sticking in all directions. If Violet doesn’t come back soon, I’m going to lose it.

  I look over at the corner of my desk, where my assignments are starting to pile up. My discipline has been wavering in the face of Violet’s sudden disappearance. Not an excuse, but a fact. Though I doubt my professors will cut me any slack just because my best friend is missing. I need to keep my scholarship, and that means I can’t afford to slack off.

  No sooner than I’ve flipped my book open to the proper page, music begins to blare from Jasper’s room next door. Ugh, not again. At least he’s alone this time. Since Violet’s been gone, Jasper hasn’t brought Amanda home at all.

  Feeling drained, I drag myself out of my room and rap on his door, not surprised when Jasper opens it displaying a smirk. He’s wearing a pair of grey sweats that hang low on his hips. A thin, white t-shirt betrays the contours of his abs.

  “Yeah? Something I can help you with?” He clears his throat.

  “Can you use headphones? I’m trying to get some work done,” I say, intentionally keeping my eyes on his face.

  He’s about to retort, but then stops when he notices my tired expression. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m just worried about Violet.” Before I can stop myself, I burst into tears. “Sorry,” I say. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. I hate it.”

  Jasper unexpectedly envelops me in his arms, and I don’t resist. “Hey, it’ll be alright. Violet is a smart woman. I’m sure she’ll find her way back,” he says.

  I listen to the rhythm of his heart next to my ear. It quickens as he speaks. “I’m not sure,” I whisper.

  “Want to go for a walk? Or a drive? You haven’t left your room in days. Could help get your mind off things.”

  “Okay,” I sniff. “I didn’t know you had a car.”

  “Yeah,” Jasper says. “Grandpa left it to me when he passed away last year.”

  “Your grandpa passed away?” I ask, my heart sinking. “He was such a sweet guy.”

  “I know,” Jasper smiles. “I miss him.”

  “Just give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready to go.”

  After attempting to rectify my appearance, I follow Jasper outside to the parking lot. The fall air is crisp and chilly, enough so to make me feel cozy in my sweater. The front lawn is littered with fallen leaves in all colours, dancing in the wind.

  “That’s me,” he says, nodding to a black Mazda sedan. I climb in the passenger side, still trying to get Violet off of my mind.

  “Anywhere you feel like going?” Jasper asks as he gets behind the wheel.

  “I don’t know. You pick.”

  He runs one hand through his hair before speaking.

  “Got it. We’re going to the lake.”

  “The lake?” I ask, my mouth upturning in amusement. Of course, he must be talking about Lake Peach.

  “Yeah,” he says, throwing the car into reverse.

  “I haven’t been back there since I skinny dipped in my first year of school,” I laugh.

  “You would,” Jasper jokes.

  “Oh, please, you probably did it too.”

  “Nah,” he shakes his head. “If you were there I would have, though,” he pauses. “Always dragging me into your crazy antics.”

  We both go silent for a minute.

  “Why didn’t you ever contact me last year? If I had known we were going to the same school we could have had coffee or something.”

  “Probably for the best. I went through some things last year. It wasn’t pretty,” Jasper says, not taking his eyes off the road.

  “What kind of things?”

  “I was hanging with the wrong crowd. Did some dumb stuff. If it wasn’t for Clay, I’d probably be in prison.”

  I frown. “Really? What did you do?”

  “Dealt drugs, mostly. Clay convinced me to stop.”

  “Fuck, Jasper,” I say, shocked.

  “I know, I know. It was a stupid mistake.”

  “No kidding.”

  We turn off the main road into the parking lot for Lake Peach. Only a short drive away from campus, it’s a prime hangout spot for students, at least during the summer. Come fall, the lake is normally deserted.

  Just as I suspected, it’s completely quiet around us when we get out of the car. Not a soul in sight. Jasper retrieves a jacket from the trunk, covering his arms from the cold, licking wind.

  “You warm enough?” He asks.

  “I’m a bit chilly,” I say, evaluating my cool body temperature beneath my sweater.

  “Here.” Jasper tosses me a hoodie, this one all black with a fuzzy lining. I wonder if he’s noticed that I still haven’t returned the other one he lent me. “How about we do one of the short paths, then go down to the water. Sound okay?” He says, finally shutting the trunk.

  “Sure.”

  We h
ead down a narrow footpath on our left, which winds through a grove of pine trees. I inhale the fresh scent, the aroma reminding me of when Violet and I would play hide and seek in the woods as kids.

  “Okay, this isn’t funny anymore!” I call from an open clearing in the forest. “Violet, come out! I give up. You win, okay?”

  Violet climbs out from behind a large, rotted tree stump.

  “Sorry, Ivy, but you really suck at this game,” she says with a frustrated sigh.

  “I do not! Let’s play tag instead. Hide and seek sucks.”

  “Okay. You’re it!”

  Violet tags me and runs away before I realize what’s happening.

  “Violet! Come on, come back!”

  I start off behind her anyway, knowing I’ll be the loser if I can’t find her. She’s faster than me, and she disappears into the thick woods.

  “Violet? Please don’t do this again! Where did you go?”

  My whiny voice carries through the empty woods, but Violet is nowhere in sight.

  She always was good at hiding.

  “Ivy…Are you alright?”

  Jasper touches my arm and I jump in surprise.

  “Yeah,” I say, blinking my eyes a few times. “Sorry. I was just thinking about something. Violet and I used to come here when we were younger.”

  “Oh, shit. I wouldn’t have brought you here if I had known that,” he says.

  “It’s okay, really. Let’s just keep going.”

  We continue meandering down the narrow path, brushing against the endless rows of pine branches as we go. When we near the water, I stop in my tracks. Goosebumps spread across my skin, leaving shivers in their wake.

  “Why’d you stop?” Jasper asks.

  I want to tell him, but I can’t explain it. All I know is I keep getting this feeling of paranoia, and it consumes my whole body.

  “Ivy, you’re shaking. What’s wrong?” Jasper says. He tips my chin up and looks into my eyes with concern.

  “I’m terrified.”

  “Of what?”

  A fog of our breath hangs in front of us, suspended in the chilly air.

  “That whatever happened to Violet is going to happen to me next. I just have this feeling…I can’t explain it. It’s like a sixth sense,” I say, my eyes darting through the woods.

  “Ivy, it’s just you and I. No one else is here. No one is going to hurt you. Breathe.” Jasper holds me in his arms and strokes my hand with his thumb. Though the logical portion my brain is screaming that I should be guarded around this man, I can’t resist letting the old part of me open up to him.

  “Yeah, just like that. Breathe in…now breathe out.”

  We stay like this for a while, until my pulse returns somewhat to normal. When we pull away, I feel an emptiness.

  “Maybe we should go back, yeah?” Jasper says, running a hand through his hair again.

  “No, we’re almost at the water. Come on,” I insist, taking his hand. Jasper laces his fingers with mine, and we continue, finally reaching the lake a minute later. The sun is just beginning to set overhead, early this time of year. The water is still and quiet.

  I walk to the end of the old dock and sit by the edge. I expect Jasper to join me, but he doesn’t. When I look over at him, he’s in the middle of removing his clothes.

  “Um, what are you doing?” I ask, covering my mouth to keep from laughing.

  “Cheering you up,” he smirks, pulling his jacket off. His socks are next. Then, his shirt.

  “How is seeing you naked going to cheer me up?”

  Jasper ignores me, peeling off the remainder of his outfit until he’s standing in his briefs. I try to look away, but I can’t stop myself from studying his rigid body. It’s mesmerizing. There’s probably drool hanging from my mouth too.

  “Told ya,” he says before diving into the water with a splash.

  Before I can change my mind, I strip down to my underwear and bra, jumping into the cool lake.

  When I resurface near Jasper, he laughs.

  “You really haven’t changed at all.”

  I splash him with water, and Jasper hides beneath its surface.

  “Fuck, it’s cold,” I admit when he bobs up next to me.

  “Yup,” Jasper says, his teeth chattering. “Let’s get out.”

  We swim back to the dock, and I squint my eyes shut as Jasper climbs out of the water. He doesn’t offer me the same courtesy.

  “Pervert,” I joke as I pull my clothes back on.

  “Oh, just take it as a compliment,” he says.

  He takes my hand in his again, not letting go until we’ve made it back through the woods. At the car, Jasper digs through his trunk, locating a couple of towels.

  “Jasper?” I say once we’re back in the car.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you for being so nice today.”

  Before I can stop myself, I lean over and give him a peck on the lips.

  I begin to pull away but he stops me, deepening the kiss. I allow him to coax my mouth open and suck on my tongue, eventually pulling back.

  “What about Amanda?” I say into his lips.

  “I like you better,” Jasper grins.

  “Suuure,” I say lightly. “Take me home.”

  “Yes ma’am,” he jokes.

  I sit back as we pull onto the road, heading to the dorm. The feeling of paranoia has receded slightly, but until I find Violet, I know it’ll keep haunting me.

  5

  ___

  the dig

  IVY

  I begin releasing segments of my article to the paper the next day, and they print on Wednesday morning. Blane and the rest of the newspaper team are thrilled, hopeful that the articles will garner a great deal of attention from other students. My writing details everything Bridgette and Simone told me, names changed of course, and the circumstances under which Violet went missing ― four days ago now. I included a picture of her for good measure, just in case she’s spotted around town. Her family has been handing out flyers around campus too, but nothing has turned up and leads.

  “This is great, Ivy,” Jamie says in the newsroom that afternoon as he flips through the paper. It’s the first time we’ve spoken since I turned him down for a date.

  “Thanks,” I say. “Hopefully it’ll stir up something, or at least scare the guy into bringing Violet back.”

  “Hopefully,” he agrees. Jamie’s eyes linger on me for a moment before he turns back to his work.

  I can’t deny it: Jamie is gorgeous. He’s a nice guy, too. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between us, but there’s no point in trying to force it. Jamie would be better off with someone who appreciates his calm, friendly personality. Someone like Violet; when she comes back.

  I put my head down, focusing on my laptop in front of me. I’m still in the process of reading through all of Violet’s text messages, trying to find anything else suspicious. So far, other than communication with her dealers, nada. One of them would likely know more than I do about her whereabouts at this point. She was keeping this huge part of her life secret from me and her family.

  I try texting one of her mystery contacts from my own number, just to see what happens.

  Me: Hey. Looking to buy some study aids. I’m on campus…are you able to help me out?

  I take a deep breath before hitting ‘send’.

  Thirty minutes go by with no answer. It’s unlikely they’ll ever reply if they happen to know that Violet is missing. It’s too risky. If it were me, I wouldn’t want to admit that I dealt drugs to a young student. Not that I ever would.

  I jump as an alarm sounds on my phone, erupting in a symphony of music. My side project is beckoning me.

  “See you later, Jamie,” I say as I rush to pack up my things.

  “Bye.”

  He watches me go, his face unreadable.

  Outside, I practically run across campus, determined to make
it to my destination in time. The contents of my backpack jostle around, but I manage to arrive at the perfect moment. Just as I reach the Psychology building, Jasper is exiting through the side door.

  I quickly duck behind a tree. It’s now or never.

  I decided after our outing on Monday that the only way to soothe my suspicions about Jasper would be to put them to bed once and for all by following him around for a few days. Yesterday, I tracked him down after my morning class and stalked him all day. He spent two hours at the gym, four in a lecture, and one at the library. Nothing suspicious, other than his physical stamina.

  Today, it looks like Jasper is heading off-campus. He walks at a brisk pace, leaves crunching under his feet. I struggle to keep up, and my legs burn. I follow him as he walks into town, careful not to let him see me. The last thing I need is an angry Jasper on my hands.

  As I snake my way down the narrow side streets of our small mountain town, Myra, I’m distracted by the beauty around me. The beautiful silhouette of mountains and conifers frames the quaint buildings of the main strip. Above, the sky is robin's egg blue, not a cloud in sight. Though the air is cold, it’s refreshing and clean as I breathe it in.

  After a draining twenty-five minute walk, Jasper finally enters a small brick building. I camp out at a coffee shop across the street, picking a seat in the window where I have a clear view of the entrance. I order myself a drink, my eyes never leaving the front door where Jasper disappeared.

  When I look up the address online, it comes up as a therapist’s office. I dig through the website, finding that the clinic specializes in drug addiction and family counselling. Is Jasper in therapy? Sure enough, one hour later on the dot, he strolls out of the building, a smile on his face.