I Can't Trust You

by Roxy Gray

  At least she’s alive, I think.

  But for how long?

  “She’ll come back,” Jasper says after a few minutes of silence. “My mom always did.”

  “Did she?” I ask.

  “Well, yeah. Until the time she didn’t,” he gulps. “But that was different. Ivy is different. People are looking for her. She’ll be okay,” Jasper continues.

  He strokes his hand up and down my back, running it through my hair each time.

  I shake my head, but I don’t say anything further. Nothing changes the situation. Violet is gone, and there’s nothing I can do to get her back.

  Other than finding out what Jasper knows.

  As risky as being in his bed is, I can’t seem to bring myself to go back to mine. In Jasper’s arms, I feel familiarity. I feel at home. What scares me the most, is I’m not sure if I can trust my instincts anymore.

  Jasper leans over, flicking off the lamp. I don’t move from his chest. It’s the only place I feel safe right now.

  I don’t move all night.

  6

  ___

  paranoia

  IVY

  “So, you’re saying Miss White called you last night. From her cell phone?”

  Officer Daniels’ face looks sombre. He types away onto a small laptop, meeting my eyes between bursts of text. His clear-framed glasses slide down the bridge of his nose as he squints at what he’s writing. Though he’s been asking me prodding questions for the past half hour, I don’t feel like I’m being interrogated. I’ve come to realize that despite being a large man with the build of a football player, Daniels is anything but intimidating. He’d been nothing but kind to me so far; a teddy bear in disguise.

  The room is encased in floor to ceiling glass ― located smack dab in the middle of the Myra Police Station. Other than a table and chairs occupied by the two of us, it’s completely empty. Until recently, I’d only seen this type of room on crime shows. Sitting here, it’s easy to understand why people often feel defensive when being questioned by the police. The scene is meant to set a tone of graveness.

  I know better than to let it get to me. Daniels is just trying to do his job and find Violet as quickly as possible; just like I am. Holding interviews in a place like this is just one tactic the cops use to subtly pressure witnesses into talking honestly.

  “Yeah. It was her number. She said it was her, but then the line went dead.”

  “Was there any indication of where she might have been? Background noises of any sort?”

  Daniels purses his lips ever so slightly, something I’d noticed he does often during our meetings. He brings one hand up to his balding hair, using the back of it to wipe the sweat from his wrinkled forehead.

  “No,” I shake my head. “It was just silence.”

  “Okay,” Daniels says. “Anything else?

  I take a deep breath. “No. No, I don’t think so.”

  “Was anyone with you when this happened?”

  I chew on the inside of my lip, embarrassed that once again I’d have to divulge my encounter with Jasper.

  “Yes, my roommate. We were in his room when the call came through.”

  “Which roommate is this?” Daniels’ brows raise.

  “Jasper Blake.”

  “Right.” He finishes typing and shuts his laptop. “I’ll follow up with Jasper and see if he has any further information. Thank you, Ivy.”

  “Wait,” I say, retrieving my phone from my pocket. “One more thing.”

  Daniels pauses, lifting his screen again.

  “I’ve been receiving threats.”

  I open the string of messages, sliding the device across the table. I’d received another one this morning, fresh from the mouth of the mystery sicko:

  This isn’t a game. Back off, bitch.

  Daniels’ face looks grim as he scans through the messages. “May I download these?”

  I nod and he plugs my phone into his computer to make a copy.

  “We’ll station an officer outside of your building. We don’t want to risk anything here. He may be watching you,” Daniels says.

  “You think so?” An involuntary shudder passes through me.

  “It’s a possibility. Whoever we’re dealing with is clever. It might even be someone you know. If you see anything suspicious, call us right away.” He slides a business card across the table with a phone number written on it.

  “Thanks, officer,” I say, breathing a sigh of relief. Maybe I’ll finally be able to sleep knowing the police will be just outside.

  “No worries, Ivy. We’ll try to get someone out there today.”

  “Great. Any new progress on the investigation?”

  Daniels bows his head and pushes his glasses back up his nose. “Unfortunately I’m not able to discuss the details of an open case. What I can say is that we’re following up on all of the information you’ve sent our way. It’s been helpful so far, so thank you,” he says, rising to stand.

  “You’re welcome. I’m trying to help any possible way that I can.”

  “We’ll be in touch.” Daniels shakes my hand before escorting me out of the room.

  “Bye,” I say as the door closes behind me.

  I’m making my way home when my phone vibrates with a text message.

  Jasper: Why’d you sneak out on me this morning?

  Well, I guess this means he’s awake. I bite my lip, holding in an involuntary smile as last night’s activities appear in my memory. Part of me is glad that Jasper and I didn’t sleep together. I need to keep my mind clear, especially when I haven’t completely cleared him. That doesn’t stop me from wanting him, though. Our chemistry was effortless, and that’s hard to ignore.

  I close his message and make my way to class, arriving earlier than usual. The lecture room is sparse. Only a few other students have arrived already. Sitting in my usual seat, I stare sadly at the empty chair beside me, which would normally have been reserved for Violet.

  “Is this seat taken?” I jump at the sound of a voice. Looking up, I see Jamie.

  “Nope,” I shake my head. “Go ahead.”

  He sits down and pulls out a laptop.

  “How are things with you, Ivy?”

  “Not bad,” I shrug. “I’m a little behind in my schoolwork with all the time I’m spending looking for Violet.”

  Jamie’s brown eyes scrunch at the corners as his face adopts a look of sympathy.

  “I’d be happy to help you study if you want.” He says, offering me a smile that doesn’t make it to his eyes.

  “Maybe I’ll take you up on that. I could use a studying partner,” I admit. My last two assignments had been returned with poor grades, and help wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

  “Text me whenever; I’m just down the hall,” Jamie says lightly.

  “Thanks.”

  We quiet down as the lecture starts, and I try to pay attention, taking meticulous notes. The class goes by quickly, and before I know it, Jamie is rising from his seat as people filter out of the room.

  “Let me walk with you back to the dorms,” he says. “I don’t like you walking alone with all of the things that have been happening around here.”

  “Okay,” I say reluctantly.

  Outside, Jamie and I attempt small talk on our way back home, but I’m distracted. I can’t get what officer Daniels said out of my mind, and I grow quiet:

  It might even be someone you know.

  I look over at Jamie, who’s finally walking in silence after having given up on our awkward conversation. A chill begins to travel up my spine, my breathing becoming heavy. Someone I know could be any of the men on our floor. Why have I been spending all my time looking into Jasper when it could just as easily be any one of the guys? Including Jamie.

  By the time we reach the elevator, the air is heavy from our prolonged silence. It does nothing to silence my paranoia. My skin bristles with goosebumps, and
I burst out of the door as soon as it opens.

  “I’ll see you later, Jamie!”

  I run past him, jogging down the hall.

  “Bye, Ivy!” He calls after me, looking confused before heading in the other direction.

  I near our door and begin to feel my level of unease rise. I look from left to right, but there’s no one around. Not a soul. Not a sound either, other than some country music playing faintly from one of the other units. I quickly shove my key into the lock and enter, deadbolting the door behind me. I’m out of breath. I kick off my shoes, turning to stare at the door as I do. This slab with a lock is the only thing keeping the attacker from me, and it’s not enough to make me feel safe. He could easily break in whenever he wants. A feeling of panic festers beneath my skin. A warning, as if he were coming.

  Silence.

  I go over to my room, key still in hand.

  Suddenly, a pair of arms wrap around me from behind.

  “Get the fuck off me,” I say, trying to fight them. Instead, they tighten around my stomach.

  “It’s just me, Ivy. Relax.” Jasper’s voice breathes into my ear. I turn around, coming face to face with his green eyes.

  “Don’t do that!” I say angrily, opening my room to drop off my bag.

  Jasper perches in my doorway.

  “Sorry,” he says. “Didn’t mean to scare you. Just wanted to do this.” He closes the gap between us and kisses me gently. His lips are soft and calming, his touch gentle. I surrender to him and let my face soften.

  “Sorry, I’m just on edge. I didn’t mean to freak out on you.”

  “It’s alright,” Jasper says. “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m okay. A little behind on my school work.”

  “Anything I can help with?”

  “No,” I shrug. “Jamie is going to help me with some of my classes since we’re in the same program and all.”

  Jasper runs one hand through his hair, his smile disappearing entirely.

  “Jamie? I thought that was a one-time thing between the two of you.”

  “It was,” I say. “We’re friends.”

  “Friends?” Jasper scoffs. “Guys are never just friends with women, Ivy.”

  Now it’s my turn to laugh.

  “Sure they are. What about us? We were always friends growing up, right?”

  Jasper laughs, a dry sound coming from his chest.

  “Okay, Ivy. Whatever you say.”

  He shakes his head, returning to the living room.

  “Are you angry at me?” I ask, following him.

  “Nope,” Jasper says. He plops down on the sofa, opening a psychology textbook.

  “You seem like you are,” I say.

  “I’m not, Ivy. If you want to pretend last night didn’t happen, that’s fine by me,” he says, sounding defensive.

  “That’s not what I said,” I reply, going over to him. I move the book and pull Jasper to stand.

  “Okay…” he trails off. He looks at me intently, waiting for me to say something else.

  I don’t. Instead, I give in to my body and kiss his beautiful lips.

  As soon as I press into Jasper, he abandons all restraint. His hands immediately work their way into the back of my jeans. He toys with my lace underwear, gathering my ass in his hands. Slowly, we sink into the sofa, and I straddle his lap.

  “Ivy,” Jasper just about growls before taking me in an open-mouthed kiss. He’s about to lift my shirt over my head when the door to Clay’s bedroom swings open, and he pads through the living room, clearing his throat.

  I scramble off of Jasper’s lap.

  “Hey, Clay,” Jasper says, sounding out of breath. The two men share a look.

  “Hey, guys,” Clay smiles, adverting his eyes slightly. “I’m off to class. See you later,” he says before leaving the apartment, carrying a bulging backpack.

  “Bye, Clay,” I say after him.

  Once the door is shut, I let out a breath.

  “So. How’s Amanda?” I ask casually.

  Jasper laughs. “Wouldn’t know. Haven’t seen her lately.”

  I look at Jasper. At his sharp cheekbones, his hardened body, and his soft green eyes. The only way to find out if he’s innocent is to get as close to him as possible, even if it keeps screwing with my head.

  “Are you planning to sleep with her again?” I say, trying to sound casual.

  “No.” He pulls me back into his lap. “I have someone else on my mind.” His voice becomes muffled as he buries his face in my neck.

  “Oh yeah?” I ask, a smile finding its way to my lips.

  “Mmhmm. Been thinking about you all morning,” he says, his voice raspy against my skin.

  Jasper pulls off my shirt, revealing my sheer bra.

  “These too,” he adds, slipping one hand beneath the fabric.

  My head goes back as he toys with my sensitive nipples, and I finally feel myself beginning to relax against him. Jasper’s body is the opposite of relaxed. The hard bulge in his jeans presses into me as I rock back and forth on his lap.

  “Jasper…,” I warn, my body heating. He explores my curves with his hands, lingering over my tattoos.

  “Just relax. Stop over-thinking,” he says.

  He knows you too well.

  “Okay, fine.” I concede, closing my eyes as he continues to kiss my breasts.

  I don’t fight it anymore. Instead of denying myself, denying my body what it wants, I give in to it all.

  I remove my bra. The air is cool on my nipples. They harden. I stand and remove my jeans in front of Jasper. The zipper descends, and he watches with wide eyes. I stand before him in just my panties ― a red g-string, made from sheer lace. Finally, I turn and head in the direction of his bedroom, stopping to utter five simple words.

  “What are you waiting for?”

  I expect Jasper to follow me into his room, but instead, he goes into mine. He strips off his shirt and pants before laying on my bed.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, appearing in the doorway, still nearly naked.

  Jasper looks me up and down before speaking, motioning me to lay beside him. I do just that. I lay on my side, baring my naked backside to the open doorway.

  “I’m about to fuck you in your bed,” Jasper says huskily before rolling me onto my back. He climbs on top, resting his opens legs on either side of mine. The front of his briefs is nearly bursting.

  “You’ll never be able to have another guy in here without comparing them to me.”

  I let out a laugh. “Well, you think quite highly of yourself, don’t you?”

  Though my mind goes back to Amanda. She seemed to enjoy Jasper too, quite vocally in fact.

  “You’ll see.” He smirks, lightly grazing his fingers down to my hips.

  I expect him to rush through it all, but he doesn’t. Jasper starts by putting on a playlist of his choosing, leaving the music at a low volume on my nightstand. It’s instrumental, mainly, with a clear beat. Then, he turns off the light, leaving the blinds open just enough to see.

  “Truth or dare?” He asks, kissing his way up to my mouth.

  “Um – truth, I guess.”

  “Did you like me when we were younger?”

  I swallow. “I don’t know…we were thirteen, Jasper.”

  “So? Old enough to have feelings.” His eyes probe mine for a better answer.

  “Fine, I did like you,” I admit. “And I missed you a lot after I moved.”

  “Me too,” Jasper says, looking into my eyes again.

  He slips off my panties, then opens the drawer to my nightstand, rummaging through my sex toys.

  “I knew you’d have a bunch of these,” he grins. “Wild Ivy.”

  “Quiet,” I retort, silencing him with a kiss.

  “Truth or dare?” I ask him, feeling mischievous.

  “Dare.”

  “I dare you to fuck me until I scream.”
>
  Jasper can’t contain his cockiness.

  “Thought you’d never ask.”

  He takes a bullet vibrator in one hand, holding it against my clitoris. Slowly, he works it in circles, teasing me until the sound of my wetness betrays how turned on I am.

  “So sweet,” Jasper says, inserting the other end of the vibrator into my pussy. “Am I making you wet?”

  “Mhmm,” I nod, though he surely knew the answer already. My mouth falls open as Jasper works his magic. His hands move across my favourite places; my breasts, the nape of my neck, and finally, my engorged sex, helping the vibrator tease me.

  “Jasper,” I moan, my hand reaching for him beneath his underwear. His movements slow as I pump him, forming a tight ring around his cock with my fingers.

  “You’re too sexy,” he says before pulling out the vibrator. He removes his briefs and hovers over me, kissing me again as he positions his penis at the juncture of my thighs.

  “You have a condom?” He asks, hesitating there.

  “I’m on the pill, and clean.” I look down at his cock, hoping that he’s willing to go in bare. I like the way it feels.

  “Okay. I’m clean too,” he murmurs, pressing his lips gently to mine.

  I moan again as I feel him, a welcome intrusion, slide into me.

  Jasper enters me with long, slow strokes. His hips move easily. He stretches me with each thrust, the sensation of him against my walls out of this world. I’m melting and quivering all at once as we rock in unison, all of my senses on overdrive.

  The faint music in the background, the glow from the window, the scent of Jasper as he works my body…it’s enough to finally make me let go and enjoy myself.

  “Yes, oh fuck,” I exclaim as he responds to me, hitting a delicious place near my pubic bone.

  Jasper holds my arms above my head, lifting one of my legs to gain deeper access. Then, he drives into me quickly, reaching my end.

  “You feel amazing around my cock,” Jasper groans. The pressure builds inside of me. I lose myself in the feeling. He plays my body like a piano; precise, like he’s been studying this instrument for years.

  “I’m close,” I warn. I bring my fingers to my center, nurturing the growing warmth there.