Broken Scars

by J. M. Walker

  Shephard gave me a curt nod. “Same, kiddo.”

  “You think you can help me?” Lena asked, chewing her bottom lip.

  “I will definitely do my best.” Shephard glanced back at the tattoo Lucas was drawing on his inner forearm. “Your ex is too clean. I’m determined to help you get your daughter.”

  Lena stood from the chair. “Thank you. I appreciate that. I really do.” She walked back over to me.

  She was supposed to come over a few nights ago but had finally decided to go to a meeting instead. We were both proud of her even though Lucas never said those words exactly.

  “I promise we’ll do everything we can to help you,” I told her. “But we haven’t been able to find anything so far. I do suggest continuing your meetings and behaving. I know it’s hard. Trust me, I do know that. If I was in your situation, I would probably disagree with me. But it’s all you can do because if you aren’t patient and do something that could set your parents off, you might never see your daughter again.”

  “I know.” Lena rubbed the back of her neck. “God, I do know this. I just hate not having any control.”

  Lucas chuckled.

  I rolled my eyes. “How about we make a date and we can meet up for coffee and talk about this?”

  Lena crossed her arms under her chest. “You’re in the program, aren’t you?”

  I laughed. “What makes you think that?”

  “Because you all are obsessed with coffee.”

  “Not all of us are obsessed with coffee but yes. I’m actually an alcoholic.” I shrugged like it was no big deal. I wasn’t sure if it was anymore. It wasn’t controlling my life at the moment, so I guess it wasn’t.

  Lena sighed. “Fine. I’ll call you.” She gave me a quick hug, muttered a goodbye to the guys, thanked them again and left the shop.

  Jumping up onto the counter, I continued the crossword puzzle. I finished three of them when a throat cleared.

  I looked up, finding Lucas and Shephard staring back at me. “Done already?”

  “It’s been three hours, Lily.” Lucas came around the counter.

  “Can you book me in for another session please? I think Shannon wants to get another tattoo as well but I’m not sure yet.” Shephard pulled his wallet out of his black leather jacket and handed Lucas a wad of cash.

  “I guess I shouldn’t argue with you about taking this, should I?” Lucas put it in an envelope and stuffed it into the cash register.

  “Nope. I know you’re not going to keep the money anyway, but my wife still insists that I give it to you.” Shephard’s knuckles rapped the counter top. “I should be heading home. It was good seeing you, my man. And it was nice finally meeting you, Lily. I’ve only heard great things.”

  “It was nice meeting you too,” I told him. “And really? You talked to him about me?” I asked Lucas.

  “Of course.” He gave me a quick kiss before walking Shephard out of the shop. When he came back inside, he turned off the Open sign and locked up.

  “What did he mean that you wouldn’t be keeping the money?”

  Lucas only winked. He double-checked the door. Satisfied that it was locked, he turned to me. “I stash it away for those in need. Before you say, ‘aww, that’s so sweet’, I’m just paying it forward.”

  “That is really sweet though.”

  He shrugged. “I had no one when I was a kid. Shephard saved me and as difficult as I can be, he’s never turned on me.”

  “How did you meet him?” I asked, curious about the older man Lucas was friends with.

  “He was one of the cops who raided the place I spent my childhood in. He was just a rookie at the time, ended up going to the wrong address. Thank God for that too.” Lucas shuddered. “He’s a good guy.”

  “He sounds like it. Especially if he helped save your life.”

  “I refuse to let others go through the same shit, so I do what I can. That’s why I offer the free tattoos for scars and burns.” He finished cleaning up the tattoo station.

  My heart warmed for the man who was so big and scary, but kind and gentle all at the same time.

  My body heated. Every inch of me came alive knowing that I would have him for the rest of the night. All to myself.

  “I can feel you looking at me, Lily Pad.” He came toward me and held out his hand.

  I took it, letting him help me off the back counter. “I can’t help it. You’re pretty.”

  He chuckled, wrapping his big body around me. “I’m not pretty, baby.”

  I leaned back, cupping his scruffy jaw. “Yeah, Lucas. You are. You’re beautiful. Your soul is beautiful. And if no one knows that, then they just haven’t been paying attention.”

  His breath caught. “Lily, I think I’m—”

  A loud crash sounded from the back of the place, making us jump apart.

  “Shit.” He charged for his apartment with me following behind him. Once we reached the door leading to his place, he unlocked it and stepped out into the hall. “Stay here.”

  “As if.” I followed him anyway.

  “Lily,” he growled, spinning on me.

  “I’m safer with you, Lucas.” I didn’t want to be alone. Especially not after what happened to me in that alley.

  “Fine.” He turned back around. “Stay close.”

  He wouldn’t have to worry about that. I was right on his heels. One stop from him and I would have bumped into him.

  We headed down the hall and once we reached the door leading to his apartment, Lucas let out a curse.

  I peered around him, finding the door slightly ajar. My heart started racing. “How the hell did they break in?”

  “I have no fucking idea.” Lucas pushed it open slowly and entered.

  I followed him. “Lucas?”

  “Fuck me.”

  My eyes widened when we reached the living room. His place was trashed. The TV had been knocked over, broken glass surrounded it on the floor. The two bookshelves he had, were now on the ground with books strewn everywhere.

  “How come we didn’t hear this?” I asked, staring at the mess before me.

  “The walls are thick,” he said, walking through his living room. “They were obviously quiet until the last second. Probably wanted to make an impression or hoped they would get caught.”

  “Or they bolted and are fast as hell,” I mumbled.

  “Stay here. I’m going to make sure we’re alone.” He trudged through the rest of the apartment, doors opening then slamming closed. “Fuck,” he bellowed.

  My stomach twisted, my heart jumping in my chest. “What about your room?” I asked when he came back a moment later.

  “No one else is here but…” He glanced at the door leading to his computer room. “I swear to fucking…” He blew out a slow breath and headed that way. A hard laugh left him. “This doesn’t make sense. There’s no way they should have broken in.”

  I joined him.

  Lucas stood inside the room that was now empty.

  “Oh God.” I clapped a hand over my mouth. “We need to call the cops.”

  “Fucking hell.” He rubbed the back of his neck and pulled his cell from the pocket in his jeans. “Yeah, I’d like to report a break-in.”

  ***

  “Have a good night, Officers,” I heard Lucas say.

  I had started cleaning once I got the go-ahead. The two cops had taken inventory of everything that had been taken. Which was everything in Lucas’s computer room. But nothing else had been stolen.

  Stuffing the last bit of garbage in the large black bag, I tied the ends and put it with the others.

  Lucas went back to his computer room, not giving me a passing glance. I wasn’t sure why exactly but that bothered me. I knew he needed his space. That room had been locked up tight and held memories that he wasn’t ready to share. It was also proof of a life he used to live to make ends meet.

  “I have no idea who the fuck would do this,” Lucas said, re-joining me in the living room.

&nb
sp; “Any enemies?” I asked, crouching low to lift the bookshelf that had been pushed over.

  “Baby, I have a lot of fucking enemies. But none that would go to this length…Actually, I don’t even know what they would do to get the information they’re looking for.” He crouched beside me and we lifted the bookshelf together. I knew he could have lifted it himself, but I was thankful he didn’t push me away and let me help him instead.

  “What information do you have on those computers?” I asked, picking up book after book and placing them on the shelves.

  “Nothing that anyone knows about. It’s also the fact that I can get any information I want that usually poses a problem. But anyone who asks me to look for shit for them, I trust. I don’t just do it for random strangers off the street.”

  “But someone who doesn’t know that, wouldn’t be able to come across it just by turning on your computer. They would have to know where exactly to look for it on your computer.”

  “That’s true.” He met my gaze. “But if we were here, who the hell knows what would have happened. Both of us know how to access my computer. I don’t give a fuck about me but I sure as hell give…”

  “A fuck about me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Yeah.”

  I stood on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “I give a fuck about you too.”

  He blew out a slow breath. “You always know the right thing to say.”

  I shrugged. “I’m talented that way.”

  “You are.” He gave me a wink.

  We continued to tidy up as best we could. Thankfully, the bookshelves weren’t broken but the TV was. Lucas would have to replace it. But he was right, it could have gone down a lot worse. We were still there. Even if we weren’t in the same location, we were at the business part of the building. What would have happened… I hugged myself, rubbing my arms.

  “Hey.” Lucas stepped up behind me. “The place looks great.” He wrapped his arms around my middle, placing a soft peck on the side of my neck. “Thank you.”

  “What if we’re here next time?” I turned in his arms. “What if they can’t get the information they’re looking for and come after you?”

  “I’ll deal with it when the time comes.” Lucas leaned his forehead against mine. “All of my shit is password protected. I’ve been a good little boy. I use my computers for playing games and doing minor dirty work but nothing that can land me in jail again. I’m not proud of the shit I’ve done.” He pulled away, looking around the room. “Fuck.” His fist landed against the wall.

  I jumped, rushing to him when he went to do it again. “Hey, that’s enough. You’re going to hurt yourself.” I grabbed his hand, rubbing his knuckles that were now red. “They’re just items. You are more important than that shit. We can go to my place for a few days. Lay low until the police are in touch. You left them your cell number?”

  “Yeah, they can get in touch with me. I usually work with Shephard and some FBI.” He paused. “If Killian has something to do with this...”

  “What? Why would he have something do with this?”

  “I don’t know. I’m grasping at straws here. But he’s jealous. Maybe…” Lucas shook his head. “No, that doesn’t even make sense.”

  “You think that fucker is smart enough for this? No. Lucas, he’s a dick. I know that, but I can’t see him doing this. Hell, he didn’t know about you until you and I started seeing each other.”

  “True but look at what happened during your date with him.”

  I rolled my eyes and shoved past him. “That was not a date. I told you that. I want you. Only you. Not him. Don’t play that jealousy shit with me.”

  “Baby.”

  “No.” I pointed at him.

  Lucas stopped, staring me down.

  I shivered at the dark shadow passing over his face at being told what to do. “Listen, you are my boyfriend. Alright? I am in a relationship with you. Not him. I never thought him as serious. He was convenient. But he was a selfish bastard so that was why it was only a few times. Anyway, that doesn’t matter. Just…please don’t be jealous of him.”

  “He’s a man, Lily. He’s competition.” Lucas went to the kitchen and came back a moment later with a broom and dustpan. “I’ll sweep the alcove. There’s a vacuum in the hall closet.”

  “Fine.” Clearly the conversation was over, so I did as he suggested and vacuumed the living room. When we were done, I sat on the couch with my knee crossed over the other.

  A plate and a glass of milk came into view.

  I sighed but took it and ate the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

  Lucas sat beside me, doing the same.

  When we were done, I grabbed the plates and put them in the sink. A hard body came up behind me.

  “Lucas.” I didn’t want to fight with him.

  He cupped my shoulders. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be jealous. I trust you.”

  “I don’t want him,” I murmured.

  Lucas spun me around. “I know.” Running his thumb down the length of my jaw, he placed a hard peck on my lips.

  I deepened the kiss, latching on to his hoodie. I pulled him tighter against me, taking his breath into my very lungs.

  Lucas released my mouth. “I have to call Shephard. He can help me with this. I also need to figure out why they took my computers.”

  “And we need to figure out who took them. We can go to my place and use my laptop. We can track it from there. And then if we see any activity, we can let the cops know.”

  “Yeah, we’ll let the cops know,” he repeated. “Right.”

  I frowned, placing my hands on my hips. “You are not going after them.”

  “Like hell I’m not. They took my life, Lily.”

  “So? They are just computers.”

  “They are not just computers,” Lucas snapped.

  I raised an eyebrow.

  He blew out a slow breath, rubbing the back of his neck. “Fuck.”

  “I get that you’re pissed but you don’t need to yell at me.” I crossed my arms under my chest.

  “Shit. I’m…” He sighed again. “I hate not having control. My home, the shop and the computers…those are the things I have control of.”

  “And it’s bothering you that these bastards took that control,” I added.

  “Yeah.” Lucas walked out of the kitchen.

  “I get you’re upset but I don’t want you going after them. I will do whatever I can to help you. We can talk to Shephard. But clearly these fuckers were looking for something. They’re trying to get something on you. It’s not safe. I refuse to lose you.”

  He headed down the hall to the door of the apartment.

  “Lucas.” I followed him and smacked his back. “Please. I won’t lose you when I’ve only just found you.” I let out a frustrated cry. “Fine. You want to be a dickhead? Go right ahead. I’m going home with or without you.” I shoved past him and left the apartment.

  “Don’t fucking walk away from me.”

  “Me?” I spun on him and pushed him back. “You’re not talking to me. You’re falling into yourself and it’s…it’s scaring me.”

  “I’m…” Lucas hesitated, something flashing in his dark eye. “Fine. I won’t go after them.”

  I shook my head, surprised he gave in so quickly. “You won’t?”

  His jaw clenched. “No.”

  “Okay.” I blew out a breath of relief, my shoulders slumping. I looked around the apartment. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than when we first arrived.

  Lucas came up beside me and wrapped his arms around my middle. Pushing his face into the crook of my neck, his mouth brushed over the spot beneath my ear. “I’m sorry for fighting with you.”

  “I know. I am too.” I cupped his arms that were around me. “Tell me what’s going on.” I turned and placed my hands on his chest.

  “I’m fucking terrified that they’ll come back, and you’ll be with me.” Lucas cupped my face. “If something happened t
o you…”

  “Nothing’s going to happen.” But something already did.

  “I came home once to you beaten. If I see that shit again, I’ll fucking lose it, Lily Pad.”

  My chest tightened. “You care about me?”

  “Of course I care about you.” He turned me completely in his arms and wrapped himself around me.

  I leaned my head against his chest, his heart beating hard beneath my ear. “Tell me.”

  His body stiffened. “I did.”

  “No.” I leaned back. “Tell me more.”

  “There’s nothing to say.” He released me and headed back to the front door.

  “Lucas.” I followed him. “Please. Talk to me.”

  He spun on me, forcing me back a step. “Talk? You want me to fucking talk? Fine. I’ll talk. I’m in love with a woman who drives me fucking crazy. I’ve told you shit I’ve never told anyone. At all. And tonight, these bastards who took my computers from me, scare the shit out of me because I don’t know if they’ll be back. I don’t know if they’ll turn up when you’re with me. And if you are with me and something happened, I would never forgive myself. I would die first before I let something happen to you.” He turned back around. “Happy?”

  “You’re in love with me?” I whispered, taken aback at his confession.

  “That’s all you got from that?” he asked, looking at me over his shoulder.

  “That’s the most important part,” I told him.

  He only stared, something flashing behind his gaze. “Is it?”

  I nodded, swallowing hard. “It’s never been said to me before. I mean, my grandma tells me it of course but never a man. I…”

  Lucas held his hand out.

  I took it. We walked out of his apartment in silence.

  He locked the place up even though his door had been busted in. “I’m sorry for fighting with you,” he said a moment later. “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re just trying to help and I’m being a dick.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I murmured.

  He nodded, kissed the top of my head and led the way to his car.

  We drove to my place with our fingers intertwined but no more words were said. He was in love with me. God, I had no idea. It explained everything.