Axes and Angels: A Snarky Urban Fantasy Novel (Better Demons Series Book 1)

by Matthew Herrmann

  I prepared for impact but instead of kissing the ground and hopping right back up, I landed badly, and I dropped my rock.

  Orion was on me in an instant, his large but lithe body sailing through the air, one of his boots coming right at my head.

  I pitched to the side again. Luckily I was still close to the Arena’s inner wall; I threw myself into a hard roll and scrambled to my feet, pitching myself forward at the wall in an attempt to steady myself. My shoulder grazed it, no doubt taking off some skin, but I’d achieved my goal of getting back on my feet.

  Orion sent the heel of his boot arcing sideways where my chest had been a moment before. I ducked, and dust and stone fragments spit into the air. Flexing my bindings, I felt the rope finally give way. I turned to Orion. If my partner’s system was jacked up with Deadly Sins, then I could use that to my advantage.

  I stood tall and thrust back my shoulders as I flicked back my hair, placed one foot out in front of the other, imagining myself as posing for a Victoria’s Secret photoshoot. “I really admire your fighting techniques,” I said in a husky voice.

  Orion’s eyes twitched hungrily.

  I lowered a hand to my thigh and rubbed a slow seductive circle. “Maybe I will take you up on your offer after all …”

  Orion shuddered. He licked his lips and ran right at me, and backstepping on my sneakers, I spun like an angel, swept him behind the knees, spiraled up and caught the back of his head with my palm, shoving it against the wall.

  Crack!

  I didn’t think I’d used enough force to kill him but I couldn’t tell if the sound had come from his skull or the wall as Orion’s body tumbled to the dusty rock floor. He didn’t move; his eyes stared wide and unseeing up into the stands.

  “Theo! Theo!” a fan chanted from the stands. “Orion!” someone else cried out. “Only one can live!” shouted another.

  I kept a cautious distance from Orion’s crumpled body with my arms raised defensively at my side. I waited but Orion didn’t move. Goosebumps riffled up my spine. Surely I hadn’t really just killed my partner … All I did was shove his head against the wall, meaning to knock him out. But his eyes. His open, unseeing eyes …

  I felt a slight stirring in my left shoulder pad as I took another step forward, and I let my guard down. Orion’s legs scissor-kicked out at me, knocking me off balance, and I toppled forward, catching myself with one palm on the floor, the other on Orion’s chest. We locked eyes and for a moment I could see Orion—my Orion—in those milk chocolate irises I could get lost in for hours.

  He blinked once, and the recognition immediately fled. I grunted as Orion clasped onto my wrist, twisting and collapsing me down onto his chest, his other arm snaking around and over the small of my back, tightening me against his body like a human vice.

  “Stop it!” I shouted before his pressure grip cut off my airway and I choked on my breath. The crowd gasped and applauded. Some laughed as if this were a farce.

  Orion maintained his grip on me while rising up on one elbow and rotating so that he was on top, dominant. He glared down at me victoriously, his hair falling over the sides of his ears inches from my face. I could smell it, the usual woodsy scent that he claimed not to use any product on. Not the worst way to leave this world, part of me thought, with a fragrant memento of all the good times we’d had … but all the same I’d rather not go out at all. Not now. Not like this.

  “Only one can live!”

  Staring down at me dispassionately, he sent his free hand to my neck and began to choke the life out of me.

  “Orion!” I gasped. “You—don’t want to—do this—”

  “Less talking,” Orion said coldly. “More dying.”

  My eyes bulged, partly due to his words and demeanor but mostly due to his tight grip, so tight I felt my head was about to pop off.

  “This isn’t … you—” I choked out. Unless he loosened his grip in the next few moments, I was good as dead. I saw stars, and not the ones on the ceiling. I beat my hands against his arms and side but to no avail. He had my legs pinned beneath him. My vision faded in and out.

  I was starting to see a bright light in a dark tunnel when I heard, “Hey jerk-face!”

  Orion snarled and drew back from my throat, blood dripping from his hand, his eyes uncomprehending. On my left shoulder, Garfunkel gripped my hair tight in one tiny hand, a pocketknife in his other.

  “What are you waiting for? Kick him in the nuts!”

  Orion’s body hovered above me as he flexed his wounded hand. I kicked out at his groin.

  The flash of agony over his face signaled I’d connected with his goods and, as he reached down with his injured hand to hold himself, I kicked out again. Orion’s face went white then and I slugged him across the jaw for good measure.

  He staggered on one hand and two knees as I wriggled out from under him, my sight and senses slowly returning. Sitting back on his heels, he groaned and I pirouette-kicked him across the jaw in the opposite direction. He toppled sideways like a slain giant, his cheeks still flapping from the blow after he landed with closed eyes. When I saw his chest rising and falling, I sighed with relief. He might’ve had a broken nose but he’d be alright.

  A mix of applause and bitter catcalls erupted from the crowd. “Only one can live! Only one can live!” they chanted. The jumbotron displayed my panting face and the words, “FINISH IT!”

  I knew my Orion was still inside him; I just had to wait for the effects of Typhon’s drug to wear off. Even still, had I known he was lost to me, I still couldn’t kill him.

  I glanced up at Typhon sitting in his box seat. He shook his head and raised a thumbs up before rotating it upside down like an emperor in the Roman Colosseum.

  The intercom crackled. “Only one can live.” Typhon spoke clearly and calmly on his throne. The jumbotron continued to flash, “FINISH IT!”

  “No,” I said.

  Typhon seemed to consider it. “Look at her boldness. What shall we do about her? Has she earned a respite?”

  The harsh roar of the crowd shuddered down on me like a caustic spray. “Only one can live!” seemed to be the dominant cheer, and eventually the crowd began chanting it in unison, carrying the phrase in a verbal wave around the stands.

  “You could stand to work on your public relations,” Garfunkel said warily.

  “How about a surprise?” Typhon asked with delight. The crowd roared its approval, leaving me to wonder what Typhon had planned for me. Another competitor? Another constellation?

  My head spun to the side as the largest beast gate in the Arena rose with a grating screech that pained my ears.

  Something else that hurt my ears: a low rumbling growl that tunneled out from the black maw of the now-open beast gate.

  I stood up. “What was that?” I asked stepping away from Orion’s unconscious body and edging back toward the wall.

  “Your stomach?” Garfunkel said, hopefully.

  And then it burst forth from the darkness into the light of the Arena. Two massive trunk-like legs. Ginormous ovalish head with row-upon-row of pointy teeth. Meaty, swaying tail the length of a short bus. Two tiny arms …

  “Is that a …” Garfunkel said.

  “A GoneGodDamn T-Rex!” I finished.

  “Hey, Aren’t You Supposed to be Extinct?”

  Yep. No doubt about it. A dinosaur. About to charge right at me. In a cursed arena. With no weapons. Oh, and Simon just happened to pick this exact moment to wake up.

  He stretched and yawned. “Uh Theo, are we at an IMAX theater?”

  “Uh nope.”

  He scratched behind his head. “Then why is there a short-armed, aboriginal, flightless dragon about to charge right at us …?!”

  “Dragon?” I said. “That’s not a T-Rex?”

  Simon gulped. “It did play an extra in the latest Jurassic Park but it’s an Other alright—a really mean one. And rather small for its species. Why is it looking at us that way …?”

  What was up with
Typhon sending miniature versions of monsters after me? “Long story,” I said. “I came, I saw, I defeated Orion. I didn’t kill Orion. You’d be proud of me, I think.”

  “I’d be prouder of you if you kept us all from being dead!” Garfunkel said.

  The dragon lowered its head and charged, quickly closing the gap in long jerky steps that had a certain reptile fluidity to them even for its large size.

  I had no qualms about killing it—the beast wasn’t sentient, as far as I knew. Plus, it looked like it should have already been dead! As in millions of years ago!

  The thing was, I didn’t have any weapon. How could this have been a treat for the audience? It was just plain boring; one chomp and it was over, no drama at all …

  And that’s when I saw it. One of the beast gates opened and a figure set down a compact crossbow upon the Arena floor. But who was it …?

  I squinted as the figure turned back inside, and before the gate came crashing down I saw a sky blue bandana wrapped around their bicep … The Brotherhood of Zeus!

  That meant Arachne had succeeded in passing along my “free Orion” plan to my employer.

  Sure, they were a bit late, but if I survived, I’d probably forgive them. I glanced up at the spectators cheering for my death. Already blue-bandana’d figures were slinking through the stands, homing in on Typhon’s box seat like ninja assassins.

  Alright!

  “Uh, Theo! Hungry oversized reptile!” Garfunkel shouted.

  The dragon roared as it charged, snapping me back to my grim situation. Too bad the Zeus gang was leaving the King of Lizards-equivalent of Others all to little ol’ me—maybe I wouldn’t forgive them …

  I sprinted along the curving Arena wall toward the weapon even as the beast’s eyes tracked me (I guess—I wasn’t going to turn around and check!).

  The rock floor jumped and shuddered with each step the giant beast took. I scrambled toward the crossbow while above me in the stands the Zeus gang filtered toward Typhon.

  Simon and Garfunkel screamed.

  I felt the dragon’s hot breath on my back, ruffling my hair. The crossbow was only a few feet ahead of me on the ground next to the closed gate but I wasn’t going to make it unless I …

  I dove. Latched onto the weapon as I rolled. The dragon’s open jaws impacted with the beast gate, denting it in as its neck twisted jarringly to the side, momentum carrying it sideways—right toward where I was starting to sit up!

  I scrambled backward as a fat, tri-clawed foot stomped down on my previous location. Its tail swung and I dove again, felt the muscly tail sweep over my shoulder blades and back. I kept the crossbow low to my core and rolled again, came up in a semi-crouch. Brought the crossbow up at the beast’s squashed-up face, its eyes furious and hungry.

  All it would take was one well-placed shot to the eye, I assumed. That’s usually how it was with theoretical giant beasts or enemies with impenetrable skin or armor. But could I hit it? I recalled my aim when chucking the doubloons at the Minotaur’s nostrils …

  I pulled the trigger and …

  The bolt found its mark.

  Bingo!

  The bad news, the dragon didn’t fall over dead. If anything, it looked even more furious. (Understandable.) But good thing it only had half its former vision …

  I made a mad dash toward the creature’s blind side. It spun in a vicious arc, its tail sweeping against the ground, and somehow I managed to jump and clear it like some bizarre hurdle on an obstacle course.

  I landed horizontally, careful not to damage the crossbow, and sprinted between the beast’s legs as it tried to locate me, its two tiny hands clawing helplessly at the air.

  Making my way toward the opposite side, the dragon swept its head low, its teeth chomping right at my cheek. I rolled out of desperation and felt the crossbow snap upon contact with the hard, rocky ground.

  Crap!

  I rolled over onto my back as the beast stopped just in front of me, raised its terrible head and roared.

  And before I could even attempt to scramble away, it snapped its jaws down at me with frightening speed.

  I guess it would have eaten me had it not been for the blur of a leather jacket-clad figure that had thrown itself upon the beast’s maw from its non-blinded side. The figure clutched at one of the ridges running along the top and sides of the dragon’s head as he lowered a shard of the broken crossbow like a stake … And let’s just say that in the blink of an eye, the dragon could no longer see at all.

  It thrashed its head up and down, side to side, in the most vicious manner possible that would have bucked even the most seasoned rodeo rider. The figure did not fall. He clung tight, the makeshift weapon in his fist rising and plunging, drawing back and pistoning forward until the dragon threw up its head one last time and delivered a final bellowing roar. As its body slumped forward—seemingly in slow motion—the avenging figure leapt softly to the Arena floor, his leather coat flapping with the dust brought up like a bellows from the creature’s impact with the ground.

  The figure glanced up at me, still in his crouched position, and I could see that it was Orion—my Orion. It had to be. He’d just saved my life.

  “Orion! You’re back!” I all but screamed.

  I know it’s cliché, but my heart swelled. I pointed toward the grand stands where the Brotherhood of Zeus members were closing in on Typhon’s box seat. They were almost to him, and by the shocked look on Typhon's face, he hadn’t seen it coming. Yes! My plan had worked out after all! We’d both get to leave this horrible place.

  I turned back to Orion, my smile wide and triumphant. I was happy in that gleeful sort of cheesy way when an inside joke clicks in your mind. Well, the joke turned out to be on me.

  “We can escape now! Together,” I added. I placed my hands gently on his dusty shoulders. Was he not hearing me?

  “Only one can live,” Orion said numbly, placing one hand under my petite jaw, running the fingers of his other through my hair, an action much rougher than a lover’s embrace—not that we were lovers.

  “Huh?” I said.

  And that’s when Orion gripped my hair so tight it sent chills racing in long lines down my body. His steady hands jerked my head backward—exposing my neck—and with one concerted effort, he gave a single callous twist that snapped my neck, leaving my eyes staring dazedly up at the jumbotron for the perfect third-person shot of the brutal finishing move.

  There was a sickening crunch that seemed to echo for all eternity in my eardrums like fishbones jangled in a tin can …

  And then darkness.

  To be continued…

  Part III

  Don’t Axe No Questions

  “The Only Thing Certain In Life Is Death and Tax—Er, Wait A Minute …”

  The growl tore through the ruins like a ripple of snare drums as I pressed my back up against the stone, its coldness contrasting with the heat of the sun beating down without remorse. From the other side of the row of pillars lining the temple’s facade, the beast padded confidently through the Grecian open-air marketplace with footfalls both powerful, yet delicate.

  I fought to quiet my breath but sprinting through an obstacle course of crumbling stone walls and columns had left me winded.

  What the hell is that thing? I barely had time to think as the beast paused to sniff the air.

  “Guys, a little help—” I started to whisper to my shoulders, temporarily forgetting that my familiars weren’t there. Cursing under my breath, I passed a hand over my sweat-slicked face. This shouldn’t even be possible.

  The last thing I recalled was my partner Orion snapping my neck in the Arena …

  A tear started to form in my eye; I blinked it away. Orion had been drugged but that didn’t cut the pain of him, well, murdering me.

  The beast started moving again, slowly closing in on my location.

  Off to the side, a low dark shape flitted past with predatory speed. It seemed there wasn’t just one hungry creature prowling thi
s partially excavated Grecian town. The place seemed familiar, but when had I been here? And what was up with the hungry beasts?

  Still pressing myself against the cold stone, I glanced around the pillar out at the ancient structures. Suddenly I realized why it was so familiar. I’d been here, years before.

  This was just one of the many archaeological sites my dad took me to in my childhood. Oh, the good ol days, back when my biggest concern was what I wanted for dinner—not what wanted me for dinner.

  I silently exhaled my frustration as I hunkered down behind one of the temple’s pillars. Sunshine poured in along the façade, laying down elongated cage-like shadows around me. It was odd to imagine being in a cage under the open awning of a temple. Ten yards in front of me, the temple’s entrance offered more protection, but to reach it I’d have to break from my cover, expose myself to the two beasts out there no doubt preparing to pounce.

  A shadow blotted out the sun and I glanced over my shoulder in time to see a school of carp-like fish swimming among the clouds. They flapped awkwardly about with no synchronicity, some of them nipping out at each other’s fins. The strange thing was, I could see right through them like a shadow, as if they weren’t really there.

  Seriously, what the hell was going on?

  It felt incredibly real for a nightmare.

  Plus, I was dead, right?

  Unless one of the hells didn’t get shut down properly when the gods left during the GrandExodus …

  I gripped my head in both hands. Think, Theo. Think!

  No … not think. Remember.

  I pulled at the strands of what had just happened. I was in the arena. I was fighting Orion.

  Orion … he was so … not himself. Angry, wrathful.

  But I’d gotten through to him.

  I did.

  Didn’t I?

  No, wait. He … he killed me.

  Snapped my neck in cold blood. And to think, I really liked the guy. Figured. Story of my non-existent love life.