(Mis)Trust

by Sarah Ann Walker

  Waiting for me, Malcolm only beckons with his hand before I'm moving across his room hopping on his bed to snuggle in his arms.

  And I'm still happy.

  "How do you feel?" He whispers against my wet hair.

  "Happy," I whisper back with tears in my eyes.

  "I love you, Saige," he confesses without thought or expectation.

  Kissing the arm across my chest I mumble, "Good night, Mallie," to Malcolm holding me tighter to him.

  CHAPTER 32

  Waking slowly, I open my eyes to Malcolm drinking coffee watching me from the slouchy fireplace chair. "Finally awake?"

  "Good morning," I croak in the deepest morning voice ever. "What time is it?"

  "10:00."

  Stretching my arms out I wince when my thighs ache. "Ugh... everything hurts," I cover my face with a pillow to block out the sunlight.

  "Bad hurt or good hurt?" He asks way too seriously.

  "Very good hurt," I smile pulling the pillow away. "I don't want to go to work today," I whine finally sitting up with the sheets pulled to my chest.

  "No? What would you rather be doing?" He asks taking another sip of his coffee.

  "Anything with you," I answer so honestly I know I surprised him.

  Leaning forward, Malcolm hands me his coffee to drink and says simply, "That was an awesome answer. I'll pick you up at 6:00 and we'll figure out what we'll do for the rest of the night."

  Grinning, I sip on his coffee which we happen to like the same, and I imagine our night together. When I heat up immediately I wish I had the day off to spend with him.

  "I'm supposed to go see my mum tomorrow," I shrug.

  "I'll take you if you want?"

  Treading lightly I don't want to hurt his feelings with this but there's NO way I'm introducing him to my mum. "Ah, my mum is intense, and not someone I really want you to meet yet. But it's not you, I promise. She doesn't think highly of men in general and she can be very rude and inappropriate at times with her opinions."

  "Saige-"

  "Honesty Malcolm, it’s not you. I'm not hiding you or anything like that. But she's instilled in my brain that no man will ever love me, I should give no man my heart, and all men cheat. Period." Shrugging again, I don't know what else to say.

  Replying so heavily, I feel his conviction all around me wrapping me up tight, Malcolm replies, "She hasn't met me yet."

  "I don't want her to meet you yet so she won't try to ruin anything between us. Because she'll try to, Malcolm- for whatever reason. Please understand?" I beg finally so he doesn't feel hurt.

  "Okay," he relents sitting back in the chair.

  Still looking at me, I don't know what to say to make him understand. "Please, Malcolm? This isn't about you or even us. I swear, it's just about her. I'm not ready to defend us to her when there's no history I can defend us with yet. Does that make sense?"

  "Yes," he finally smiles. "But you better get up and get ready for work now," he stands to take his mug from my hand with a kiss on my forehead. "I want to have breakfast with you before we leave."

  "Okay..." Watching him leave his room I feel like shit, but I can't help it. I won’t cave with this one. Until Malcolm and I are cemented as whatever we are, I'm not allowing my mum to destroy us, or manipulate me into distrusting Malcolm because of her own issues with trust.

  Joining Malcolm in the kitchen, he smiles and leans over the breakfast bar to kiss me. "How are you?" He asks again like he's still unsure.

  "I'm really good, Malcolm. I loved being with you and I look forward to being with you again," I blush immediately but don't care. I need him to understand where I'm at. "I feel really good today."

  "You can tell me anything, even if it’s about my technique," he winks. "I can handle it and I'd rather talk than not know if you need something from me."

  "Malcolm," I interrupt grabbing his forearm. "You were amazing. I felt nothing bad with you last night and I still don't. I'm very happy with you and what we did last night. Like, really happy," I nearly groan as a memory of him washes over me.

  "What are you thinking?" He asks with such a dirty voice, I feel my arousal climb immediately.

  "The way you looked when you were inside me."

  "Yeah?" Walking around the breakfast bar, Malcolm spins my chair and lifts me right onto the counter. "Wanna know what I'm thinking about?"

  "Yes..."

  "Lie back, Saige," he says in a way that makes me shake with arousal.

  Leaning back on my forearms, Malcolm steps between my legs watching my eyes as he slowly runs his hands up my thighs under my skirt. Never looking down or away from my eyes Malcolm touches the crotch of my panties and runs a finger along my center as I moan a little.

  "Put your feet on the counter," he whispers. Totally mesmerized by his eyes darkening for me, I spread my knees wide and wait for whatever he wants to do next. "I need to see you?" He asks staring at me as my head nods. Unable to speak I'm watching Malcolm watching me feeling my body growing wetter for him.

  When he moves my panties to the side, Malcolm finally looks down at my body. Mumbling something that sounds like pretty pussy I actually dampen further from his words. I'm still, and unable to think as I feel a finger lightly graze over my body.

  "So wet," he moans ducking his head quickly to taste me.

  "Oh, god..." I cry loudly in the kitchen when I feel his tongue enter me. Panting, my foot slips off the counter until he grabs my foot and holds it on his shoulder. "Malcolm," I cry out as my head snaps back from the sudden pleasure.

  Shaking my head, I look toward the windows as my eyes close and No! Snapping my legs closed around Malcolm’s head with a scream, he stops. Gasping, I scream again as Malcolm jumps up shocked.

  "What's wrong!?"

  "There's someone watching us! Oh god, a man was watching us," I cry shaking so hard, Malcolm grabs me into his arms. "I saw him on the deck," I point. Shaking violently, Malcolm attempts to move, but I hold him to me. Ripping at his t-shirt, I hold Malcolm. "Stay here. Please," I cry again.

  "Saige, honey, there's no way. They'd have to climb the back neighbor's fence to get in. He couldn't-"

  "There was someone HERE!" I scream so he knows I'm serious. "I know what I saw Malcolm."

  Sitting up fully, I jump off the counter fixing my skirt with shaking hands and a pounding chest. I know I saw someone. "I'm not fucking crazy," I cry for both me and Malcolm.

  "What did he look like?"

  "I just saw dark, like his clothes maybe before he jumped away from the doors."

  "Okay. I'm going outside-"

  "No!"

  "Listen to me. I'm going outside and I want you to wait right here. Grab a knife. Here," ripping his phone out of his pocket and quickly grabbing a knife from the butcher's block, he pushes them into my hands. "Stay right here, Saige," he yells at me until I unconsciously nod. "Do NOT come outside."

  "Wait!" I scream but he's already gone.

  Throwing open the sliding doors, Malcolm points right at the handle as I jump forward to flick it locked, and then he's gone.

  Running around the side of his house where the end of the garage and side gate is, I hold my breath. Watching him run past the deck to the far corner of his yard where all the trees and bushes are, I watch with my hand on the glass. Watching him run back and throw himself belly first under the deck I hold my breath until he eventually comes out the other side looking around slowly at all the corners of his property.

  Running back up the deck stairs Malcolm stops at the glass and just as he goes to raise his hand to my own I scream pointing.

  I see the reflection of a hand against Malcolm's dark, dirty t-shirt in front of me. Larger than my own but smaller than his, I know it wasn't there before. I know it wasn’t because Malcolm did yard work and I cleaned the deck and windows Thursday night after a bad summer storm.

  Shaking his head slowly, Malcolm seems frozen, unsure and unaware of what I'm pointing at. "Me?" He asks desperately through the g
lass until I realize what he thinks I'm accusing him of.

  Ripping open the door, I grab him to me as he lifts me for a hard hug. "Not you. Look at the glass. There's a man’s handprint where you were standing," I cry shaking so hard my teeth are chattering when Malcolm closes the door quickly to look.

  "What is that?" Squatting down while lifting his hand, almost touching the handprint from the inside, Malcolm's hand is clearly bigger but it's the slimy looking smear across the glass above the hand that confuses me.

  "He licked it?!" He yells as I gasp again. "Holy fuck! That looks like a tongue print," he says so angrily I'm shocked he's still able to hold me against his side.

  "Malcolm..." I shake harder looking all around his backyard.

  Standing, Malcolm holds my side and lifts me right back onto the tall stool in the kitchen. Leaning close, he exhales his breath across my face and soothes, "You're okay, Saige. No one will touch you or ever hurt you again. Trust me."

  Unable to speak I realize I'm so scared I don't know what to do.

  Malcolm's house was always safe for me, and now it's not. Malcolm's house was the place I could get better. I could relax here and prepare for my life to start again in September. But that's gone now because whatever the hell is happening to me has come here too.

  "Your house isn't safe anymore," I moan so sadly, Malcolm pulls me into his arms for a hard, warm, Malcolm hug, and it's almost enough. His arms are nearly enough to keep me calm, but they're not enough to protect either of us from whoever wants to hurt me.

  "I should go," I whisper shocked by what’s happened and scared to death of what could happen here now.

  Pulling away, Malcolm actually looks at me so angrily, I lean away from him. "That's not happening. My home is safe and it'll be safer soon."

  "Malcolm whoever this is has been here now. He can hurt you now. And I don't want you to get hurt. I'll die if something happens to you."

  Smiling, Malcolm shakes his head before speaking. "That was pretty much a confession of love, Saige. And I'll take it," he grins again when I look at him like he's mental. "We'll discuss that one later. But for now you're calling the police and I'll call Mike to let him know you won't be in."

  "I have to go in. I need to work when I'm scared."

  "Then I'll tell him you'll be late. Good?" He asks as I nod. "Call the police, Saige."

  "I need my purse for Mathers' number." Nodding Malcolm almost walks away but I grab at him instead to turn back. Feeling overwhelmed and scared shitless, I hate the thought of Malcolm walking away from me or worse yet getting hurt. "The alarm isn't on, and maybe-"

  "Saige, look at me," he begs when I start shaking again. "I'll set the alarm and I'll be right back. Give me 2 seconds," he waits for me to agree. "Stay right here," he says again before jogging through the living room to the stairs.

  Waiting alone, I last 2 whole seconds.

  Running for him, I just make it to the stairs when Malcolm rounds the banister at the top with my purse. Shaking as we look at each other, Malcolm walks back down to me calmly.

  "I told you I'd be fast," he grins. "I may be huge, but I'm fast too. And I told you to sit."

  "I was scared."

  "I know, but you don't have to be with me, okay? Let’s call the police."

  *****

  After 2 hours with Detective Mathers asking questions I can't answer, taking pictures and taking a saliva sample from the glass, I'm exhausted.

  Mathers said he finally spoke with Keith about the night my apartment was trashed and he was out of town with a solid alibi. Mathers also interviewed a few other 'persons of interest' but wouldn't tell us who they were.

  "I'm gonna fix this, Saige," Malcolm says for the hundredth time since we left his house for the restaurant. Nodding silently for the hundredth time, he squeezes my hand again in reassurance.

  Walking into work through the front doors, Malcolm holds my hand and it isn't until I pull away at the bar and employee hallway that he finally lets me go.

  "I'll see you in 4 hours."

  "Okay," I try to smile but I know it falls flat from the sympathetic look he gives me.

  "Just 4 hours, and I promise I'll distract you all night from this," he gives a dirty growly look that actually excites me for a second.

  I might be scared shitless and I may even feel like bawling my eyes out, but I do love his attempts to ease me. "Bye, Mallie," I tiptoe for a quick kiss before leaving him at the bar with Mike.

  *****

  Finished my shift with next to no drama other than Kelsey asking what's going on repeatedly, I make my way to the employees lounge to change.

  Grabbing my bag I open the door to Mike looking really angry at me. "Saige, Tyler's here again," Mike says totally pissed off. "He's waiting by the front doors causing a scene, and Hershal's getting pissed again. So I suggest you make this stop before Hershal starts getting pissed at you. This is getting fucking retarded, and I'm sick of all the calls all the time from him."

  "But what can I do?" I whine exhausted by Tyler and everything else around me.

  "I don't know. Go talk to him and tell him to fuck off or something. Fuck, sick Malcolm on him- that'll scare the shit out of him," he laughs a little like that’s the best idea he's ever had.

  "I've tried everything. I've never answered or returned his calls, I changed my number, and Selena did the same. It's been months, and I don't know what to do anymore. Shit, I don't want to piss off Hershal with this, but I don’t know what else to do."

  "I know that, believe me. But Tyler isn’t walking away like he should've so you have to shut him down now before Hershal kicks you both out."

  "Okay. I'll deal with him."

  CHAPTER 33

  Bracing myself for seeing Tyler, I walk out from the end of the bar to Malcolm standing as I approach. Looking as big as ever but sexy in jeans and a tight t-shirt, he smiles so brightly when we look at each other, I instantly smile back. God, his whole face changes from stern, almost mean looking to gorgeous when he smiles at me.

  Walking toward him, I see Tyler suddenly step into the lounge watching me. Making eye contact with Tyler, I look back over nervously at Malcolm to him looking back and forth between me and Tyler as well.

  "Hi."

  "Saige," he says softly and I actually feel calmer when he smiles down on me. "Are you ready to go?"

  "Yes. But would you mind giving me a minute? That's Tyler, and I have to talk to him quickly before we leave. I need to tell him to stop coming here." Looking back over at Tyler who's watching me and Malcolm with a shocked look on his face, I turn back to Malcolm. "Is that okay?"

  "Of course. Go talk to him," he says without anger. "I'll wait at the bar for you."

  Touching his forearm briefly before walking toward Tyler, I smile, "Thank you. I’ll be right back."

  Calming myself as best as I can, I know Mike and Malcolm are watching out for me and somehow that gives me the support I need to finish this once and for all. I don't want to talk to Tyler, and I really don't want to see him ever again. I need Tyler to go away forever like he wanted to when he chose to be with someone else.

  "Saige, I-"

  "What do you want Tyler?"

  "To talk to you- to see if you're okay. To know what the hell happened and why you've been shutting me out of your life," he spews so suddenly before pulling me in for a hug I quickly shoulder myself out of.

  "Don’t touch me. Ever, Tyler!" I snap when I'm free of his arms.

  "Sorry, I wasn't trying to- I just wanted to hug you. I didn't mean to scare you or anything," he sighs as I watch him closely. "Will you sit down with me for a minute?"

  "No."

  "Please? I just want to see you. I've been asking everyone how you are but no one will talk to me. Can’t you give me 5 minutes?"

  Leaning against the hostess' podium, I find myself looking over at Malcolm who's talking to Mike but watching me closely. Wondering if Mikes telling him about all the times Tyler still calls my friends and comes h
ere looking for me, I'm a little nervous. This is my past in front of me and my past to deal with.

  "Saige? Who's the guy?" Tyler asks sounding totally jealous which is hilarious considering what I walked in on months ago in my own home.

  "None of your business," I turn back to Tyler after Malcolm acknowledges me with a nod. "You can't come back here again. You're going to get me fired, and I need this job, Tyler. Especially now. Hershal doesn't want you here anymore, so please stay away."

  "I wouldn't have to come here if you'd just call me back."

  "Tyler," I exhale totally irritated. "I don't want to call you. How many people and in how many ways do you have to hear that to finally get it? We're done, so please don't try to contact me again."

  Leaning closer to me, Tyler looks like he's actually going to touch my face until I back up a step. Pausing with his hand in mid-air, he whispers, "Was it really bad? What happened to you, Lovey?"

  Flinching at that annoying name, I look at Tyler closely and I want to cry again for our past. I want to cry because his loving concern and his gentle voice doesn't affect me anymore. I want to cry for him and to him because I'm so over him I feel sad seeing our end so clearly.

  Honestly, I want to cry because a tiny part of me still wants Tyler to make the last few months go away, and I want to cry because I don't want him to hold me in his arms like I used to.

  Staring at him in a trance of nostalgia and sadness I realize how much I actually loved him when I had him. But with absolutely perfect timing- timing so good I could almost kiss them- a couple walks in and Tyler and I have to move to the side of the podium to allow them through.

  Breaking the spell between us, I greet the couple before looking around the restaurant to see Kelsey walking toward us all.

  Keeping my voice lowered, I finally have my chance to say everything needed to end us forever. "Tyler, we're done. You cheated on me and broke my heart, so it's over between us. Don't call my friends looking for me and don't come back here looking for me. This is done, and has been done for months now."