Jameson's Addiction

by Glenna Maynard

  “Not now you aren’t,” she responds as though she is talking about cancelling a magazine subscription.

  “Fans will love knowing he named his band for you. This is going to do wonders for both of your careers. I can see it now. Websites dedicated to your love story. They will be wearing t-shirts that say Peyson on them. Our ratings will be through the roof. You don’t have to worry about winning or not. You’re getting a contract at the end of the show either way, and of course, the very first tour you’ll be on is with Jameson’s band. You’ll be the opening act.”

  The sound of her voice drowns into the background as I remember the day that he chose the name, Jameson’s Addiction.

  Flashback

  Jameson officially moved in with his Aunt and Uncle three months ago. We are what my Nana calls going together. She’s so funny. My dad is less than thrilled to learn I have a boyfriend, and Barb had the nerve to tell me not to get pregnant when I stayed over at their place last weekend. As if. Jameson and I are careful. I know sex is a big deal, but I trust Jameson, he’s just…perfect.

  Although lately, he’s so focused on his new band, he hardly has time for me anymore, not that I mind. Ruby Jane and I listen to them practice. They are getting really good. I’m trying to convince Jameson to enter battle of the bands. It’s the big competition they host at the high school and the winner gets their song played on one of the big radio stations.

  He thinks they need more practice while I disagree.

  I’m not going to argue with him though. He can get testy when it comes to his music.

  His Uncle Rodney has been allowing him to use his old storage shed in the backyard for rehearsing.

  Ruby Jane and I are sitting on the back patio trying to come up with a good catchy name for the band.

  The guys have shot down all ten of our ideas so far.

  Ruby Jane marks another name off the list while I rack my brain for new ideas.

  Jameson comes out from the shed all sweaty and gross from practice. The rest of the band files out behind him.

  He comes in for a hug and I squeal while trying to shove him away. He rubs his damp hair against my cheek. Ugh! Boys are so nasty sometimes.

  His sister puffs up with her hands on her hips and then she kicks his shin for messing with me.

  Thea steps out on the patio and tells the guys it’s time for them to get home.

  I should go home too, but Jameson asks if I can stay for dinner.

  While Jameson takes a shower, I call my Nana and Pappy so they know I will be eating here.

  When I get Nan on the phone, she tells me that Josh had been by asking for me. I don’t know what he could want. I've not spoken to him since we went to the scare fest last summer.

  It was my birthday and right after Jameson had first kissed me. He hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend, but I guess he just assumed that kissing me made me his girlfriend.

  My Pappy was driving us all in his van. On the way there Karson took it upon herself to sit next to Jameson, leaving me the only choice to sit in the next row with Josh.

  Josh thought it was the perfect opportunity to hold my hand and Karson had her own ideas and plans for Jameson. I kept finding reasons to slip my hand away from Josh’s, but not wanting to make it awkward, we hadn’t even gotten to our destination yet. I kept noticing Jameson wiggling in his seat, and eventually he ended up shoved up against the window, pressing his nose to the glass like a dog. I'm sure that if he could have got away with it, he would've stuck his head out the window like a dog too, just to get further away from her.

  The rest of the ride was quiet and awkward.

  When Pappy finally dropped us off and pulled away, Jameson slammed Josh to a tree and told him to keep his hands to himself. Then he told Karson if she put her hands on him again, he’d tell everyone at school she had a dick. Needless to say, the rest of scare fest was spent with me and Jameson on one side of the tent while the two of them shared the other. When a chainsaw started up in the middle of the night Josh peed himself and yeah, we haven’t talked since.

  Jameson joins me after taking a shower once Ruby Jane and I have set the table. Their Uncle Rodney comes in from work a few minutes later as we are all plating our fried chicken. I decide it’s probably best to wait on mentioning Josh until Jameson walks me home. I feel more at home here, with Thea and Rodney, than I do at my dad’s with Barb. She is so uptight. Rodney and Thea are laid back and go above and beyond to make me feel like I’m a part of their family. They even buy skim milk and keep it in the fridge for when I come over because it’s what I drink. Barb never buys it for me. Says I’m not there enough to be picky.

  After dinner Jameson walks me home, and we joke around about the different ways we could die before we get there. It’s just out of habit now as where before I was obsessed. Jameson makes me want to think a lot more about living and experiencing life. Death has taken a backseat to my thoughts.

  When we get to my doorway, Jameson pulls me in for a kiss. His mouth melts into mine, so tender and sweet. Then he says,” I thought of a name for the band.”

  “What’s that?” I ask.

  “Jameson's Addiction, because I’m addicted to your kisses.”

  I could die right here a very happy girl.

  “It’s perfect,” I say as he cups my butt and sucks on my neck.

  I forget all about Josh and Jameson and I spend ten minutes necking under the carport until Pappy turns the light on us and yells for me to get inside.

  “You think anyone ever died from kissing?” Jameson asks breathily and I smile.

  “I’ll let you know tomorrow—if I’m not dead.” I giggle and he shakes his head.

  The Present

  “Peyton,” Jameson whisper shouts my name snapping his fingers in my face.

  I don’t remember getting up from the table and walking outside.

  “Sorry.” I shake my head trying to return to the present.

  He grabs my shoulders, his touch feeling too good, too familiar. “You don’t have to cancel your wedding, Fancy. I’ll get my people on it.” Jameson’s soothing voice and his intoxicating smell wraps around me. He’s too close.

  “Please don’t…don’t act like you care about me. Don’t call me Fancy. I can’t handle it. It’s too much. You’re too much.” I wipe at my eyes trying to stop the tears. I don’t even know why I’m crying.

  “If I could go back and change it all—Peyton, I’d do anything to go back and make things right.” Swiping his thumbs under my eyes, he leans in close. So close I’m afraid he is going to kiss me.

  What’s more troubling is the fact that I wish he would.

  So many nights I dreamed of him coming back for me. Coming back and telling me he was sorry, and he made a mistake. Telling me he chose me. That being with me was enough for him.

  Warm, smelling of beer, his breath tickles my lips. He looks into my eyes and I still feel his kisses from so many years ago on my skin. Chill bumps pebble along my arms, and I know I should pull away…it’s just there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to.

  I’m dumb. So damn stupid for this man and I don’t know why. I should run away screaming.

  His finger brushing over my engagement ring snaps me out of the spell he was putting me under.

  Pulling back from him, there is no way I can go along with this damn fucked up mess this company is trying to do too, this teen lovers reunited bullshit. There’s no way I can work next to Jameson either. He’s been here only a few days and already I am consumed with him and what we once shared.

  We aren’t kids anymore and Jameson gave up on me—on us. I can’t do this. I suck in a deep breath and close my eyes.

  Just walk away, Peyton. You can do it one foot in front of the other.

  It’s not that simple. Not for me. I’ve been waiting years for this moment. For the guy I fell in love with to come back and tell me he’s here to make things right. Only that can’t happen. I can’t allow it to.

  The Jameson I lo
ved died five years ago. This guy standing in front of me is a stranger, no matter how much my heart remembers him.

  No matter how much my body craves to lean into him and let the rest of the world melt away.

  My cell phone pings, and I finally break away to look at my screen. Wes’s name is flashing on the device.

  Stepping away from Jameson for privacy, I take a deep breath and answer this call hoping he doesn’t sense how shaky I am. “Hey, I’m just leaving the meeting.”

  “How’s it going? I miss you.”

  I sigh. “Wes, stop it, we ended it, okay. I know you’re upset, and whatever, but it’s done. We’re done.”

  “Pey, sweetheart, I love you, we can work around this. We’ll just push the wedding off for a bit. Do your silly little show, and then we’ll get married when it’s over. I get that you need to get this out of your system. I do. I was young and had daydreams myself. I told you about that summer I took off and wanted to be a race car driver.”

  “Stop, just stop. Why are you being like this now? Why? This has always been a dream of mine. Hell, even my own dad is encouraging this. I know what all of this is like. If I make it, we’ll never see each other or have time together anymore anyways. This is for the best. I don’t want to hurt you, I care about you, but please stop contacting me.”

  I don’t want to deal with this on the damn street, so I hang up.

  When I turn around, Jameson is gone.

  He’s good at disappearing. It’s what he always does and yet it still hurts as much as it ever did.

  Chapter 12

  Jameson

  Walking away from Peyton at the restaurant was hard, but I had to get away from her before I did something dangerous for both of us, like kissing her. Fuck, did I want to kiss her tears away. I’ve never been able to cope with her crying. I hate that I’m the cause of her pain, yet again. All I seem to do is hurt her.

  When they dug up mine and Peyton’s past, it made me nervous. I knew when I was called into the office something was wrong. They filled me in on their plan. While I hate they want to exploit Peyton like this, maybe, just maybe I could have a shot at winning her back for real. This no longer feels like a singing competition anymore, it feels as though they want a twisted version of The Bachelor instead.

  I could breach my contract and say fuck it. Leave now while I can. I should leave and let Peyton move on. I should’ve stayed away. However, the money this would cost me—what the publicity could do for the band…fuck. This could give Peyton a shot at what she’s always wanted.

  The way she looked at me, as though I was her anchor, fuck, that shit right there tore at my chest and made me feel like the old me, the man I was before I lost her and allowed fame takeover. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I wish I could go back to when things were simpler, but I can’t. I’ve built up this persona for years. Built it up to shield myself from what’s buried beneath—my love for Peyton…my guilt for what I did.

  My self-reflection is interrupted when the car stops outside the house I’ve been eyeing since I stepped back in town. It’s gorgeous and homey. An hour’s drive from the city, it has everything I could ever want complete with a fishing pond, that is fully stocked. I smile, at the thought. Peyton’s Pappy would love it.

  He used to take me fishing on the weekends when Peyton went to her dad’s place in the city. In a way he was a grandpa to me too. Her Nan was always good to me as well. They treated me like family. The only person that hated me was Barb, Peyton’s step-mother. Man, that woman has a few screws loose. She also played a part in why I fucked it all up with Pey in the first place.

  Flashback

  Parking my truck in her driveway, I grab the photos I had printed off my cellphone and the photobook Ruby Jane picked out. It’s almost Christmas but Peyton’s sick. I’m not sure what’s going on with her.

  I walk on in without knocking. Peyton and I have become permanent fixtures in each other’s lives and homes. We never go a day apart, unless she goes to her dad’s apartment in the city or I go to visit my mom.

  I’ve never told Peyton the truth about my mom. My mom is a drug addict, who can’t see past her next fix to take care of Ruby Jane. We were about to go into foster care this year, but Rodney and Thea stepped up and was awarded custody of both of us. Ruby Jane’s dad tried taking her once but couldn’t handle raising her on his own. The first summer we came to stay with Thea and Rodney my mom was in rehab. She did good for six months and then she lost her job and fell into old habits. Our mom is also an alcoholic. She got so bad she would even drink mouthwash.

  Ruby’s lucky. She doesn't remember the bad shit that I do. I always made sure my sister was taken care of. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I’ve stole bread to make sure she didn’t go hungry. The smell of tater tots coming from the kitchen at Peyton’s makes my stomach turn. When I was in fifth grade, my mom had traded her food stamps for beer. If it wasn’t for the tater tots that I’d steal off my friend’s trays at lunch during school, I wouldn’t have eaten at night. I’d take the tater tots and wrap them in napkins and hide them in my pockets.

  I’ll never forget one of my teachers making me empty my pockets one day in class and everyone laughing at me for having contraband tater tots. It was a Friday and I knew I wasn’t going to have any food at home for two days. I was so angry. Mrs. Blevins made me throw them in the trash. The next week I rode my bicycle to her house and put dogshit under the driver’s seat of her car.

  “Jameson, that you?” Peyton calls from her room.

  “Yeah, it’s me,” I say, as I stand in the doorway to her room.

  She’s laying on her bed half asleep.

  Pulling my beanie off, I lay it on her dresser along with what I brought her. I shrug my leather jacket off and lay it across the back of the chair at her dressing table. I grin, seeing the framed photo of us sitting next to her favorite watermelon lip balm. She scoots over and I kick my shoes off, getting into bed with her.

  Her Nana is in the kitchen, so it isn’t like I’m going to put the moves on her.

  Peyton snuggles into the crook of my neck, wrapping her arm around my center and drifts back to sleep.

  “I missed you at school today,” I whisper into her hair.

  Nana pokes her head in the room and asks if I’m hungry. I shake my head no and moments later she brings me a plate anyway.

  With Peyton curled up next to me I eat tater tots for the first time in years.

  The Present

  The slamming of the car door startles me back into the now as the realtor unlocks the gate.

  She returns to the car and drives down the winding driveway. I’m already sold without having seen the rest. If the pictures she showed me are anything close to the real thing, I’m buying.

  As I get out of the car, I breathe in the country air wishing I had someone to share in this decision with—Peyton would love it here. There’s even a guesthouse that would be perfect for Nana and Pappy.

  Jesus, why do my thoughts always lead to Peyton?

  I can hear my sister say, “Because you love her silly.”

  My mind flashes to the feeling of her engagement ring under my finger.

  She loves someone else now.

  Ruby Jane would say its fate that has brought Peyton and me back together. She’s still young and has romantic notions about the way the world turns. I know better. This is the work of that bitch karma and she’s gonna make sure I see that Peyton has moved on.

  If only I could do the same.

  After a brief tour of the house and the property, I make an offer.

  When I get back to the suite the show is putting me up in my phone rings.

  Austin.

  “I’m in town and we’re going out tonight.”

  “I don’t know man,” I tell him not really in the mood.

  “Don’t be a pussy. I made dinner reservations. I’ll text you.”

  Looking around my empty hotel room I decide why the fuck not.

&nb
sp; Chapter 13

  Peyton

  After that disaster of a meeting I am shopping for a bikini with Ruby Jane, Karson, and my friend Whitley (my college roommate).

  The three of them are ganging up on me and trying to convince me to get a skimpy string bikini. It’s so not my style, but I know Wes wished I would have shown off more for him. I still have the tickets for our honeymoon trip to Cancun. I’m not going to let them go to waste. I told Ruby Jane that we can make it a girl’s trip if Thea and Rodney will let me take her. If not, I’ll take Karson if she can get time off work. Though I am thinking of just giving the trip to my grandparents as a gift. They never take trips. It could be romantic for them. Their anniversary is coming up. I don’t think Wes would complain either if I told him what I want to do with the tickets.

  “Okay, stop, please. I have to tell you guys something.”

  Ruby Jane smirks, as if she knows what I’m going to say.

  “First, I got on Nashville Star!” Everyone squeals and hugs me, almost toppling me over. “Second, the wedding is off. I’m not marrying Wes.”

  Ruby Jane jumps up on a chair and whistles “Whoop whoop. This is the best news ever.” She grins brightly, and I shake my head at her. She’s nuts.

  “It’s whatever. It wouldn’t have worked either way, because the damn show caused a rift and told me that due to scheduling it would have to be pushed around. Wes thinks it’s silly, and I’d never make it so why bother trying at all. Besides the producers flat out told me no. They have some twisted bullshit in the works with Jameson. I’m not supposed to talk about it though.” I roll my eyes and pull a red bikini off the rack.

  Ruby starts skipping around us singing, “Peyton is gonna be my sister.”

  “Oh my God. Please stop that.” I look to Karson and Whitley. “Can one of you make her hush? People are starting to stare.”