Loving Raylynn

by C. R. Marcum

  Luck was on her side, and only Richard’s car sat in the driveway. She parked in her normal spot and took a deep breath before making her way into the house. The smell of garlic bread and Lasagna hit her as soon as she entered, letting her know that her uncle was indeed in the kitchen. With one last calming breath she made her way towards the unknown.

  “Hey uncle Richard. Smells great in here.” She said as she rounded the corner into the kitchen.

  “Ah, you’re early sweetheart. I wasn’t expecting you for another half hour or so. No matter, glad you could make it. I sat your mail on the table by the door.” He said as he wrapped her in a hug and kissed her temple.

  “Yeah, I was out with Aspen. Figured I’d just come over early.”

  “Wait, if you were with Aspen then…” he trailed off.

  “Then what?”

  “It’s nothing, I must have misunderstood what she said. I thought Paisley was with Aspen.”

  “Oh, well you must have misunderstood. Maybe she’s with one of the girls from the squad. Or she might be with Br…never mind.” She said, hoping he didn’t catch her slip.

  “Is something going on between you two? You guys seem distant lately?” he asked, wiping his hands on the towel on his shoulder.

  “No. Yes. I don’t know.” She said. “I kinda wanted to talk to you about something but I don’t know how.”

  “Now I have to know, just come right out with it. Easier than trying to sugarcoat it.” He replied sitting next to her at the table.

  “Okay, here goes. Have you noticed a change in Pais lately? Like her not doing her hair, makeup, wearing darker less Paisley clothes? Has she been getting more nosebleeds than usual?” she asked not taking her eyes off the table.

  “Well, now that you mention it yes I’ve noticed some of that. Mostly here recently, but really it’s nothing to worry about.” He assured her.

  “Actually…” Raylynn was cut off by the slamming of the front door.

  She heard the footsteps drawing closer and knew by the sound that it was Paisley. She had missed her chance and now things were going to be awkward. Paisley rounded the corner and stopped in the doorway. Her gaze falling directly on Raylynn.

  “What are you doing here? Your little boy toys send you away or something?” Paisley spat.

  “Paisley! What is wrong with you young lady?” Richard snapped looking from one girl to the other.

  “It’s okay uncle Richard,” she said before turning to face Paisley. “I came for dinner and to pick up my mail. I can leave if you don’t want me here Pais, but I would really like to talk to you. I’m worried about you.” She said, her voice thick with unshed tears.

  “Get your mail and get the fuck out of my house! I never want to see you again! You ruined my life Raylynn, everything was just fine until you showed up! Now my life is a shit show and you are living it up with your group of druggie felons.” Paisley screamed, making her way to stand face to face with her cousin.

  “You don’t mean that Pais, I know you don’t. You’re just hurt and scared and holding everything in. Just talk to me Pais, please!” Raylynn said, her tears falling steadily.

  “You did this Ray, you! Stay away from me and my family I mean it.” Paisley said through clenched teeth. “Now leave.”

  “Raylynn could you excuse us for a moment? I need to have a talk with my daughter?” Richard asked as he stood from the table and looked down Paisley.

  “Yeah, I’m just gonna go. This was a bad idea. I love you both but I…I can’t be here.” She replied before booking it out of the kitchen. She rounded the corner just in time for Katrina to come through the door with more mail in hand. As soon as Katrina’s icy cold glare landed on her she froze.

  “Well well, if it isn’t the little gutter slut. You picked a good day to come over ya know. I’ve got a letter here for you.” Katrina said with an evil grin.

  “I was just leaving Katrina, and you don’t have to worry about me bothering you again. I’m pretty sure Paisley will make it clear that I am no longer welcome here. So save your hate for your next victim and let me go.” She said through her tears.

  “Oh really? So my darling step daughter finally realized that she was better than you? Good for her. Maybe she is more like me than I thought.” Katrina said more to herself than to Raylynn.

  “Yeah, maybe. Can I go now? Please?” Raylynn just short of begged.

  Katrina let out a small chuckle, yet the sound was more visceral than humorous. Raylynn was sure that at any moment Katrina was going to morph into some monster from the mind of Stephen King. She could literally see the evil that dripped from her aunt.

  “Sure you can,” she said as she tossed another letter onto Raylynn’s stack of mail. “and don’t forget your mail on your way out.” She finished as she walked past Raylynn and out of sight.

  Raylynn wiped her cheeks, grabbed her stack of mail and without a look back, left the house. The sounds of Paisley and Richard’s yelling chasing after her.

  23.

  Raylynn sat unmoving, in her car. She had been sitting there for hours. The sun had set and the only light came from the lamppost beside her. She hadn’t intended to stay in her car, but when she saw the name of the sender on the handwritten envelope in her hand, her entire world stopped.

  Time was suspended as she let out an audible gasp that snapped her back to reality. With tears still streaming down her cheeks she read the name aloud.

  “Kaitlyn Cooper.”

  Before she even realized she had done it, she was out of the car and running up the stairs. Her hands were shaking so badly that she had dropped her keys, and she was afraid her legs were going to give out underneath her. The tears hadn’t stopped and uncontrollable sobs ripped through her. She struggled to see as the crying had caused her eyes to swell. It was that moment that the door was pulled open and Raylynn found herself falling into Syn’s arms.

  She needed him to hold her. She needed him to tell her it was okay. She needed him to protect her. Mostly she found that she just needed him.

  She was quickly pulled against his chest and she could feel his heart racing as he held her to him. She had barely noticed him turn them and kick the door closed. All she could feel was his warmth spreading through her and helping to thaw her out. She could smell his cologne, and hear his breathing.

  “Ray baby, you’re scaring the shit outta me. What happened? Are you hurt?” He asked as he cupped her face with both hands and locked eyes with her.

  All she had were more sobs. She couldn’t find her words, and even if she could how would she explain it.

  “Ray talk to me, I need your words baby. Are you hurt? Did somebody hurt you?” he asked her again.

  “It…I…” she stammered. “My…my mom…wrote me.”

  She could see the confusion take over his features, and she couldn’t blame him. He nor any of the other guys knew about her mother. Sure, after Ty’s party they knew some bad shit had happened, but they didn’t know the full story. Not even the police knew the whole story. The truth about that night was kept secret between her and her mother.

  “Did you open it? What does it say? Is everything okay with her?” He asked, his concern honest.

  “I can’t Syn. I can’t read it. I want to so badly, but I can’t.” she replied through her tears. Her fingers gripping the fabric of his t-shirt.

  “It’s a letter Ray, just words. It can’t hurt you unless you let it.” He said holding her closer. His thumbs rubbing circles against her lower back. “I can read it to you if that will help, or I can leave you alone. Whatever you need okay.”

  She let him soothe her. They stood that way for a long time as she let her sobs free. It wasn’t until they stopped altogether that Syn finally pulled back.

  “What do you need Raylynn? What can I do? I’m at a loss here.” He asked before pressing his lips to her forehead.

  “Will you sit with me while I read it? I can’t do it alone, and I don’t have anyone else.” She said as sh
e stared into his clear blue eyes.

  “If that’s what you need then yes.” He replied as he tugged her towards the couch.

  Raylynn sat and with shaking hands she opened the letter. Once it was out of the confines of the envelope she took a deep breath and started reading. Syn sat wordless beside her, his hand on her lower back rubbing tenderly. His presence was all she needed to gather the courage to move her eyes across the page.

  My Beautiful Raylynn,

  I hope this letter finds you well. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have rewritten this letter. Nothing I can say will ever be enough to erase the damage that I help cause over the last 18 years. I did and still do love you with my entire being, but the drugs numbed me and allowed me to pretend that you were fine. I should have left John years ago. In all honesty, I should have left him when I found out I was pregnant with you, but I was in love and afraid of raising you alone. I am in no way making excuses for what I did, or for what I turned a blind eye to. I am simply trying to own up to my mistakes. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, yet I allowed a monster to sleep under the same roof as you. I slept next to him, and I never said a word when he would climb out of bed and leave me alone. I pretended that I didn’t know what was happening, and the first time you came to me with your secret I turned you away. I can never take that moment back even though it is one of my biggest regrets and knowing now how everything ended, the guilt will devour me for the rest of my life. You never should have been in the position you were in. It was my job to protect you, and I failed terribly. You never should have had to make a choice. I am so sorry my beautiful girl, and I can only hope that one day you will forgive me for my part in your story. You are stronger than I ever was, and I know that you will be alright. I hope you find true love with a good man, I hope that you have children, and I hope that the rest of your life is filled with nothing but happiness. You deserve it. I am proud of you love. I am now allowed visitors, and I have put you on the list. I hope one day you will find it in your heart to come to visit. I love you Raylynn Grace, and our secret will go to the grave with me. It is the least I can do after the years I did nothing. I do hope to hear from you, Merry Christmas.

  Love you Always,

  Mom

  PS. I have some news that I want to share with you but not via a letter.

  I cannot do that to you.

  The silence around her was suffocating, and she felt numb. She wanted nothing more than to take a few pills and curl up and sleep for the rest of eternity. On the other hand, she also needed to know what news her mom wouldn’t share through letter. There were so many thoughts swirling through her brain that she hadn’t even noticed Syn leaving the room. She had to know what that news was, her life could depend on it.

  It was that thought that had Raylynn up and running to her room. She was on auto pilot. She grabbed her duffle bag from the closet and started to fill it with clothes. She didn’t even know who’s clothes she had grabbed, not that it mattered anyway. She would wear Jax’s shirts with no complaints. She turned and grabbed a handful of underwear and shoved them in the bag along with some leggings. She was grabbing her toiletries when Syn’s voice stopped her.

  “What are you doing Ray?” He asked her sternly.

  “I’ve got to see her Syn. She needs to tell me something and if it has anything to do with what I’m thinking then my entire life could depend on it. I have to go home, to Chicago, and see my mom.” She said, still shoving items into the bag.

  “What!? You can’t leave Ray! What about Jax? Ty? Me? You can’t just go to Chicago, we need you too.” He exclaimed as he pulled the bag from her hand.

  “Syn you don’t fucking understand! She is in prison because of me! I have to know what she has to tell me! I need to go!” she replied through her tears. Her entire body was trembling and her strength was non existent.

  “What do you mean she’s in prison because of you? What happened Ray?” he asked dropping the bag and cupping her face in his hands.

  “I can’t tell you Syn. I want to, but I can’t. Please don’t make me tell you.” She cried harder and lowered her head to his chest.

  “It’s okay baby, I got you.” He whispered against the top of her head. “but eventually you will have to tell me what happened.”

  “I will, just not until I talk to her. I have to know what she knows before I say anything.” She said through her sniffles. “So, I have no choice but to go to Chicago, and I’m leaving tonight.” She finished looking up at him through her lashes.

  “Fine, but I can’t let you go alone. Jax would kill me with his bare hands if I just let you run off to Chicago without backup. So, give me ten minutes to pack a bag and lock up and we will go together.” He said before turning his back to her. “Unless you don’t plan on coming back.”

  “Syn I’m a big girl, I lived in that city for seventeen years without you. I know what I’m doing. I don’t need a babysitter.”

  “I know that Ray, but I can’t let you go alone. You’re emotional and you haven’t stopped shaking since you walked in the door. This isn’t up for discussion, if you need to go then I go with you.” He finished before walking out the door.

  ∞∞∞

  “Ray baby, come on wake up.” Syn’s voice slowly bringing her out of her slumber.

  “Where are we? What time is it?” she asked rubbing the sleep from her eyes and looking around.

  “We’re in Utah.” He said through a yawn. “I gotta get a couple hours of sleep baby, I can barely keep my eyes open.”

  “You should’ve woken me up, I can drive.” She chastised. “I need to get home ASAP Syn.”

  “Look Ray, it’s seven-thirty in the morning. I have been driving for almost twelve hours, I’m hungry and I need to piss. Let’s just get a room for a few hours and rest. We will be back on the road by noon I promise.” He replied before stretching.

  “Fine, but if you’re still sleeping at noon I will leave without you.”

  “I’ll be up.” He said before climbing out of the charger and grabbing their bags from the backseat. “You coming?” he asked when she made no move to get out.

  “Yeah, I’m coming.”

  Raylynn followed Syn through the lobby of the small hotel and stood silently as he booked a room. She could see the front desk clerk eye fucking Syn, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  “Alright Jaysyn, you’re in room 112. Take the first left down the main corridor and your room will be on the right. If there is anything, and I do mean anything I can do to make your stay with us more pleasurable please don’t hesitate to call the desk. I’m here until six.” the clerk said in a less than professional tone.

  “I’m sure we will be fine, thanks.” Syn replied coolly as he threw his arm over Raylynn’s shoulders and led her away.

  “Pretty sure Desirae back there wanted to get in your pants.” She chuckled as they came to a stop outside their room.

  “Not interested in the slightest.” He replied before pushing the door open and hitting the lightswitch.

  The room was exactly as she had expected. The queen sized bed sat against the far wall, and was covered in a floral blanket. She wondered for a moment if every hotel ordered their bedding from the same place. The modest television sat on the dresser across from the bed and there was a small table in the corner. The window was covered in thick burgundy curtains, and below them sat the air conditioner. The room smelled faintly like weed, and she couldn’t help but chuckle.

  “What’s funny?” Syn asked from behind her.

  “It smells like Lucas’ room in here.” She replied as she flopped onto the bed.

  “Not as strong, but close.”

  “Did you even tell him we were leaving?” she asked propping herself up on her elbow.

  “Yeah, I called him from the road while you were napping. Jax too, he would’ve been pissed if I hadn’t.” he replied sitting beside her.

  “Good, I don’t want anyone to worry.”

&nbs
p; “He’ll still worry, he just won’t be worried and pissed.” He laughed lightly.

  “Well, he knows you’re with me, so there’s no reason to be worried.” She whispered.

  “Not about your safety.” He said before standing. “I’m gonna grab a shower real quick, unless you want to go first.”

  “No, you go ahead. I’m gonna order some pizza, I’ll jump in when you’re done.” She replied looking anywhere but at him.

  “Pizza? Really? It’s like eight in the morning and you want pizza?” he asked with a grin.

  Raylynn’s mouth went dry as she watched him reach behind his head and pull his shirt up and over. He really was a fantastic male specimen. She let her eyes trail over his chest and down his abs to that wonderful piece of eye candy that was his v-cut. She wondered for a moment what it would be like to run her tongue over the muscles in his chest. She wondered what Syn tasted like.

  This wasn’t the first time she had seen him half dressed, in fact she had seen him in even less, but this seemed different somehow. Maybe it was the fact that they were alone twelve hours from home in a hotel room. Or maybe it was the fact that not twenty-four hours ago he had told her that he fantasized about her. She hadn’t dared to tell him that she had thought about him too. Whatever the cause, she found herself heating up. Her face felt flushed, and her neck was on fire. She could feel that familiar pull in her core, and her thighs pressed together on their own.

  Syn’s gaze landed on hers and it was as if someone had turned up the heat. Her entire body was hot, and she was almost sure she was panting. Syn didn’t seem to mind, as he let his eyes traverse her body. The corner of his mouth pulled upwards into a sexy as fuck smirk that Raylynn hadn’t missed. She wondered what was going through his mind that had him smirking at her that way. She watched as he slid his tongue along his bottom lip before his teeth pushed into it. His usual clear blue eyes were now cloudy, and his pupils were blown. He was staring at her like she was his favorite meal, and he was starving.