Just Breathe

by Célia Pereira

  She reaches for the whiteboard but stops and looks up at me. “It’s…only temp…temporary.”

  What the fuck!

  I’m about to tell her, “Fuck, no, it’s not,” but she holds up her hand and writes on the whiteboard. When she turns it toward me, I about fall off my seat and have to re-read it at least a dozen times to make sure I’m not imagining shit.

  We’ll need to get a bigger place so Zeus and Logan have room to play.

  This woman is going to be the death of me. I shake my head and press another kiss against her lips and whisper against them.

  “Have I told you it really turns me on when you call me Mr. McKnight?” She lets out a soft giggle but her green eyes turn that seaweed color I know all too well. It’s going to be a long time before I can get inside her again. Before her body can handle me again. I’ll have to step up my foreplay in the meantime.

  I shake aside all sexual thoughts of us and watch as her eyelids slowly begin to flutter.

  Yeah, it’s going to be a while before we do anything sexual. Bailey’s body still has a long way to go before she’s fully healed, and I plan on being there to help her every step of the way. She’s mine, and it’s my responsibility to take care of my woman. My woman. Bailey’s right, we’ll need a bigger place for Logan and Zeus, and who knows, maybe one day, a sibling for Logan. Time to call in some favors.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Bailey

  I feel the warm morning sun on my face as I stir awake. The nurse must have opened the curtains on her last check. It takes me a few minutes to focus, but once I do, my eyes land on the handsome man that hasn’t left my side since I came out of my coma two weeks ago. Gavin is sleeping soundly, with his head lying on my leg. I’ve begged him to go home and sleep during the night but he was not having it. I’ve learned over the last while that Gavin is very alpha-male, stubborn and true to his word

  After Ashton had that conversation with me, I thought long and hard about everything. I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to leave Watermount Falls and I didn’t want to leave Gavin. I knew we had a lot to talk about and we’d need to sort through all that happened, but I wanted him to know that I was sorry too for not being completely honest with him and that I do trust him and want him in my life.

  The day after Ashton came to visit, I decided that evening I would tell Gavin how I felt. I had written on the whiteboard, after everyone had visited, that we needed to talk. To say it didn’t go as I thought is an understatement. But it still turned out pretty amazing.

  “Bailey, I’m only going to say this once.”

  I tried to reach for the whiteboard to explain that I wanted to be with him and that I wasn’t pushing him away, but he reached for it and placed it on the trolley next to the bed. I huffed in frustration but waited to hear him out.

  “I’ll never forgive myself for ever doubting you for even a second, and leaving that night…” I tried to stop him from his guilt trip, but he shook his head and said, “Just listen to what I’m saying and stop trying to find a way to speak.”

  I don’t remember him being this bossy before, but since he kept the whiteboard out of reach, I really couldn’t do anything but listen.

  He reached for my hand, brought it to his lips, and kept it there for a while. I love it when he does that. I closed my eye briefly, just enjoying the feeling, before I opened it back up and looked at him.

  “I don’t have the words to explain exactly what I feel for you, Bailey. I just know that you have taken a huge place in my heart, and so has Logan, and that happened before this nightmare.” He stops and tightens his grip on my hand before continuing. “I want—no—I need you in my life. Both of you. Having you near sparks something in me to be a better man, a better role model for Logan. These last few weeks have made me realize that I would give my life to ensure that he is happy, healthy, and safe.” He swallowed and pressed soft kisses to my fingertips. I could barely make out his face from the tears that welled up and threatened to escape.

  “I will do whatever it takes to gain your trust in me again, and to prove to you that you are the woman I need and want in my life forever.”

  I squeezed his hand and looked over to the trolley that held the whiteboard. He let out a huff but reached for it and handed it to me. With watery eyes, I wrote down what I hoped would properly relay how I felt about him and would show that I also want what he does. As I wrote, I could feel the anxiety rolling off of him, but he sat quietly until I placed the marker down and turned the whiteboard to him.

  My name is Bailey Peterson; I come from a small town called Berry Town. My mother died in a car accident, with me in it, leaving my brother, Logan, behind. My father checked out, and I became the primary parent in Logan’s life. He calls me Mom, even though he knows I’m not. My father turned to alcohol and who knows what else, and became abusive toward me, blaming me for my mother’s death. I ran away with Logan and found Watermount Falls.

  You are the best thing that has ever happened to Logan and to me. I kinda sorta wanna keep you.

  Since then, he has made it a point to let everyone know I am his woman. I try to move my hand slowly out of his, trying not to wake him. Although I’m the one recovering and need all my rest, Gavin needs a week’s worth of sleep, and I’m afraid it won’t happen until we’re home. Home. I still can’t believe that we’ll be living together as a family, starting today. Things really do have a funny way of working themselves out. I smile at the thought.

  I finally manage to remove my hand from his without him stirring. Success! Now, all I have to do is slowly get up off the bed and make it to the bathroom. I know he would prefer if I would wake him up to help me, since I still struggle on my own. Since he doesn’t even stir, that tells me he is pretty much dead on his feet, and I intend to let him sleep, because when he is awake he is a complete control freak mother hen! It’s adorable, and I adore him for being so attentive to me, but I need to start doing things on my own. I still hurt significantly, don’t get me wrong, but I can finally say that I only hurt badly when getting up and lying down. For the most part, the pain is a low throb. I manage to pull back the blankets, and as slow as a snail, I drop my left leg over the bed and use my left arm to hoist myself up on my elbow, and take a deep breath before I push up on my arm and drag my right leg over the side of the bed. Oh, sweet lord! Okay, now that I’m sitting up I try and control my breathing, as sharper pain spreads through my right side. My ribs protest as I take a few breaths to ease the pain, hopefully. I’m about to place my feet on the floor when I hear him.

  “You better not be about to do what I think you’re planning on doing.” He sounds wide-awake.

  Ugh! He probably wasn’t even sleeping. You know you’re gonna hear it now, baby girl.

  “You need rest.” My throat still hurts like a bitch, but at least I’m able to swallow a bit easier and get a few words out, although I sound like I’ve smoked every waking moment of my life and suffer from chronic laryngitis. Gavin comes to stand in front of me while placing a kiss on my forehead. He kneels, placing his hands around my waist.

  “Baby…” Before he can give me an earful, I place my fingers over his lips to stop him. I look slightly to the right and see the whiteboard on the edge of the bed, and Gavin reaches for it and places it in my lap with the marker.

  I know you’re worried, and I adore you for it, but, Gavin, you need rest or you’re going to end up lying in a hospital bed too. I also need to do things on my own.

  “I know, I’m just scared of losing you.” He looks so defeated, and I wish I could just wrap him in my arms and hold him until he feels sure I’m not vanishing.

  Gavin, I’m not going anywhere. The doctors say that I’m recovering better than they expected.

  “I know. Fuck, babe, just bear with me, okay? I’m still trying to adjust to the fact that you’re awake and out of danger.” He gives me his boyish shy smile that has the butterflies in my tummy seriously taking flight. I smile at him and run
my fingers lightly along his jawline.

  Fine. You can hover when helping me get out and back into bed, but I’m peeing alone. No buts, Mr. McKnight!

  He lets out a laugh, and his dark chocolate eyes brighten with the smile he gives me. He leans in closer and captures my lips. He coaxes me a bit before I open for him, then he slips his tongue inside to massage mine. I wish my body were healed and able to handle him. I need this man more than my next breath.

  “Mom!” Logan comes bursting through the door with an excited Zeus, Hunter, and Ash in tow. Shortly after, Mr. Henderson and Momma B walk in behind them. My family.

  “Bub…ba, morn…ing.” I can feel my cheeks warming up, but luckily my bruising doesn’t allow it to show just yet. Logan comes to sit on the bed next to me while Zeus sits right in front of me, forcing Gavin to move out of the way. This dog just kills me. I lean slightly to kiss Logan on the cheek and then rub Zeus’s furry head.

  “Sorry to interrupt your morning, lovebirds. You guys get the release papers yet?” Hunter asks while getting comfortable in the chair Gavin typically resides in.

  “Not yet. Dr. Evans should be in soon to do his final check and bring in the papers,” Gavin explains.

  “How are you holding up, sweetheart?” Mr. Henderson moves closer and places a soft kiss on my bruised cheek. This man. What a real father should be like.

  “Bet…Better.” I try and give him a smile while he pats me on the head.

  “You’ll be good as new in no time. We’ll make sure of it.” He places one more kiss on my cheek and then steps back, allowing Gavin to move in closer to me and help me up. Once I’m on my feet and straighten a bit, the wildfire spreads and I squeeze my eyes shut. Zeus whines but doesn’t move from my side. Logan panics a bit and rushes to hold my hand.

  “Mom? You okay?” My sweet boy, how I wish he never had to see me like this. Since the pain is a bit too much, I don’t chance speaking, so as not to add any more stress. I nod my head that I’m okay, but Logan only tightens his grip on my hand.

  “Hey, bud, why don’t we go down to the cafeteria and see what good stuff they have and pick some breakfast up for Mom since the food they bring her here sucks.” Hunter jumps to his feet and stands next to us, waiting for Logan’s response. He’s a bit weary. I tighten my hold on his little hand, and when he looks up, I give him a smile and nod that it’s okay to go with Hunter.

  “I’ll be right back, okay? We’ll be fast.” He reassures me, and I swear I die about a hundred times at his urgency to be at my side. Once they step out, it’s only me, Gavin, Ash, Momma B, and Mr. Henderson. I guess they feel the odd energy and make an excuse to step out into the hallway, leaving Gavin and Ash with me. She’s been a bit off ever since I woke up. I know she is scared shitless that I’d have reoccurring swelling in the brain or that I’d fall into a coma and never wake up. I guess it was pretty scary for a while there.

  “I…need…pee.” Ash laughs and Gavin just shakes his head while he leads the way to the bathroom and waits outside for me to finish. Zeus, on the other hand, walks right in with me, lying down across from the toilet. Luckily, the bathroom is wheelchair accessible, so there is plenty of room. It’s a struggle. Every time I move, even just an inch, it feels like my ribs are piercing my lungs. The struggle is real, but I manage. Once I finish washing my hands, Zeus lets out a bark, and Gavin wastes no time swinging the door open and helping me back into bed. He grumbles under his breath that it’s okay for Zeus to be in there but not him. I want to laugh but don’t, as walking is already a struggle with the constant throbbing in my side. The shitty part about doing the simplest things, like going to the bathroom, is it wipes me out. By the time I’m settled back into bed, I practically pass out.

  Momma B sits by my bedside and takes my hand in hers. I look up at her and see unshed tears threatening to break free.

  “I’m only gonna say this once, baby girl, as the worst is now behind us. You scared the ever-living daylights out of me. When Ashton called me crying that you could possibly die, I swear my heart stopped beating. You have become very important to me, you and that sweet boy of yours. I love you both as if you were my own. I want you to know that and come to me if you’re ever in any kind of trouble, you hear? No more battling life on your own.” She squeezes my hand as I reach up to her face and wipe the tears that have slipped free.

  I know my momma sent me to this town and into this woman’s diner so she could become my family.

  “I…love…you…” I struggle to get out. She smiles through her tears and gets up to place a soft kiss on my forehead.

  “I love you, baby girl. Never forget that.”

  When Logan and Hunter return, Logan crawls onto Momma B’s lap and just watches me while everyone talks and cracks jokes as we wait for Dr. Evans to come in. Logan reaches out his tiny hand and grasps my fingertips. I look over at him and smile.

  “I love you, Mom,” he whispers.

  “I…lo…ve…you.” He gives me his big smile that lights up his eyes, and I swear, I would go through everything all over again just to ensure that this little boy is safe and happy.

  Six Months Later

  It’s been six months since I was released from the hospital, and Logan, Gavin, Zeus, and I became a family. It hasn’t been all rainbows and sunshine, but for the most part, it has been. Living with Gavin and building our family and future has been perfect, I won’t lie. That first month, however, I about wanted to strangle him and anyone who encouraged his behavior when it came to protecting me.

  I completely understood his fear and wanting to take care of me, but he called or texted every five minutes, or at least it felt like that. It was all a bit much. It was a struggle for Gavin to go back to work and to leave me alone all day. To ease his concern, I agreed to get a phone so he could check up on me, or I could call him if I needed something. Gavin doesn’t quite understand when he is going overboard with worry over the people he loves, which I adore, but I also want to punch his sexy face for it. I had to threaten that I would shut off the phone if he didn’t stop. He finally backed off and resigned to calling every two hours, but if I happened to miss his call, I had ten minutes before he showed up to ensure I was safe. Once, I was in the shower, and of course, I still wasn’t moving as quickly as I used to, and I didn’t bring the phone into the bathroom with me. When I turned off the showerhead, I heard Zeus barking and a very panicked Gavin shouting out my name. Overprotective, that man.

  Just a few weeks ago, Logan came down with your typical flu. Stuffy nose, coughing, and a bit of a fever. Nothing some Tylenol and a few days of rest wouldn’t fix. Gavin, on the other hand, did not think as much. When he saw me taking Logan’s temperature and noticed it read ninety-nine point five, he was ready to pack him into his truck and haul ass to the hospital. With time and some very stern conversations on my part, we have been able to adjust to one another. Gavin has learned to trust my “mom instincts” on when to panic and when not to.

  It’s December and three weeks away from Christmas. This is Logan’s and my first Christmas that we get to spend decorating. To say we are excited is an understatement. This weekend we are going out to pick our very own, real Christmas tree. Logan is so excited that every day when he gets home from school, he has marked off on the calendar the days until our adventure to pick out the tree. Since moving out to Watermount Falls, Logan has shown his true personality and is the happiest he’s ever been. Since we’ve moved in with Gavin and Zeus and have become a family, I can’t even begin to explain his happiness. When I look back at everything, I never once regret or would change anything that happened to me because it led me to where we are right now, and to Logan being safe and protected. That’s all I ever wanted.

  I look out to the tables and notice Mr. Henderson has slipped out already. Odd, he usually waits for me to get off so we can chat a bit. Hmm. I’ll have to check up on him tomorrow. I’ve been back to work for three months now, and I’m only allowed to do about six hours of work. Between Momma
B and Gavin, I took whatever I could get them to agree with.

  “You heading out?” Ash asks as I put a load in the dishwasher. I rub my ribs a bit as now and then they still feel sore. Nothing to worry about, but since being broken for a second time, they bother me sometimes when I’m really active.

  “Yep, just gonna get my purse and head to the grocery store to pick up some stuff for dinner. You and Hunter still coming over tonight?” I haven’t yet been able to determine what is going on with Ash and Hunter, but what I can say is there’s definitely something brewing on the romantic side of their relationship, even if they try and deny it. Ash refuses to tell me anything about them at this point, claiming she doesn’t want to jinx anything.

  “You know it. Seven on the dot.” She smiles and takes her tray with burgers and fries to her tables. Every Friday night since my release from the hospital, Ash and Hunter join us for dinner. Something they insisted on since we are all so close and spend time together anyway. Every Friday night has turned into every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. Now, I just expect them to show up for dinner unless Gavin tells them he wants some alone time with his family. To be honest, I don’t even care. They’re my family. They were there when I needed them most, and when Logan and Gavin needed them most.

  I’m just about to send Gavin a text to tell him I’m off and heading to the grocery store when his face pops up on the screen with an incoming call.

  “I’m fine and just getting into my truck to go to the grocery store,” I say by way of a greeting and suppressing my laugh.

  “I love you,” he says into the phone.

  I swear I melt into a puddle of mush right there in the seat of my truck. The first time Gavin said he loved me was five months ago. He had been watching me sleep, and when I woke up, I was startled and panicked that something might be wrong since he wasn’t saying anything. He leaned in, and ever so lightly, brushed his lips against mine and said, “I love you, Bailey.”