Forever: Beautiful Series, book two

by Anderson, Lilliana

I need to get back there fast. Naomi said that Paige took off from the flat a month ago. Neither of us have heard from her since. Although her phone service is still active. I'm still leaving messages.

  I have no idea if she listens to them. But I just keep leaving them, telling her about my day and my progress in getting back to her. I told her how I’ve given up my flat, sold most of my furniture and moved in with my mother to save enough money to have a slush fund when I get back there. Maybe we’ll use it to set up our own place. Maybe we’ll spend it all on sordid weekends away. Or maybe we’ll just save it for a rainy day. You never know what the future holds for us.

  I also tell her how I visited my father for the first time in over two years. He's married now to a girl who isn’t really that much older than me, but he seems happy. I realised when I was in the UK, that I had no business being angry with him. After hearing what Paige had gone through in her life, I felt I needed to be happy my dad cared enough to try to steer me in the direction he thought was best for me.

  When I told him I was going back and explained why, he offered to help me out money-wise. I said no because I need to do this by myself. But it’s nice to know I can count on my parents in an emergency.

  If I wasn’t so damn sure about our feelings for each other, I’d feel pathetic leaving message after message. But I don’t. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that we belong together. And I want her to know I’m not giving up on her.

  And until I can get back to her, I work as much as I can to keep busy and add to my savings. I’m back at the same gym I was before I left. My boss knows I’m leaving again soon, but some of my old clients want to train with me while they can.

  So right now, I’m in the Botanic Gardens in Sydney, the best outdoor training spot around here, packing up the resistance bands and mats I was using with my client while I contemplate calling Paige again, just to hear her voicemail recording.

  “Elliot?” a familiar voice calls out. I turn around to face her, amazed that this time, I’m not plagued with the emotions I'd had last time we spoke. “How are you?” Katrina asks, smiling.

  “Well, thanks,” I reply, returning her smile. It’s so surreal seeing her and not having a desperate need to touch her. I still can’t stop my hand itching, but it’s because I’m waiting to call Paige.

  “I heard you were back. I figured I’d run into you here eventually,” she says.

  “Um yeah, I’m not back for long though,” I tell her, as I pull the zip along the bag and sit on the ground.

  She sits down next to me like we’re old friends. “Yeah, I heard. Our mothers have been gas bagging at tennis,” she says.

  I shrug, not surprised they still talk. “Well, it’s good they’re still good friends. So…how’s work? How’s David?”

  She leans back on her arms and stretches her long legs out in front of her, crossing them at the ankles.

  “Good and good. What about you?”

  “Well, works fine, but I haven’t seen David for years,” I joke.

  “Har har, very funny,” she says. “I um… heard about the girl in London. I was kind of talking about her.”

  I think of Paige and give a wry smile, wishing she wasn’t so far away, wishing she had just told me about her past early on so we could have talked properly instead of leaving it the way we did. I open the gallery on my phone, selecting a picture of Paige and me when we went away together the weekend before I left.

  I hand her my phone to show her the image. “Her name is Paige. I’m just waiting on my visa so I can go back to her.”

  Katrina studies the picture. “She’s beautiful, Elliot,” she says, as she swipes at the screen to move on to the next photo. I don’t want her going through my pictures and reach over, taking it from her hands as she says, “Wow. Is that a tattoo?”

  All of a sudden, I bristle as my defences fly up and I switch off my phone, tucking it away. I know how some people look upon tattoos, especially massive ones like Paige's, and I don’t want anyone judging her when her tattoo represents so much for her.

  Noticing a change in my demeanour Katrina shifts positions. “I’m sorry, Elliot. I shouldn’t have done that. The tattoo, well what I saw of it, is pretty amazing. It must have hurt.”

  “Probably,” I say, looking up in the sky as I hear a bird call.

  Appearing a little awkward, Katrina stands up and brushes the grass off her running pants. “I’d better leave you to it then.”

  Nodding, I watch her take a couple of steps away. I feel bad for making her feel like she has to leave. “Katrina,” I start.

  She pauses her retreat. “Yes?”

  “I don’t know if I’m coming back, so in case I never see you again, have a great wedding. Tell David I said ‘hi’ and to have a fantastic life. I mean that.”

  “I know you do, Elliot. Thank you, and I truly hope everything works out with Paige.”

  “It will. It has to.”

  Thirty-Two

  Paige

  “Your father and I noticed you’ve been looking at flats in the paper. Are you thinking of moving out?” my mother asks as we sit in the waiting room at the hospital so we can see my counsellor. I finally gave into her suggestion and let Mum accompany me to a session or two. Now that I passed my competency hearing, I feel more in control of my life and can handle taking steps to mend our relationship. Daniel is another story though. He’s my father, but he doesn’t feel that way. It’s weird. And it’s something I’ll probably have to focus on in future sessions.

  “I think it’s time. I have a job now. My meds are keeping me stable. And I think we could all do with some space.” Moving out is something I’ve been talking to my counsellor about. She also agrees that it will be better for my mental health to have my own place.

  “You know I’m happy for you to stay with us as long as you like. But if you must move out, we’d like to help you. I have money that I put aside for you in case I ever found you again. After the divorce, I sold my partnership in the firm and created a trust fund for you. It’s not a huge amount, but it’s enough to live off if you invest it wisely.”

  Reaching into her handbag she pulls out an envelope that contains the paperwork for a fund in my name.

  “I don’t know what to say…” I tell her, quietly scanning the documents.

  “You don’t have to say anything. It’s the least I could do to make up for things. Not that I think it does. I just…I just wanted to make sure you had something.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper noting the start date of the fund. She’s been holding it for me for almost nine and a half years. Maybe she did care…a little.

  Elliot

  “There’s some mail for you on your bed,” Mum informs me, as I walk through the front door of her house after work. I find her in the kitchen slicing up a bread stick to go with what smells like a beef casserole.

  “Thanks Mum,” I say, dropping a kiss on the top of her head and pinching the crust the moment she butters it. “Is Steve home yet?”

  “He is. He’s out in the garage checking the car engine. He said it’s making a funny noise. He’ll be in for dinner though,” she says, before she pulls the curtain to the side in the kitchen calling out the window. “Five minutes, Steve!”

  “I’ll be down in a few,” I tell her, bounding up the stairs three at a time until I reach the landing and enter my room. On the bed, I find a small pile of mail with yellow redirection stickers indicating they were all forwarded from my flat to here.

  Flicking through the pile, I find a mobile phone bill, my bank statement, some junk that I don’t care about and finally, an envelope with the UK Border Agency logo printed on it.

  My breath catches as I stare at it, knowing that this is my answer.

  “Please be yes,” I whisper to it, praying they approved me.

  When I pull out the documents familiar to me after the last time I was granted a visa, I can’t contain myself. “Yes!” I yell out, racing back downstairs to share my news.
>
  “What was all that about?” Steve asks from the back sliding door.

  “I got approved!” I rush over and hug my mother, picking her up and spinning her around as she laughs at my behaviour.

  “That’s fantastic, Elliot,” Mum says, smiling up at me as I set her down.

  Offering me his hand in congratulations, Steve shakes mine as he beams at me. “I’m gonna miss seeing you, mate,” he says.

  “Me too. I'm going to miss both of you,” I tell him honestly.

  “Don’t go all soppy you two. That’s my job,” Mum cuts in. “Let’s have dinner. I’ll open a bottle of wine to celebrate.”

  “Is the computer on?” I ask as they move towards the kitchen.

  “Yes it is, sweetheart. Let me guess, you can’t wait to book your flight?”

  Grinning at her, I wink and disappear into the study to buy my ticket. Suddenly, the whole world is so much more wonderful to me. I'm going back, in only two weeks. I’m going back.

  Thirty-Three

  Paige

  “Are you ready?” my mother says as soon as I open the front door of my newly rented flat. It’s not that far away from where she and Daniel live, and it isn’t anything exciting, but it’s my own space. A place for me to rebuild my life in preparation for this tiny bundle growing in my belly.

  It’s one bedroom, one living area, a small kitchen and bathroom, and it suits my budget. I can afford it on my own with my hairdresser’s salary without having to touch the money from the trust fund my mother gave me. I'd prefer not to touch it unless I absolutely need to. Perhaps I’ll save it for my retirement or something?

  My mother and Daniel have helped me buy furniture for it, doing their best to be a part of my life. We’ve come to an understanding now, and we’ve been continuing to work with a counsellor to put our respective pasts behind us and have the best opportunity for a family that we can. It’s still weird though. I don’t know that I’ll ever come to view them as my ‘parents’ in the sense that they are the first people I want to share my world with. I just can’t see us being a family like that, but it does feel good to let go of some of my anger.

  “Come on, Paige, we’ll be late for your appointment,” my mother chides me gently, still waiting in the doorway.

  “All right, I’m coming. You don’t need to be at every antenatal appointment, you know,” I point out, reaching for a lightweight cardigan as I sling my handbag over my shoulder and step out the door, locking it behind me.

  “You’re entering your third trimester. I need to make sure you’re OK,” she reminds me, walking ahead of me down the stairs until we reach her car.

  I hop into the passenger seat, and she drives us to the clinic for my appointment. We sit in the waiting area and chat briefly about an article in a magazine before we’re called into the doctor’s office. My mother sits supportively beside me as the doctor asks me a barrage of questions, checks my health and sends me on my way, happy with my progress.

  “I told you it would all be fine,” my mother says as we leave.

  “Did you?” I laugh, before I take a nervous breath as butterflies flutter in my stomach. “Well, I worry,” I say, rubbing my hand over my stomach. I’m petrified of losing another baby. Especially when I’m convinced this will be a little girl as well, Phoenix, finally getting her chance to be reborn. It was no coincidence that I found out I was pregnant on the same day the voices stopped. Her spirit is growing inside me now. I have my second chance and so does she. I just need her to live this time.

  Elliot

  Today is the happiest day of my freaking life. I’m finally on the plane back to the UK, and this time, I have five years under my belt.

  It gives me plenty of time to find Paige and convince her that her past doesn’t mean we can’t be together. I don’t care what it takes; I want to be with her. I need to be with her. She doesn’t get to push me away.

  Paige

  As I do every night before I go to sleep, I replay the last couple of voice messages from Elliot that tell me he misses me and still loves me. In this one, he’s talking about running into an old friend he never thought he’d see again. Then I look through the photos of our time together. I have printed a couple—OK, all of them—and have them framed around my house. I’m a little worried because this is the third day in a row that he hasn’t called. He hasn’t left it this long before, and I’m having jealous moments thinking about this 'old friend’ of his. Is it a boy friend? Or a girl friend? That part was left out. My mother thinks I should just call him back and tell him about the baby. But now, more than ever, he needs to choose his own path. I can’t let my changed circumstances be the deciding factor in what’s best for him. He’s the kind of guy who will stick it out with me until the bitter end just because it’s the right thing to do, and I don’t want that for him. I want him to be happy. Even if it isn't with me.

  I need to be strong. I can’t let my love for Elliot be the only thing I focus on or my life will fall apart. I’ve spent the last three months trying too hard to put it back together, and I’m finally at a point where I don’t feel like my past is chasing me around. I feel like I can move forward with my life, and I hope that Elliot manages to as well.

  As I drift off to sleep, my dreams are filled with him. Nights are my favourite time of the day now, because I can indulge in him while I sleep. I can love him there without fear of messing things up. Because even if he does come back. How is he going to react to having a pregnant girlfriend with mental problems? That could be his deal breaker.

  Elliot

  Waking with a start, I take a moment to realise where I am. I was just having the most vivid dream where I was searching for Paige but every time I found her, she’d turn around, and it would be someone else. I slide my fingers through my hair. I haven’t had it cut since Paige did it nearly six months ago. I can’t believe it’s been so long. It feels like it only happened yesterday.

  I only have a couple of hours left on this flight before I’m there. Jolene has agreed to pick me up from the airport, so I don’t have to catch a cab this time. They don’t have a spare bed, but everyone is fine with me taking the couch for a couple of days until I sort something else out.

  My leg bounces in anticipation. I’m almost in the same country as her.

  Paige

  My alarm sounds and I roll out of bed, yawning and stretching the kinks out of my back. It’s time to get ready for work. I don’t feel much like using a lot of product, so I twist my hair up in a bun and pull some curls down to frame my face before I apply some moisturiser, mascara and lip gloss. The baby kicks rhythmically the whole time.

  I rub my hand against her foot. “Only a few more weeks on our feet then we’ll be resting up, ready for you to be born. I can’t wait to meet you, baby girl.”

  I smile when she kicks in response. Then I pull on my black work pants, a white fitted singlet top and a grey asymmetrical cardigan that hangs long in the front and short in the back. Grabbing my keys and the salon keys, I get in my car and head off to work. It’s my morning to open and prep the salon today, so I pick up some breakfast on the way to eat it there.

  Elliot

  “Well, hello stranger,” Jolene calls out to me as I wheel my bags towards her.

  “Hi, Jolene. Thanks a lot for coming to collect me,” I say, as she leans up and gives me a friendly hug hello and kisses my cheek.

  “It’s no trouble. I got picked up when I arrived, so it’s kind of a karmic thing to pay it forward,” she explains.

  Driving to the flat is kind of surreal after being back in Sydney, but it feels like I’m going home. The big letdown is that Paige won’t be there, but I feel so sure I’ll find her. I realised on the plane she would have needed to find another job, and that means she would most likely have used Andrea as a reference. So the first thing I do after setting down my bags and saying a quick hello to all the housemates, is hand over the bag of Tim Tams I brought with me then take a walk to Stylz.

  Paig
e

  It’s almost lunchtime, and I’m so close to finishing the extensions in my client’s hair. This has been a very labour intensive morning, and I’m looking forward to the half hour I get to eat and sit down. My feet are killing me.

  Finally finished, I style my client’s hair to blend in the new hair in with the old. The sound of the blow dryer muffles the voice of Brooke, one of the other stylists, as she speaks to me.

  “Paige,” she calls over the top of it.

  I shut the dryer off so I can hear her. “Sorry,” I say turning to face her. “What’s u– ” I don’t need her to tell me because he’s the only thing I can see when I look up. I shove the dryer into Brooke’s hand and mumble something about needing to do something incredibly vague.

  Wrapping my cardigan around my middle, I walk toward him, not entirely certain this isn’t some sort of dream.

  “You’re here,” I gasp, tears filling my eyes. God, I’ve missed him so much. I want to jump into his arms and kiss him, but I don’t know if I can.

  Elliot

  Paige is standing in front of me, staring at me like I’m some kind of apparition. “I really thought you’d be harder to find,” I tell her with a smile. “One quick conversation with Andrea and here I am.”

  “Here you are.” She looks me up and down, her arms wrapped around her waist defensively. Please don’t run from me again.

  I hold out my hand to her, craving her touch. “Can we go and talk?” I ask gently. She looks at my hand like she did that time on the plane, like she’s unsure whether she should take it or not. Just like I did six months ago I make her a promise. “I’m not going to bite.”