Bunyips and Billabongs

by Amy Hopkins

  “It’s been shot!” Amelia hissed. “Penny, that poor creature has an arrow in its ass!”

  She started forward, but Penny grabbed her arm. “No, don’t chase it.”

  “We have to find out who did this.” Amelia’s face was set in a furious expression.

  Penny shook her head. “I don’t think anyone did. Amelia, I think that was a Myther.”

  “What?” Amelia pulled back, confused but ready to listen.

  “He’s a Dreamtime story,” Dave said softly. “Like Boots.”

  “Tell us a shtory?” Red pleaded. He’d already slumped down into his seat, eyes half-shut.

  “Penny?” Dave gestured to her, but she shook her head. “All right, then. I’ll tell it.”

  The story he told was simple, like one for children. He spoke of the mountains and grasslands, and of two tail-less kangaroos that lived there. They had come upon each other as the smaller roo was eating honey from a hive in a hollow rock.

  The larger one asked the small roo to share but was tricked into grabbing a handful of spiders instead.

  “They fought, those roos, with big sticks, beating each other over the head until they’d both had enough. Then, as they turned and fled, they threw the sticks at each other. Well, the big roo caught the stick in his rump and so did the small one, but they were both too afraid to stop running, so they kept on with those big old branches stickin’ out their backsides until…well, until they turned into tails.” Dave shrugged. “That’s the story we learned as kids, anyway. I did chat with an old Murri bloke once, though, and he said it’s close enough.”

  “I remember reading it in school,” Penny admitted. “But I’d forgotten a lot of the details.”

  “What about the Rainbow Serpent?” Cisco asked.

  Penny told that one, with a few details to argue with Boots, who frequently interrupted with headbutts and exasperated coughs.

  The rest of the evening was spent telling stories. They each took a turn sharing a childhood legend they’d grown up with—all except Red, who was snoring loudly on the other side of the fire.

  When they had exhausted their memories and their energy, Penny snuggled into her sleeping bag next to Cisco.

  “This has been amazing, Penny,” he murmured. “I’m so glad I got to see your home.”

  “Could you live here?” She asked sleepily. “Not forever. I know you couldn’t leave your mum and dad. But part-time, maybe?”

  He smiled gently. “For you? Anything.”

  Chapter Ten

  They stayed two nights at Dave’s property, spending their days in the creek or snoozing under trees and the evenings telling stories under the stars. Even after they returned to the hotel, the brief interlude in Penny’s hometown was enough to sustain the team’s spirits until the call finally came.

  “That Flying Crow Mythical Eco Adventure starts with a train ride on the Outback Magic,” Crenel explained, handing them each a folder. “A two-day journey to a remote location in the Queensland rainforest. That’s followed by four days in a ‘state-of-the-art refuge for endangered magical creatures,’ where you will ‘interact with beings from ancient myths and impossible stories.’”

  Crenel flicked away the brochure he’d been reading. “I managed to convince our contact to let us skip the vetting process.”

  “Vetting process?” Penny snorted. “Do they want to check that we’re rich enough, or just completely lacking in morals?”

  Crenel shook his head. “Neither. Remember, on the surface, this is all completely aboveboard. Whatever illegal trades are going down, they are happening out of the public eye.”

  “So, what do they need to vet?” Red asked, scratching his head.

  “That we can see them.” He gestured at Boots. “She looks amazing if you’re one of the few who can see her. Those numbers are growing every day, but…” He shrugged.

  “But a non-believer would be demanding a refund when it’s done,” Penny finished for him.

  “Exactly.” Crenel closed his folder. “We leave in the morning.”

  Penny eyed the plush chairs and ornate coffee tables in the lounge car. “This doesn’t look like any train trip I’ve ever taken.”

  “Me either.” Red dropped into one of the chairs and stretched. “It’s nice! The wobbling takes a bit of getting used to, though.” As if to prove his point, the train swayed a little harder as they rounded a corner. “Still better than watching some old drunk pissin’ in the corner while a couple of biddies go at it with their brollies.”

  “What the hell kind of trains do you have in Ireland?” Cisco asked, bewildered.

  “This says the dining car is two up from here.” Amelia examined the flyer that detailed the train’s offerings. “There’s a cafe and a bar. Oh! One of the carriages has a viewing deck above. Cool!”

  “Where’s the bar?” Red’s ears perked up immediately. “And the food? I’m starving!”

  “Red!” Penny exclaimed. “You ate four Big Macs for breakfast! You can’t possibly…”

  “He’s close to the change,” Amelia said. A hint of worry colored her voice. “The full moon is tomorrow night. His appetite will settle a bit after that.”

  “Crenel has it sorted.” Red sounded unworried. “He’s sneaking me food, and it might come in handy. Nothing like a nighttime recon mission with a superpowered sniffer!”

  “Don’t you dare,” Amelia scolded him. “What if you get caught by a poacher? It’s an operation that targets magical creatures, Red, and you’re one of them!”

  “Ah, it’ll be fine, lass.” Red plucked the flyer from her hands. “Or it will be if I can feed me grumbling tummy. Who’s up for some grub?”

  Penny offered to join him for a stroll to the cafe car, more to work off her restlessness than to fill her already-comfortable stomach. That quickly turned into the four of them making their way between excited patrons.

  As Penny stepped through the connection between cars, she heard an unmistakable trill from behind.

  “Penny? Gerald, don’t you think that girl looks like Penny?”

  “Oh, God, no,” Penny mumbled. She tried to push ahead, but Red blocked her way.

  “Penny, someone’s calling you.” Ever helpful, Red gestured over Penny’s head. “Aye, this is Penny. Look, Penny, that old lass is yelling your name.”

  Stifling a groan, Penny turned. “Hi, Mum.”

  Unable to find a way out of it, Penny eventually suggested her parents join them in the Outback Magic café car.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked. “These tickets cost more than your car.”

  “Oh, we didn’t pay for them. We won them at our local FLAPA chapter!” Penny’s dad pouted. “It was the first prize. Bastards wouldn’t let me swap them for the meat tray.”

  “You have a flapper chapter?” Amelia’s eyes were wide with wonder. “That’s amazing.”

  “Yes, dear. Functional Level-Axis Proponents Australia.” Marge, Penny’s mother, handed Amelia a business card.

  “It’s a flat-Earther group,” Penny said dryly. “Mum, I told you, don’t get involved with those kooks. They’re crazy!”

  “Says the girl with the magic snake!” Gerald laughed. “Look, I’m not sure I believe all that nonsense, but you have to admit, there’s a lot of crazy stuff going on out there, Penny my love. Who’s to say they won’t suddenly decide the world isn’t round after all? I mean, they make new discoveries all the time!”

  “Dad, that’s not how it works.” Penny sighed. “You know what? Never mind. You’re crazy, both of you. Always have been.”

  “We?” Gerald leaned forward. “You mean your mum. Look, love, she’s got a few roos loose in the top paddock but—”

  “I know what that means!” Cisco looked immensely proud of himself. “By the time we’re home, I’ll speak fluent Australian.”

  “Enough about us, dear.” Marge sipped her milk-white tea. “What are you and your friends doing here? I thought you said you were flying in to do someth
ing for the FBI. We certainly didn’t expect to see you on holidays!”

  “It’s not a holiday, Mum.” Penny bit her lip, unsure of how much she should disclose. Thankfully, she was rescued.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Hingston?” Crenel leaned over to offer a hand to Gerald, who shook it after shaking off some crumbs from the scone he had just stuffed into his mouth.

  Gerald gave a hard swallow, then nodded a greeting. “G’day, Mr. Crenel. I gotta say, we were surprised to see our Penny on the Outback Magic. Is this one of your secret missions?”

  “Hush, dear.” Marge swatted her husband’s generous stomach. “If it is, you don’t want to go blowing their cover!”

  “You’re as bad as he is, Mum.” Penny covered her face and groaned. “Look, you really don’t want to be here, okay? I can’t tell you why. Just, when we get to the next station, go home. I can give you some money to cover the tickets, and I promise I’ll take you on holiday as soon as this semester is over—”

  “What?” Cisco interrupted. “Penny, you can’t send them away, we’ve only just met! It’ll be fine. I mean, we’re working, sure, but I want to get to know your parents.” He gave Mrs. Hingston a winning grin and she blushed.

  “How painfully do you want to die?” Penny hissed in his ear.

  Cisco just shrugged. “You met mine.”

  “Yours are… Well, not a couple of flat-Earthers to start with.” Penny appealed to Agent Crenel, who had watched the exchange with amusement. “Agent Crenel, they really should go home, shouldn’t they?”

  “It’s probably best. For the integrity of our mission, if nothing else.” Crenel leaned forward to confide in Mr. Hingston. “We’re undercover. Very secret. Can’t risk being exposed, if you know what I mean.”

  Gerald slapped Crenel’s shoulder, making the agent wince. “No worries, Mr. Crenel. We’ll keep it all under wraps. Very circumspect, we are.”

  Sensing that trying to argue with her father was a losing battle, Penny appealed to her mother. "Mum, please. This is really important. And dangerous!"

  "I wouldn’t say dangerous," Agent Crenel mused. "It's just a reconnaissance mission. We’re only here to gather some information, remember?"

  "That settles it." Marge carefully put her teacup back on the saucer. "If Agent Crenel doesn't think it's dangerous for us to stay, then we'll stay. Penny, we hardly see you anymore. We simply can't let this opportunity go."

  Gerald patted his daughter's slumped shoulder. "It's all right, Penny-love. We won't mess up your super-secret mission. You won't even know we are here."

  Penny lifted her face from her hands to offer the agent a glare. "You'll pay for this later," she told him.

  Crenel just smiled. "I can't wait."

  Chapter Eleven

  To Penny's relief, the rest of the trip passed smoothly. Although her parents were never quite out of sight, and every time they caught her eye they waved madly at her, they did allow Penny and Cisco their personal space.

  To be fair, there wasn't a lot of space on the train to start with. The rest of the day was spent meandering between the lounge car and the café, which Red frequented in an attempt to fill his growling stomach. He was the first through the door at four o'clock when the dining car opened.

  He led Amelia past several tables covered in crisp white linen tablecloths adorned with sparkling silverware and crystal glasses.

  "Why am I suddenly terrified I'm going to break something?" Penny whispered to Cisco as they made their way through the carriage.

  Red slipped into a four-person booth, immediately picking up his cutlery and tapping impatiently on the table.

  Amelia stilled his movement with one hand. "If you salivate any harder, you're going to ruin the tablecloth."

  Red rolled his eyes but busied himself by picking up the menu and scanning the options. "Reef and beef… Ribs and rump… I wonder if they’ll let me order both."

  Amelia rolled her eyes. "I was going to get the seared salmon, but I guess I'm having steak, aren't I?"

  Red wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Thanks, love. I knew you'd have me back."

  Penny had to admit, the menu did look appetizing. In the end, she couldn't resist a big fat juicy steak. "You get the salmon, Amelia. Red, do you want me to order ribs or seafood? I just want the steak."

  Red grinned. "You're the best, Penny. The ribs, please."

  Amelia gave Penny an appreciative grin and added a heartfelt thanks when their meals arrived. "This fish is cooked to perfection," she gushed.

  "So is the steak," Penny moaned. She closed her eyes to savor the juicy mouthful. "You might have to fight me for your half, Red."

  Red lifted his eyebrows in a mournful expression. "Don't say that, Penny. I'm so weak and hungry, you could beat me with one arm tied behind me back."

  "Yeah, until the moon comes out tomorrow night and you rip my throat out for breaking a promise," Penny joked.

  "You'd deserve it," Cisco said through a mouthful of pasta. "You don't promise a man ribs unless you mean it."

  Red gave a deep sigh. "You don't have to share if you don't want to, Penny."

  Penny laughed. "I was only joking, Red. Come on, I couldn't eat this much food in three days!"

  The incredible meal put Penny in a good enough mood that she almost didn't mind when her parents slipped into the booth across from them.

  "G'day, stranger! Long time no see!" Gerald tucked a corner of his napkin into the neck of his shirt. "How's the tucker?"

  "Get the steak, Dad," Penny told him. "It's absolutely incredible."

  "Where is Mr. Crenel?" Marge asked. "I was hoping to run into him again. He's done such a good job of keeping you safe, even if he did steal you away from home in the first place."

  "He's busy," Penny said, not elaborating. "And he didn't steal me away from home. Not your home, anyway. I moved out two years before I went to America, Mum!"

  "When I said home, I meant Australia. Australia is your home." Marge sighed. "America is such a long way away."

  "I thought flat-Earthers all believed Australians were paid actors? That the whole country is just an elaborate hoax?" Red pointed out. "How's that work if you live there?"

  "Well, those people are clearly idiots," Marge said. "Imagine thinking Australia isn't real!"

  "Imagine thinking the world is flat," Penny mumbled, shoving more food in her mouth in the hopes it would keep her out of trouble with her parents.

  "It's not that we believe the earth is flat," Gerald protested. "We’re just open to the possibility. That's all. Just like we were open to the possibility that our daughter's best friend was something out of a fairytale she learned in primary school."

  "Come on, Dad. That's not the same, and you know it." Penny reached for her drink, wishing she had an entire vat of unicorn piss to dull the assault on her brain cells.

  "Look, there's Mr. Crenel again." Marge waved a hand and gestured the agent over. "Mr. Crenel, why don't you join us? There's plenty of room in our booth."

  Crenel looked around desperately, but the nearby tables were all full.

  Penny considered scooting over to make room for him to sit there, then remembered his idiot comment about their mission not being dangerous.

  “Yeah, Mr. Crenel. Take a seat with my mum and dad.” Penny smiled sweetly, ignoring the scowl she was gifted with in return.

  “I’d love to.” Crenel’s voice was more growl than anything, but Marge didn’t seem to notice.

  She scooted over to make room for the agent. “Mr. Crenel, it’s so good to have the chance to have a chinwag. My Penny is such a bright and clever girl, isn’t she?”

  Appetite gone, Penny shoved her plate toward Red. “I’m done.” She grabbed her beer, tipped it back in a gulp, and stood. “Cisco. Bar. Now.”

  “Yes, dear.” Cisco flashed a grin at Red and Amelia, then slid out of the booth to follow Penny.

  “Can you believe them?” Penny seethed. “They’re going to give him my whole life history. He’s FBI an
d the Academy Liaison! He doesn’t need to know that I took forever to ride a bike without training wheels, or that I was afraid of koalas when I was a kid!”

  “You were afraid of koalas?” Cisco weathered the scathing glare admirably. “I just meant that I didn’t pick that up when you were at the zoo.”

  “I was five, Cisco. I’m an adult now,” Penny said. She covered her burning face with her hands. “They’re just so…embarrassing.”

  “Koalas are embarrassing?” Cisco motioned for the bartender, who nodded and finished up with his customer.

  Penny shot him a dark look. “No, you idiot. My parents.”

  “What’ll it be?” The bartender, whose name was Matt, according to his name tag, passed Penny a wine list. “Beer and house wine are included in your package, but hard spirits and boutique wines are extra.”

  Penny passed him the wine list without glancing at it. “Scotch. A good one. Actually, make it two, please.”

  “No problem.” If Matt was surprised at her order, he didn’t show it.

  “And one for me.” Cisco chuckled, jerking a thumb in Penny’s direction. “That’s if there’s any left when she’s done.”

  Penny snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “We don’t have a magic hangover cure here, remember?” Cisco murmured in her ear.

  Penny picked up both of her glasses. “Come and sit.” She led Cisco to one of the high-backed chairs in the corner. The bar resembled a gentleman’s club, with its old fashioned furniture and dim lighting. The only thing missing was the hazy scent of tobacco. “Look, my parents aren’t always this weird.”

  “Hey, it’s okay.” Cisco patted her knee. “They’re not that bad.”

  “They are,” Penny insisted. “It’s just that they don’t get out much, or they never used to. Now they’re retired and living the nomad life, they’ve suddenly realized that people exist outside of tiny farming towns. Mum knows Dad sticks out like a sore thumb, but she loves him, so she joins in the madness. And he just wants to show her the world.”