Shades of Blue (Part Two of The Loudest Silence)

by Olivia Janae

  “Max, where do you want it?”

  “Want it?” Vivian frowned, but Kate just waited as Max looked around the loft.

  Finally, he decided on the wide window ledge closest to the tree. He arranged the plate and glass of milk with the utmost thought and then frowned. “Something’s missing.”

  Kate pulled the long carrot from behind her back.

  “Yeah! For the reindeers!” He jumped up and down in place for a moment, arms pumping, before taking it and dropping it on a diagonal across the plate with a thunk. “Perfect!”

  “I see,” Vivian said again, this time with a laugh. “So then, is it bedtime?”

  “Wait!” Max bellowed, hands outstretched. “We can’t go yet!”

  Kate, already anticipating this outburst, went to her cello case where she had stashed the book on her last visit to their apartment. It was tradition.

  “Yeah!” He leapt on his mother when he saw the book.

  Max settled tightly on her hip, Kate wrapped her other arm around Vivian and kissed her cheek. “It’s time to read.”

  “All right then.”

  The four settled onto the small couch. The Christmas tree gave them just enough light to read by as they cuddled together under the festive glow. Vivian pressed herself tightly into Kate, her head resting on her shoulder. Charlie unabashedly cuddled her other side, arm looped through Kate’s, while Max climbed on top, somehow managing to spread himself across all three women.

  She picked up the book but found that she had to pause for a moment, her heart very full. It was nice... this was nice. She looked down and was met with the warm brown eyes that she loved so much. They shared a small smile before Kate leaned down and softly pressed her lips against Vivian’s, enjoying the contact as they hugged tightly to Max. Charlie caught her eye, and the two shared a small smile of affection as well.

  “Okay.” She took a deep breath, letting this new feeling wash over her. Warm between the others, she was perfectly content. Max beamed as she opened the book to read about the origin of candy ribbon.

  Though Max had been reading this book all of his life, his eyes still grew wide as the book’s candy shop owner unwrapped differently shaped jars and bins, readying to open his store for the first time on Christmas Day. Max oohed and ahhed as the town’s children looked through the windows, seeing the brightly colored lollipops and jawbreakers coming in boxes, filled to the brim like magic. He giggled and squirmed as the shop opened and children flooded the aisles. When the little girl in the story was allowed to pop one orange gumdrop between her lips, his face filled with relish as if he could taste the bright flavor himself. His eyes grew wide under the soft gaze of the three women, as the candy ribbon was pulled from the bin in all of its regal glory.

  “Look, Viv’n, ribbons!” He pointed at the page, his face beaming up at her.

  She smiled softly and stroked his cheek. “I see it, darling.”

  “Do you see it, Charlie?”

  “I sure do.”

  His head began to rest lightly against his mother’s chest as the book came to a close, his excited eyes growing sleepy. “Until next year, little man.”

  He grinned up at them, satiated, and kissed each of their cheeks. “Brushing.”

  The three sat together in silence; Kate’s head against Vivian’s, Charlie’s against Kate’s shoulder comfortably waiting for him to return.

  “I’m all brushed and washed,” he announced when he did.

  Kate and Vivian pulled themselves up and, hand in hand, followed him to his room.

  “Where do you think he is now, Mommy?” Max asked, crawling under the covers with eyes far too wide for someone about to go to sleep.

  “I don’t know, kid. Could be anywhere.”

  Vivian sat at the bottom of the bed while Kate flattened the blankets around him.

  “Next door?”

  “Could be. That’s why excited little boys have to go to sleep. We don’t want to miss him!”

  He nodded, squeezing his eyes closed.

  “Good boy.” Kate grinned and softly began to hum to him while Vivian stroked his feet.

  He wasn’t completely asleep when the couple slipped from his room, closing the doors behind them, but he was well on his way.

  “Do you guys want to put out his Christmas gifts?” Charlie asked a bit hopefully from the couch.

  Kate shook her head. “He’ll probably come out at least once in the next few hours thinking it’s morning. We need to wait.”

  “So then.” Charlie bit the tip of her tongue, her eyes shifting back to the mess. “I guess that means that we need to tackle that kitchen.”

  With a chuckle, they set to work righting the dusted flour-, egg yolk-, and frosting-covered kitchen.

  When they were done, Kate checked her watch. It was only 9:30. She was sure Max would wake and start calling for her soon, but she could see the eager look on Charlie’s face. “Stockings? I think if we do it in the kitchen he won’t see if he comes out. He’s pretty good about staying in bed, but just in case.”

  Vivian grinned widely, eyes twinkling, and they gathered up the empty stockings. Stocking stuffers had been wrapped and placed in individual plastic shopping bags, ready to be filed into Kate’s, Max’s, Vivian’s, and Charlie’s stockings.

  Vivian handed her two of the bags with a kiss, and they sat on opposite sides of the island while Charlie sat guard on the couch, waiting to sound the alarm if Max should wake.

  “Stop looking, missy,” Vivian chided, catching Kate’s eyes dodging to the wrapped parcels. “You don’t get to see until tomorrow morning.”

  Kate just smiled. Tomorrow she could give Vivian her gift. The day was finally almost there.

  Just as Kate had predicted, before the task of the stockings was completed, Max began to call from his room.

  It had been a mandatory yearly tradition since he was old enough to walk that Max was not allowed to come rushing out of his room on Christmas morning. As a mom, the best part of Christmas Day was the moment Kate got to watch his eyes pop in wonder at the magic that had transformed their normal living room into a winter wonderland. So instead, when he woke, he would call to her and she would get him, ready for that special moment that only happened once a year.

  “I got him.” Kate smiled and slipped into her son’s room.

  He was waiting groggily in his bed, a large grin plastered on his face. “It’s Christmas!”

  “Not yet, kid,” she said pushing him lightly back into bed. “It’s still Christmas Eve. You only just went to sleep.”

  “Oh.” He frowned. “You sure?”

  Nodding, she sat on the side of the bed and stroked his forehead. “Just a little longer sleep and it will be here, okay?”

  “Okay. You stay?”

  “Sure.”

  She continued to stroke his forehead until his lashes fluttered and closed.

  It had been four years now, and Kate still couldn’t understand how she had gotten lucky enough to have this little boy all to herself. He was perfect. She leaned down and kissed his temple whispering, “Merry Christmas, Max,” before she slipped from the room.

  Charlie had her jacket on when she came back to the living room.

  “You taking off?”

  “Yeah, it’s getting late.”

  “Well, wait.” She handed her a full stocking. “You have to help us hang them.”

  Charlie beamed. “‘Kay!”

  There was no fireplace in the loft, but small temporary hooks had been placed on the metal of the grid window frames beside the tree.

  “I think this might be too heavy!” Vivian laughed as the temporary hook popped under the weight of Max’s bulging stocking.

  “Yeah, it usually is. Here.” Kate settled Vivian’s exploding stocking on the floor and showed the other woman how they could place them so it looked as though they were too heavy and had fallen from the window, temporary hooks tossed over them as if they had simply given up their job.

  When
the four stockings were arranged perfectly, the trio took a step back and admired their work. “Good job, team.”

  Vivian beamed at Kate.

  They hugged and kissed Charlie goodbye with wishes of a Merry Christmas, and then they sighed into the empty apartment, the glow from the tree still warm in their chests.

  Vivian took her hand, smiling, and kissed the knuckles. Kate caught her eye and found that for a moment she was stuck. There was something different in the air tonight, something warm and inviting. She watched the way that Vivian smiled at her, felt the way that Vivian’s fingers tightened for just a second on her own and her heart fluttered. She couldn’t read the look in her eyes, but it made Kate’s heart quicken just a bit anyway.

  She followed Vivian to a stool at the kitchen island where she sat in a calm silence as Vivian mixed the freshly pressed apple juice from that morning and a few spices. Kate sniffed the air appreciatively as the loft filled with the delicious scent of hot spiced apple cider with just a touch of rum.

  Two drinks poured, Vivian gave her a mug and took her hand again. Together they curled back onto the couch under the glow of the tree. Vivian cuddled into Kate, and they simply sat for a while, sipping the drinks and feeling this new something that they were sharing. Vivian’s head fell to Kate’s chest with a sigh, and, smiling a little, Kate began to stroke the dark hair, enjoying Vivian’s soft sounds of contentment.

  “That feels nice.”

  Kate kissed her forehead and intertwined their fingers. “This feels nice,” she clumsily signed and then wrapped her arms tightly around her.

  They sat that way for a long time, sharing each intake and release of breath, comfortable.

  Finally, when glasses were long empty and the night was growing late, they slipped upstairs together.

  Vivian, with some egg still in her hair, decided to get into the shower, and Kate, grinning to herself, followed after her.

  Vivian, oblivious to her audience, went about her shower routine. Kate watched as she slipped out of her clothes and stepped in, sighing happily under the spray of the water.

  Kate watched her for a few moments, taking in her nakedness, taking in the pleasurable little faces she made as she ran her fingers through her hair.

  Would she have believed that this was possible when she was first meeting Vivian? The night they met had been a disaster, and now…

  She pulled off her clothes and stepped in behind Vivian. Her palms sliding, making sure to touch every bit of skin, she wrapped her arms around Vivian’s wet stomach, chuckling a little as Vivian jumped in surprise. She squeezed her tightly, enjoying the sensation of wet skin against her fingers. She kissed the hollow of Vivian’s shoulder and took the shampoo bottle from her hands.

  Vivian glanced over her shoulder, watching Kate as she gushed some of the Vivian-scented shampoo into her palm and began to gently work it through Vivian’s hair.

  Vivian moaned as fingers moved over her scalp. When Kate had worked it through, she turned her and leaned her head back, scratching through the wet tangles and letting the suds slide down the drain, sneaking a kiss to her wet throat as she did. Vivian’s smile was soft, watching as Kate began to work in the conditioner. No silence Kate had ever known had been filled with so many wonderful heartfelt words as when Vivian stroked Kate’s cheeks. Kate smiled back, tilting her chin up so she could rinse her hair again; this time the stolen kiss was to her lips.

  When she was done, she took the soap into her hands, lathering it and pulling Vivian against her. Her chin resting lightly on Vivian’s shoulder, she let her hands travel over the bare skin, arms, stomach, legs, enjoying the small gasps that slipped past Vivian’s lips when her hands traveled over the sensitive parts of her body.

  When Vivian was washed and rinsed, Kate let herself be turned under the water, eyes closing as she enjoyed the nimble fingers combing through her long curls and washing her body. It was such a small act, washing someone, and yet it was so intimate, so satisfying.

  Kate spent a long while combing Vivian’s hair once the two had been patted dry, running the blow-dryer over it, annoyed to see she hadn’t been able to achieve its typical style.

  They slipped into their favorite pajamas and, fingers locked together again, wordlessly started back downstairs to fill the living room with Christmas wonder.

  Vivian grinned as she opened the stuffed closet, and Kate unplugged the tree so they were lit only by the few candles that Vivian had placed around the room.

  “How should we do it?” Vivian asked, a breathy chuckle slipping unbidden from her lips.

  Kate waved her over and, taking her hand, she pulled her to the cookies. “Santa has to eat his cookies.” She slipped one between Vivian’s lips and chuckled when Vivian took a huge bite.

  Nodding in satisfaction, Kate placed that cookie back on the plate and quickly swallowed the other, leaving purposeful crumbles and the perfectly bit piece behind.

  “Kate, we’re going to get ants.” Vivian frowned.

  Kate just chuckled. She took a huge, snapping bite out of the carrot then held it for Vivian to do so as well, chuckling at the face Vivian made as she worked to crunch through it.

  “I’m not big on milk,” Kate explained as she poured the majority into the sink, leaving just a little bit behind. “There.”

  Then giggling silently, they pulled each box and bag from the closet, scattering them under the tree and over the side of the couch next to the stockings.

  In a final touch, Kate scattered Christmas confetti in the shapes of trees and ornaments over everything, leaving in her wake a small array of chocolates and peppermint nougats.

  They took a step back and studied their handiwork.

  “You’re good at this.” Kate gave her a small hip bump.

  Vivian beamed as though that was the greatest compliment she had ever received.

  They climbed the stairs and headed into the bathroom.

  Kate smiled to herself as Vivian reached for their toothbrushes, wetting both of them and out of habit placed a dainty bit of toothpaste on her own brush and a huge glob on Kate’s.

  Kate took it and began to brush.

  She felt eyes on her in the mirror and looked up into the simmering chocolate brown. She didn’t know what the look there was, but butterfly wings brushed softly against her insides. She loved it when Vivian went silent like this, communicating with her eyes. It was her natural state, warm, private, arousing. Sweet.

  They cleaned their faces of the blue toothpaste foam, and Vivian took her hand, leading her back toward the bed, feeling the heat of it, enjoying the sensation of it, and as if it were the most natural thing in the world for Vivian to pull her to her, she caught her in a kiss.

  Vivian sighed as though that was the exact thing she had been aching for, her hands immediately finding Kate’s face, cupping it, holding her lips to her own as though she cherished nothing as much as them.

  Softly, gently, their lips moved until they were forced to separate so their shirts could be lifted from them. Vivian, face unreadable, crawled her bare body backward onto the bed, pulling Kate with her. Kate exhaled softly as her face found the skin of Vivian’s stomach, sliding her nose up over ribs and chest until she was nestled tightly under Vivian’s jaw, breathing in the scent of her, relishing the closeness of their bodies, wanting, needing to be all the closer.

  Arms wrapped around her as, foreheads pressing for a moment, they fell into the kiss, their breathing ragged in a way neither of them recognized, soft and in unison. Kate’s fingers found Vivian as she began to slowly rock in her lover’s embrace.

  Vivian sighed, gasping and clutching, her lips finding Kate’s, her jaw, her face, before settling, cheek pressed tenderly to cheek.

  After a soft exchange of touches, Kate could feel Vivian’s body begin to shudder, her gasps tight, growing ragged. A quake passed through Vivian as her hands danced over Kate’s back and through her hair, holding her tighter to her. It was something that Kate didn’t recognize, som
ething new. She felt a leak of something warm run down her nose from the cheek pressed to Vivian’s, and she gasped, understanding as another quake rocked through her lover. She pulled her tighter to her as yet another sharp shudder wracked Vivian, and a few more tears slid from her eyes, landing lightly on Kate’s cheeks.

  She thought that perhaps she should have been worried or even afraid, but she wasn’t. Somehow, she understood. Softly, desperately, Kate kissed the beautiful diamonds away, feeling her lover begin to slip over her edge, clutching so tightly to her that there was little room for movement. Her cries washed over her as the drops slipped down Vivian’s face, falling against Kate’s thirsty skin and into Vivian’s own hair.

  When Vivian’s body slumped back against the bed, Kate scooted them under the blankets, holding the softly crying woman to her, kissing her face and stroking her wet cheeks. Slowly the warm tears abated, until Vivian let out a final sigh and fell into sleep in Kate’s arms. With a peaceful sigh, Kate followed her, knowing that no magical world she could find in slumber would be better than the one she had while she was awake.

  5

  “Mommy! Mommy, Mommy, Mooooommy!”

  Kate woke with a jolt, her chin still resting against Vivian’s temple, arms still wrapped tightly around Vivian as she slept on.

  “Wake up!” Max shouted at the top of his lungs, trapped in the guest room downstairs.

  “Okay!” she called back unsteadily. “I’m up, I’m up!” She glanced groggily at the clock and was not pleased to see it was six-thirty, an hour earlier than the year before.

  “Moooommmy! Where are you?”

  There would be no hope of him going back to sleep, and now that she was awake, she was excited. Kate brushed Vivian’s hair back from her face, stroking her cheek with her knuckles until her eyes slowly fluttered open so that she could lean down and kiss her.

  Vivian’s eyes flickered for a moment before going wide and nervous as they found Kate’s and stilled, watching. Kate could see her searching for some type of reaction, feeling vulnerable after the tears she had shed last night. Kate smiled down at her, not wanting her to look so afraid, and kissed her again. Vivian’s eyes closed as the kiss continued, shoulders that had grown tense slowly relaxed and the hand that had balled in the sheets released.