Shades of Blue (Part Two of The Loudest Silence)

by Olivia Janae

  The thought that she could - maybe - still provoke Vivian only made Kate’s eyes darken further, her skin itching, a small pull beginning at the base of her stomach, making her realize just how drunk she really was. Had she known that all she had to do was push, get into Vivian’s space and bug her to get a reaction, then maybe Kate would have done it months ago.

  “I hear,” Vivian paused to swirl the drink in her hand, “that congratulations are in order.”

  “How did you hear that?” John asked, a bit belligerent.

  Kate rolled her eyes, finally looking away from Vivian. “How do you think? Altman probably called her mother and her mother has probably called half the city by now. I’m sure she’s so proud of her achievement.”

  Vivian’s lip twitched, almost like she wanted to laugh, and stiffly inclined her head in consent.

  “Well. Thanks for the congratulations, Vivian... I guess.” Kate nodded tightly, her eyes narrowing in challenge.

  “I suppose this means you’ll be staying in Chicago then.”

  Kate dropped her scorching look in favor of an exasperated one. “I declined the Louisville job months ago. Your mother knew that, Vivian, and, despite the fact, she, for some reason, kept telling people I was going, I bet that means that you knew I was staying months ago, too.”

  Surprise slipped under the mask for the barest of flashes, and Vivian let out a small, dry laugh, her head nodding in assent. “Actually, yes, I did. My mother is big on, let’s just say, word of mouth.”

  Charlie gasped, her hands flying as she shouted in ASL. “You didn’t tell me!”

  Vivian’s eyes finally, grudgingly, pulled to Charlie.

  Charlie, never one to be afraid of the Ice Queen before, cowered a little.

  Vivian’s throat cleared as she began to sneer. “My,” she finally said. “When I am wrong about someone, I am very wrong.” Vivian glared down at her best friend, repeating words she probably had no idea that Charlie had once said to Kate.

  Charlie cringed.

  “Oh, shut up, Vivian,” Kate said. “Charlie was your best friend yesterday, and she’ll be your best friend tomorrow. Her being friends with me has nothing to do with your lifelong friendship, so just stop.”

  Everything in Vivian’s face thinned, her eyebrows drawing into a straight line, her lips pursed to the point of disappearing. “I am still your boss, Ms. Flynn.”

  “Oh yeah?” Kate challenged, taking Charlie’s shaking and upset hand in her own and giving it a squeeze. “Here?” She looked around. “Because it looks to me like we are in a bar, not at work.”

  Vivian glared and, not at all intimidated, Kate glared back.

  Vivian’s mouth opened, readying herself to say something but then stopped, her eyes clearing as she decided against it. Instead, with a polite professional smile, she leaned over, her fingers pressed against the table. She looked, for just a moment, feral and threatening as she met Kate’s challenging stare head-on. Kate’s stomach clenched, remembering all the times the aggressive move had led to a quick, hungry thrust of her tongue into Kate’s mouth. She had just a second to notice that she was getting a perfect view down the front of Vivian’s shirt before she spoke, her voice as smooth as velvet. “Don’t forget to give Teresa her drunk tip tonight.”

  Fury ripped through Kate like a plague, and she jerked out of Charlie’s arms to sit up straight. “You don’t get to remind me of things like that, Vivian. You’re not helping me raise Max anymore. Remember, secret-picture-keeper?” Vivian had been turning away, but she knew she had understood all of it by her slight pause. It made her feel ridiculous and triumphant all at once. “You take it down yet?”

  Vivian glowered, her arms folding again. “Why, of course.”

  She turned, not bothering with their table any longer, her hips swaying more than Kate was sure she could handle. She returned to her date, taking a pointed sip of the drink as she went.

  “Damn that was cold, Flynn!” John hooted, thoroughly amused.

  Kate shrugged. “She dumped us.”

  Charlie pulled her close again. “Oh well, her loss. You’ll be my Kate now!”

  “The picture really gone?”

  Charlie snorted into her drink, making it splash over the sides. “It wasn’t this afternoon.”

  “You okay?”

  Charlie’s laughter faded, and her lip trembled. “Yeah.” She cleared her throat and nodded again. “Yeah, I’m fine. She’s just never... we’ve never fought like this.”

  Kate pulled her in for a quick hug. “I’m sorry, Char.”

  “Yeah, really though, kid.” John reached over and Kate smiled to herself as John wrapped her up in a bear hug, one which, when it was done, Charlie didn’t slip out of but stayed cuddled up in.

  Though the celebration was in her honor, the confrontation with Vivian had thoroughly sobered Kate, putting her off of the drinks that showed up for her after that. Instead they were left on the table until Charlie or John picked them up. Though all of her friends were laughing and drinking, Kate’s mind was on Charlie’s words that day at the dinner, remembering how she had insisted that Kate try to get Vivian back. She knew full well that the ploy with the drink was not how she was going to do it.

  She had lost her party mood after realizing that, so it was Kate who was helping a giggling couldn’t-stand-on-her-own-two-feet Charlie out of the bar two hours later.

  “No, no, no!” Charlie cried, clinging to Kate’s neck. She was so drunk that she seemed to forget that John couldn’t read Sign Language, which she was speaking exclusively. “I don’t want to go home.”

  “Char, you kind of have to.”

  “Let me come home with you!”

  John laughed, his constant good mood impenetrable. “I don’t know what she’s saying, but watching her say it is sexy as hell!”

  Charlie scrunched her nose up like a bunny at his comment and blew him a sloppy kiss.

  “Yeah, she doesn’t want to go home to an empty apartment, which, trust me, I get it. But we’re good, John, I got her.”

  “You sure? Be-because I could take her,” he insisted, his hands in his pockets as he swayed in place.

  “Yeah, totally.”

  She knew that John was a standup guy, but she wasn’t sure how Sober Charlie would feel about going home with her date of sorts in this condition.

  He hugged them both, kissing Charlie’s cheek and headed off toward the ‘L’, wobbling a bit as he went - a sure sign of a good night.

  Kate watched him go, a little mournful. “Okay.” She sighed when Charlie let her head fall back to Kate’s chest. “Do me a favor and try to stand up.” She pulled the drunken woman tighter against her, making Charlie giggle and squirm.

  “Stop tickling!”

  “I’m not… damn it, can you try to stand up?” Kate could only imagine what they looked like. She shouldn’t have let Charlie drink so many of those shooters on top of her own.

  Tall heels hit the cobblestone of the bar’s entrance behind them, and Kate knew without looking that she had an ex-girlfriend audience.

  “Awesome,” she muttered.

  Charlie’s face screwed up, and she blew a raspberry. “You are awesome!” She laughed and then started chanting Kate’s name in a singsong drunken voice.

  Kate could feel Vivian’s hands flying behind her as she spoke to her obnoxiously sweet date. That date that had very rudely not disappeared to Jupiter as she was supposed to.

  Kate had known Vivian’s evening was winding down since, much to her annoyance, she hadn’t been able to keep her eyes off of them all night, chastising herself for all of the mistakes she’d made since she had met Vivian.

  Vivian had been clear: she had no interest in having anything with Kate again. Yet she had been fascinated to see that while Vivian and Julia had shared numerous drinks together and a small amount of food, Vivian’s professional mask never slipped away. Kate had waited all night, but it hadn’t, not once. She hadn’t been able to figure out why. Was it as
simple as Kate’s nearby presence, or did it mean more? She had seen Vivian throwing her the occasional glance, but that could have easily been the fact that Kate kept looking at her, too.

  She understood someone being done with a relationship. She respected that. Still, she couldn’t seem to let go of this one. For some reason, it just didn’t feel done.

  “Okay,” she hummed to her drunken friend. “I guess let’s get you to my place. Right? Yeah. Can’t stay at yours. Okay!” Charlie was nodding along, but though the lights were on, no one was home. That is, until Charlie’s eyes glazed over. Kate let out a hiss. “No, no! I know that look. No, Charlie, don’t you dare! Charlie, look at me.” She held her chin firmly in her grasp, taking in her unfocused eyes. “No, you are not going to puke. You hear me? You are not going to puke. We will never get all the way back to my place if you start puking!”

  Charlie nodded, readying herself for war, but then sprinted to a curbside trash can where she was violently ill.

  “Goddammit!” Kate stomped in place before she pulled Charlie, who was hanging off the side of the trash can for dear life, to her feet and tied her hair back into a bun, rubbing her back as she was sick again.

  She jumped as a gentle hand touched her back. Julia was suddenly in front of her, her face animated with concerned. She didn’t bother to Sign to Kate, assuming that Kate wouldn’t understand, so instead she just exaggerated her expression and hoped it would make her point. Charlie was sick again, her whole body shaking, but Julia, being painfully sweet and so much worthier of Vivian than herself, scrambled around to hold Charlie up on the other side.

  “She just had too much to drink,” she said to Julia who couldn’t understand her.

  “Well, I have to say, Ms. Flynn, I’m glad I got out before this became my fate.” Vivian’s slow clicking heels approached her from the other side, sandwiching Kate between herself and the vomiting Charlie.

  She squirmed, wishing she would move. “Oh yes, Vivian, because I have complete control over how much Charlie has to drink. Somehow this is my fault, too.”

  “She’s making quite a commentary on your charm at the moment, isn’t she?”

  Kate wanted to shoot back with something equally horrible, but Charlie groaned and Kate pulled her back to her feet. “Can I help you with something? Also, can you tell your girlfriend that I got this?”

  “Point of fact, she isn’t my girlfriend, and it would seem you are the one who needs help.”

  “Is she all right?” Julia signed to Vivian. “Should we get help?”

  Kate glared at Julia, hating her for something that wasn’t her fault at all.

  “It’s all right.” Vivian signed back. “I can help them.”

  Kate ignored the couple and instead said, “We’re just heading back to my place,” not really caring if either understood her.

  Vivian scowled, her neck lengthening as she brushed nothing from her lapel. “Yes, I suppose you would like to be alone, wouldn’t you? Though I cannot imagine she will make for good company tonight.”

  Kate rolled her eyes. “Okay, can you explain this to me? Are we in the fifth grade? Can she really not be my friend if she’s yours? Viv, this is your best friend in the whole world. Are you really telling me that this fight is worth it?”

  Vivian’s eyes fell to Charlie, and almost without thinking she reached out and pushed some damp hair out of her eyes. “It’s more complicated than that.”

  “How is it mo—”

  Charlie groaned and was sick again, causing Vivian’s hand to fly back as though it had been stung. Julia had let go of Charlie when Vivian had promised to help. Now she stepped forward again and helped pull Charlie up, as she seemed to be constantly sinking to the floor. Kate didn’t know if she wanted to smile in gratitude or angle Charlie so that some of her sick got on Julia’s clean silk shirt. She settled on a half-smile because there was no reason to be mean.

  “Well.” Vivian cleared her throat, her hands folding in front of her. “Whatever your plans were, give her to me. I can take her to my loft. It’s closer.”

  “Vivian—”

  “Don’t be incompetent, Kate. I know that’s a stretch for you, but try it.”

  “All right!” Kate bellowed. “Enough with the insults! I get it! You think I’m an asshole!”

  Vivian ignored that. “Let’s go. There will be plenty of other nights.”

  She wanted to snarl, she wanted to be as rude to Vivian as she was being to her, but knew she was right. She wasn’t going to get a sick Charlie all the way back to her apartment. After a moment of deliberation, she growled, “Fine.” Carefully, she took Charlie’s arm from around her neck and wrapped it around Vivian’s, doing her best to ignore the shock of her fingertips accidentally tracing Vivian’s skin.

  Vivian nodded tensely at Julia, signing fast - far faster than Kate had been able to understand a few months before. “I suppose this is the end of the evening. I apologize.”

  “And what an evening it was,” Julia grinned, the curve of her lip full of hopeful suggestion. “Though I had hoped it would end a little better.”

  Kate scowled, fully aware that if she saw something she didn’t like, then it was her fault for eavesdropping.

  Vivian cleared her throat. “Yes, well, I will call you. Perhaps the day after tomorrow.”

  “Are you sure that you wouldn’t like some help? After we put her to bed…”

  Vivian glanced at Kate and then away again. “Goodnight, Julia. Please let me know that you got home safely.”

  The smile slid from Julia’s face.

  Kate’s hands shoved into her back pockets, turning her gaze up to the sky. She could tell Julia was upset with Vivian’s answer. Though she thought it would be hard to ignore, she didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to see Julia ask why she couldn’t go home with her and definitely didn’t want to see what Vivian would say in response.

  When she finally looked back, it seemed that things had been resolved.

  “Okay, I’ll talk to you next week then.”

  Vivian gave a tight nod, clearing her throat once and then twice.

  Julia grinned and cupped Vivian’s face, leaning in and giving her a quick kiss.

  Kate could tell that it was supposed to be sweet, romantic even, but Vivian looked like she had been hit over the head with a mallet.

  Kate had to look away again, a possessive anger rippling in her chest, crashing down the last of her good mood. She wanted to go home. She just wanted to get out of Vivian’s company, home to her sleeping son and her bed. She wanted some quiet so she could wrap her head around the job she had won.

  “Look, I’m gonna get out of here. Do you have her?” Kate knew it was obvious that she was uncomfortable, but she didn’t care. What did Vivian expect?

  “It was nice to see you, Kate,” Julia signed, moving away quickly because she didn’t expect a response.

  “Right. Yeah.” She shoved her hands into her back pockets. “So, do you have her?”

  “Of course I do!” Vivian snapped, loudly, smoothing her hair, her jaw flexing.

  “Fine. Great.” Kate smoothed the little bit of hair from Charlie’s eyes with affection and did her best to catch her barely conscious attention. “Char, you’re going to go home with Vivian, all right?”

  Vivian growled under her breath.

  Confused, Charlie looked around as if trying to find Vivian and grinned foolishly when she did. “Viv! Viv-Viv-Viv’n! When did you get here?”

  Vivian chuckled, turning her face away from the stink of Charlie’s breath.

  “I think I had too much to drink,” Charlie mumbled.

  “You think, do you?” Kate chuckled and straightened, looking to Vivian again. “Right, uh, thanks.” She shifted, hands still in her pockets.

  Vivian nodded slightly and turned to head back toward her apartment, cattily teasing her best friend. They made it a few feet before Charlie threw them back around, signing sloppily. “Wait, where’s my Kate?”


  “Your Kate?” Vivian asked, sharply.

  “Yeah!” From a few feet away, Kate heard Charlie’s drunken voice ring out, “She told me I could keep her since you dumped her. You know, that wasn’t very nice, Viv. You’re not being very nice to me either.”

  “Oh my god, Charlie, shut up.” Kate pinched the bridge of her nose, her face burning.

  “Kate! I didn’t say goodbye! Kaaaatieeee!” Charlie yelled, launching away from Vivian and stumbling to her knees, her heels twisting on the cobblestone.

  Kate swore, glaring at Vivian as she pulled her back up. “I thought you said you could handle her! Because it doesn’t seem like you can.”

  “And how was I supposed to know that she would need to get back to you so desperately?” Vivian gritted her teeth, trying to hold a once-again slipping Charlie.

  “Maybe I better help you,” Kate said begrudgingly.

  “If you must.”

  That wasn’t really enough for Kate. “Do you want help, Vivian, or do you want to be a jerk?”

  The vein in Vivian’s forehead throbbed. “Must I remind you that no help would be required had you taken better care of her?”

  Kate knew that Vivian was lashing out like always, but her mood was worsening every moment they stood there. “Fuck off, okay? This isn’t my fault.”

  “Of course.” Vivian shot back. “Admitting your part in this would require that you take some responsibility for your actions, and we all know you aren’t capable of that!”

  Kate had been trying to pull Charlie forward, anxious to finish this, but now she stopped. “How can you actually blame me for the choices of an adult woman?”

  Vivian’s furious face scowled. “Let’s just get her back to the loft.”

  Pulling Charlie along wasn’t an easy task. They walked in silence, tense and resentful. Had it really been just a few hours ago that Kate had been daringly giving this woman the look that used to make her bones quake? Now she wanted to get as far away from her as possible, sick and tired of missing her, wanting her. She kept thinking about that kiss Julia had given her, the way that Julia had seemed so excited to do it. She was willing to bet that had been their first kiss.