Shades of Blue (Part Two of The Loudest Silence)

by Olivia Janae

  “Are you going to take it from here?” Kate asked as they paused just outside the industrial-looking building.

  Vivian, who was hunting for her keys, didn’t see her speak.

  “Hey.” Kate waved.

  Vivian’s lip twisted, annoyed and offended by Kate’s summons.

  “Are you going to take it from here?” Her voice didn’t have any power in it. She had lost her fire a few blocks back, giving in to her exhaustion.

  “And how, may I ask, am I supposed to do that?” Vivian too had lost some of her righteous anger. Her voice was strained, cracked.

  Kate just looked at her, silent and mournful. How had they gotten there? She remembered a time that she had hoped Vivian was proposing.

  The look was unnerving to Vivian; the sanctimonious anger was melting, and behind it Vivian’s eyelashes fluttered, her fingers coming up to nervously to brush the hair that had been tousled away from her eyes.

  “Anyway,” Kate huffed, readjusting Charlie on her shoulder. “If I go in there, are you going to call security to have me escorted out?”

  She could see Vivian’s jaw flex as she ground her teeth. “No, I… that was wrong of me… I shouldn’t have done that. I would appreciate the help up to the loft. She is heavy.” Vivian said it all quietly and yet that didn’t change the honest shock Kate felt.

  Vivian turned to open the door, but Kate’s hand on her shoulder stopped her.

  “Did you just apologize?”

  Vivian’s uncomfortable look hardened a little, and no response came.

  Entering Vivian’s apartment again sent a painful wave of nostalgia through her. Vanilla, Chanel No. 5, and something spicy.

  “Ma – I mean, guest room?” Kate cleared her throat, pretending that she hadn’t nearly called it Max’s room. Old habits die hard.

  Vivian nodded, heading toward the kitchen while Kate all but dragged Charlie into the room that had formerly been her son’s.

  The sight of the room hit her like a ton of bricks. The blue and red slashed through her almost as sharply as the small, perfectly folded stack of little boy clothes that sat abandoned on the dresser.

  “All right, Char.” She tossed Charlie on her back and began pulling her disgusting clothes off. “We’re going to get you undressed and in bed.”

  “Mm-humph,” Charlie sighed with a nod, trying to turn over to sleep.

  The soft pat of feet on wood let Kate know Vivian was back, but the small gasp and growl was what surprised her. She knew it was because Kate had Charlie nearly down to her underwear, but she chose to ignore her. If Charlie were sober she wouldn’t care in the least that Kate was undressing her for this purpose. Vivian could jump off a cliff.

  Vivian seemed to regain her mask and plopped a small wastepaper basket where Charlie’s head would be, as well as a glass of water on the nightstand.

  Kate tucked Charlie in. “You need anything?”

  “No,” Charlie sighed, sinking in comfortably. “I like this room.”

  “Okay, you feel this basket? Good. If you’re going to be sick again do it in there, okay? Aim for the basket.”

  “Okay.” Charlie smiled as Kate kissed her forehead, patting Kate’s head a bit harder than was comfortable. “Night.”

  Kate thrust her hands into her pockets as she left the guest room, debating thanking Vivian for the help. No, she decided that Vivian could live without the thanks and instead started toward the stairs, moving at a lightning pace. She had to get the hell out of there. There were too many ghosts.

  She forced her mind to stay blank as she moved, her steps wide. She only made it up a few stairs before a couch pillow smashed painfully into the side of her head. She yelped, ducking reflexively. “THE FUCK?” She looked around for the culprit and found Vivian’s homicidal face, teeth bared, that vein prominent and angry down her forehead.

  “My best friend, Kate? You are fucking my best friend?” Vivian had skipped talking politely, she had skipped yelling, she had even skipped using her voice altogether and instead let her hands silently roar like an angry lion. “Haven’t you done enough already?”

  “What?” Kate straightened, feeling slightly silly in her crouch. “And ow! What the hell? What do you mean I’m fucking your best friend? I’m not fucking Charlie.”

  “I - saw - you - kiss – her,” Vivian silently spat, her fingers jabbing the air.

  Kate wasn’t sure she had ever seen Vivian this angry. She hadn’t even unconsciously slipped into Sign when she had broken up with Kate. Her mind began to twist that into a deeper meaning, reminding her again that she had meant so little to Vivian, only she didn’t think she could handle it.

  Kate nearly raised her hands to sign back, the habit had developed so thoroughly in the last few months, but she stopped herself. She would not make herself vulnerable to this crazy-eyed woman. “What do you mean you saw me kiss her?”

  “What do you mean, what do I mean?”

  “Are we speaking in riddles now? I’ve never kissed Charlie! Are you crazy! You’re the one getting kissed!”

  “Yes, you did! Tonight, while you two were cuddling.” Her lip curled as she signed the last word as if it was a mouthful of sour milk. “When I was walking to your table to thank you for your oh so inappropriate drink. She was your date! You’re dating her!”

  Kate’s face contorted in confusion. Vivian had lost it. Then she remembered the quick thank-you peck that she had given Charlie just before her confrontation with Vivian. “Oh god, that? That is what you’re basing all of this on? That wasn’t real! She wasn’t really my date, Vivian! We’re not—” She was too busy pushing her hair out of her face to notice the other pillow until it connected painfully, rocking her head back with a snap. “Ow!”

  “You have been together almost every night. Don’t bother trying to tell me–”

  “She’s dating John, Vivian! She’s dating John, and John is my best friend. Besides, Charlie is straight. You know that! I’m not dating anyone. You freaking idiot, I’m not over you, and I know that you know that, too!” Kate rolled her eyes and turned to go. “God, I’m so sick of your fucking games! Why act like you don’t know when you do? If you want to know if I have an interest in Charlie, then fucking ask!” She stopped, suddenly understanding. “Oh. This is why you’re fighting! This is why it’s complicated! Goddammit, Vivian, Charlie and I aren’t dating! Stop being a dick to your best friend!”

  She made it two more steps before the last pillow on the couch, the deepest shade of purple that had been Vivian’s favorite, slammed into her so hard that she crashed into the wall, her shoulder connecting with the raw brick and scraping it painfully. “FUCK! Were you a pitcher in a previous life? What the fuck is your problem, Vivian? Why are you so pissed? I’m not kissing Charlie! I’m not dating Charlie. Why the fuck do you even care?” That stopped her foot above the next step, made her freeze and turn to look at Vivian below her. “Wait. Why do you even care?”

  “What?”

  Kate stared over the edge of the catwalk, eyes wide, so angry she was nearly laughing. “Why the hell would you even care? You’re done with me, remember?”

  “For Charlie’s sake, of course.” Vivian frowned, blinking too many times for her look of nonchalance to take. “Do you think that I would allow my best friend to be with someone who so thoroughly broke my heart?”

  “I broke your heart? Are you freaking kidding me, Viv? That’s so much bullshit that I’m not even buying it.” Kate felt her face begin to transform as she stared back at Vivian, examining her every expression. She had seen the way Vivian’s hands were clenched before, she had seen that exact set of Vivian’s jaw.

  She was jealous. She’s fucking jealous! She couldn’t believe it. In Kate’s mind, there was a small version of herself dancing the tango.

  “Stop looking at me like that, Kate!” Vivian commanded, holding her ground despite the fact that Kate was slowly descending the stairs. “How would you feel if I began to date your best friend?”

&
nbsp; “What if I was dating someone new?” Kate countered. “A beautiful sweetheart like Julia? Or that drop-dead gorgeous woman you brought to your mom’s? Who are you dating anyway? How many of them are there?”

  “That is none of your business!”

  Kate shrugged, still advancing on Vivian. She was close now, so close that she could see the way that Vivian’s lip trembled as she breathed. She was close enough that she could feel that shallow breath, could see the way that Vivian’s eyes wavered.

  And Vivian wasn’t pulling back. She was so close that in another half an inch their breasts would touch, their thighs, their foreheads, and Vivian wasn’t pulling back. “The thing is, I wouldn’t care. So why do you care? You have Julia. It doesn’t make sense.”

  Vivian’s lips pulled down ever so slightly, confusion in her eyes. “Julia?” she asked, as though she had no idea who in the world Kate was talking about. She shifted a bit, her eyes flicking and finally took a step back, not a large one. As a matter of fact, it didn’t even take Kate out of her personal space. “I mean,” her cheeks flushed, “Julia is – what are you doing?”

  Kate shrugged. She didn’t know. That was the honest answer. She reached forward and let a finger travel down Vivian’s throat. Vivian shivered. “Well clearly, leaving the choice up to you was a stupid mistake.”

  She barely had to move, barely had to reach as she tilted down, and they were connected.

  14

  Their moans reverberated off the walls as their lips touched for the first time in months.

  Kate’s anger still pounded through her body, and she found that kissing Vivian, something she had wanted for so long, didn’t soothe that fire. Instead it fanned the flame.

  She didn’t give Vivian a moment to protest; she moved hard and fast, one hand locking on the back of Vivian’s head while the other cupped possessively around the back of her thigh. She didn’t have to pull Vivian to her, didn’t have to part her lips; the moment her hands were on her, Vivian bowed into her body, crying out in surprise and molding herself to Kate.

  Kate couldn’t help the small, satisfied snort that she let out, pleased that her suspicions had been completely right. Vivian wasn’t done with them, with this.

  Vivian’s hands balled into tight fists into Kate’s sleeves, and for a moment she thought that she was going to push her away. But then Vivian gave a hard yank so that Kate was flush against her, pressed tighter than she had been before.

  So Kate clutched at her, sinking her teeth into Vivian’s full bottom lip roughly as Vivian’s arms snapped around her, grasping her, one hand reaching for skin under Kate’s shirt, her stomach, her back, her breasts. She gasped as Vivian’s greedy fingers pushed under the cup of her bra so quickly that it made her head spin.

  “You still want me,” Kate growled, signing fast between their bodies.

  Vivian’s hands popped from Kate’s skin instantly, eyes wide. “No, I don’t.”

  “Yes. You do. I can’t fucking believe it, but you do. After all of this time. You so do!”

  “I broke up with you for a reason, Kate!”

  Kate grinned, full of victorious confidence as she leaned forward and trailed her tongue along Vivian’s bottom lip.

  Vivian’s eyes rolled back into her head for a moment before she caught herself and spun around in sharp dismissal. Before she could go, Kate caught her, burying her face in Vivian’s neck, sucking and biting, relishing the taste of Vivian, the scent of her makeup and perfume. Vivian let out a delicate but validating cry at the contact. In the window’s reflection, Kate watched Vivian’s lips part, her eyes closing as she contorted, unable to stay still while Kate tickled the sensitive spot behind her ear. Vivian’s hand twisted into Kate’s hair, holding her tighter to her.

  She let her hands slip across Vivian’s ribs and graze her breasts.

  Vivian’s cry grew louder, deeper, as the sides of Kate’s thumbs brushed across them, pinching lightly through the layers of clothing. Vivian’s free hand clamped in a vice on Kate’s thigh. Encouraged, she ripped open the tailored button-up, shoved the bra out of the way and cupped her breast. She wrapped the other arm around her waist, holding her steady as she sucked, pulling deeply on the spot Vivian loved between her ear and her hairline.

  This was bliss. This was torture, both heaven and hell wrapped into one delicious moment.

  “Ms. Flynn! How dare you!” Kate barely had a moment to think before, with a resounding smack, Vivian had slapped her across the cheek. Vivian’s hands cupped her mouth, instantly mortified. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Kate! I’m sorry!” She stepped closer, her fingers gently touching the hand that Kate held over her aching cheek.

  “Fuuuck!” She moaned, shocked.

  “Oh my god!” Vivian’s eyes were wide.

  Kate was surprised when she let out a laugh. “I guess I deserved that.” She was about to apologize if she had pushed against Vivian’s wishes when Vivian stepped in close.

  She pulled Kate’s hand away from her face. “Are you okay?” Vivian ducked her head, trying to catch Kate’s eye. Instead she caught her lips again, soft and light and then firmer, her hand ghosting under Kate’s shirt to knead her breast again.

  Malice thick and ugly bubbled in Kate’s stomach. She was outraged and hurt. She had claimed to want her, then dumped her, said she didn’t want her and then wanted her, slapped her and then kissed her.

  This was fucking ridiculous.

  She pounced, pulling Vivian back to her, licking, touching, biting her bare skin, not at all surprised when Vivian’s hand grasped her hair and pulled, leading her sucking mouth to her breast.

  Kate darkly chuckled as her name fell from Vivian’s lips. She spun her again, pushing them forward so Vivian’s bare skin pressed against the ice-cold window. Vivian hissed, her back arching away from the cold, but Kate also heard a small satisfied snicker escape her taut lips.

  Vivian turned in her arms, her hand back in Kate’s hair, her lip curled as she snarled. “I’ve wanted to do this since you gave me that stupid look in the bar.” Twisting a hand tighter in Kate’s hair, she painfully wrenched the fistful back so Kate’s throat was exposed. Kate gave a small grunt of pain that disappeared as Vivian trailed her tongue from the dip of Kate’s collarbone all the way to the tip of her chin.

  Kate’s eyes closed, a shudder tickling down her spine as her breath turned to a gallop, the fury and resentment still boiling. She couldn’t seem to get rid of it.

  She needed to consume this woman, she needed to be part of her again. She needed to smack her, throw her, punish her for the pain she had caused. She needed to love her.

  She shredded Vivian’s clothes, barely bothering to enjoy the sight of her before turning her again. She found a sick pleasure in the shriek Vivian let out as she was pressed against the window once more, bare breasts and thighs seared by the icy glass.

  Kate held her there, rejoicing in the way Vivian’s arms reached behind her, clutching her as their mouths met over her shoulder.

  Something warm was spreading under her skin, warm and yet dark and cold.

  “Max?” Vivian signed.

  “Sleepover with the babysitter. I expected to be out late.”

  Pressing tighter, Kate let her hand find Vivian, almost buckling to the floor at the sensation, shocked at her arousal. She just couldn’t believe it. She moaned into her shoulder as Vivian panted, tiny wisps of begging floating from her as Kate let her hand linger there, feeling, cupping.

  Face in the brunette hair at the back of Vivian’s head, breathing in her clean scent, she pushed, hard and fast, burying herself in this woman. She had surprised Vivian, making both of her hands slap onto the glass she was pressed against in order to brace herself.

  Kate didn’t want to be nice as she moved, pulling sounds from her ex-lover like she had never heard before. She didn’t want to be gentle or sweet. Anger at the loss of her, at the betrayal of Vivian’s final words rolled through her like a heat wave, so she went on at a punishin
g rhythm, grunting from exertion with each stroke, pressing herself into her as she did. She could feel everything in Vivian’s body begin to tighten as Kate pounded into her, biting her neck, pinching her nipple, until Vivian shrieked.

  She wasn’t kind, and yet her arm snaked around her, holding her tightly despite the fact that she wanted to push her away.

  Just when Vivian’s cries reached their peak, Kate stopped, letting the budding orgasm wilt. Vivian cried out in frustration, but before she could turn Kate was back, drawing her close again.

  She waited just a second longer this time, vindictively letting Vivian’s body begin to tremble, her teeth in Vivian’s neck, bruising, before pulling her touch from her.

  Vivian growled, hands slamming angrily on the glass in front of her, forehead falling against the window as she snarled and spit.

  Kate was back, swearing crossly as she only had a moment to before removing herself yet again.

  “No!” Vivian whimpered, pressing as hard as she could into Kate.

  The cruelty of denying her felt good. It felt good in a way that should make her feel terrible.

  Kate smiled as the first tear dropped into the tangle of brunette hair. She grabbed Vivian, her face buried in the crook of her shoulder, and breathed her scent in. Sticky tears of sorrow spilled from her as she clenched Vivian to her, holding the one thing she had ever had to call her own besides her son - the one gift the universe granted her before so rudely taking it back. It only took three strokes before Vivian was unraveling, her head falling back onto Kate’s shoulder, mouth open, her face twisted to bury under Kate’s jaw, whimpering and panting her name. The word felt like a lover’s caress down her spine, and she couldn’t take it.

  Kate’s tears grew cold at the word, at the sight, at the tormenting beauty of Vivian’s face. With a gut-wrenching sob, Kate turned away before Vivian was steady on her feet. Vivian buckled, startled as her support was gone.

  She had to get out of here. It was all Kate could think. She had to go…