Healing

by Kennington, Belinda

  “Do you like him?”

  “What? What’s with all of the questions? I’m making dinner.” She walked away from her daughter. In the doorway she glanced back over her shoulder.

  Liz stood with her arms folded in front of her and her chin in her hand, staring at the desktop picture on the computer.

  “We’re just friends.” Allison continued into the kitchen. Stirring the pasta, she raised her eyes to the ceiling. Rick, you’re being pushy. Don’t bring Liz into this. At times she felt ready, mainly when she was near Trent. But most of the time even the thought of a relationship terrified her. She’d figure it out, she just needed time.

  Setting the last of the silverware in the dish drainer, Allison unplugged the sink, then dried her hands with the towel on the fridge handle. Liz and Stephen went to their rooms to do homework. That left Allison with some quiet time.

  Replacing the towel on the fridge, she went into the living room. She passed the phone on the way into the living room. She paused long enough to snatch it up and took it with her. Emily would eventually call. She knew her friend.

  Sitting in her soft recliner, she picked a book off the shelf next to her, a historical romance. The front cover caught her eye. Since she didn’t have much of a life, she’d escape into a fictional one.

  After a few chapters of the heroine swooning over the hero, then fighting with him and back to swooning again, Allison’s mind wandered. Replaying her lunch with Trent in her mind, she wished she knew for sure if he was interested in her romantically. There seemed to be a connection. He made her nervous and excited, but also safe, all at the same time. Hopefully, she had more time to find out for sure.

  The book she’d been reading lay closed in her lap. Allison started as the phone rang. “Hi, Emily.”

  “You didn’t tell me Trent was so hot. How could you not tell me? Spill the beans.”

  “There’s not much to say.” Allison sat back, getting comfortable. Emily wouldn’t let her go before getting all of the details.

  “Not from what I saw. How was your first date?”

  “It wasn’t a date. He’s in town on business.”

  “Do you like him?”

  Her behavior when he was around pointed to a big time, yes. Could a part of her be ready? She hadn’t felt anything for anyone since Rick, and never thought she would again. She didn’t know if she could give her all again. Would that be fair to him? Maybe a better question would be, would he want any of it?

  “Allison? You still there?”

  “Yeah. Just thinking.”

  “I know what that means.”

  “You know, this is the first time I have had any feelings for someone else since Rick. Besides, I’m not even sure what those feelings mean. And even if I did, I don’t know if Trent returns any of it.”

  “Oh. He likes you… a lot.”

  “You think so?”

  “Oh yeah, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. I say go for it. You won’t know unless you put yourself out there.”

  “That’s easy for you to say.” She felt herself building up the wall she was so used to. The conversation was getting very personal. “There’s a problem. He lives in Montana. He isn’t going to pick up and move, and I can’t make my kids leave the only place they’ve ever known. And I don’t think I could do the long distance thing. The few times we could see each other wouldn’t be enough? He’s better off finding someone else.”

  “I have a feeling he’ll do whatever it takes. There’s no one better than you, Allison.”

  “Thanks. You always think the best of me.” The wall was complete. She was done with the topic. “There’s too many obstacles in the way. Even if he does like me, it doesn’t matter.”

  “Don’t think like that. He could make you happy.”

  “Mom. Give it a chance.”

  Allison jumped and looked up at the sound of Liz’s voice.

  “You never know what could happen.” Liz continued, as she came around the corner from the kitchen.

  “What are you doing?” She got out of her chair and stood in front of her daughter.

  “Mom, don’t close down again. I like the changes I’ve seen.”

  “How long have you been listening?” She waved her hand in front of her face like she was clearing away mosquitos. “Never mind. This conversation is over. Both of you.” She turned to her daughter and spoke into the phone, talking to them both. “I know you both care, but this is my business. Trent’s a great guy, but nothing’s going to happen. That’s final. Talk to ya later, Emily.” She hung up the phone. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight Liz.”

  Liz stayed quiet. Her hazel eyes shimmered as Allison walked away. Why does everyone think they know what’s best for me? I’ll make my own decisions.

  ***

  The next day Allison met up with Emily in the employee’s lounge. She started to sit but froze part of the way down as Emily stood.

  “Let’s eat outside.”

  “Uh…Sure?” She followed Emily out. As they pushed out the door, the fresh spring air met her. She was glad Emily decided to have lunch outside. They went around the side of the building and sat at one of the few tables, Emily sitting across from her. Allison pulled her sandwich out of her lunch box. “Sorry about last night.”

  Emily waved a hand in front of her. “Don’t mention it.” She looked around, and up and down the street.

  “No really. I’ve been a grouch lately.”

  Emily tore her eyes away from scanning the streets. “You don’t have to explain.” She patted her hand.

  Allison took a bite of her sandwich as Emily went back to scanning the streets. “Are you waiting for someone?”

  “What? No.” Emily’s eyes widened then she looked away.

  Allison narrowed her eyes. What was her friend up to?

  Emily looked past Allison and a smile spread across her face before she hid it by studying her lunch.

  “Hello. May I sit here?”

  Allison straightened in her seat and her mouth fell open. Slowly she turned and looked up into the handsome face of Trent. She automatically slid down the bench, making a space for him to sit, and glared at Emily. All her friend could do was grin, not even giving Allison the courtesy of looking even a little ashamed. Allison’s speech last night had done nothing to keep other people’s noses out of her business. Oooo…She’s gonna get it.

  “Hi, Trent. Good to see you again.” Emily said, grinning from ear to ear.

  “Good to see you too.” Trent turned to Allison. “How are you, Allison?”

  Her chest tightened. She couldn’t tear her eyes off of Emily. She was so pushy. She was going to scare Trent off before Allison even had a chance. “How could you? I told you to keep your big nose out of my business.” She wanted to scream and hit the table, maybe throw Emily’s food at her. “Sorry, Trent.” Allison stood and stormed away, ignoring Emily’s pleas to stay. She couldn’t bring herself to pretend everything was okay.

  ***

  Trent watched Allison rush away. Did he cause that outburst? He pushed a hand through his hair. How was he going to have a relationship with her if she ran away when he came around? He looked at Emily. “What happened?”

  Emily put her elbows on the table. “Sorry. My fault.” She rested her chin on her hands. “I’d hoped a little push would help.”

  They sat silent for a while. He didn’t know what to do. Not knowing how long he had in Lincoln, he didn’t want to screw anything up.

  “You like Allison, right?” Emily asked.

  “Is it obvious?” It must have been written all over his face.

  “Oh, just a wee bit.” Holding up her hand, she put her thumb and finger half an inch apart. Emily grinned. “Don’t give up. She likes you. But she’s having trouble fully admitting it. She feels guilty having feelings for someone other than Rick.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “Another concern is that you live in Montana. So, what’s going to happen? You going to ha
ve a long distance relationship with occasional booty calls or what?” Emily stared him square in the eye.

  Wow. Allison said Emily was straight forward. “Truthfully, I don’t know. I hadn’t gotten that figured out yet. I’ve been focused on getting out of the friend zone.”

  Emily chuckled. “Yeah, she hasn’t let anyone out of that zone. But before you get yourself out of the friend zone, you need to know what you want. Don’t break her heart.”

  “I won’t.”

  Emily turned and went back into the building, leaving Trent standing there. Emily was onto something. Allison had been through enough without him starting something and not being able to follow through. He turned and made his way back to his truck, trying to come up with fully thought out plan.

  Back at his office, he wanted to make sure Allison was ok so he sent her a quick email. He knew what he wanted and that was her. Not positive how he’d make it happen, but he would if she wanted him.

  Maybe he was moving too fast for her. He decided he’d give her some space. She pushed away when pressured. He pulled his cell out of his pocket and dialed John.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey John, is that invitation still open?”

  “Of course, we’re having Faith’s birthday party this Saturday.”

  “Great. I’ll get a flight and be there Friday.”

  “I’ll tell Becca. I’m glad you’re coming.”

  “Me too. See you in a few days.” Trent snapped his phone closed. There were mixed feelings rolling around in his head. Allison would get the room she needed and he’d be able to focus on his son and granddaughter. But he’d miss being near Allison.

  Fourteen

  Allison sat in bed with a book. She’d been hiding in her room since yesterday. She’d even avoided Emily at work by some miracle. She was being silly, but she was still furious. Emily needed to know that when Allison was ready she’d do something herself. Emily shouldn’t go around thinking she was in charge.

  When she’d gotten home any calls were left unanswered, and she didn’t bother logging into her email or Facebook. Even told her kids if anyone asked, she wasn’t home. She didn’t say why, but had a feeling Liz had an idea. Just said she wanted some alone time.

  Placing the book on the end table, she turned on her side. She placed her hand on Rick’s side. She missed him. No dream, no meadow for three days. She craved the connection. Rick kept telling her to let him go and move on, but she still hurt. Would the pain ever go away?

  Allison’s door swung open, slamming into the wall. “Go away, Emily.”

  “What’s your problem? You’re going to talk to me.”

  “I don’t have to. You don’t run my life, I do.” Allison got off the bed and pushed her way past Emily. She held the door open and pointed into the hallway with her other hand.

  “Is that what all of this is about?” Emily planted her feet and crossed her arms.

  “Of course. I said not to get involved and what did you do? Put your two cents where they weren’t needed.” She let go of the door and used her hands to emphasize her words.

  “Well, excuse me. Maybe I overstepped my bounds, but I was trying to help my friend not hurt so much.”

  “I don’t.” She whispered, not able to put any power behind the words.

  “Stop lying to me. I’m not stupid and neither are your kids. Everyone sees you suffering.”

  “What?” She paused. She didn’t cover her pain as well as she’d thought. “I’m trying.” She shuffled over to the bed and sat.

  “Honey.” Emily sat down beside her and put her arm around Allison. “We know. You’re doing what you think you’re supposed to do. Be strong.”

  “I didn’t know what else to do. Liz and Stephen needed me to take care of them.”

  “And you did. Now they need you to take care of yourself. We love you and worry.”

  Allison wrapped her arms around Emily. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Ask yourself if your life is really what you want. Are you happy?”

  Allison shook her head. “I’ve been surviving, making sure the kids got what they needed.”

  “I can tell you they need you to be happy.”

  Allison wiped the tears from under her eyes with the back of her hand.

  “What will make you happy?” Allison breathed in and opened her mouth to answer. Emily raised her hand, stopping Allison’s response. “Wait, let me change that question. What do you need, without raising the dead, to be happy?”

  “I’m not sure.” They sat silent for a moment. Since Rick passed away, the last two years seemed to be in a fog. It felt like she’d been on autopilot until Trent became a pronounced presence in her life. She smiled to herself. “Trent makes me feel alive.” Emily nudged her in the side.

  Allison looked at her friend. Emily seemed to know her better than herself. “Thanks.” She was lucky to have a friend like her. Allison hugged her. Emily knew when to push and not give up.

  ***

  The next morning Allison rose early. Still in her robe she padded into the kitchen and grabbed a banana, then went over to her computer. Opening her email she wanted to clear the air with Trent. She’d spent too much time hiding. He was a big part of her life and didn’t want to lose that. Uncertainty fogged her thoughts of what could be, but she didn’t want him to leave her life completely.

  Allison found an email from Trent dated the day before. He was going to visit his son and granddaughter. First thought, good for him, he made time to see his family then doubt wormed its way in. I drove him away. She scolded herself. The world didn’t revolve around her. He was going to get family time.

  She spotted another email from Trent. It had been sent shortly after the lunch debacle, checking to see if she was ok. She had to make up for her stupidity. She hit reply and asked him to meet her for lunch, the same place she messed up and hit send. She smiled and shut down the computer then went into the kitchen and prepared a picnic.

  Allison walked into the lunch room with a picnic basket. Stopping in front of Emily, she patted the side of the basket. “Come on. Let’s have lunch outside. It’s beautiful.”

  “Okay.”

  They made their way out and Allison led the way to the same table Emily had taken her. As they neared, Allison saw Trent sitting there already. She smiled and waved at him. He did the same. She was glad to see that again.

  Emily stopped mid step. “I didn’t do it.” She grabbed Allison’s arm. “I swear.”

  A laugh burst from Allison’s throat. The look on her face was priceless. “I know. I asked him. I figured I’d make it up to both of you. Maybe we can have the lunch we should have had.”

  Emily looked over to Trent. “I hope you don’t give up on him.”

  Allison followed her gaze. She hoped she didn’t have to. “We’ll see. Come on.”

  Trent stood and met them half way, took the basket from her, then sat it on the table.

  “I hope you two are hungry.” She opened the lid and reached in, pulling out what she’d prepared. Egg salad sandwiches, cut up watermelon and cantaloupe, apple juice and three slices of Dutch apple pie.

  “This looks great.” Trent said, as he helped take lids off the plastic containers.

  “You out did yourself.” Emily moved the basket out of their way.

  “Thanks. Let’s eat.”

  After half an hour of light conversation, they were done eating. Everyone put their plates and packed up then put it in the basket. “I’ll take this inside.” Emily offered. “Give you two some privacy.”

  “Thanks.”

  “See ya later, Trent.”

  “Bye.” He waved and walked up next to Allison. “This was nice. Thanks.”

  Allison sat on the bench and Trent sat next to her. “I had to make up for my behavior.”

  “No need.” Trent slid closer and brought his hand up then paused. He rested his hand on the table and looked down.

  “When do you leave?”

  �
��I’m heading to the airport when I leave here.”

  “Oh, am I keeping you?” Allison stood and took a step towards the building.

  “No. I’ve got a few minutes.”

  “How long will you get to visit?”

  “About a week.” He answered and took a step towards Allison.

  A week. Back to emails and Facebook messages, it is. She wanted to ask him to stay. But he wasn’t hers. She had no claim on him. The dread sat heavy in her heart. She’d wasted so much time sulking instead of catching up and seeing what may be.

  “You can tell me all about it when you get back.”

  Trent stared into her eyes. Allison’s whole body tingled. He leaned in and kissed her cheek, then paused for a second. Was he waiting for a response? Her mind screamed at her to grab him and kiss him so thoroughly he’d forget about everything else. But all she could get herself to do was smile up at him.

  Trent pulled her into a hug and she took a deep breath. He smelled like the wilderness. How did he accomplish that while in the city? Continuing his embrace longer than a friend would, but still too soon, he pulled back. Does he want to stay?

  “I’m going to be late for my flight.” He brushed his fingers along her jaw. “I really must go.” He turned and walked away.

  “Bye.” She hugged herself watching him leave. Trent climbed into his truck parked at the end of the block. Allison watched him pull away and continued to follow the back of truck till it disappeared. Slowly entering the building, she sighed and truly hoped he wouldn’t forget her.

  Fifteen

  Trent dropped his bags in his son’s entry way. John stepped in behind him, closing the door.

  “How was your flight, Dad?” Becca, John’s wife, asked with a huge grin as she came around the corner.