Healing

by Kennington, Belinda

  “Should we tell Mom?” Stephen asked, turning around and heading to the door.

  “No, it was probably a bum looking for a place to sleep. Let’s not worry her.”

  “K. But if it happens again we’d better let her know.”

  Liz caught up with Stephen and reached for his arm. “We need to let Mom know we’re okay with her dating.”

  “K.” Stephen didn’t turn to look at her.

  “Are you ok?” Liz asked. He took a step and grabbed the door knob. “You are okay with this, right?”

  Stephen let his head drop forward, taking in a deep breath. After a moment, he turned and gave her a weak smile. “Yeah, I’m good.”

  He wasn’t telling her everything. She would find out what was wrong eventually. For now she would let him go and get some sleep.

  Seventeen

  Trent sprawled out on John’s couch in the living room watching a game on T.V. Faith played on the floor in front of him. He had a couple of days left and was enjoying as much time with Faith as he could get.

  A commercial came on and his thoughts wandered to Allison again. This was the longest he’d gone without communicating with her. He needed to distract himself. “Let’s go see what mommy and daddy are up too.” He picked her up and lightly threw her up in the air, smiling when she squealed in delight.

  He carried her into the kitchen as the phone rang. Becca grabbed Faith and put her in her high chair.

  John went over and answered the phone. “Hello?”

  John looked straight at Trent then turned away quickly. Trent glanced at Becca. She shrugged then sat in front of the high chair and fed Faith. Trent opened the fridge and got a glass of apple juice then followed John into the living room.

  “Now’s not a good time.” John continued his path to the far end of the room. He stopped in front of the fireplace leaning against it. “No, I don’t know where Dad is.”

  Trent stopped in his tracks and looked at John. He stared at the back of his head since John faced the wall. Was he talking to Ruth? How often did she call? He silently waited, sipping his juice.

  “Yes, I would like you to visit, but not now.”

  Trent was impressed. John held his ground, but wasn’t mean about it. He wasn’t going to be pushed around.

  “Mom. Right now isn’t good. Next week works better.”

  John turned as he listened in the phone and noticed Trent. “I’m sorry, but it’s none of your business. If you want to get to know me again that’s fine, but I’m not getting in the middle of you and Dad.” He rolled his eyes and put his hand on his forehead.

  He was trying not to let Ruth know Trent was there. Trent moved closer and held his hand out. He would talk to her. He wouldn’t hide. He had already told her it was over.

  “Hold on.” John said into the phone. He lowered it and faced Trent. “She’s asking where you are. I wasn’t going to tell her.”

  “It’s fine. I can talk to her. Eventually she’ll get the message.”

  “Okay.” He handed over the phone.

  “Hi, Ruth.”

  “Oh Trent. It’s so good to hear your voice. I was worried when I couldn’t find you. Why didn’t you tell me you were visiting John? We could have gone together.”

  “Ruth, don’t. We aren’t together. I already told you this.”

  “Baby, don’t say that. I’m better with you. Please give me another chance.”

  “Sorry, I can’t. It was hard enough getting over what you did. I can’t do it again. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

  Ruth sniffled into the phone. “I love you. I never stopped. I need you.”

  “No.” The word left his mouth but he second-guessed himself. Was it fair to push her away without even considering giving her a second chance? But he couldn’t go through that torture again. His second chance at love wasn’t with Ruth.

  “Tell me it’s not because of her.”

  “Who’s her?” Is she talking about Allison? “What are you getting at?”

  “Never mind. I need to go.”

  Trent heard the click as the call ended. He looked at the call history. The last call was made from a number he didn’t recognize. He found a slip of paper, wrote down the number and put it in his wallet.

  He turned to face John. “Am I wrong? Should I give her another chance? You are.”

  “Dad, it’s different for me. She’s my mom.” John sat on the couch. “Do you still love her?”

  He sat next to his son and thought for a moment. “Not like I did. I care that she’s okay, but when I saw her, what we had is gone.”

  “Then I’d say it wouldn’t be fair to pretend. I remember what you went through. I think you went on more dates than I did when I was a teenager. Then you became quite the daredevil, hang gliding, rock climbing, and race car lessons.”

  “I did go a little crazy, huh.”

  “Yes, and I don’t want to see you go through it again. From the way you constantly talk about Allison, she sounds like a good person. Nice, steady, and loving.”

  “Do I talk about her that much?”

  “Yes. Don’t feel guilty about Mom. She made her choice years ago.”

  “Thanks.” John left and joined his wife in the kitchen. Trent leaned back against the couch. He felt better about not letting Ruth back in. Maybe he needed a little reassurance. He relaxed into the soft cushions and let his mind wander to Allison. He resisted the urge to call her just to hear her voice. She needed her space. He hoped she missed him as much as he missed her. He’d be back in Lincoln in a few days, then he would come up with other reason to spend time with her.

  ***

  Liz woke to an intoxicating scent. She sniffed the air as she left her room and headed towards the kitchen in search for the delicious aroma. Everyone was there eating. “What? No one woke me for bacon?”

  “More for me.” Stephen said through a full mouth.

  “We thought you’d like to sleep in.” Her mom said, setting down a steaming pile of pancakes.

  “If you’re going to let me sleep, don’t make bacon.” She sat in front of the plate of bacon and snatched up a few pieces before Stephen inhaled the rest.

  “How quick can you get ready?” Her grandpa asked. It had been five days since he and Cindy had arrived. Every day after school, they’d taken her and Stephen somewhere. One day they all went on a sightseeing outing, to the Sunken Gardens, State Capital, and the Children’s Zoo. Liz and Stephen both thought they were too old for the zoo, but they had fun. Another day they went to the University of Nebraska State Museum. Liz didn’t know there were that many things to see in Lincoln and she’d grown up there. They all had gone out to eat last night, Emily and Wayne joining them. This was their last day with them.

  “I need to jump in the shower. What’s up?”

  “Cindy and I would like to take you for a day out.”

  “Sounds like fun.” She grabbed another piece of bacon and stood. “I’ll get ready.” She munched on the bacon as she went up to her room.

  Not even half an hour later, Liz entered the living room ready to go. Grandpa stood and helped Cindy up. “Ready?”

  “Sure am.”

  “Well then, my dears, let’s go.”

  Liz giggled. She loved hanging out with her grandpa and Cindy. Neither of them lectured but talked to her and Stephen like people. They spoke to them, wanting to get to know them, not like they needed to change them.

  The three of them spent the day mostly window shopping. They bought her a couple of outfits and a beautiful pendant.

  “What sounds good for lunch?” Her grandpa asked.

  She knew they wouldn’t choose, so no reason to ask what they were in the mood for. “How about Dairy Queen?”

  “Sounds good.”

  At Dairy Queen, they ordered, then sat around a table in the near empty restaurant.

  “Do you have any plans for the summer?” Cindy asked.

  “Yeah, I got my job back at the movie theater.” Liz had
worked there every summer since she was a freshman. “Then in September I start at UNL.”

  “How exciting. How did you decide you wanted to go into forensics?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I’ve always been interested in solving a good mystery.” Her friends teased her about reading all the mystery books she could get her hands on.

  “That’s wonderful.” Her grandpa smiled. “You will be great. Are you going to live on campus?”

  “Yeah, get the whole college experience. That’s what mom says.” She looked down at her food. She felt bad, moving out and leaving her mom. Should she live at home, even though it was her mom who pushed her to live in the dorms? “I’m set up to move when school starts.”

  “Honey, what’s wrong?” Grandpa asked.

  “I’m worried about Mom.”

  “Why? I know she’s struggling, but she’ll be fine.” Dave put his hand over hers.

  “I don’t know if she will.”

  “She wouldn’t want you to miss out because of her.” He patted her hand.

  “You remember that guy I mentioned when you two first got here?”

  “Yeah?”

  “They’ve known each other for a long time and he likes Mom. She likes him too but something’s holding her back.” She took a deep breath.

  “If you’d like, I could talk to her but if you think your mom likes this guy, let her know you’re happy for her. That may be enough for her to open up.”

  “Thanks. That might help. I love you.” Liz hoped everyone letting her mom know they were on her side would let her open up.

  ***

  Allison sat in the living room reading. It was getting late and she knew she should go to bed, but couldn’t get herself to stand. She closed the book and laid it in her lap. As she rested her head back against her chair, her father came into the room.

  “Hi, sweet pea.”

  “Hey, Dad. I thought you were in bed.”

  “Couldn’t sleep. What are you doing up?” He grabbed the desk chair and slid it over to her.

  “Reading, I’m a bit restless tonight.” It’d been almost a week since Trent left, and she hadn’t heard from him. She knew he was visiting his son, but she’d expected to hear from him by now. She’d messaged him asking how he was, hoping she came off as nonchalant.

  It wasn’t like him to be silent. One reason for his silence was he didn’t have internet access. She hoped it was, because the other reason she came up with was one she didn’t want to even think about.

  “What’s wrong?” He leaned forward in the chair, resting his forearms on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him. That was his listening posture.

  Allison smiled at him. She loved it when he gave her his full attention. “Okay. Can I ask you something?” How do you talk about dating? She felt guilty enough thinking about it let alone saying anything out loud.

  “Shoot.”

  After a deep breath she asked. “How were you able to start dating after mom died?”

  “I was wondering when you’d finally ask.” He looked off in the corner behind Allison. “I did think it would be sooner than this.” His eyes glazed over and he swallowed hard. “It was hard. I wasn’t even looking when Cindy came into my life. But when I looked at her I knew I wanted her in my life. And yes, I felt guilty, like I was cheating on your mom.”

  “I know the feeling.”

  He reached out and patted her knee. “Honey, I know it’s difficult to let go and move forward, but it is normal.”

  “It doesn’t feel normal. I miss Rick so much.” Allison took a haggard breath. Her hand fisted and she put it over her heart. “It still hurts so much.”

  Her father gathered her up and pulled her into his arms.

  “Will it ever stop hurting?” Allison wept.

  He smoothed her hair, holding her tight. “It’s okay, honey. You don’t have to hold it all in. It will become bearable.”

  “Are you sure? It hasn’t so far.” She sobbed.

  “I know honey. Holding it in makes it worse. Let yourself grieve.”

  “I don’t know how.”

  “First, know you’re not alone. Don’t think you have to be strong for everyone else. You can let someone take care of you for once.

  Her father held her gently in his strong embrace as she fought with her heart for control.

  When the tears slowed he asked. “Is there a, someone who brought this question on?”

  She could feel the heat build in her face. “Yeah, a guy I knew in high school. He was in town for business and we had lunch. I can’t deny I like him, but I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “Why?”

  “He lives in a different state.”

  Her father put his hands on the top of her shoulders and held her at arm’s length looking her in the eyes. “I say go for it. See where it leads.”

  Through watery eyes she looked at her dad. “What about Liz and Stephen?” She took another labored breath. “I still remember when you brought Cindy home. I’m sorry, but I hated it and I was married and out of the house.”

  “I know, sweet pea. But I also knew that you would eventually like her.”

  She nodded. Cindy was a wonderful person, kind and thoughtful. She could see why her father fell for her.

  “Does this fella make you happy?”

  “He does. He’s funny and sweet. We’ve been friends for years.” The torture she carried for the last two years lessened as she spoke of Trent. It was undeniable. Trent was filling an empty space in her heart.

  Her father softly held her chin. “Your kids want you to be happy. If Trent makes you happy, your kids will like him. Everything will work out.” He hugged her again. “I better get some sleep, we’re leaving early. Goodnight, sweet pea.” He stood then leaned over and kissed her on the top of her head.

  Allison watched her dad walk out of the room. She struggled with herself. Was her heart ready? She knew her father was right. It was normal to move on, but could she give her heart away with the obstacles standing in the way? With Trent living in another state, would it be worth the heart break when they couldn’t make the long distance relationship work? She wasn’t sure she could take another loss.

  Eighteen

  Allison had a busy day and went to bed exhausted. After her father and Cindy left she cleaned up the guest room. Then she deep cleaned the rest of her house trying to keep herself busy. She still hadn’t heard a word from Trent.

  Collapsing on her bed, she felt herself falling into dream land automatically. Rick stood in front of her, the meadow surrounded them in all of its beauty. She wrapped her arms around him. He picked her up and spun in a circle.

  “I’m really loving this place. Is this a place you made for me?”

  Rick smiled. “No, actually we’re in a forest in Montana, near Billings.”

  “Really?” She was amazed this beauty was real.

  “I knew you would love it here.” He grabbed both sides of her face and kissed her.

  “I do, this is great.”

  He held her in his arms and they swayed from side to side slowly. “So, how are you doing?”

  She wasn’t sure what she should say. Could she tell her soul mate and husband that she had feelings for another? Of course, wasn’t that why he was here? Would he really be happy that she was moving on? Was she moving on? She decided to be truthful with him. “I think I’m fine.” She looked at him, testing the waters. He looked back calm. “I think I have feelings for someone.”

  He gently spun her around and pulled her back in close. Face to face again, he nodded and smiled.

  “You sure you’re ok with this?”

  “Yes, it’s why I’m here. I want you to smile, dance and love again. I want you to be happy.” He lightly bumped under her chin with his finger. “Trent’s a good man.” He spun her again and she closed her eyes.

  When she opened her eyes again, Rick and the meadow were gone. A tinge of emptiness passed through her heart. But to her surpris
e it didn’t stay and bury its roots. She looked around in the dark. A sparse but comfortable room came into focus as her eyes adjusted. Against the wall, she stood near was a dresser. A wallet and keys laid on top. A full-size bed sat against the opposite wall in front of her. A nightstand was next to it with a clock on it.

  Allison went to the bed and gently sat on the edge knowing who was laying there. She looked down into the sleeping face of Trent. So handsome. She reached down and lightly moved his hair away from his face then ran her hand down the side of his face. I’m definitely falling for him.

  Trent rolled to his back and mumbled. “Allison… I… love you.”

  Her breath caught in her throat. Did she hear him right?

  Allison stood off Trent’s bed, but then sat up in her own bed. Did Trent say that? She moved the blankets and went over to the window. Could Emily be right? Was she having out of body experiences? She looked out the window into the dark night sky. If this wasn’t a dream maybe Trent really did want her. Maybe everyone poking their noses in her business was right.

  She lay down on her side, tucking her pillow under her. The bed moved and Liz climbed in behind her. Her daughter rested her arm around her mom and softly patted her arm. “It’s ok, Mom.”

  Allison let the tears fall for the first time in front of her daughter. A second later, more movement on the bed. Stephen climbed into the bed too. Allison wrapped her arms around her son. “I love you two.” She managed to say between sobs.

  “I’m sorry, Mom.” Stephen said quietly, sniffling. She kissed the top of his head.

  They fell asleep, finally mourning the loss of a husband and father as a family.

  ***

  Allison woke to the sun shining in her window, Liz and Stephen still sound asleep. She carefully stretched, raising her arms above her head and pushed against the headboard. Taking a deep cleansing breath and letting it out slowly, she smiled. Her chest didn’t ache. For the first time in forever she was ready for what the day may bring.