This Is Our Undoing

by Lorraine Wilson

  He lifted one shoulder and smiled faintly. ‘They weren’t happy. It was fine.’

  Of course it was. She smiled, found her gaze drifting back to her tablet again and, as if reading her mind, he said quietly, ‘Any news?’

  She shook her head. ‘I want to see if anyone can keep an eye on him. You know? Make sure no-one gets to him.’ She woke her tablet screen and frowned at it abstractedly, her mind hundreds of miles away.

  Thiago shifted on his stool and she realised that he had thought of offering too, but that it was not a simple thing to do. For him to do. She wondered again what it was he had run from.

  ‘I know someone,’ he said, but she cut him off.

  ‘It’s okay,’ her heart falling just a little. ‘I’ve asked the people who got Genni here.’

  He narrowed his eyes at her and at least he had forgotten his anger, if only briefly. ‘I’ll ask too. Likely my ... friend is better positioned.’

  ‘They’re PK?’ she said and at his curtailed nod, added quickly, ‘There’s no need, I–’

  ‘Lina.’ It was back. The anger that was only as sharp as it was because he felt guilty.

  She held his gaze doubtfully, aware that her spine was already loosening with relief. ‘Thanks,’ she said eventually, and reached to touch his knee where the uneven topography of muscle and scars met robotics. He didn’t smile, but the guilt banked down just a little and she wondered if they would ever tell each other everything about their pasts. Whether all of this would bring it out and whether that would change anything between them. She did not know if anything could change this, and she did not know what she would do if anything damaged it.

  A message finally arrived from Genni and Lina made herself write to their father. Teasing out comfort, reassurance and love from the truth that she and Genni were not as safe here as he believed. The urge to read Genni’s message was terrible, because she wanted, needed, to know whether Genni had repeated her accusations to their father. But Lina resisted and wrote with Isla’s assistant’s clever eyes in her mind. She sent both messages just as the sun was painting the sky copper and violet, then she searched again for news from London, dug further back from the murder to Christopher Wiley’s career and Silene’s as well.

  Silene had said to Lina that she wished her husband had never watched something, assuredly referring to the slum clearance in South London days before his death. And it was this that Lina kept circling back to. The State media played up words like ‘revitalising’, ‘reclaiming’ and ‘modernising’ with images alongside of the rubble and the aftermath. Silene might have written one of those articles.

  Xander, she thought. He had accessed James’ blog, and someone, she could not remember who, said James had posted about the clearances, so had Xander read that very different version, and if so what had he felt? He was clever and angry and both of those things meant he might see one thing, but he was also comfortable and unimaginably cocooned, which meant he might see nothing at all.

  She found a newer article citing a police source that the post-mortem had shown irregularities, that the stab wounds may not have been the primary cause of death. The article hinted at family secrets and alluded to the long lists of arrested resistance. Suggestions and rumours only, but was this Silene’s fear becoming reality? Lina clicked away, frowning.

  She found the unofficial photos. People, children running, State police and military, masonry falling. In one, bodies.

  Simply surviving this meant that Kai had defeated a monster, she thought. Remaining standing at the end of each day meant that he was strong. Perhaps it was no wonder he loved the meadow so much, its stillness, its gentleness.

  If she suggested he stay, she could not imagine that Silene would argue. It was only her ego and ... hostility, hatred, paranoia that might stop her letting him go. Lina had no idea how to have that conversation though, after their last one. How to have any conversation with her now.

  I will see you hang.

  But she would not hang. She would be shot.

  Or she would do what Autumn had done, take the option waiting in her father’s silver blue tin. Whisper her mother’s name when all else was gone.

  ‘Dinner,’ Thiago said from the doorway, the light painting his skin ochre and the courtyard behind him darker.

  Lina reached for her crutches and when they were climbing the stairs, he stayed just behind her in case she fell.

  Genni and Kai were both on the balcony, Kai’s legs dangling through the bars, her arms resting on the railing. Oh, Lina thought, there they were, and from where she stood it seemed like closeness, but then Genni heard Thiago and turned to come in, brushing past Kai without caring that he had to lean aside. Without even glancing down. Oh, Lina thought again. Stars were wakening in the wide sky and the air slipping into the room tasted of rocks and high places even though it was still warm.

  ‘You sent it,’ Genni said.

  ‘I did.’

  ‘And didn’t read it.’

  That bitter little pain again. Thiago glanced across from where he stood at the kitchen counter. Lina set her crutches aside, lowering herself to sitting on the sofa facing Genni. ‘No,’ she said. ‘I promise.’

  Tilting her head, Genni almost smiled. ‘I know,’ she said. ‘Xander told me.’

  Lina stared.

  Genni blinked and looked away. ‘What?’ she muttered.

  Xander wasn’t here, Lina realised belatedly. Thiago was pouring wine and Iva must have come in at some point, either that or Thiago had prepared food earlier, and Xander must be down in his room but doing what, now that she was up here and he could not track her keystrokes from across the courtyard.

  Dear god, had he been tracking her keystrokes?

  ‘What?’ Genni said again, not quite meeting Lina’s gaze, but the whites of her eyes reflected the light like a deer.

  Lina shifted, hissing at the pain, and tried to remember everything she had done on her tablet since ... since when? How long had he been tracking her so closely, because she had absolutely no doubt he could have evaded her notice and surely she had done something to condemn herself.

  Thiago held a glass of wine in front of her and she took it, sipped it automatically, grounded by the act and the taste. Repositioning her foot gingerly, she smiled at Genni a little unsteadily.

  ‘Did he show you how he knew?’ she said carefully.

  ‘No.’

  Kai lifted his head as if he had heard something out in the forest, his hands coming up to weave shapes out of the evening air.

  ‘But you believed him?’ Lina did not wait for an answer because she could see Genni bridling a little at the question and felt the quiet hurt turn for the first time into anger. ‘Did he say whether he read it?’

  Genni’s mouth opened and Lina kept her face calm as she took another sip of wine.

  ‘No!’ Genni said. ‘Why would he?’

  ‘Why would he read it?’ It was a struggle, holding onto that calm. ‘Why wouldn’t he? Genni love, he wants to find his dad’s killers, and he is trying to link me, us, to them. If I were him, I’d read your emails. And mine.’ Oh god, she thought again. Dear god, what had she given away?

  There had been nothing in her own message to their father, and her reading up on his father might only be curiosity or spite; he could hardly pin culpability on that. But she had sent messages to Vitaly and Kolya. Meaningless on their own, and encrypted besides. But to a suspicious boy...

  ‘He’s not out to get me. It’s only you who did anything, and that’s not my fault.’ But Genni’s breathing was audible over the crickets and Kai’s near-silent humming. She was hunched forward, glaring at Lina. ‘It’s not my fault,’ she repeated.

  Lina reached to take Genni’s hand, not letting her pull away. ‘No,’ she said. ‘None of this is your fault. But you are still involved, love.’ Squeezing the rigid brown fingers
within hers as Genni’s breathing worsened. ‘We talked about this, about being careful. I know you like Xander, but...’ it was a cruel card to play and Lina winced. ‘But if you want Dad to be safe, then you need to not trust him.’

  Genni’s chest shuddered and Kai turned from the view of the night to stare at her. ‘Hush, love,’ she whispered, but Genni was breathing rapid and thin. ‘Hush, love. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.’ She touched Genni’s back, hating herself, wanting to wrap her arms around Genni’s hunched frame but just stroking instead, murmuring.

  ‘Xander is telling her things,’ Kai whispered. He was holding a hand over Genni’s hair, so close that Lina could not tell if he was touching Genni or simply cradling the air. She remembered his fingers holding her eyes closed as he sang to her when she had been drowning.

  ‘Hush,’ she whispered, to both children.

  ‘He’s a monster too,’ Kai whispered quieter still. ‘Maybe he wasn’t, but he is now.’

  He moved his hand and Genni shivered. ‘He’s not bad,’ Lina said. ‘He’s just very angry and very sad, and this is his way of dealing with that.’ Kai opened his mouth but Lina added, ‘Which makes him dangerous, sweetie, but not a monster.’

  She believed it. Which seemed flawed, given what she had just discovered, but she still believed it and it would have been easier if she had not. If, like in his mother, she could see only maliciousness and corrupted power, then she could have hated him. It was so much easier to hate your enemy than to pity them.

  ‘Lina,’ Thiago murmured, making her realise there were footsteps on the stairs. Genni must have heard them too, because she jerked straighter, Lina’s hand falling away, and with a great, painful swallow, she seemed to return to herself, stiffening as if those long minutes of panic and Lina’s touch were something to be ashamed of.

  Silene did not come up for dinner but Thiago told Xander a pared-down version of Devendra Kapoor’s captivity; simply that locals had found him, held him, and would hand him over in the morning. If Xander noticed the glaring gaps in the story, he seemed too relieved to care. He helped himself to the wine and loosened to the point where he laughed at something Thiago said. A laugh that was pure amusement untouched by bitterness, and Lina thought the sound of it startled him as much as it did her. She did not hate him; she understood him, and pitied him. And he could kill her father, kill Genni, kill her.

  He drank more wine and Thiago tipped back in his chair, watching him thoughtfully as Lina watched their reflections in the wide windows, wondering if her father had got their messages yet and what he would do if he was here now. She thought that he would not know, that the choices he had made would not have prepared him for the choices Lina now faced.

  ‘So what’ll Dev do when he gets here?’ Thiago asked Xander. Kai turned from where he stood at the window, tilting his head.

  Xander smiled and, like the laugh, it was lovely. ‘I don’t know,’ he said, but then his face shifted, his eyes slipped to Lina. ‘He’ll sort everything out. He’s good at that.’

  Thiago tipped his head as if in agreement and Lina wondered what he was doing. ‘He’s had a tough time. Might want to get home straight away.’

  Xander looked at his wine, his mouth twisting as if he had been hit by nausea. He had not contemplated a Dev less than perfectly capable of rescuing them, Lina thought. Thiago raised his own glass and glanced at Lina over the rim.

  ‘He owes ESF his freedom,’ he said quietly, as if thinking aloud. ‘Probably his life.’

  Lina looked at Genni so that she did not look at Xander, because doing so might remind him of his anger, and Thiago wanted him to doubt, instead.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Lina insisted Thiago take her with him to Govedartsi. ‘You can’t talk, and watch Devendra, and watch everyone else at the same time,’ she said and waited as he failed to find any answer other than blind insistence. ‘You watch people and look scary,’ she said and smiled. ‘I’ll do the rest.’

  She did not want to go at all. Face the people who had set a trap and brought her so much pain? The idea made her a little sick, but Thiago should not do it alone, and he was riding his anger on such a tight rein that she daren’t let him try.

  Xander came outside as they were getting into the truck and Lina spoke before he could ask. ‘Wait here. We won’t be long.’

  ‘I want–’

  ‘I know,’ she said gently, thinking that he was more frightening to her than another trap, than blood and pain. ‘But it’s a delicate thing and they won’t like you being there. It might tip things out of balance.’

  ‘But–’

  His mother’s voice from inside the house cut him off, clear through the closed windows.

  ‘Get out! Get out! Get out!’

  Xander flinched but did not look around.

  ‘Why can’t you leave me alone? It wasn’t my fault! It wasn’t me!’

  Kai, Lina realised belatedly. She was shouting at Kai and Lina moved towards the door. Xander grabbed her, shoving himself in the way, twisting her ankle so that she yelped, Thiago at her side already and Silene’s voice still rising.

  ‘I didn’t know about the children!’

  ‘Leave her the fuck alone,’ Xander snarled, turning and barrelling into the house, the door swinging resoundingly shut.

  Thiago had a hand under Lina’s elbow, steadying her. Silene fell silent then spoke pleadingly.

  ‘You have to make it leave us alone, darling. It likes her; it’ll leave us alone if she tells it.’

  Thiago switched from studying the empty doorway to frowning at Lina. She moved, resettling her crutch, turning to the truck, avoiding Thiago’s eyes because there were things that weren’t making sense and if he spoke some vital logic might crumble. And she needed logic, all her careful, clever thought, to give her any sense at all of control.

  Thiago did not speak until the truck had fallen from meadow into forest, the canopy closing overhead like the ocean.

  ‘Who was she talking to?’ he said, watching the shadowy track. It was not far to the village. Iva walked it every day and normally they would never have driven such a wasteful distance. But today it was necessary.

  Kai, she wanted to say. Of course Kai. But she watched the gradations of sleepy green outside the window and realised she did not dare, and did not entirely know why.

  ‘She wasn’t on a call.’

  ‘She might have been,’ Lina said.

  The track turned downhill then swung up again sharply. Two squirrels fled from the road, black tails flicking, Thiago glanced at her, but they were nearly at the village so he changed the subject. ‘It should be Ognyana Asenov and a couple of her men. It’s in the middle of the village so–’ he shrugged and Lina nodded without speaking. So they too would want nothing to go wrong. ‘You deal with her. Don’t worry about Kapoor, I’ll get him out of the way.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Lina.’

  She looked at him. The forest broke apart and they were coming into the village with no transition at all.

  ‘Stay close to the truck.’

  Because she could hardly move above a child’s pace. Lina grimaced and glared at her ankle. It occurred to her that this too was why Thiago had agreed to her coming. That her woundedness would remind them of the thinness of the ice they were skating.

  There were villagers leaning on the wide slabs topping their garden walls, standing in the street beneath walnut trees just beginning to shed underripe nuts. This was good, Lina thought. If they had truly feared, there would have been only the empty road. Ognyana Asenov stood beneath a vast, ancient walnut tree in the middle of a stretch of bare earth that might pass as a village square. She appeared to be alone, but as the truck came to a halt, a man stepped away from where he had been talking to an elderly man. Father or grandfather perhaps, although if so then it had been foolish to reveal the
link.

  ‘Dr Stephenson,’ Ognyana said once Lina stood in front of the truck. ‘I am sorry you are hurt.’ She made a small gesture towards Lina’s ankle, her face revealing nothing but her gaze determinedly on Lina, not Thiago.

  ‘Thank you,’ Lina said. ‘You are still happy to proceed, I hope?’

  Ognyana turned her head a fraction and two men came out from a narrow lane between two houses that Lina had not noticed, although Thiago would have. One of the men looked familiar but her attention was on the other man. Silene’s saviour, Xander’s hero, bruised and a little ragged, held firmly by his bound hands. Damaged and defeated and yet the angle of his head, the way he scanned the entire area and settled his gaze on where Thiago was standing, was somehow still imperious. And dangerous, she thought.

  He would take them away, she reminded herself fervently. It did not matter if he was dangerous, he owed Thiago and he owed ESF, and he would take the Wileys away.

  ‘Mr Kapoor,’ she said to him.

  His eyes shifted from Thiago to her, to her bound ankle and crutches, curiosity flickering. ‘Pleasure to meet you,’ he said, incongruously charming.

  ‘Ms Asenov,’ Lina said. ‘ESF will take no further action. They are content to let this be an end to it.’

  ‘How do we know this is true?’ she said. Not quite a challenge but treading the line. Lina heard Thiago’s feet shift in the dust and opened the palm of a hand, knowing he would see the small movement. He stilled.

  ‘I cannot prove anything,’ she said. ‘I could show you the transcripts of the discussion, but they would still prove nothing. You have my word. And Mr Ferdinando’s. That is all I can offer.’