Offside

by Bianca Sommerland

  But she wasn’t her mother. And Zach and Scott weren’t family . . . not in any way those looking in would care about. They would judge. They would call her a bad mother.

  What if Patrick finds out?

  Becky hurried down the first flight of stairs. Then cut across the kitchen to head down to the basement. She focused on her mother’s words.

  “Do they love my granddaughter? Are they good with her?”

  “Of course. I wouldn’t bother with them otherwise.” Becky hesitated. “But it’s too soon to—”

  “Too soon? For what exactly? To show your daughter what you’re willing to do for the people who matter to you?”

  Letting out a sigh into the phone, Becky shook her head. “No. For my daughter to know how much they matter. I haven’t been seeing Zach for that long. And Scott . . . how do I explain this to her?”

  Her mother chuckled. “Cherie, you don’t. They aren’t strangers to her. For now, they are Landon’s friends. And yours. To Casey, you’re taking care of a sick friend. That’s it. When they move in for good, we’ll have this chat again.” She paused. “And then I will tell you a child can never have enough love. Which is exactly what I told your brother.”

  “Landon was worried? But Amia will grow up with the three of them.”

  “Yes. With two men who are very close. Who are both ‘Daddy.’ Landon refuses to let Dean be any less. To let Akia call him uncle or something else for appearances. But he is worried that he’s making things more difficult for her.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “What I’m telling you. Every child has their own story. Their own hardships. Being the most important little person in many people’s lives will never be one of them.”

  And that had settled it for Becky. She’d gotten all worked up about Zach not being able to love her, and Scott, and Casey. As though love was a pot of stew, very filling, but with only so many helpings to dish out. Even with how worried he was about Scott, when Zach sat across from Casey to play tea party, he gave her his all. And he always would. Becky didn’t doubt that. Not anymore.

  By the time she got to the den, Scott was awake, letting out an amused snort as Zach uncapped a bottle of water and handed it to him.

  He took a few gulps, then shook his head. “Aftercare for a bad dream?”

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Zach moved to cross his arms over his chest, stopped, then hooked his thumbs to the waistband of his boxers. The gesture made Becky’s mouth dry. The way his hands framed the carved slope of his pelvis, darkened with soft, springy hair . . .

  She made herself look away, annoyed with herself. Scott needed her full attention.

  But Scott simply let out a low laugh, his eyes hooded as his gaze trailed over Zach’s hard body. “He’s something else, isn’t he? If I had the energy, I’d grab him and—”

  “Well, you don’t.” Zach’s tone was rough, but his lips curved in a way that made it obvious he didn’t mind having them both stare at him. He shook his head and nudged Scott’s shoulder to get him to lie down. “And you didn’t answer me.”

  Scott blinked innocently. “I didn’t? Sorry, was busy stripping you with my eyes.”

  That made Becky smile. Nothing held Scott down for long. But she knew Zach wouldn’t let him flirt his way out of the discussion.

  “Do you—” Zach leaned over Scott, the hint of mirth from before gone from his features “—want to talk about it?”

  “Damn it, back to that?” Scott dropped onto the pillow, hands behind his head, glaring at the ceiling. “No. I don’t want to talk about it.” His nostrils flared. “Ever again. How’s that for an answer?”

  “Scott, holding this in has been hurting you. It’s the reason for—”

  “Don’t even fucking go there.” Scott winced as if his own sharp words were hurting his head. He let out a pitiful cough. Scratched at his belly. “This is horrible. Itchy, sore, sick, and all you do is nag at me.” He turned his head and gave Becky a weak smile. “Do you think I can have more of that soup? And maybe you can sit with me for a bit. His snoring is disturbing my much-needed sleep.”

  “My poor baby,” Becky said, teasing him a little as she gently nudged his hand away from his stomach. “Don’t do that.”

  “Sorry, sweetie. Can’t help it.”

  Zach grumbled, pacing away and lacing his fingers behind his neck. The man didn’t seem to like not knowing how to fix things. He was worried about Scott and tended to revert to treating him like a sub. Not the best approach. Not for their hardheaded, damaged but still so strong, Scott.

  She knew a better way.

  Bending over the bed, she patted Scott’s cheek. “I’ll get you some soup. And something to help with the itching. But you have to answer one question first.”

  “Another one?” Scott frowned—actually, it was closer to a pout. He was cute when he was sick. “I’m really tired, sweetheart. How about you just climb up here and snuggle with me. That will make everything better.”

  Behind her, Zach mumbled something like “Milking it for all it’s worth.”

  Not bothering to hide her grin, she petted Scott’s hair. “One simple question, and I’ll get your soup, then snuggle for a bit. But I can’t stay down here. I don’t want Casey going to my room and wondering where I am.”

  “No, no, of course not. I wouldn’t ask . . .” Scott’s brow furrowed. He tongued his bottom lip. “What’s the question?”

  “Those girls you work with at the self-defense class have been through a lot. They have all been strong enough to get past what happened to them. They joined the class, not only to learn to protect themselves, but to take back some of the power stolen from them.” She held up her hand when Scott opened his mouth to interrupt. “Yes, you’re big and strong and no one can ever take advantage of you again. Just like they have different skills that will help them.”

  Scott nodded slowly. “Right, but . . .”

  “There’s damage that was done to them that wasn’t just physical. Would you suggest any of them keep it bottled up inside. Never mention it again?”

  Rather than scoff and tell her it wasn’t the same—which she’d prepared for—Scott pressed his eyes shut. Inhaled deeply. And let it out with a sigh. “You’re right. I wouldn’t tell them that. We have therapist we recommend, so maybe I should . . . maybe I will.” He opened his eyes. Looked from her to Zach. “I get what you’re both trying to do, but you’ve got to leave it at that, okay? If I decide to go, then I go. You don’t make a big deal about it.”

  “Agreed,” Zach said without hesitating.

  Becky pulled one of Scott’s hands out from under his head. Kissed his palm. “I’m fine with that.”

  “Good.” Scott held her hand, his lips curving in a warm smile. “And keep looking at me, just like that. Not like I’m some broken thing. I’m not broken. Just a little messed up.”

  “Not any more than the rest of us, Scott. You might be a little out of control sometimes.” Zach moved in close to Becky, his lips brushing her cheek, his hand lightly resting on her hip. “But that’s just a small part of the man we love so much.”

  “Love, huh?” Scott glanced up at Becky, a flicker of hope in his eyes. “Do you love me, Becky? Not because you feel sorry for me, but because . . . just because?”

  “Just because.” And she did. She felt it, not the first sparks, because those had been lit inside her a long time ago. Like kindling letting off nothing but smoke, the small twigs red and charred, showing no signs of a flame. A breath of air, cupped hands to shelter them, and they caught, feeding off any fuel, spreading, glowing hot and fierce. Still, saying the actual words didn’t feel right now. Not yet. So she did the next best thing. She kissed him and whispered, “I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m happy you’re here. And that you’re mine.”

  “I love being yours.” Scott tugged at her hand, rolling over until she laid down next to him. “Forget the soup. I’ll have it for breakfast. Just stay with me for a little while
.”

  “All right.” Becky nestled her head against the side of his neck, her eyes drifting shut as she felt the mattress dip where Zach sat beside her. Being between them both was lovely. So comfortable and warm. She could stay here, like this, and sleep peacefully for the few hours left until dawn.

  No, I can’t. She opened her eyes, determined to watch Scott’s face until he was out for the night. Then go back to her own bed. Wonderful as this was, she couldn’t have her baby waking up thinking she was alone.

  Zach spoke low, close to her ear. “Relax for a bit. I’ll keep an ear out for her. She usually gets up around six, right?”

  “Yes, but . . .”

  “I’ll get you up before then.”

  “You need your sleep too, Zach.” She tilted her head to the side and frowned at him. “I don’t want you to—”

  “It may sound odd, but I want to stay up. Watch over both of you. It will make me feel better.” He met her eyes, something in them making it clear he really needed her to understand. “Can you trust me?”

  “Yes.” She muffled a laugh at his shocked expression. It wasn’t funny, but she was tired and it was true. She trusted him to do exactly as he said. He would wake her up. He would listen for Casey. And she had no doubt he’d check on her baby a few times just to make sure she was sound asleep. He was good like that. “I love you so much. You look good in my house.” She was talking nonsense. But exhaustion loosened her tongue and she didn’t want to stop. “All this nice stuff, all the rooms, all pretty. But it was missing something.”

  Zach smiled and bent down to kiss her forehead. “I thought so too.”

  * * * *

  Two weeks went by and things had settled into a pleasant routine. Zach stood by the pantry, resisting the urge to grin as he pulled out the box of Cheerios. He showed it to Casey.

  “How about this?”

  “No!” She giggled, shaking her head. “Guess again!”

  “This one?” He held up the Corn Flakes, knowing full well she’d want the Mueslix. They played the same game every morning. Becky sat across the table, nursing her coffee, a serene smile on her lips. Casey could be grumpy for a while after waking, refusing even her favorite cereal when her mother simply took it out and poured her a bowl. For some reason, Zach doing it this way put the little girl in a good mood pretty quickly. He replaced the box, brow furrowed in concentration, then whipped out the Mueslix. “It has to be this one!”

  “Yep!” Casey bounced in her seat as Zach came over to fill her little plastic Dora the Explorer bowl. After he added milk, she took a huge spoonful, shoving it in her mouth and speaking around it. “You’re so smart, Zach!”

  “Don’t tell him that, Casey!” Scott came into the kitchen, shut the basement door behind him, then stepped up to plant a kiss on Casey’s messy curls. “Hockey players are born with oversized egos.”

  Zach motioned for Casey to finish what was in her mouth before she spoke. She nodded and he caught Becky giving him one of those smiles he’d come to love. One that said she appreciated how he got along with her daughter. It had lost some of the wistfulness of before, the hint that she wished the man who should be sharing these little moments with Casey cared enough to want to.

  His loss.

  Mouth cleared, Casey tipped her head back to give Scott a serious look. “Oh, I know. That’s what Uncle Landon always says about you.”

  Becky hid her mouth with her hand, eyes sparkling with laughter. Zach chuckled.

  Scott shook his head. “Yeah, well Uncle Landon is . . .” He stopped, glancing over at Becky before she had to interrupt, and quickly changed whatever he’d been about to say. “He’s smart too.”

  “He’s the smartest. You know he told me spiders aren’t really bugs? So when Mommy says she hates bugs, spiders shouldn’t count. But she doesn’t agree, do you, Mommy?” Without waiting for an answer, Casey continued, telling them in-depth exactly what the difference between bugs and spiders was. Zach drank his coffee, and a refill, nodding as she tried to quote exactly what her uncle had told her, helping her with some of the big words when she couldn’t pronounce them. Scott sat on Casey’s other side at the round table, shuddering every time she said “spider” and making her giggle.

  The little girl soaked up all the attention but hesitated every once in a while and glanced at both men as though wondering if they were bored. Seeing they weren’t, she chattered on, her longest pauses when she at another bite of cereal at Zach’s pointed looks.

  After fixing Scott some coffee, eggs, and toast, Becky took a seat, completely at ease as she joined in the conversation. It was Friday, so she’d be heading off to work soon. Casey had a Ped Day and her grandmother would be coming to pick her up to spend the long weekend in Gaspe in about an hour. She’d already been told this would be the last day he and Scott would be staying here. They were back on the roster for the game tonight and would be on the road starting Monday. Rather than crying, or sulking, Casey enjoyed the time she had left.

  Tough little kid. She seemed to take whatever life threw at her and make the best of it. Hopefully, this situation wasn’t yet another she’d have to just take in stride. If he had his way, she’d be able to count on his presence. Not all the time, because some road games could keep him away for weeks, but she’d hear from him every day. And she’d know he’d always come back to enjoy moments just like this.

  He wanted to be a constant in her life. And he truly believed Becky wanted that too.

  Tonight, he’d know for sure.

  A faint buzzing had the three adults checking their phones. Scott pulled his out, stood, and backed away from the table. He took a deep breath, flashed a smile at Casey when she gave him a curious look, then slipped out of the kitchen.

  Zach glanced over at Becky and she nodded, distracting Casey by bringing up the zoo her grandmother would bring her to. They’d both seen the way Scott had paled. Zach could only think of one person who would get that reaction from him, a fact that made Zach’s blood boil.

  He found Scott in the living room, staring at his phone which was set on the center of the coffee table. After all the talk of spiders, and Scott’s obvious distaste for them, one would have thought his cell had just grown eight spindly legs. He actually jumped when it buzzed again, like it would crawl right off the table. This time, a text flashed on the screen. Zach couldn’t read it from where he stood, but Scott’s jaw hardened as he silently read the words.

  “He’s at my house.” Scott hunched his shoulders, rubbing his hands on his cargo shorts. “So’s most of my stuff. He knows I’m playing tonight. He knows I’ll show up eventually.”

  “What do you need, Scott?” Zach approached Scott slowly, knowing that he wouldn’t want to be held right now. One of the things that seemed to bother the man the most was feeling weak. Helpless. As much as Zach wanted to pull Scott into his arms to comfort him, he had to let Scott deal with this in his own way. Let him make the first move and call all the shots. “Your equipment is at the forum. You can borrow one of my suits.”

  The edge of Scott’s lips quirked up slightly. “Stephan would kill me. The pants will be loose and too short.”

  “Gotta start bulking you up a bit, boy,” Zach said with a smile.

  “Boy?” Scott moved toward Zach, sliding his hand from Zach’s waist to the small of his back. He glanced at the hall, cocking his head as though listening for little footsteps, then pressed his lips to Zach’s, whispering, “You call me boy and I get to call you babe.”

  “Babe?” Zach snorted, hooking his fingers into Scott’s collar to pull him in for a hard kiss. He teased Scott’s bottom lip with his teeth. “I like it better when you call me ‘Sir.’”

  “I’m sure you do.” Scott drew away from the kiss as his phone buzzed yet again. He swallowed, then lowered his forehead to Zach’s shoulder. “Fuck, I don’t want to see him.”

  “Then don’t.” Zach wrapped his arms around Scott, gathering him close, barely holding in a sigh of relief when S
cott let him. Damn it, Scott’s cheek felt cold against the side of Zach’s neck. Zach hated that Jimmy still had the power to do this to him. And Scott wasn’t ready to take that power away. He’d recovered from the virus, had gained back some of the weight he’d lost over the first week when his appetite was next to nil. But the scars of his past were like fresh wounds with the scabs ripped off. And those would take some time to heal.

  Seeing Jimmy today would be like tearing open stitches just set to parted flesh. Scott would be all too ready to take the blame for his brother’s failings.

  Zach refused to let that happen. He shifted back a bit to study Scott’s face as he spoke. “I’ll go—” He hushed Scott before he could interrupt. “I swear to you, I won’t lay a hand on him. I’ll tell him you don’t want to see him. That he’s got to deal with his own shit.” He grabbed Scott’s chin when Scott shook his head. “He does, Scott. You’ve done more than enough for him.”

  Creases formed on Scott’s forehead as he met Zach’s eyes. “He’s my brother.”

  “By blood only. You have twenty Cobras that deserve the title more.” Maybe not so many, not yet, but they’d get there. “It’s time to end this.”

  “How pathetic is it that I want to say yes?” Scott rolled his eyes toward the ceiling, blinking, gulping as though he needed to swallow air just to get enough. “This is my problem.”

  “It’s not yours alone. Are you going to tell me you won’t step in if Patrick hurts Casey again?”

  “Becky won’t let us.”

  “Becky had me answer the phone when he called the other day.” Zach ground his teeth as he recalled the conversation. The bastard hadn’t wanted to talk to his daughter—Becky had told Zach just to pass the phone to Casey if he did, she just couldn’t speak to the asshole calmly after he’d failed to call Casey on her birthday or return Becky’s calls while Casey was sick. Patrick had simply given Zach a message for Becky. The child support payments would be late. He was sorry, but something had come up.