If It Isn't Love

by Hodges, Cheris

  “It wasn’t my fault, I got drawn into a conference call about the contest and . . . Look, I’m here now. We can still have dinner.”

  “I ordered pizza and DeShawn has already eaten.”

  “May I still come in?” he asked, shifting his bags in his hand.

  “For what? I told you that I didn’t want your career to cause disappointment for my son and what happened?” Ingrid folded her arms across her chest. “This is just the beginning.”

  Before she could say anything else, DeShawn ran to the front door. “Jason! You’re late.”

  “DeShawn. . .” Ingrid began.

  “I know and I’m sorry, buddy. Let me make it up to you, I got some cookie dough in here, since I missed dinner, I can make you dessert.”

  “Can he, Mom?” DeShawn asked, looking up at his mother with a wide smile on his cherub face.

  Ingrid sighed and looked down at her son.

  “Come on, Mom,” Jason said. “They’re your favorite, chocolate-chocolate chip.”

  She opened the door wider and rolled her eyes. “Peanut butter, that’s my favorite. You like chocolate-chocolate chip.”

  “Me too,” DeShawn said happily.

  Jason followed her into the kitchen and set the groceries on the counter. “Ingrid,” he said. “This isn’t going to happen again.”

  “Sure it isn’t,” she said as she reached up in the cabinet for a bowl. She handed the mixing bowl to Jason and turned to head out of the kitchen. He dropped the plastic bowl on the counter and dashed toward Ingrid.

  “Wait,” he said. “Can we talk about what happened?”

  “What is there to say? Ruby called and you jumped as usual. This is not going to work when it comes to DeShawn. If you say that you’re going to be here at six, then you need to be here at six. Or you could at least call.”

  “If I could’ve, I would have but Ruby. . .”

  “Say no more,” Ingrid said. “She’s still running your life and that’s not going to change. Until that happens, we can’t have a future and you can’t think that I’m going to allow you to disappoint my son over and over again.”

  “Ruby isn’t going to be a problem any longer. I told you that I wanted to be with you and my son and my career won’t stand in the way.”

  “Is that so?” Ingrid asked raising her eyebrow at him. “So, that’s why you prepared a great dinner for us tonight?”

  Before Jason could respond, DeShawn and Christina walked into the kitchen. “Look,” DeShawn said. “Jason’s making us cookies.”

  “Hello, Jason,” Christina said. “Are we interrupting?”

  “No,” Ingrid said. “I’m going to clean up the living room.”

  When Ingrid was out of ear shot, Christina shook her head then said, “What did you do this time?”

  Jason rolled his eyes at Christina then turned to his son. “Hey, buddy, do you want to help me bake these cookies?”

  “Can I eat some of the cookie dough?” DeShawn asked.

  “Only if I can too,” Christina said as she lifted DeShawn up on a bar stool across from Jason.

  “Fine,” he said.

  “You never answered my question,” Christina said. “What did you do now and if you’re trying to win her back, you really suck at it.”

  DeShawn laughed as Jason pulled the cookie dough out of a bag and glared at Christina. “Chrissy,” Jason said. “Ingrid and I are going to make this thing work.”

  “Is that so? It doesn’t seem as if you’re doing a very good job of it. Every other day you two are going at it. And this Ruby bi. ..” Christina glanced at DeShawn. “Witch. She needs to get it together and get a life. Ingrid told me how she was one of the main reasons why she came back here three years ago.”

  “I’m going to take care of Ruby,” he said as he pressed the cookie dough into the bowl.

  “What if I helped you out?” Christina asked as she grabbed some dough and split it with DeShawn.

  “How are you going to do that?” Jason asked as he added a little milk and sugar to the pre-mixed dough for added softness when the cookies were baked.

  “Give me your keys and don’t let this little cookie monster eat all of the cookies before I return,” Christina said as she stroked DeShawn’s cheek. Jason passed her the keys to his car.

  “Why do I feel like you’re scamming me just to drive my car?” he called to Christina’s retreating figure.

  Ingrid walked out to the garbage can in front yard to dump the empty pizza boxes. Why did she allow herself to think that things were going to be different with Jason? Because he said it would be different and because you want to be with him. But it’s not just about what I want, I have to make sure my son is taken care of. That’s why I married Louis. I can’t let my son suffer.

  “Hey,” Christina called out. “Are you hiding from him?”

  “Leave me alone,” she snapped. “And where are you going?”

  “Just taking a drive. Ingrid, you know I love you like a sister, but you’re being an ass. Jason is making every effort to be there for you and DeShawn and you’re not giving him an inch. You need to go in that kitchen and look at how much fun your son is having. And while you’re watching, think about all the fun you could be having when DeShawn goes to sleep.”

  Ingrid shook her head and laughed despite herself. “You’re so crass sometimes,” she said. “But you’re right.”

  “I know, but I’m glad you’ve admitted it,” Christina said as she slid into Jason’s car.

  Ingrid took a deep breath and entered the house. As she approached the kitchen, she watched Jason and DeShawn playing around with flour and her heart nearly melted. Somehow, they were going to have to make this thing work.

  “Are the cookies done?” she asked as she walked into the kitchen.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jason smiled as Ingrid sat down beside DeShawn and grabbed one of the hot cookies. “Ouch,” she said as she dropped it quickly.

  “I thought peanut butter was your favorite?” he said.

  “Just wanted a sample,” Ingrid said. “They look delicious.”

  DeShawn laughed as Ingrid wiped her fingers on a napkin. “You have to let the cookies cool off first, Mommy,” the little boy said.

  “I know,” she said as she kissed him on the cheek. “Do me a favor, go in the living room until the cookies cool so that I can talk to Jason.”

  “OK,” the little boy said as he hopped off the bar stool and dashed into the living room. Ingrid focused on Jason and expelled a breath.

  “I owe you an apology,” she said.

  “What?”

  “I can tell you’re trying to make a change and I know that you want to. . .Aww, hell, Jason I want this to work and be different than it was when we were in New York and I can see that you’re trying.”

  He crossed over to her and took her face into his hands. “Things are different, I’m older, I have a son and I have to show you that I’m good enough for you.”

  Ingrid tilted her head to the side. “You’ve always been good enough for me.”

  “Your mother didn’t think so. A lot of the same people in this town who act as if they are so happy to see me didn’t think I was good enough for you,” he said.

  “Do you think I ever cared what those people thought? I loved you.”

  “Loved? Is that past tense?” Jason’s lips were inches from hers and Ingrid shivered.

  “It’s not past tense,” she replied. “I still and have always loved you.”

  He leaned in closer, his bottom lip brushing against hers. “And I have always loved you, too.” In a quick motion, Jason captured her mouth and kissed her as if there was no tomorrow. They would’ve gotten lost in the moment if they hadn’t heard giggling from the doorway.

  “Ooh, y’all kissing,” DeShawn said.

  Ingrid and Jason laughed. “I think those cookies are cool now,” Jason said as he dropped his arms from around Ingrid.

  She walked over to DeShawn and gave hi
m a peck on the cheek. “Ready for one cookie?”

  “Just one?” he asked.

  “Yes, just one because it’s almost time for you to go to bed,” Ingrid said.

  “Aw, man,” DeShawn said dejectedly.

  “The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner tomorrow comes. Then you can have more cookies,” Jason said as he handed the little boy a cookie.

  “Are you going to come visit me tomorrow? And maybe we can draw some more pictures?”

  “I will definitely come over tomorrow,” he replied, casting a glance at Ingrid.

  “It’s going to have to be after we go shopping for school clothes,” Ingrid said. “It’s about that time and DeShawn’s going to be starting preschool in August.”

  “All right, why don’t I join you two for the shopping trip?” Jason asked.

  “Can he, Mommy?” DeShawn asked excitedly.

  “Sure,” she said, ignoring the voice in her head that said Jason would disappoint them again.

  As if he could read her mind, Jason leaned over to Ingrid and whispered, “I plan to spend the night so we don’t have any problems like we had today.”

  “Who said you were invited to do that?” she quipped.

  “You did when you kissed me, I heard you.”

  Ingrid glanced over at DeShawn who was focused on eating his big cookie. “Since you can read my mind, I guess I’ll have to make up the sofa for you.”

  Jason grabbed a cookie and handed it to Ingrid. “I have something really special for you tonight,” he said in a hushed tone. “And you and I know I’m not sleeping on the sofa.”

  “Really?” she asked with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “And just where do you plan to sleep?”

  Jason grinned. “There’s not going to be much sleeping going on tonight. Unless your name is DeShawn.”

  “But I’m not sleepy right now,” DeShawn said with a sad frown.

  Ingrid knelt down in front of her son and smiled. “You’re not going to bed right now,” she said. Then she shot Jason a heated glance. “But it is getting close to bed time.”

  DeShawn looked up at Jason and said, “Will you read me my story tonight?”

  Jason and Ingrid looked at each other. “Sure,” he replied. “As long as your mom’s OK with it.”

  “That’s fine,” she said. “As a matter of fact, Jason can give you your bath while I clean the kitchen.” Ingrid waggled her finger at Jason. “You’re a messy cook.”

  Jason took DeShawn’s hand in his. “The messier the better,” he joked as he and his son headed out of the kitchen.

  Ingrid dried the last of the dishes and listened to the sound of silence coming from upstairs. Had Jason really put DeShawn to sleep so quickly? She dried her hands and crept upstairs to look in on her son and Jason. Ingrid expected to find DeShawn asleep, but what she didn’t think she’d find was Jason stretched out on DeShawn’s twin bed knocked out with the little boy resting on his chest. She smiled as she looked at them. This was right and this was how DeShawn should live—with her and his father. Was she going to be able to put her insecurities aside and let Jason in? Ingrid entered the room quietly and kissed her son and Jason on the forehead then covered them with a blanket.

  When she went downstairs to lock up, Ingrid noticed Christina pulling into her driveway. She looked up at the clock on the wall and wondered where Christina was coming from. Ingrid opened the door and waited for her friend to come on to the porch.

  “Where have you been?” Ingrid asked.

  “Where’s Jason?”

  “Upstairs, sleeping. Why?”

  Christina plopped down on the rocking chair and looked up at Ingrid. “I think you and Jason should get married tomorrow. When you first told me about that Ruby chick, I thought you were exaggerating. There was no way anyone could be that big of a bitch, boy was I wrong,” she said.

  “What did you do?” Ingrid sat down and focused on her friend.

  Christina crossed her legs and turned to Ingrid. “Well, I took Jason’s car to the hotel and looked for her. I found Debony first and I asked her where was Ruby. She looked at me as if I was somebody looking for a record deal and tried to blow me off.”

  “I’m not surprised. Did you talk to Ruby?”

  Christina nodded and recounted her experience to Ingrid.

  “Listen,” Christina had said to Debony, “I’ve known Jason and Ingrid for a long time and I’m sick of you and Ruby trying to ruin what they have.”

  “Excuse me?” Debony had replied.

  “Get your boss or partner in crime down here right now because I refuse to let you two break them up again.”

  “And who the hell do you think you are?” Ruby had asked as she walked over to Debony and Christina. “I created Jay Slade and I’m not going to let some big corn fed country girl ruin what I’ve created. He’s a sex symbol, how is it going to look when he’s on the red carpet with a Lane Bryant model when he could be with a supermodel?”

  “You are such a bitch. Jason and Ingrid love each other and there’s nothing you can do to change how they feel about each other.”

  “All this small town ownership is getting old. Ingrid and Jay Slade aren’t Romeo and Juliet. He’s a grown man who needs to get out of this Podunk town and get back on the road. Back in the studio instead of being a chubby chaser.”

  Christina had flinched as Debony giggled. “Jason isn’t a piece of property and he can make music from anywhere. He came back to Elmore because he loves Ingrid and he wants to make things right with her. Obviously no one has ever loved you or made a sacrifice for you. Then again, why would they? You’re a cold hearted bitch and you need some help.”

  “And you need to get out of my face. Tell Ingrid that nothing has changed and Jay Slade is going to choose his fame over her again. But he won’t make the mistake of coming back here again.”

  Ingrid shook her head, not surprised by what Ruby had said. “Why did you even go out there to see her?”

  “Because I see what she’s doing to Jason and how she’s trying keep you two apart. I wanted to punch her, but she seems like the kind of person who would call the police and press charges. Don’t let her win, make things work out with Jason and you two stay together this time.” Christina handed Ingrid the keys to Jason’s car. “But I did do one thing before I left, Alison was working at the front desk and she told me what car Ruby was driving, so I let the air out of three of her tires before I drove over here.”

  Ingrid stood up, laughing and shaking her head. “You’re crazy, you do know that,” she said.

  Christina shrugged. “I’ve been called worse. Save me a cookie or two, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Ingrid turned to enter the house and saw Jason standing at the front door. “How long have you been there?” she asked.

  “Long enough to know that I’m glad Chrissy hasn’t changed a bit.”

  Ingrid smiled as she opened the screen door. “She’s still nuts.”

  “But she’s right.”

  She raised her eyebrow, “About?”

  “We’ve played around and danced around our feelings for too long. We should get married, sooner rather than later.”

  “No,” Ingrid said as she brushed past him, praying that he didn’t hear her heart pounding out of control. Of course she wanted to marry Jason that was the plan three years ago before everything went to hell. But so much had happened and changed between them and so much remained the same. It was the same issues that bothered her. It was the same people, mainly Ruby and Debony that she couldn’t get past. They were still trying to play games in her life and marrying Jason wasn’t going to change that? Was it?

  Jason grabbed Ingrid’s elbow. “You didn’t even think about what I said. Three years ago we were going to get married. We . . .”

  “Three years is a long time,” she said quietly. “But Ruby is playing the same game.”

  “Who cares about her? I don’t need Ruby anymore,” he said. “In this business, when you sell enough recor
ds, you write your own ticket. When Def Jam saw how much money I can bring in singing and writing, Ruby became a non-issue. She’s here because she needs to keep her job.”

  “Why don’t you send her packing, then?” Ingrid snapped. “I don’t like her and she doesn’t like me either.”

  “Well,” Jason said, rocking back on his heels. “Ruby is here to do the heavy lifting for the contest. While she thinks she’s in charge of something, she’s going to be the one running around getting the venues and paying for ads on the radio from here to Columbia.”

  Ingrid folded her arms across her chest. “And what are you going to be doing?”

  “Making love to my fiancée and planning our long overdue wedding.”

  “This is crazy,” she said as she leaned against his broad chest. Jason wrapped his arms around her.

  “Nothing is going to come between us ever again,” he whispered in her ear. “Let Ruby, your mother or anyone else try to keep us apart this time and it’s not going to happen.”

  “So, when should we tell DeShawn who you really are?” Ingrid asked.

  Jason captured her eyes with his. That was a question he couldn’t answer. Shaking his head, he finally said, “I don’t know.”

  She held him tighter. “This has to work now,” she said. “There is too much at stake for us to let outside forces come between us again.”

  “So, what are we going to do?”

  “Love each other like we should have three years ago,” she said then brushed her lips against his.

  Jason captured her lips and kissed her tenderly, making her swoon in his arms. He slipped his hand underneath her luscious bottom, stroking her cheeks as he kissed her. The intensity between them built like a smoldering fire, slowly engulfing them as they fell back on the sofa. Jason wanted to rip her clothes off and make love to her right there. But he knew DeShawn could walk into the living room and see them. Kids did wake up in the middle of the night some times. Pulling back from her, he stared at Ingrid’s tantalizing body. Her shirt was half off and her pants unbuttoned. She looked primed, ready and beautiful. Her curves were real and abundant as a woman’s body should be. “We have to take this upstairs,” he growled. “I want you so badly, I think I’m going to explode.”