If It Isn't Love

by Hodges, Cheris

  “Get out of here, Mother!” Ingrid yelled. All movement in the restaurant stopped and looked at the drama unfolding at the counter. Lois banged her hand on the bar. “I’m not going anywhere until you realize that once again you’re making a huge mistake. You gave up your life for him once and it looks as if you’re stupid enough to do it again.”

  Ingrid grabbed her mother by the forearm and ushered her out of the restaurant. “What the hell is your problem?” she demanded once she and her mother were outside. “I don’t appreciate you coming in here and putting my business on display for the whole town to digest.”

  “Don’t give me that. You think these people aren’t talking about you and Jason being in here together? You think people aren't speculating if DeShawn is his son and wondering why you married Louis Harrington?” Lois folded her arms across her chest and shook her head at her daughter. “This is the same mistake that you made when you ran off to New York with him. You dropped out of school and gave up your dream and for what? To run this damned greasy spoon and marry a gay man?”

  “Mom, please. This is my life and if I want to give my son a chance to know his father, then it’s my business. I’m not going to be like you and keep a child away from its father because of my own personal issues. Don’t try to make me who you are. I married Louis because I didn’t want to hear your judgments about me coming back to Elmore pregnant.”

  Lois cocked her head to the side. “I love my grandson and I don’t care how he got here. You should’ve told me the truth,” she said quietly.

  “Yeah, right. I would’ve spent the last three years listening to you tell me what a fool I was and how I let Jason use me. I could never come to you when it has something to do with him.”

  “Ingrid,” her mother said. “I don’t. . .I know I made some mistakes, but you’re making an even bigger one if you think this man has changed and is going to be a father to your son. Is he going to give up living in the fast lane to come back to Elmore?”

  “Yes, he is. And you don’t have to like Jason, but he’s DeShawn’s father and you will respect him. You won’t come back in here making a scene because you don’t like him.”

  “What if he hurts you and DeShawn?”

  Ingrid dropped her head in her hands. “Then that’s something I will deal with. My life, my issue if it happens. But until then, you need to learn how to get along with my fiancé.”

  “What?!” Lois exclaimed.

  “That’s right, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. If you want to be a part of our lives, you’re going to have to respect our relationship.” Ingrid stormed back into the restaurant.

  “Mommy, is Grandma mad at me?” DeShawn asked. “She didn’t hug me.”

  “No, Grandma was just in a hurry.”

  “But she was yelling,” DeShawn said sadly.

  Ingrid wrapped her arms around her son and held him tightly. “You know how Grandma is when she gets excited.” She kissed him on the top of his head and ushered him back to his food. “Eat your special breakfast, okay. Grandma will be back later and she’ll apologize.”

  Jason reached out and took Ingrid’s hand. “You OK?”

  She glanced at her son then shook her head. “Why would she come in here and make a scene like that?”

  Jason shrugged his shoulders and kissed Ingrid on the cheek. “It’s all right,” he said. “We’re going to be just fine.”

  “Isn’t this just a pretty picture,” Ruby said sarcastically. Neither Jason nor Ingrid had seen Ruby and Debony walk into the restaurant. Ingrid rolled her eyes at the women she’d dubbed the “Terrible Twosome.”

  “I have to get back to work,” Ingrid said as she rolled her eyes at Ruby and Debony.

  “Don’t leave on our account,” Ruby said. “As a matter of fact, I want to place an order.”

  “Wait for the hostess to seat you and a waitress will help you,” Ingrid snapped then headed behind the counter. Jason turned his back to them, not wanting to talk to Ruby or Debony. But Ruby sat down on the empty stool beside him.

  “You are so much bigger than this town. This contest is stupid and I’m ready to get out of here,” she muttered. “But you’re such a sentimental fool and you have to be here for that woman.”

  “Ruby, you need to mind your damned business,” he snapped, keeping his voice low in an effort not to upset his son anymore.

  “Write her a check and let’s get a tour with you and Debony on the road. I’ve made some calls and we can get rolling.”

  Jason leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. “I’m not going on tour. I’m going to see this contest through to the end, but by all means, take Debony and hit the road.”

  “Hey,” Debony said. “I’m standing right here. I’ll be happy to leave this place.”

  “You’re part of the contest, remember,” Ruby said. “But Jay Slade could end all of our nightmares and call this shit off, now.”

  Jason leapt to his feet. “Get the hell away from me. I’m not going anywhere and if you don’t want to be here, feel free to leave.”

  DeShawn tugged at Jason’s pant leg. “Why are you yelling?”

  Ruby looked from DeShawn to Jason and smiled. “Now, it all makes sense.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ingrid slammed a tray against the sink and cracked three coffee cups. “Miss Ingrid,” Felix, the cook, called out. “You all right back there?”

  “I’m fine,” she said tersely. She wasn’t fine, she was pissed off. First her mother came in the restaurant showing her behind and now Ruby and Debony were skulking around. The last thing she wanted was to deal with the drama that those women were going to bring into her life. And her son’s life.

  “DeShawn,” she whispered then headed out front into the dining room.

  As soon as she walked over to the bar, she heard Ruby’s voice. “This isn’t about a contest or reclaiming fat girl. You came back to play Daddy to your long lost son. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? We could’ve had the media all over this place. Singer finds his son. Your record sales would go through the roof.”

  “He’s not my Daddy! My Daddy’s in heaven,” DeShawn yelled.

  Ingrid bound over to her son and grabbed him, pushing him behind her. Then she slapped Ruby across the face as hard as she could. “Get the hell out of here!”

  “Who do you think you are? Kim Porter? You waited three years to cash in on his fame. What do you want, money?”

  Every eye in the restaurant was focused on Ingrid, Ruby and Jason. Dina rushed over to them. “Miss Ingrid, you want me to throw her out?”

  “Don’t bother,” Ruby said. “I’m leaving. Too bad you didn’t have sense enough to just send a check, Jay Slade.”

  Ingrid lunged at her and Jason struggled to restrain her as Ruby and Debony walked out the door. “Why did you tell her?” Ingrid railed.

  “I didn’t say a word to her,” Jason replied. “But you need to calm down.” He nodded toward a crying DeShawn. Ingrid dropped to her knees and hugged her son tightly.

  “We need to get him out of here,” she said.

  “All right,” Jason said as Ingrid untied her apron and tossed it on the bar. “Dina, I’m going home. If it’s an emergency, call me.”

  “Miss Ingrid, don’t worry about nothing, we’re going to be fine.”

  As Ingrid and Jason walked out the door, she heard someone mutter, “I always knew that was Jason’s boy because he looks just like him.”

  It took all the calmness that she could muster not to turn around and say something back. Ingrid ushered DeShawn into Jason’s car, kissing him on the cheek, telling him that everything was going to be all right.

  “Why did that lady say he was my Daddy? You said Daddy was in heaven,” DeShawn said through his tears.

  “Let’s talk about it when we get inside, okay, baby?” Ingrid said as she held back tears of her own.

  He buried his face in the backseat as Jason drove and Ingrid’s heart fell to her feet. How was she going
to explain her mistake to her son?

  Before they got to Ingrid’s house, she told Jason to make a left. “Where are we going?” he asked her.

  “To Louis’s grave,” she said quietly. “I have to make him understand this somehow.”

  Jason placed his hand on top of hers. “We can do this, together.”

  DeShawn looked up as the car came to a stop at the Elmore City Cemetery. Ingrid got out of the car and helped DeShawn climb out of the backseat. She closed her hand around her son’s and they headed to Louis’s gravesite. Jason walked behind them in silence. He wished he knew what to say and he wished more than anything else that he had been there for his son from the beginning. I would’ve changed so many things had I known Ingrid was pregnant with my son. There’s no way I would’ve allowed her to leave me knowing how important it is for a little boy to have his father, he thought as they arrived at Louis’s headstone.

  Ingrid placed her hand on the slab of marble and looked at DeShawn. “There are all kinds of families,” she said. “And you were lucky to have Louis in your life. He was your daddy and he loved you very much. When I was pregnant with you, he decided that he wanted to be your father.”

  DeShawn nodded, but Ingrid was sure he didn’t completely understand what she was saying. She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around her son. “You were really sad when Louis went to heaven and I was too,” Ingrid said. “But you’re lucky because you have another father. Jason is your Daddy too.”

  “But how?” DeShawn asked with innocent confusion.

  “Well,” Ingrid said as Jason placed his hand on DeShawn’s shoulder. “You know Jason and I were close.” She looked up at Jason.

  “I love your mother,” Jason said. “I’ve always loved her and the moment that I saw you, I loved you too. I want us to be a family.”

  Ingrid clasped her chest as her heart swelled with happiness. “DeShawn, I love Jason too and he’s also your Daddy. You’re going to have two daddies looking out for you, one in heaven and Jason.”

  DeShawn smiled and then hugged Jason tightly. “You can be my Daddy,” he said.

  After leaving the cemetery, the trio headed to Ingrid’s house and DeShawn went straight to his room to take a nap.

  “I think this was a little too much for him,” she said as she and Jason settled on the sofa. “I could kill Ruby and her big mouth. DeShawn doesn’t really understand any of this.”

  “This was really hard,” Jason said. “I’m calling Def Jam and telling them that as long as Ruby’s here, I’m not working with this contest or anything else. She’s not going to hurt my family anymore.”

  Ingrid shook her head. “I never understood why she felt like I was such a threat to Jay Slade. I wanted you to be successful just as much as she did.”

  Jason pulled Ingrid closer to him. “You have always loved the man that I am, she wanted to turn me into a sex symbol, put my face in the tabloids and on the Internet instead of focusing on my talent.”

  “She did a good job of it,” Ingrid said bitterly.

  Jason nodded. “I’m not going to deny that I lost myself in the industry for a minute. But one thing didn’t change,” he said as he took her face into his hands.

  “What’s that?”

  “I never stopped loving you,” he said then kissed her lips gently.

  Ingrid closed her eyes, losing herself in Jason’s kiss and touch. He slipped his hand underneath her blouse, his fingertips grazing her skin making her nerves stand on end. They broke the kiss and stared into each other’s eyes.

  “When I walked into Soul To The Bone and saw you, my heart nearly stopped and I told myself, I wasn’t leaving until I had your love again. Do I have it?”

  “If I say yes, does that mean you’re going to leave?” she teased.

  “Not a chance,” he replied then kissed her again. Just as Jason deepened his kiss, the front door opened and Christina walked in.

  “Oh my goodness, I’m sorry,” she said as she slipped her key in her pocket. “I stopped by the restaurant and everyone is talking about you guys. That Ruby chick has to go. How could she do that?”

  Ingrid held up her hand to her friend. “Take a breath, Chrissy,” she said. “Jason and I have handled it. We told DeShawn as much as he could understand and . . .”

  “We’re going to be a family for my son. I’ve asked Ingrid to marry me and she said yes,” Jason revealed.

  Christina shrieked and slapped Ingrid on the arm. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. And I thought I was your best friend.”

  “Hit me again and we’re not going to be friends at all,” Ingrid said. “I didn’t have time to tell you, we only got engaged last night.”

  “And your mother isn’t too happy about it, is she?” Christina asked. “They were talking about Lois’s scene this morning at the restaurant too.”

  Ingrid shook her head. “The hard part is over,” she said and Jason nodded in agreement.

  “All we have to do now is set a date, buy a new house and start our lives together,” Jason said.

  Ingrid looked up at her fiancé, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Buy a new house? What’s wrong with this place? DeShawn is comfortable here and he’s had enough change in his life.”

  Christina looked from Ingrid to Jason then headed to the kitchen as if she knew they needed time alone to hash things out.

  Jason shook his head. “Don’t you think we need a place of our own to make our own memories?” he asked. “This is the house you and Louis shared together. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting his ghost.”

  “So this is about you and your comfort level?” Ingrid groaned. “There was nothing going on with me and Louis.”

  “But my son thinks that man was his father. He only has to look around this place and see reminders of him. I don’t want to feel like a visitor.”

  Ingrid shut her eyes tightly. “It’s not like that,” she said.

  “Maybe not to you, because this is your home,” Jason said. “I’m trying to make up for lost time with you and my son. What’s wrong with me wanting to build us a house? The house that we should’ve been living in three years ago.”

  “Speaking of letting things go. When are you going to let me off the hook, Jason? I know I made a mistake not telling you that I was pregnant when I left New York, but it wasn't a decision that I made lightly.”

  “I know that and I know that I didn’t make it easy for you to talk to me. Yes, I allowed Ruby to handle things in the beginning that I should’ve taken care of, but those days are over and I want to be more to my son than a second father when I am his real father.”

  “And building a house is going to make you feel more like a father? Your money doesn’t mean a damned thing to me or DeShawn.”

  Jason sighed and shook his head. “Did I say it did? This house is for all of us and why are we arguing about it? You let Louis provide for you. Why is it so hard for you to allow me to do the same thing?”

  Ingrid turned her back to him. “Don’t you need to take a meeting or something? It would be best if you left right now before we say something we might regret later.”

  “Ingrid,” he said.

  She turned to face him. “Please go,” she said.

  Jason slammed out of the front door and Christina ran into the living room. “What just happened in here?” she asked.

  Ingrid dropped down on the sofa and shook her head. “I think I did it again.”

  “What?”

  “Pushed Jason away when I need him most.”

  Jason pounded his hands against his steering wheel and released a string of curses. Why was he jealous of Louis Harrington? A dead man who was basically a good friend to Ingrid? He knew their marriage wasn’t real. But he couldn’t get over the fact that another man raised his son for three years. He couldn’t get over the fact that he lost so much time with his son and Ingrid. Even though she didn’t have an intimate relationship with Louis, Jason felt as if they shared a connect
ion that he just couldn’t compete with. He started the car and headed to the hotel, even though part of him wanted to run back into Ingrid’s house and tell her just how he was feeling.

  Jason knew if they talked anymore today, she might give him the ring back and tell him she wanted nothing more to do with him. Just as he pulled into the parking lot, his cell phone rang.

  “Ingrid?” he said when he answered.

  “Not even,” Ruby replied. “Listen, I lined up a few interviews for you to do about the contest and there is a photographer from Vibe flying in tomorrow to get some pictures of you in all of your country glory. It works for Anthony Hamilton, I guess it won’t hurt to try it with you.”

  “I’m not up for all of that,” Jason said. “And I need you to start telling me about all of this stuff before you set it up. I have things that I have to do and a schedule of my own.”

  “Oh, I forgot, you’re the man now,” she said snidely. “Don’t forget who made you. Singers are a dime a dozen. When you came on the scene three years ago, making you a success was more about marketing than your singing. I can take your career away from you just as fast as I gave it to you.”

  “Who do you think you are, some music god? Do you realize that you’re one step away from being fired at Def Jam? You have an over inflated view of yourself and what you can do to a person’s career. You don’t have the power you think you have, Rube. So, you can kiss my ass.” Jason tossed his phone out the window and it smashed against the concrete.

  He stalked into the hotel and barked at the desk clerk to not put any calls through to his room. As he climbed on the elevator, Debony was getting off. She stopped when she saw Jason.

  “Jay-Jason, I need to talk to you,” she said.

  He shook his head forcefully, causing his locs to swing wildly. “I don’t want to talk to you or hear a damned thing you have to say. You and Ruby are two of a damned kind. Get a backbone, Debony and stop doing what she tells you.”