The Bull Rider's Secret--A Wholesome Western Romance

by Jill Lynn

  “Supposed to be six to eight weeks, but I’m going to cut it a little early.” Shocking. Why would he make such an unwise decision? Was being at Wilder Ranch—and around her—that horrible? “I talked to Luc about it earlier today,” Jace continued. “With him back now, you guys don’t have as much need for me. He thinks things will be fine for the short remainder of the summer, after I go.”

  “Of course. We can handle Wilder Ranch without you.” Mackenzie had known he was leaving, and that small blip where she’d wondered if he’d retire hadn’t lasted very long, so why did it hurt so much? What was it about Jace that drew her in? Why couldn’t she just decide not to want him, to like him, to need him?

  “I did the wrangler competitions tonight. And the shovel race.” He set the weights on the floor and picked up a jump rope. “Finally. I’ve been jonesing to all summer.” The whirl of the rope joined the quiet music.

  “I saw.” He’d looked happy and carefree and out of her grasp. “Just don’t get hurt on our watch.”

  “I’m not planning to, boss.”

  “You probably consider it physical therapy.”

  “I do.” The rope tangled around his feet and he resituated, starting again. “Even got approval from Dr. Sanderson.”

  Wait. What? “You did?”

  “Ah, no.” He let the rope go slack and flashed her one of those killer smiles. If they were together, she had no doubt it would be followed up by a smoking kiss. But since they weren’t—and since that last lip-lock had been foolish on her part—that most definitely wasn’t going to happen.

  Because he was leaving her. Again.

  Despite everything Jace had told her—about his brother, his reasons for going back to riding, why he’d left the way he had—Mackenzie couldn’t shake the wounding that history was repeating itself. That she still wasn’t enough of a reason to stay. The future plans they’d once dreamed up together weren’t enough either. The man would choose the thrill of riding a two-thousand-pound beast over having her in his life. Again.

  Mackenzie didn’t even know how Jace’s migraines and vertigo had been lately, because she’d stopped asking. And he’d stopped telling her.

  After finishing with the jump rope, he switched to a small ball and balanced again, weights in his extended hands. Once his sets were done, he grabbed a towel and dropped to the bench, next to her, leaving space between them. “I stink.”

  “I noticed.” Actually, she hadn’t, but his cheeks, crinkling with amusement, made the jab worth it.

  Jace scrubbed the towel over his hair, leaving it around his neck. Even with a recent cut, the locks stuck out in a hundred directions at once. “I’m sorry I stayed for the summer. I should have listened to you.” He uncapped his water bottle and drank. “You were right.”

  “Why? Because it was so awful here?”

  “No.” Those soulful chestnut eyes met hers. “Because it was so good. Wilder Ranch has always felt a little bit like home for me. I basically lived here during the waking hours in high school. Being here has been good for me, but also...”

  “Also, what?”

  “Hard.”

  “How so?”

  He shrugged. “Because of you.”

  “All of these compliments are so sweet. Continue.”

  Jace ignored her sass. “Being around you reminds me of all of the reasons I wanted to be with you when we were younger.”

  “But they aren’t enough. They weren’t enough then, and they’re not enough now.” Mackenzie was revealing way too much.

  “That’s not true.” Jace tossed the towel into the hamper in the corner. “It’s not about you or me. The rodeo is my job, Kenzie Rae. I have to go back to it.”

  “You don’t have to. You’re choosing to.”

  Exasperation leaked from his lungs. “Fine. Say it however it makes you feel better.”

  “But it doesn’t make me feel better.” She popped up from the bench and began pacing the small space. “This is why I didn’t want you to stay, J. Because this—” she motioned between them “—doesn’t just go away. At least not for me.”

  He frowned. “Not for me either.”

  Mackenzie ached like the flu had taken over her body. “Then don’t go.” No. She’d vowed to stay out of his business. She’d promised herself she would swallow the words and keep her head down and not try to stop Jace from leaving. But the remorse of last time—of how things had ended between them—was too intense. And if her asking prevented that same thing from happening again...she had to try.

  * * *

  “Stay.”

  Mackenzie’s suggestion choked Jace. Never had he wanted to grant her—or himself—anything more. And the fact that the toughest woman he knew had said that to him? Had opened herself up like that?

  It slayed him.

  “Don’t.” He dropped his head into his hands, elbows on his knees. “Please don’t.” His temples throbbed with pain, but not of the migraine variety. This was heartbreak, pure and simple.

  “Why not?” Exasperation peppered the question, seeping from Kenzie’s pores, sending angry currents bouncing off the walls. “We’re just skirting around the truth, and at least this time we get to talk about it.”

  Ouch. Unlike the last time when he’d abandoned her.

  “You could live in town. You could buy a ranch, do what your friend does and train other bull riders. There are so many options. Even if it’s not to be with me, then you should be doing this for you. It’s time to be done, and I think you know it. You’re just fighting it.”

  She might believe that, but it wasn’t true. Not for Jace. There were no other options for him. Bull riding was his life. He loved it. And then there was Evan and all that his brother had missed out on because of his choices, his laziness... Even after so many years, he couldn’t let go of that.

  “You’re wrong.” The defense came out strong and confident, neither of which he felt.

  “I looked up your last couple years of competition.”

  That stung. “Why? So you could prove that I’m not good enough anymore?”

  “No. I would never do that. But you’ve been injured numerous times. It’s not worth it. Your brother wouldn’t want you to do this for him. He wouldn’t want you to risk further injury. Have you even asked him? Does he know you carry all of this guilt? That you think his accident was your fault? Because it’s not.” She crouched in front of him, close. “It was an accident, J. That’s all it was.”

  “It was my fault.” Jace erupted from the bench, blowing past her. “And yes, he knows, because he’s the one who told me to do this.”

  Mackenzie groaned and dropped back to the seat. “What did he say to you exactly? Do you remember?”

  “No.” He couldn’t quote Evan’s tirade. But he’d never forget the gist. “I was young. I couldn’t tell you exactly what he said.”

  Defiance sparked in her stare. “I think you should ask him.”

  “And I think you should mind your own business.” Jace winced. He was a jerk. He was snapping at Mackenzie for no reason. None of this was her fault. Sure, she was pushing him—trying to get him to consider quitting—but she wasn’t the only one on that bandwagon. Dr. Sanderson had expressed the same concerns at Jace’s appointment yesterday.

  He crossed over, knelt in front of her like she’d done with him. “I’m sorry.” Jace laced his fingers through hers. “I didn’t mean it. I’m just... I’m a mess. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I hate that I’m doing it again.” Her sadness slammed into him, rocking him back. What he wouldn’t give to make her laugh instead of causing this.

  “I hate that you could add another injury on top of not being fully healed. I’m really struggling with that, J.”

  “I get that. But I just...have to go. I’m sorry.”

  “I tried so hard not to say any of
this to you. But now that it’s out, I’m not sure I would have forgiven myself if I hadn’t.”

  There should only be one of them who couldn’t forgive themselves, and Jace had already taken the crown.

  She disconnected from him physically, pushing off the bench and scooting around him. “I’ve got to go. I can’t...” She toggled a finger between them. “I can’t do this right now. But we’re good, okay? We’ll be fine until you go.”

  Liar.

  She left the room, and his heart splintered.

  So much for not wounding her. So much for doing things differently this time around.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jace carried the last bag of his stuff down to his truck and tossed it into the back. It was time for him to get on the road, and anticipation had him jittery.

  He’d had his last follow-up with Dr. Sanderson—who wasn’t pleased he was cutting short physical therapy on his arm—and Doc Karvina would clear him to compete when he arrived in Miles City. They’d already Skyped, so there should be no surprises there.

  His ribs and spleen were good to go. He’d trained hard with his riding arm, and it was holding up nicely. His headaches and vertigo might not be nonexistent, but they were slowing down.

  Jace should have gone over to Colby’s and ridden one of his bulls before today. He’d told himself he couldn’t take more time away from Wilder Ranch, when he was supposed to be helping out, but the truth was, he didn’t want to know how his body would react to riding. He’d been clinging to positive thoughts and prayers instead. Choosing to believe he’d have good results and no trouble.

  Even if his week had been filled with horrible nightmares that had shouted otherwise.

  Luc had returned to working full-time, so Jace didn’t have to shoulder guilt about leaving the Wilders in a bind. The ranch was almost to fall season, when things would slow down.

  There was nothing else holding Jace here.

  Except for Mackenzie. Always Mackenzie.

  “Hey, bull rider.” Vera walked in his direction. She had on her bright pink tennis shoes and a turquoise shirt along with multicolored shorts. Her arms flailed back and forth like propellers.

  “Getting in your workout?” Vera’s new lease on life also included a twenty-minute speed walk every day.

  “Yep.” She paused in front of him, continuing to march in place. “We’re going to miss you around here.”

  “I feel the same.” Vera had become one of his favorite people this summer. Her teasing and zest for life were going to leave a hole in his.

  “I’ll be following your career now, so you’d better make it good.”

  He laughed. “For you? Anything. How’s that doctor of yours?”

  “Amazing.” She lit up, knocking ten years off her age. “Joe seems to think I’m not too much of a mess in the kitchen, so I’m going to be staying on for the fall season.”

  “I’m glad you’re happy.”

  “Thanks.” Her head quirked, and her chin-length, reaching-for-silver hair shifted with the movement. “And you? Are you happy?”

  “Of course.” He was going back to riding, wasn’t he? Except...even with that spurring him forward, Jace felt strangely glued to this place, these people. Especially to the woman he still had to find and force himself to say goodbye to one more time.

  Vera’s arm and leg movements halted. “That was a mighty quick response, bull rider. You might want to think twice before you tear out of here.”

  The slightest hitch of anger rose up at Vera’s intrusion. Everyone had been chiming in with opinions Jace hadn’t asked for. Even his mom had questioned the logic of him returning to rodeoing. But just as quickly, his upset dissolved. Vera was in love, and she wanted that for everyone. How could Jace fault her for that?

  “Mackenzie’s in the barn, by the way.”

  “How did you know I was looking for her?” Earlier he’d checked in the front office, then Luc’s, the rest of the lodge, even her cabin.

  No sign of the woman.

  But the barn? Was she hiding from him? Or actually working?

  Probably the first.

  “I saw how much you tried to keep your attraction to each other under wraps this summer. I knew she’d be your final destination before skedaddling out of here today.”

  Vera could add “truth speaker” to her list of attributes. “It’s not worth trying to deny, is it?”

  “Nope.”

  “Mackenzie would be mortified to know that you have us all figured out.”

  “Then don’t tell her...that. Though I’m guessing there’s a few other things you could say to her.” Oh, boy. Vera leaned closer. “If you could make any choice you wanted to right now, what would it be? The one you’re making? Or something different?”

  That sitting-in-front-of-the-church-pulpit, being-called-out feeling descended on Jace. “Vera, you should be a life coach. Or a counselor.”

  “It’s not difficult, bull rider. It’s just... What would you do if no one held you back? If it wasn’t about pleasing someone else? What do you actually want?” She emphasized each syllable of the last sentence.

  Kenzie Rae. Bull riding. A time machine to go back and keep my brother from getting injured while covering for me.

  All easy peasy, of course.

  White teeth flashed as if she’d read his mind, and then she hugged him. “You can do it, bull rider. You’re as genuine and strong and good as a person gets.”

  His throat cinched tighter than a bull rope. Jace didn’t say anything more, and Vera didn’t require it of him. She was off, limbs swinging, humming to some song in her head.

  Jace strode toward the barn, not giving himself the space or time to overthink. This conversation with Mackenzie had to happen. He refused to leave without saying goodbye to her this time. He simply could not repeat that mistake.

  He found Mackenzie with Bryce, the vet, who was examining Jethro. The horse had been temperamental lately, and that was a huge liability, since Wilder Ranch horses were counted on to be consistent and cart around new riders each week.

  “How’s his appetite been?” the vet asked Mackenzie as Jace approached.

  “Low. And he’s had other gut issues, too.” She scrubbed a hand down Jethro’s forehead. “But we’re going to get you fixed up, boy. You hang in there.”

  Jace’s gut dipped. He’d always been a sucker for Mackenzie’s soft side. “Hey, Doc.” Bryce greeted him and continued with his examination. Jace sidled up to Mackenzie. “Can I talk to you?”

  She kept comforting Jethro and didn’t turn to look at him. “I’m busy.”

  “It will only take a minute.” Unfortunately. Just enough time to say goodbye. Break both of our hearts one more time. “Please.” His low pleading registered in the plunge of her shoulders.

  “I can’t.” Her wounded whisper cut through him. She couldn’t leave the horse? Or she couldn’t talk to him? Her storm-cloud eyes flashed with lightning as they met his for the faintest second. “Why don’t you leave me a note?”

  Frustration ripped from his chest. “Kenz.” He kept his voice quiet. “I’m begging. I won’t drag you out of here, but we are having this conversation. It can happen right here or somewhere else.”

  Jace was surprised she didn’t respond by stomping on his boot or slugging him. Instead she simply seethed with wordless anger and resignation. “Doc, I’ll be back in a minute.”

  “Okay.”

  Mackenzie took off like a shot, and Jace followed her into the saddle room.

  Once he’d closed the door behind them, she whirled in his direction, all heated upset and impatience. “Fine. I’m here. What do you want, Hawke?”

  The smell of leather filled the room, and it brought Jace back to the first day he’d shown up at the ranch and camped out in here while Mackenzie and Luc had discussed his arrival.
/>   Back when he had naively thought he could be around Mackenzie and not love her.

  “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”

  “You’re the one who’s not making it easy. You’re the one determined to ride when you could seriously injure yourself.”

  “Kenzie Rae.” Her name was heavy on his tongue. Jace really didn’t want to fight with her. “That’s always been the case with bull riding. It’s no different this time around.” He’d been repeating the same to himself. Only...it felt different. He was equal parts excited and fearful over returning. He might be playing it tough, but he’d give a hefty sum of money not to get hurt again.

  Mackenzie had been right—in the last two years, he’d sustained his fair share of injuries. With his recent time off, Jace had buried all of that. But now that he was about to go back, the doubts and fears were clawing their way out of the ground.

  Riding scared would no doubt mess with his ability to compete, so Jace had to find a way around it. He had to get back up on that bull.

  Mackenzie straightened the saddle next to her, then shifted the oil on the shelf for no apparent reason. “Which bull did you draw?”

  “Gnarly.”

  “What’s he like?”

  “He’s a spinner. Why? You have some coaching advice for me? Or did you just take a sudden interest in my career?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I have to do something with all of this jumbled worry and concern that’s built up inside me.”

  “You could trust and pray that I’m going to be okay.”

  His suggestion was met with a crinkled brow. “I’m working on it.”

  He was, too.

  “You should get out of here. You’re going to be behind if you don’t take off soon.” Her eye contact was sporadic at best. Mostly she was inspecting saddles and the ground. Anything but him.

  “I would have left already, but I couldn’t find a certain someone.”