Not Another Soldier

by Holt, Samantha

  I place kisses along her jaw—frantic, erratic ones. There’s no finesse behind my lovemaking today. I’m too scared, too grateful to take it slow. Scared I’m going to lose her. Grateful she’s safe. Also kinda hopeful this crap with Rob is over. I think—I fucking pray—it is.

  And now it’s up to me to erase every bad memory and replace it with good ones. I’m going to try damned hard to ingrain myself in that pretty little head of hers. There’s still work to be done with Sienna. Hell, I’ve still got to somehow persuade her to marry me. So I need her thinking of me and nothing else.

  Just like she’s all I think about.

  Those slender fingers slip beneath my briefs and she curls them around me, causing me to buck my hips. I bite down on the crook of her neck, and she moans, tilts her head and gives me better access. I continue nipping along her smooth skin while she works her hand up and down me, as much as my jeans let her.

  Muttering a curse, I lift my hips and shove my jeans and briefs down far enough to allow her more movement. I can’t even be bothered to remove them all the way. If I do that, I might have to lift her off me and, at the moment, I really don’t want to do that. Sienna is too hot and too stunning, all naked on top of me. It would probably kill me to be separated from that lush body for even two seconds.

  But then… “Oh fuck.” She slides down and settles between my legs.

  I know exactly what she’s going to do. I’m not entirely sure I can survive this. Her tongue darts out and licks across her bottom lip while she eyes me, just the way she always does when she’s having filthy thoughts. I would smile if I wasn’t trying so hard to maintain control. Sienna is so easy to read.

  The heat of her mouth surrounds me, one luscious movement at a time. I feel her tongue on me, the tiniest scrape of teeth and I watch. Her gaze connects with mine, wide and lust filled. Holy shit, I have the hottest woman on the planet, totally naked, taking me into her mouth and staring at me completely unashamed. I feel a little like high-fiving myself. Go, Nick.

  Jaw tense, I lean back against the couch and close my eyes. As much as I want to watch her, it’s too much. I will come way too early if I keep looking at her. So I enjoy the suck of her mouth, the searing wetness, and the play of her tongue over me.

  Soon I can’t take anymore, so I grab her elbows and place her back on my lap. Sienna wastes no time impaling herself on me. She’s wet, I’m wet… I fit so perfectly inside her, it’s insane. I let out a harsh groan and she begins to move. I’m still pretty much fully clothed but her hands keep sneaking under my T-shirt and plucking my nipples. If I touch her too much, I don’t know that I’ll last much longer, so I hold her hips and help her ride me.

  We don’t kiss. Just kind of stare at each other. I’m not stupid. I know this is only so amazing because I love her. It’s not kinky or creative or crazy sex, though it’s so hot. It’s just us and that’s what makes it so incredible. My heart feels like it wants to burst and poetic words come to mind—words the guys at base would rip into me for—but I can’t seem to get them out. So I look at her and hope I’m conveying it with my eyes.

  Her minx-like expression drops and grows serious. She tightens around me and I think I did it. I think I made her realize how much I love her.

  Knowing I can’t last much longer, I press my thumb over her folds while my other hand continues to keep the pace. Sienna jerks and moves with me, up and down and in small circles against my thumb. Head thrown back, her hair teases my hand on her hip and breathy ohs come from her. Her release comes quickly and she cries out my name. I’m not sure how, but I manage to hold off and just marvel at her climax. It’s only when she draws her head back up, locks gazes with me and utters those words that are guaranteed to clutch at my heart, do I let go.

  “I love you.”

  With both hands clasped around her, I hammer her down onto me and clench my eyes tight. Colors flicker behind my eyelids as I come inside her, and maybe I shout her name. Sienna’s forehead dropping onto my chest causes me to open my eyes. I kiss her hair and stroke her back then clutch her tightly. She retreats a little, and nuzzles into my neck.

  And though I can’t deny I feel a hell of a lot more relaxed, the way she does it brings my protective instincts back to the surface and I recall how close to losing her I’ve come these past couple of days.

  “Say it again,” I murmur into her hair.

  “Say what?”

  “Tell me you love me.”

  She draws her head up and gazes down at me. Her hair is disheveled and there’s a slight sheen on her skin. I have to skim a thumb across her cheek. I mean I have to. I can’t resist.

  “I love you,” she says again, eyes soft and loving.

  I put a hand to my chest and groan. “Ah, that’s the one.” She gives me a bemused grin. “You have no idea how long I’ve been dying to hear those words.”

  “You practically forced them out of me yesterday.”

  “Yeah, but this time there was no forcing.”

  She glances down at our still joined bodies. “I don’t know. There was a little forcing.” Her eyes twinkle, her lips twitch.

  “You’re a minx.” Fuck, I love this. I swear I could stay like this forever. No dealing with crap at work and living like a student. As much as I love the guys, they could never take priority over this gorgeous, funny woman. This is who I fell in love with. Thank God Rob didn’t destroy her completely. I have to keep a hold of this somehow. The idea of going back to my one-man room and shitty canteen food is plain depressing.

  “Marry me,” I spill out. She goes rigid. Fuck. I hadn’t meant to say it like that. I’d meant to lead up to it. Broach the subject slowly. Maybe seduce her into saying yes. What can I say? A sexy naked woman on your lap can screw with a guy’s head.

  “I—”

  “Marry me.” I wrap my arms around her and hold her in place. If by some miracle, she says yes I don’t think we’ll be repeating this story to the grandkids. My lips twist. Yeah buried to the hilt in her exquisite body… what a time to ask. “I love you. I would do anything for you, Sienna. Die for you, kill for you.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  Okay so that wasn’t the best thing to say considering everything she’s been through recently. Get a grip, Nick. “Fine, I would live for you. I would spend my every waking hour devoting my life to you.”

  “I know you would.” A soft smile flickers on her lips. “You’re amazing, Nick. I love you very much. But this is too soon…”

  I press my thumb into her lip. “We’re best friends, babe. I know you, you know me. We’ve been working on this attraction for a long time. How can it be too soon?”

  “I’ve only just buried my husband!”

  “But your marriage was dead ages ago.” She winces and I groan inside. “Shit, I’m messing this up but it’s only because I need you so bad, short stuff. I want you to be mine. I want to come home to your beautiful smile and lush body. And I want to be the one making you smile.”

  She gazes down at me and gives a little wriggle while running her hands through my hair. My body almost instantly springs to attention.

  “Damn it, don’t distract me, Sienna.”

  “Am I distracting you?” Her lips land on my neck and trail to my ear. She tugs on my lobe with her teeth, sending a shiver through me.

  “You know you are.” I frown.

  Maybe she realizes I can’t take any more teasing as she relents. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

  I nod. Hell, I’ll take what I can get and it wasn’t a no. I can talk her around. If I can stay focused. My gaze lands on her breasts as she begins moving again. This is not going to be easy.

  ***

  As I sip my coffee and study the morning news, Sienna saunters looking as gorgeous as ever in a little sundress thing. “I’m going back to work tomorrow.”

  I lift my head and scowl at Sienna over the newspaper. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “I can’t say off forever.” She s
ettles on the bar stool opposite me and rests her hands on my knees. “They’re short-staffed. It’s not fair. And at this rate, I’ll have used up all my vacation and have nothing left to have a real holiday with.”

  “Your life is more important than work or holidays.”

  “It’s in the paper now. Big Johnson will know I don’t have the drugs. And I’m sure I won’t be in danger at work.”

  “Don’t forget you were nearly attacked there.”

  “I’ll be extra careful. I won’t park around the back and I’ll get one of the security guys to escort me to my car if it’s dark.”

  Her grey eyes are wide and pleading. If this wasn’t her life we were talking about I probably would have given in long ago. The first thing we did was check the papers. I wish to God they’d put the find on the front page. I flick open the paper and jab at the story on page five. “They might not even see this. Or they might not realize this is the stash they were after.” I shake my head. “It’s too dangerous.”

  “The article names Rob! Look… ‘Found in a locker leased by an R. Wright.’”

  “Okay, but still it’s only on page five…”

  “In the biggest local paper. Criminals probably check the papers daily. And hopefully the TV news people will pick up on it soon.”

  I lift an eyebrow. “Expert on criminals now, are we?”

  “I’m going back to work, whether you like it or not.”

  She sets her jaw and I know I’m fucked. The woman’s so stubborn, I haven’t got a hope in hell of changing her mind.

  “Fine, but I’ll drive you in and pick you up.”

  Sienna narrows her eyes but nods. “Deal.”

  “And for Godsakes, be careful. You’re too damned trusting.”

  “If I didn’t know you were worried for me, I’d be insulted. I’m not stupid, you know?”

  “I know you’re not.” I squeeze her thighs. “I just have this feeling. In my gut. Something tells me this isn’t over.”

  She stands and pats my stomach before coming behind me and wrapping her arms around my neck. “Stop worrying. You’re just waiting for the moment that you need to leap in and be a hero, but it isn’t going to happen. The cops are hanging around just in case. I’ve already seen a patrol car go by this morning. Everything will be fine, I promise.” A kiss lands on my cheek. “At ease, soldier.”

  I let go of the tension in my muscles but I can’t ignore the gnawing feeling in my belly. Maybe she’s right—I’m looking for danger where there isn’t any. The Marine in me is just waiting for something bad to happen. Guess that’s the joy of the job. Trained to kill but expected to blend in with civvie life at a moment’s notice.

  Sighing, I drop the paper on the breakfast bar. “Okay, so seeing as I have a whole day with you and I trust you not to get in trouble while I’m at your side, what shall we do?”

  Coming to stand in front of me again, her gaze darts to the bedroom and her cheeks go all cute and red. This woman will really be the death of me. We already managed to keep each other up most of the night. I swear she’s insatiable. This new found confidence of hers is both a blessing and a curse. I can’t deny having a hot woman ready to go at any moment is any man’s dream, but I am thirty. I snort inwardly. At least I won’t need a workout today. I’ve had enough exercise to last me the week. I have to fight the smug smile threatening to slip across my face.

  “Maybe… maybe we could go on a date?” she suggests shyly.

  A date? Shit, I’m such a dick. I’ve slept with her, asked her to marry me, but I’ve never even taken her out on a date. I jump up and pull her close. She instantly softens into me. It makes my heart skip when she does that. I want to bundle her up against me and protect her from everything. Hide her away and never let anyone hurt her again. But I guess if anything, this stuff with Rob has proved to both of us that she’s stronger than she realizes.

  “You got it, babe,” I tell her as she pulls back. “I’m taking you on a date. Maybe later you can wear those sexy red heels out too.”

  She laughs. “Maybe.”

  “And then maybe you can say yes to the best guy you know.”

  “Nick…” She shoots me a ‘don’t go there’ look.

  I shrug. “Hey, a guy can try.”

  “You don’t give up easily, I’ll give you that.”

  I don’t say anything as I grab my car keys and slip on my sneakers but she can be damn sure I’m not going to give up. Today I’m going to show her exactly why she should be marrying me. I grin to myself. My worry for her has been replaced by determination. Sienna doesn’t have a chance in hell. I managed to change her mind about me once. I can do it again.

  Chapter Nine

  Sienna

  I tilt my head back and just enjoy the sun on my face. The smell of the ocean washes over me. When I raise my head, I see tankers off in the distance. The sounds of traffic and waves mingle, and I glance at the handsome man next to me.

  I can’t believe he asked me to marry him. Honestly, I had to bite my tongue not to say yes. But it’s only been a month since I buried Rob. One month. Would it be disrespectful to jump into an engagement after such short time as a widow? Aren’t you meant to stay in mourning or something? Problem is, I don’t feel like I’m in mourning anymore. Not for my marriage, and not for Rob.

  I am sorry. Sorry things went so wrong for him and sorry for a person so lost that he had to get involved with lowlife criminals in some weird bid to prove himself. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for him and didn’t recognize how bad things had gotten.

  But I feel happy again, for the first time in years. I’m free. And I have closure. I think I understand now why Rob married me and why he treated me the way he did. Nick’s helped me to see that. Actually he’s helped me see a lot. In a way, it wasn’t space or time that I needed to find myself again. It was just Nick.

  However, just because he’s helped me, doesn’t mean I should leap into another marriage.

  I pick at my burger and throw a few crumbs to the seagulls. We’re both quiet but it’s not uncomfortable. His arm rests around my shoulder, a subtle reminder of whatever is going on between us. I’m not quite sure how to classify it. Boyfriend and girlfriend? We’ve only been exploring this attraction for—what?—two days? And now he wants to marry me.

  And part of me knows we would be amazing together. Heck, we already are. I’ve never had sex like it. Never wanted someone almost constantly. And never felt comfortable and loved enough to go for it. Today has been wonderful. But I knew it would be. The benefit of falling in love with your friend is you already enjoy their company. You don’t need to adjust, to put on a façade or learn new things about them. Nick is as charming and as funny and as sexy as ever.

  Taking one last bite out of my burger, I offer Nick the rest and he takes it with a grin. “Not hungry?”

  “Nope, I’m stuffed. I think the cotton candy did me in.”

  Smile expanding, he crams it in his mouth. I shake my head as his inelegance. How I find that sexy, I have no idea.

  I cradle my full stomach. I definitely overindulged today. We went down to the fair and honestly, it was like we were kids again. Going on rides, playing games, eating so much crap. Nick seems to have lost that overprotective edge and we had a blast.

  “You going to want to eat out tonight?”

  I ponder this. I’m pretty stuffed but he promised me a night all dolled up in my red heels. And I do want to dress up for him. So far he’s pretty much only seen me at my scruffiest. I know he’s seen me dressed up for the officer’s events but that was different. I wasn’t dressing for him. Tonight, I want to go all out.

  “Yeah, but maybe I’ll stick to a salad. And no dessert.” I grimace at the idea of more sugar and we both laugh.

  I must admit though, as much as I can’t wait to see him all dressed up too, I’m looking forward to a relaxed night in soon. Things have been so crazy, especially with this insane chemistry between us. I kind of miss curling up on the sofa and
watching films with him.

  That’s what I could have all the time if I marry him, I realize.

  But what about the days when he’s gone?

  “Nick?” I twist on the bench to face him. “Will you really not get sent away again?”

  He looks surprised at my sudden question. I don’t know why. Surely he gets why I have reservations about being with a soldier again? But then I don’t think soldiers understand the loneliness fully. It’s all right for them. Even in the midst of a battle, they’re surrounded by their brothers.

  “I won’t go to war again.” He taps his leg. “Not with this.”

  “Do you want to go to war again?”

  “Sort of. More ‘cause I want to be doing my part. It’s not nice sitting behind a desk while all the other guys are out there, putting themselves in danger.”

  “But you still love the Marines, don’t you?”

  A wistful look comes across his face. “You mean, in spite of the fact I’m pushing papers and have a busted leg?”

  “I don’t mean it like that.”

  “Yeah, I still enjoy it. The camaraderie, the routine. You don’t get that in any other job.”

  “No, I guess you don’t.” I fail to hide my little sigh.

  Nick grasps my hand resting on my lap and gives it a squeeze. “I’d give it all up for you, sweetheart. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah, I do. But I won’t let you.”

  As much as life with a soldier scares me—the unpredictability, the job having such jurisdiction over your life—I know it’s so much a part of Nick’s life. So much a part of Nick. He wouldn’t be who he is if he wasn’t a Marine, and if I love him, I’ve got to also love the fact he’s a Marine.

  I sigh again, this time inwardly. As high as I still feel on all of this, I guess reality is starting to sink in. What we’ve had so far hasn’t been real. Days and nights in each other’s company with adrenaline and excitement driving us. I need to play it safe as much as I want to jump into his arms and say I’ll marry him.