Wall of Silence

by Tracy Buchanan

  Melissa looked at her in surprise. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Lilly said, popping an olive in her mouth. ‘Beats moping around at Nan and Grandad’s.’

  ‘I hate it when you do that, Lil,’ Lewis said.

  Lilly stared at him. ‘Do what?’

  ‘Pretend like nothing’s wrong.’

  Maddy looked down at her plate as Grace sighed, used to the twins’ arguments.

  ‘Come on, you two,’ Melissa said. ‘No arguing at the dinner table.’

  ‘Jeez, what’s wrong with you, Lewis?’ Lilly said, ignoring her mother as she flicked back her caramel locks.

  ‘Oh, I don’t know, our dad’s dying in hospital?’ Lewis hissed back at her.

  Melissa took in a sharp breath. ‘Lewis!’

  ‘You are such an arsehole!’ Lilly shouted at her brother.

  ‘Lilly!’ Melissa shouted back at her.

  Lewis jumped up and strode inside.

  ‘That was out of order,’ Melissa said to Lilly.

  Lilly frowned slightly but then shrugged. ‘He’s such a drama queen. Anyway, he was being out of order.’

  ‘You need to be a bit more sensitive round him, you know how he is.’

  ‘This is why I want to go back to school,’ Lilly said, pouting as she crossed her arms. ‘I can’t stand being cooped up inside. Lewis can’t either, that’s why he’s acting like this. We need to get back to normal.’

  ‘But things aren’t normal, Lilly,’ Melissa said, aware of Daphne and Maddy’s eyes on them. ‘Lewis is right, your dad nearly died yesterday, for Christ’s sake.’

  Maddy grimaced as she looked down at the table and Lilly burst into tears. ‘Thanks for reminding me, Mum. Thanks a bloody lot.’

  Then she ran into the house too.

  ‘I’d better go check on them,’ Maddy mumbled, scraping her chair back and walking inside.

  ‘Me too,’ Grace said, following Maddy.

  ‘Well, that went well,’ Melissa said as they all disappeared.

  Daphne leaned over, putting her hand over Melissa’s. ‘They’re going through a lot. You are too.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have shouted like that at Lilly, though.’

  ‘I would’ve done the same. How are you doing, anyway? I don’t feel we’ve talked much.’

  ‘Better than I was yesterday. Honestly, Daphne, I really thought Patrick was going to die.’

  Daphne pursed her lips, tears flooding her eyes. ‘That must have been awful for you.’

  They fell into silence.

  ‘I keep thinking how much Patrick would hate all this,’ Daphne said eventually, chewing at her lip. ‘Lying there in hospital, not being able to control it all.’

  Melissa tilted her head. ‘Control?’

  ‘Well, you know what I mean. Patrick always likes everything to be just so. Maddy loves watching him mow the lawn whenever she visits you guys at the weekend. She says Patrick has to get every little blade, even if it means getting down on his hands and knees to cut them with his scissors.’

  Melissa smiled to herself. ‘He is a bit of a perfectionist. That’s why I need him.’ Her voice broke. ‘What will I do if he dies, Daphne? How will I cope?’

  Daphne leaned forward, looking into Melissa’s eyes, her own green eyes fierce. ‘You would cope fine. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt since Ryan and I split up, it’s how strong you can be on your own.’

  ‘But you’ve always been more independent than me. Stronger than me!’

  ‘Rubbish. I’m not as strong as you think, Melissa, trust me. I’m weak.’ Daphne took a deep breath then stood up, clearing the plates away as Melissa watched her. Weak was the last word she’d use to describe Daphne, but then everyone had their insecurities, didn’t they? Even people like Daphne, who always seemed so confident and strong.

  ‘So, will you let Lilly go back to school tomorrow?’ Daphne asked as Melissa got up to help her.

  Melissa looked in towards the kitchen, where the twins were now sitting with Maddy, watching something on the small TV in there.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Melissa confessed. ‘Maybe she’s right, maybe she needs the distraction. It can’t be doing them much good, moping around at Rosemary and Bill’s.’

  ‘I don’t think that would do any of us any good,’ Daphne said with an arched eyebrow. ‘Seriously, though, I did wonder that. School can be a good distraction.’

  ‘The school gate mums can be too,’ Melissa said sarcastically.

  ‘You don’t need to endure that,’ Daphne said. ‘Lilly can walk in on her own.’

  ‘I’d want to walk in with Lilly in case she changed her mind.’

  ‘Fair enough. There are hardly any parents at the school gates now they’re older anyway.’

  ‘You’d be surprised. You know how mollycoddling the parents can be here, and the primary school is just a street away so you can’t help but bump into mums.’

  ‘Like Scandrea and Insta Charlie?’ Daphne said.

  They both laughed.

  ‘What’s for pud, Mum?’ Maddy called through to Daphne.

  ‘Who fancies devouring all my leftover Easter eggs?’ Daphne replied.

  ‘Yes!’ the kids all chorused in delight.

  Melissa smiled. For the first time since Patrick had been stabbed, she felt a small sense of normality sink in. Then she peered in the direction of Forest Grove High, imagining facing Andrea and Charlie at the school gates the next day.

  How long would that normality last?

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Tuesday 23rd April, 2019

  8.34 a.m.

  Melissa walked with the twins to school the next day. Lewis had surprised Melissa by waking that morning and declaring that he wanted to return to school too. She wasn’t sure that was such a great idea – he seemed a bit subdued – but he’d been quite insistent. Grace hadn’t been so keen, though, so was being looked after by Bill while Rosemary stayed at the hospital with Patrick. Melissa was planning to go there too, straight after dropping the twins off. There had been no change in his condition, but she wanted to be there as much as she could in case there was.

  Melissa took in a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare herself for the possibility of seeing other parents at the school gates. It had been a couple of years since she’d done the school run, with the twins now walking Grace to her primary school before heading into their own secondary school.

  Melissa thought of the first time she’d ever done a school run with Joel, when he was five. He’d attended a specialist school ten miles away and a bus would pick him up and drop him off each day. But Patrick and she had insisted on taking him in for his first day. Melissa still remembered how confident Joel had pretended to be, using the special ramp to haul himself up into the car.

  ‘My boy is all grown up,’ Melissa had said to Patrick.

  Her heart clenched at the memory of Joel, then at her husband’s absence now. She bit her lip to stop herself from crying as the school came into view. It was a sprawling modern building made of wood and exposed brick. It sat right on the edge of the south side of the forest, a short five-minute walk through the woods for the kids, though that five minutes often turned out to be longer as they messed about in the forest with their friends. Among the trees around the school were wooden picnic benches forming ‘forest classrooms’, the kids encouraged to learn outside whenever it was dry.

  They drew closer to the wooden school gates, pupils wandering around among the pine trees in their gold-and-green uniforms. Some glanced over at Lilly, the handful of parents there smiling sympathetically at Melissa.

  Melissa noticed Andrea Cooper talking urgently to her son, Carter, nearby. Carter was a tall skinny boy with gelled-back hair, white like his mother’s. Andrea grabbed her son’s arm, pulling him close to say something, but he shoved her away and walked off, laughing.

  Melissa frowned as she took in Andrea’s wounded face. Carter was such an arse. Though Andrea irritated her, Melissa still felt sorry for her
, having to deal with a son like that.

  She thought back to what he might have said about her at the New Year’s Eve party . . . the same party where Maddy had been pictured glaring at Patrick. She peered over at Lilly to see she was linking arms with Maddy now, her friends gathering around her and hugging her while Lewis high-fived his friends nearby.

  Maddy turned to regard Melissa over her shoulder, brow creasing.

  The school bell rang out and Melissa beckoned the twins over to say goodbye.

  ‘If it gets too much,’ she said to each of them, ‘just tell Mrs Nightingale. She said she’d call me so I can come get you.’

  ‘We’ll be fine, Mum,’ Lilly said, clearly desperate to return to her group of friends, who were waiting for her.

  Melissa gave the twins quick hugs then watched as they walked back over to their friends. Before they got inside, Lewis turned to look at her, lifting his hand in a wave, reminding her of when Patrick had waved when he spotted a fourteen-year-old Melissa watching him from the trees. Lewis slipped into the school entrance with his sister, the two of them swallowed up by a sea of pupils.

  Melissa sighed and went to walk away but noticed Andrea striding over. ‘I was hoping to catch you!’ Andrea called out. ‘A few of us were chatting just now and we want to hold a charity raffle for you at the book fair tomorrow evening!’

  Melissa frowned. ‘For . . . me? I don’t understand.’

  ‘For the family! To raise money.’

  ‘But we won’t need money.’ Andrea’s expression faltered. ‘I mean, it’s lovely, but . . .’

  ‘You can’t work; obviously, Patrick can’t either,’ Andrea explained. ‘And we thought we could raise funds to help with the search for Patrick’s attacker, take out ads, get posters printed?’

  Melissa felt a jolt at the mention of posters. She examined Andrea’s face. Had she mentioned posters on purpose? Did she know something about them?

  Or was she even behind them?

  ‘Posters? No, I don’t think we need any posters,’ Melissa said quickly. ‘Why would we want posters?’

  Andrea shrugged. ‘Oh, I don’t know – a way to remind people to look out for evidence while walking the dog, that sort of thing.’

  Melissa didn’t say anything.

  ‘You’re lost for words,’ Andrea said. ‘I get it. So we’re thinking if we send a message via the school’s ParentMail today, that gives people time to bring in their items for the raffle tomorrow morning. I’ve already agreed it with the teachers.’

  ‘Erm, wow,’ Melissa said. ‘It’s such a . . . lovely thought, really, but we don’t need any money. I’ll be paid, it’s counted as compassionate leave, and Patrick’s boss has already told me they’ll cover his wage. And we certainly don’t need any posters,’ she said meaningfully, watching Andrea’s face for a reaction. ‘We need to let the police do their job.’

  But Andrea just raised an eyebrow ‘Really? I think they’re being rather useless. This was clearly the work of a druggie, the mess they made of it.’

  ‘The mess they made of what?’

  ‘The attack! Sloppy, apparently.’

  Melissa frowned.

  Andrea put her hand to her mouth. ‘My God, I’m so sorry, how insensitive.’

  ‘No, that’s okay. I just didn’t realise Adrian was allowed to share details like that.’

  ‘Oh no!’ Andrea said, looking aghast. ‘It wasn’t Adrian. It was Rosemary who told me.’

  Melissa couldn’t help but think it was a bit crass, Rosemary telling Andrea about the messy details of her son’s attack. But then it was like Daphne had said: everyone’s business was shared here in Forest Grove. That was what the raffle was all about, really, a way for people to get involved, frustrated that they were on the margins of the attack on one of ‘their own’.

  Melissa suddenly felt a flare of anger. ‘I’m sorry, Andrea, but the truth is, I think the raffle would be a bit inappropriate.’

  Andrea’s face hardened.

  ‘But do you know what would be even better?’ Melissa added, aware the last person she needed as an enemy was Andrea Cooper.

  Andrea tilted her head. ‘What would that be?’

  ‘If we could raise money for a Duchenne muscular dystrophy awareness charity. In honour of Joel. I honestly think if Patrick could hear me telling him we were doing that, it would mean so much to him.’

  To Melissa’s relief, Andrea smiled. ‘What a wonderful idea. Are you happy for me to arrange it all?’

  ‘Oh, absolutely.’

  ‘Great! So we’ll see you at the book fair tomorrow, then?’

  Melissa faltered. They’d all been planning to go to the book fair before everything that had happened with Patrick, but it felt very strange to go now that there was going to be a charity raffle in their name. ‘I’ll have to see how the kids are.’

  ‘Of course.’

  Melissa’s phone buzzed in her bag. She pulled it out to see Ryan calling. Andrea frowned as she recognised the forest ranger’s name.

  ‘He’s helping me with something,’ Melissa quickly explained. ‘Excuse me a moment, will you?’

  ‘Have to dash anyway.’ Andrea looked again at Melissa’s phone then tottered off on her high heels.

  Melissa put her phone to her ear. ‘Ryan?’

  ‘Can you come by my lodge when you get the chance?’ he asked her, voice strained.

  ‘Why? What’s wrong?’

  ‘It’s easier if I show you.’

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Tuesday 23rd April, 2019

  9 a.m.

  Ryan was outside his lodge, sitting on a tree stump as he drank coffee and stared at some items laid out on a plastic tarpaulin. He looked exhausted, like he hadn’t slept a wink.

  ‘What’s going on?’ she asked when she got to him.

  ‘Some of my cameras have been vandalised.’

  Melissa crouched down, taking in the smashed-up camera pieces. ‘Jesus. When did this happen?’

  He raked his fingers through his fair hair. ‘Must have happened overnight. I didn’t notice anything yesterday. I went out to get the SD cards and found a box hanging off the trees, the camera smashed up. I thought it might be a one-off. Squirrels, big birds, they can all do damage like this. But then I found the next one was the same.’ He sighed. ‘And the one after that. Twenty-three in all. Not all of them, but enough to really piss me off.’

  ‘Who would do that?’

  He picked up a stick and poked one of the broken pieces. ‘All the damaged ones were around the old oak, same place you found the posters.’ He looked up at her. ‘Can’t be a coincidence, can it?’

  Her blood turned to ice. ‘They didn’t want us finding out who it was. How did they know you’d be looking at the footage, though?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe that person you saw was listening in on us?’

  Melissa pulled the posters from her bag. ‘Here, you said you’d burn them?’

  He took them all and stared at them, pacing back and forth. ‘I don’t like this, I don’t like this one bit.’

  ‘Ryan, calm down,’ Melissa said, going up to him.

  He turned to her, blue eyes flashing with anger. ‘Someone was following you the other night, and now this? Not to mention these bloody posters. It’s aggressive behaviour, I don’t like it.’

  ‘No one’s hurt me,’ Melissa said, trying to hide her own fear as she took in the shards of plastic and glass on the ground. ‘Whoever it is had a chance the other night, but they didn’t.’

  ‘Yeah, but they’re trying to intimidate you.’ He curled his hands into fists. ‘I swear, if anyone tries to hurt you . . .’

  Melissa looked at him in surprise. She wasn’t used to seeing him so animated.

  ‘I heard the sirens on Thursday night, you know,’ he said. ‘I ran to the end of the road, saw the ambulance heading to your place.’ He peered at her, face taut with emotion. ‘I seriously thought my world had just dropped out from under me.’ He stepped closer
to her. ‘I thought you were hurt, Lis.’

  Melissa remained silent, listening.

  ‘I was out of my mind,’ Ryan continued. ‘I ran to your house, worried you were hurt. I kept thinking about all that time wasted . . .’

  Melissa froze. ‘Ryan, don’t.’

  ‘Don’t what?’ he said, shoving the posters into a bucket of wood nearby and grabbing her hand. ‘I’ve made so many mistakes, messed so much up.’

  ‘It’s in the past.’

  ‘Exactly! The past. If I hadn’t ignored you after you moved in with the Byatts,’ he said, spitting their name out, ‘if I’d gone to you, told you how I . . .’ He took in a sharp breath. ‘Things might be different.’

  ‘Ryan, please . . . you don’t have to say all this.’

  ‘But I do, can’t you see that? That’s what I’m trying to say, I do! Can I tell you something? Seeing Patrick like that, getting loaded up into the ambulance.’ His jaw flexed. ‘I thought about him being out of the picture.’

  ‘Ryan . . .’

  He circled her wrists with his hands. ‘I know, I fucking hated myself for it. But I can’t stop how I feel.’

  The wind picked up around them, leaves lifting in the air, and for a moment Melissa felt as though she were a teenager again, about to share her first kiss with Ryan, the same way they had all those years ago. It was the night before she had finally left the forest. Things were bad between her mum and dad, the worst they’d ever been. Looking back, she shouldn’t have been surprised matters would reach the state they did the next day. As her parents argued, she sneaked out at night and waited for Ryan. He was late and she started panicking that he wouldn’t turn up, dreading the thought that she’d be alone out there. When he did eventually appear, she was so relieved she ran to him and wrapped her arms around him.

  Somehow, their lips just found each other, even though they never had before. It felt exactly like it should, like everything in her world had been leading up to that point. She’d woken the next day smiling, desperate to see Ryan again. But then everything had kicked off and she ended up at the Byatts. She still sneaked out to find Ryan the night after, but he wasn’t in their usual meeting place.