Three Dogma Night (The Elven Prophecy Book 3)

by Theophilus Monroe

  “Good,” Ensley said. “With it, you should be able to sense any water nearby. You can use it, move it like you moved the portal over your body in the church.”

  “It’s like it’s everywhere, but nowhere in particular,” I said, struggling to identify where the water was located.

  “Water is in the air,” Ensley said. “What you’d call humidity.”

  I nodded. “Always plenty of that in Missouri.”

  “Draw it together,” Ensley said. “Tiny droplets in the air all brought together into a single body of water.”

  I reached out with my power, with the cool sensation that was still washing through my body. A small glob of water started to form in front of me.

  It grew. Quickly.

  Then a massive ball of water was floating in mid-air between the pitcher’s mound and home plate.

  “In moderation!” Ensley shouted as the glob of water continued to grow.

  “I can’t help it,” I said. “It’s like I’m either going to draw all the water around me or none of it.”

  “Release it,” Ensley said. “The whole sensation in your spirit. Let it go.”

  I let go of the feeling, and the giant blob of water crashed to the ground, splashing all over me and soaking me from head to toe.

  I shook my head. “I’ve never been good with moderation. Not with drinking. Not with much of anything.”

  Ensley flew around me and shook like a wet dog, water flying off of his body. “It’ll take practice, Caspar. But you’ve got it!”

  “I just don’t want to flood any place where I use the magic,” I said, shaking my head and wiping the water out of my eyes.

  “Well,” Ensley said, “you have to use common sense. You wouldn’t use a flamethrower to light a candle. You wouldn’t open a fire hydrant to take a drink. Consider your purpose. And if things get out of hand, you can always bail through a fairy portal.”

  “Or maybe port the element out of the place?” I asked, “if I can’t master it? At least I’d survive that way.”

  “Sure,” Ensley said. “Just like you pushed the portal over yourself, you can move a portal over others and move them on a whim. Just be careful. Make sure you can visualize where you want it to go. Best not to ever port anything anywhere that you haven’t been, and certainly not to a place where you haven’t been in a while. Things change. And if you think getting your butt stuck in a pew was problematic…”

  I snorted. “My butt. Pew. That stinks!”

  Ensley stared at me blankly. “Nice try. Stick to ministry. Leave the comedy to the experts.”

  I smiled. “I thought it was funny.”

  “Of course you did,” Ensley said, “but as I was saying, just imagine if there was a human being there when you ported into that space. If you think the pew stinks, try porting yourself, or may the furies forbid, a giant glob of water or fire or anything else into another person.”

  “In that case, I could see where I was going, and I still got my ass into something of a tight spot.”

  “It’s best to avoid trying to port yourself near any objects, and certainly not close to other people or animals. How do you think the minotaur was made back in the day?”

  “The minotaur?” I asked. “That thing existed?”

  Ensley nodded. “He didn’t do it himself. It was another fairy. The human was messing with magic he shouldn’t have, so the fairy ported his ass, and by ass, I mean his whole self, into a bull. The result? Minotaur. A prank taken a bit too far, even by my standards.”

  I pressed my lips together. “Too bad he didn’t mooooooove out of the way in time!”

  Ensley stared at me and shook his head slowly.

  “Just stop, Caspar. Stop while you’re ahead.”

  I smirked. “Yeah, because that guy lost his head and got a bull’s in its place!”

  “There you go again,” Ensley sighed. “It’s a shame you aren’t a dad. You sure have the jokes for it.”

  “Maybe someday I will be. You know, after I’ve saved the world. Haven’t talked to Layla about that. We haven’t even crossed the marriage bridge yet.”

  “Sounds like that drow intends to marry you first,” Ensley said.

  I sighed. “She thinks the prophecy demands it.”

  “In my experience,” Ensley said, “when it comes to matters of the heart, there isn’t a magic on Earth or any world that can thwart it. And I’ve yet to meet a prophet who can predict a heart’s desire.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Magic is exhausting. Doesn’t matter what kind of magic it is. It takes a toll.

  I didn’t get a lot of sleep. It was three in the morning when I finally ported myself back into my apartment.

  No sooner did my head hit my pillow than I was out like a light. Of course, I dreamed about water.

  I was underwater. The whole ocean was forcing itself into my body. I saved California from falling into the sea on account of global warming.

  Until I peed the whole ocean out again.

  I’d saved the world just to flood it again. With my urine.

  It was ridiculous, but I could swear it was real in the dream.

  Probably the elemental spirit inside me working its way into my subconscious.

  That might have been part of it.

  Some of it was guilt. I’d tried to save New Albion, but what I did had led to the slaughter of the Night Legion, the elven giants. The prophecy indicated that in the process of saving the world, millions of people would die.

  I’d tried not to think about it. How literal could these prophecies be? But so far, despite my best efforts, every time I’d thought I spared the world, all I’d done was delay the elven apocalypse.

  And now, if I succeeded in the trials, if I convinced the Elf Gate Cult to reject the elves, to refuse to submit when the legion arrived, what sort of savior was I? What good was it to save the world from elven rule if it meant so much bloodshed, so many lives lost?

  No humans had died yet, but the giants…Brag’mok was my friend. He’d heard the prophecy. Had he known what was going to happen when he told me to blast earthen magic into New Albion’s ley lines?

  I’d hardly finished my world-devastating pee and I started to shake, or I was being shaken.

  “Rise and shine, sleepyhead!”

  It was Layla. For a moment, I was relieved. I hadn’t destroyed the world after all. Not yet, anyway. But I was still tired.

  I grunted, pulled my pillow over my head, and rolled back over.

  Then I felt little bitty feet walking across my back.

  “Agnus, go away!” I shouted, my voice muffled by my pillow.

  He started pawing at the back of my head.

  “Don’t make me get out the claws,” Agnus said. “Get up and give me some tuna.”

  “Ask Layla,” I said.

  “Caspar,” Layla said, “we need to get ready to go work out.”

  “Work out, shmirk out!” I moaned.

  “Last workout of the week!” Layla said. “You’ll get a break tomorrow.”

  I sighed. Yeah, it was Saturday. I hadn’t even given thought to the sermon I was supposed to preach the next day. I’d probably dig into the archives and recycle one from a few years ago. People didn’t listen that intently anyway. What were the chances they’d even notice?

  “Normal people don’t work out on weekends,” I said. “It was a long night. I need to sleep.”

  “You can sleep after the world is saved,” Layla said.

  “I need rest for these trials, Layla,” I said, rolling over on my back, sending Agnus tumbling off my body.

  He leaped back onto my chest, turned around, and sat on my chest. Swept his tail across my face.

  “Dammit, Agnus!” I said, grabbing him with both hands and setting him to the side.

  “Where’d you go last night?” Layla asked. “I woke up in the middle of the night and you were gone.”

  I sighed. “To the church. Then to Busch Stadium.”

  Layla furro
wed her brow. “Why? In the middle of the night?”

  “We needed a few places to go where there wouldn’t be people. Ensley was helping me get a handle on fairy magic. Water magic, too.”

  “Did it work?” Layla asked.

  “It did,” I said. “I think I’m ready for tonight. Provided I get my sleep!”

  “Sorry,” Layla said. “If you no-show for your workout, you still have to pay Jag anyway.”

  “You said I should get a meeting in today,” I said.

  “Yeah, I did,” Layla said. “After your workout!”

  I sighed. “Fine. Maybe once I get my blood pumping, I’ll manage to find a little energy.”

  “That’s the spirit!” Layla said more enthusiastically than I was prepared to tolerate on short sleep.

  I rolled over and grabbed my phone. “Well, shit.”

  “What is it?” Layla asked.

  “Nothing,” I said. “Last night was Friday. I was supposed to help Evelyn at the soup kitchen. She texted me to ask where I was.”

  Layla nodded. “It will be fine. Just tell her you had a personal issue come up. It’s the truth.”

  I quickly typed the response that Layla had suggested to Evelyn and got out of bed. “Feels like that life isn’t real anymore.”

  “What do you mean?” Layla asked.

  “The church. Ministry. The soup kitchen. Even my bartending job. At first, that was what was real, but now with all this magic stuff and the prophecy, it’s like that’s everything, and the rest is just obligations.”

  My phone dinged. Another text. I checked it, expecting Evelyn’s reply. Instead, it was Cecil. “And my car is ready now, too.”

  “Well, that’s a plus!” Layla said. “No more Metro!”

  “Right,” I said. “Maybe I’ll pick it up after the gym and before my meeting.”

  “You aren’t excited to get the car back?” Layla asked.

  “Just another obligation. Sort of like feeding the cat.”

  “Hey!” Agnus protested. He hopped off the bed and landed on all fours, then stared up at me. “I’m not just an obligation. I’m your familiar, remember?”

  “He’s right,” Layla said. “He’s a part of this prophecy too, so technically, he isn’t a part of the normal, obligated life.”

  “You’re right,” I said. “Sorry, Agnus. I’m just a little cranky.”

  Agnus huffed and made his way to the kitchen. I stumbled in behind him, opened his can of tuna, and dumped it into a bowl. “Here you go. Chow down.” I didn’t have to say it twice. Agnus was on it, chomping his way through his food like he hadn’t eaten since yesterday.

  “Hurry up,” Layla said. “We’re already running late.”

  I nodded, sauntered back into the bedroom, and slipped into a fresh pair of workout shorts before putting on my shoes. “We’ll make it in time.”

  “Probably not,” Layla said. “We’ve already missed the first bus.”

  I sighed. “No, we’ll make it. How many folks do you think are at the gym this time in the morning?”

  Layla looked puzzled. “It’s a Saturday, so probably fewer people than normal.”

  “Do they have your classes on weekends?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” Layla said. “But the first class isn’t until ten o’clock.”

  I grinned. “Good,” I said, looking Layla up and down. Damn, she looked great in yoga pants. “You ready?”

  “Sure,” Layla said, walking toward the door.

  “Wait,” I said. “I have another idea.”

  Layla cocked her head.

  I brought fairy magic to the forefront of my mind, focused, and opened a portal in the middle of the living room. “I’ve seen you working out in that group exercise room enough times to visualize it. It should be empty right now. Let’s go.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  It wasn’t the best workout. Not the worst, either. That would be the time I’d used magic to deceive Jag into thinking I could lift a lot heavier than I could, then had to pay him his fifty bucks, only to find out that he was a member of the Elf Gate Cult and had known what I was doing the whole time.

  I don’t know if it was because I was short on sleep or my mind just wasn’t in it, but I was a little lethargic. Wasn’t pushing myself as hard as I usually did.

  Probably I was still overhydrated, courtesy of the water elemental.

  Jag, on the other hand, was hyped up, which was annoying. I couldn’t blame him. It had been pretty spectacular, what everyone saw the night before. Provided, of course, you weren’t the one facing the water monster and nearly having your whole body turned into a raisin in the process, only to have it flooded a few seconds later.

  He was now convinced I was some kind of superhero. That I was going to “kick the asses” of the rest of the elementals—not that elementals had asses to kick, but the anatomy of an elemental was beside the point.

  More than that, though, Jag was sold on the idea the Order would be persuaded to support us by resisting the elven invasion rather than preparing to welcome King Brightborn as the new king of the world.

  It’s one thing to cheer on a hero from a distance. It’s another to be a hero who doesn’t feel like one.

  As they’d say in AA, one day at a time. Not dying, I figured, was the first step. Couldn’t do much to save anyone, much less the whole world, from six feet under.

  “Give me your phone,” I told Layla. She was going to stay for a group exercise class after I left to pick up the Mitsubishi and try to make it to a meeting.

  “Why?” Layla asked.

  “I feel bad about just disappearing on you last night. With all that’s happening, we should probably keep better track of each other.”

  Layla unlocked her phone with her thumbprint and handed it to me. She had a picture of us with Agnus sitting between us with crazy eyes as her wallpaper. She’d taken it while we were sitting on the couch, watching I don’t remember what. It was shortly after we met. After B’iff died, before everything went downhill and she had to go back to New Albion. Before the Night Legion fell to the elves.

  We looked happy. Alert. Not as tired and worn down. Even Layla, while she seemed to keep her spirits up, had a constant look of exhaustion on her face. I’d probably aged a good year for every month that had passed since. Now that my hair was growing back, I could swear I had a few more gray ones than before.

  I scrolled through her phone to find her app store and selected the one I was looking for.

  “What are you doing?” Layla asked.

  “This app is a ‘find your friends and family’ sort of thing. I’ll add it to mine, too. From what I understand, it’ll bring up a map and show us where we each are at any given time.”

  Layla cocked her head. “Well, that’s a clever app. How’d you even know about it? Before me, it wasn’t like you had anyone nearby to keep track of.”

  I chuckled. “In the church, we had a couple that was going through some shit. The wife suspected her husband was cheating on her.”

  “Well, was he?” Layla asked.

  “No clue,” I said. “He wouldn’t admit it if he was. Anyway, they came to me to talk through their issues, and he was pissed that she’d put this app on their phones. Said she was using it to keep tabs on him.”

  “Why would he be upset about that if he wasn’t cheating?” Layla asked.

  “He thought it meant she didn’t trust him,” I said. “And, well, he was right. She didn’t trust him. I just didn’t know if she had good reason not to.”

  “He probably was,” Layla said. “To get that bent out of shape over something that could prove his innocence.”

  I nodded. “You’re probably right. But sometimes women who’ve been betrayed before jump to conclusions, too.”

  “She’d been cheated on before?” Layla asked.

  “This was her second marriage. Before I was the pastor there, her previous husband was having an affair. I think she might have been so afraid of being hurt again that she coul
dn’t trust him.”

  Layla nodded. “Well, I trust you. I don’t trust Aerin.”

  “I wasn’t trying to make a point about our relationship, Layla. I was just explaining how I knew about the app.”

  “I know,” she said. “But maybe there’s something to that. After my father betrayed me, I might be a little bit insecure. Can you blame me? A woman who looks like that? I think she could be taking out the garbage, and she’d look sexy.”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  “You agree with me?” Layla asked.

  “Wait! I wasn’t supposed to?”

  “Of course not!” Layla said. “You’re supposed to say, ‘That’s crazy, Layla! She’s an ugly ho!’”

  “So, you want me to lie to you about it?” I asked.

  “That’s not what I’m saying.”

  Layla and I stared at each other blankly for about a half-second. It felt like five minutes.

  Then we both burst out laughing. “I’m not blind, Caspar. I know she’s attractive, and I know you’re a man. But I do trust you.”

  I scratched my head. “I know you do. This app will ease your mind if you’re ever worried about me, and it’ll do the same for me.”

  Layla nodded. “It’s a good idea.”

  I gave her a quick kiss. “You taking the Metro home, or do you want me to swing back by here with the car after my meeting to pick you up?”

  “I think I can find enough to do here while I wait for you,” Layla said. “I’ve had enough of the bus!”

  “I’ll second that!” I said. “Though if it wasn’t for that bus, I never would have run into Cecil on his way to work, so I still wouldn’t have my car fixed. I suppose there’s a mixed blessing there.”

  “There usually is,” Layla said. “If you are willing to see it.”

  I kissed Layla again. I know I’d already kissed her goodbye once, but then we talked again, so the first one didn’t end up being a goodbye kiss. The kiss had to be the last thing before we temporarily parted ways.

  Because we were nauseating like that. To other people, anyway.

  I couldn’t port myself to the tire and lube shop. I’d never been there, so I couldn’t visualize it. Chances were better than average that someone would see me if I did that anyway.