Before I Fell

by Brandy Greeley

  I blanched, thinking about the gods I’d already met and in particular, a water-breathing, fish-talking, shameless flirt.

  “You know, maybe I was wrong about being ready to go to this party of yours. I’ll just spend the night in my room if that’s alright with you.”

  “I’ve already informed Hera that you’ll be there, along with Hermes, Ares, and Poseidon. Backing out now would be rude.”

  Crap on a biscuit.

  “You’re not afraid of them, are you?” He asked, using a finger to tilt my face towards his.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m just not feeling particularly sociable right now.”

  “Well,” he said as he turned me in his arms. “Against my advice, you bought every family member a present, including me which, again, wasn’t necessary.”

  “Because you have everything a god of death could want? A shiny new scythe, studded collars for your dogs, and a laptop to sync your soul lists with your home computer on your nonexistent wireless network?”

  He banded an arm around my waist, drawing me against him. “Because it’s not something we do. To get a gift for someone means that you care enough about their lives to know what they like, and we’ve never been that close.”

  “He doesn’t care about anyone except himself.” Poseidon stepped into view, party-ready in a dark blue suit. “Though, it appears I may have been wrong this time,” he added, glancing at Hades’ arm around my body and I detached myself, cheeks red. “Awe, look brother, she's blushing. Have you warned her yet what Persephone would do to her if she found her beloved with someone else?”

  “Enough, brother,” Hades said, lip curling.

  Reality hit me like an arctic breeze and I turned towards my room, kicking myself for the moment of weakness. Whatever just happened with Hades couldn’t happen again, because it wasn’t real, despite what Hera said about us being destined to be together. He made his choice when he chose Persephone over two millennia ago, and all affection for me aside, he still loved her.

  My dress lay on the duvet-deep red with capped sleeves and I chucked it to the floor, walking towards the bathroom as Bailey glanced up from her dog bed, watching me.

  I refused to be an amusement for Hades or any of his diabolical family, and if his sudden attachment to me was out of fear of losing me to the Furies again, that wasn’t good enough. I’d spent years wondering what a relationship with him might look, but I wasn’t going to fill a gap in his heart just because Persephone didn’t remember who she was. That wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved.

  “What did you do?”

  I squealed and spun around, shielding my upper body from Hera, who entered the room, hands on her hips.

  “Jesus Christ! The door was closed for a reason, you know.”

  “Hades just stormed into the throne room, looking like he wanted to murder the entire world, so please tell me that you didn’t have anything to do with that.”

  “For once, no. You can thank Poseidon instead.” I scooped some bubbles into my hand, letting them pop and fizzle through my fingers as Hera stood over me, tapping her foot irritably against the stone floor. “He may have seen Hades show me a little love in the dining room and teased him about it.”

  “Love?” Her eyes widened, expression dangerously close to hope and I scowled, standing to wrap a bath towel around my body. “Did you tell him you know you’re soulmates?”

  “No. He saved my life from a Fury last week and since then, he’s been more attentive towards me. It can’t happen again, Hera,” I said as she opened her mouth to speak. “I’m grateful that he thinks I’m worthy of saving, but I won’t be his rebound. He and Persephone have this epic history together, and I refuse to get in way of that.”

  “She may never come back,” Hera said, tracking me to the closet. “The Fates banished her to Earth and only they can decide if and when she gets to return. Have you thought about that yet? Or what it’s doing to him?”

  “Every single damned day. Don’t chastise me for not wanting a permanent future here with him when nothing is guaranteed. Oh, by the way, those gifts you gave me? Yeah, they’re gone. Seems nothing is forever around here.”

  She stared at me like I’d grown two heads as I slipped into a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt, running a wide-toothed comb through my hair.

  “What do you mean gone?” Her voice slithered across my skin and I shuddered, grabbing the edge of the sink.

  “When Hades saved me, he bartered it away for my freedom. For as long as I live, I can’t help another soul.”

  She cursed aloud, pacing back and forth across the width of the room. “He wouldn’t agree to that, not unless he thinks-” She stopped. “He could turn you into a death goddess.” Her mouth popped open as pieces of the puzzle snapped into place. “It’s the best of both worlds, really. You’d be able to help the spirits again, and no Fury could kill you. That’s brilliant.”

  “I said no.”

  “Why?”

  “I like being human. Do I need another reason beyond that?”

  “When your life is tied to this infernal place? Yes, yes you do.”

  “What happened to free choice? I didn’t ask for your gifts. I didn’t ask to come to the Underworld, and I didn’t ask the Fates for a soulmate who was married before the birth of my twentieth great-grandparents. I don’t like the gods toying with me, and I’m in no rush to change that. I just want a normal life, alright? I want to grow old with someone, have kids and grandkids, then maybe travel the world.”

  She glanced me over from head to toe. “Why aren’t you in a dress?”

  “Were you listening to anything I just said?”

  She sighed, grabbing my arm to steer me towards the bedroom. “Your arguments are pointless, Emma. We could make you a goddess without your permission if we thought the circumstances warranted it. Get changed-I’ll wait for you here.”

  “I’m not going to the party,” I said, feeling a tad bit disgruntled as she picked the dress up off the floor, holding it out for me.

  “Yes, you are, because you’re Hades’ guest of honor and because everyone in that ballroom has been waiting for ages to catch a glimpse of you.”

  “Great,” I said sarcastically as I took it from her, stepping behind the partition. “I’d rather not be the gods’ little sideshow freak.”

  “Too bad. Awe, Emma, you look radiant.”

  I rolled my eyes at her as I lifted both sides of the gown, stepping into view. It felt like I was a kid playing adult dress-up, and fidgeted as she circled me once, twice, lips pursed in thought.

  “It needs a little extra…something,” she mused, poofing a diamond-studded necklace into existence with matching pearl-drop earrings and I slid them into place, eyeing myself in the full-length mirror. “Now you’re perfect.”

  “I highly doubt that, but I’m as good as I’m going to get.”

  She winked at me, reaching out to cup my chin in her hand. “I’ll see you downstairs. Don’t you dare put those sweatpants back on.”

  I descended the marble staircase slowly, taking my time, feeling an anxious knot lodging itself in my throat as I fought to calm my erratic heartbeat. It wasn’t like anyone was going to hurt me here, and if I was being honest with myself, it was a little thrilling to think that they wanted me there, wanted to meet me.

  Hades’ token mortal.

  Well, that sobered me up.

  A hush fell over the ballroom as I paused on the last step, clutching Hades’ present against my chest. He detached himself from a small cluster of gods when he noticed me, walking towards me like a panther stalking pretty, and not a single person in the room made a sound. He was resplendent in a pitch-black suit with matching shoes, hair slicked back, and I adjusted my dress as his gaze raked over my body.

  “This is for you,” I said, holding out the small box and he took it, turning it over and over in his hands.

  “You didn’t have to do that, Emma.”

  “I know, but you’ve given me so
much already, so it was time to pay you back. Don’t open it now!” I said hurriedly as he slid a finger under the wrapping paper. “Save it for later.”

  Like when I’m not there to see your reaction.

  “You look beautiful, by the way,” he said, pocketing the gift as he handed me a glass of wine and I blushed, dropping my eyes to the marble floor.

  “You’re just not used to seeing me in a dress.”

  He laughed, offering me his arm. “It’s…different.”

  “Don’t worry, as soon as the party’s over, I’ll be right back in sweatpants.”

  “Well, then, guess I’d better enjoy it while I can,” he said, spinning me around, eyes dancing in the dim light.

  “It’s from Persephone’s wardrobe. I’ve never personally owned anything this fancy.”

  He smiled. “I thought I recognized it.”

  “I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you before taking it, but I saw it, loved it at first glance and-”

  “Don’t,” he said, pressing a finger against my lips. “It looks better on you.”

  It was my turn to smile as I deposited my glass on a nearby table. “So, this is your infamous holiday party. Have to admit, Hades, it’s a bit depressing.”

  He quirked an eyebrow in response. “Oh yeah? How would a mortal party look?”

  “Well, for one, there’d be music.”

  He snapped his fingers and a string quartet appeared, gold chairs and black outfits perfectly matching the rest of the room’s décor.

  Close enough.

  “Anything else?”

  “Dancing.”

  He held out a hand for me and I took it as we swayed back and forth in time to the music, others soon joining us on the floor.

  “I almost didn’t come tonight,” I said after a minute and he frowned.

  “I would’ve brought you here myself if you hadn’t.”

  “Why is it so important to you that I’m here in the first place? You didn’t want me to come at all when I first proposed it, remember?”

  It took him a while to answer, lips pursed. “I hoped Persephone would be with us by now, and though I know you’re not her, your presence here means the world to me. Yule is a celebration of familial ties, so it’s only right that you’re here in her place.”

  In her place.

  Wearing her dress, making out with her husband…

  “Hades.” I pulled him to the side. “What happened at the restaurant, and in the dining room tonight, can’t happen again.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m not her.”

  He blinked in surprise. “I never wanted you to be.”

  “But you’re trying to make me be. I’m wearing her clothes at her party, and you’re offering to make me immortal, something you know I don’t want.”

  Understanding lit his eyes as I slid out of his arms. “You’re not a replacement for her, Emma, but I have feelings for you, too, and I don’t know that I can ignore them for much longer.”

  “I’m nothing to you right now but your friend, house guest and former employee. I was so much more useful and interesting when I could help the spirits, but now? I helped Magda fold laundry yesterday. Laundry, Hades! I have no idea why I’m still here, and I feel like I’m in the way all the time.”

  His jaw clenched. “If I hadn’t made that deal with the Fury, you’d be dead right now.”

  “I know.”

  “I can’t stand the thought of you gone from this world forever.”

  “I know that, too.”

  “So why are you being so difficult about it? Accept my offer and be done with this silliness.”

  “You’re monopolizing the guest of honor,” Poseidon said, sidling up to us.

  I rolled my eyes, walking away to pour myself another glass of wine and Poseidon followed, assessing the selection.

  “You’re the only one who’s managed to repeatedly infuriate him and still be left in one piece, so I think congratulations are in order.”

  “He doesn’t like being told what he can and can’t do, and even less how he should feel, but I don’t particularly care at the moment,” I said, twirling the stem of my wine glass between my fingers. “I’m not here to be best friends forever as we braid each other’s hair and divulge our deepest, darkest secrets.”

  “Oh, I think he wants more than a casual friendship with you, Emma. And if you’re bored, you can always braid mine.”

  I snorted into my drink as he winged an eyebrow in question.

  “Why do you do that? Make everything seem like a joke? Don’t you get tired of it?”

  He shrugged. “Not really. You need a healthy dose of humor to survive the Underworld, or you risk becoming like him.” He jerked his head towards Hades, who watched us with dark, hooded eyes.

  “He’s not all bad, you know.”

  “That’s something only a soulmate would say.”

  I almost dropped my glass as I avoided his amused gaze, carefully composing myself. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh come on. Did you really think that would work? You’re forgetting what I walked in on tonight.”

  I felt my cheeks turn a bright cherry red. “He doesn’t know that I know, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

  “Why? So you can watch him swoon and fawn over someone he’s not meant to be with?”

  “Stop.” This time, my migraine had nothing to do with an approaching Fury.

  “The Fates never make a mistake, and that’s evident in the gifts you possess. They’re almost identical to his, aren’t they? What do you think is going to happen when he finally learns that you knew this whole time and let his feelings for you go unreciprocated, all because you’re afraid to rock the boat?”

  “I said stop!”

  “Is there a problem here?” Hades joined us, straightening the lapels of his jacket as the two men sized each other up.

  Poseidon shrugged, snatching a chocolate pudding from a passing waiter. “We were just discussing the intricacies of fate. Heavy-handed stuff, really, and not at all related to two people in this room who are meant to be together. Excuse me.”

  He ducked out of sight as I ground my teeth together against the torrent of words I wanted to hurl at his back.

  You little bastard. You might as well have shouted my secret to the whole ballroom.

  Hades frowned. “What is he talking about?”

  “Nothing. So, I remember Hermes say that this was a Yuletide party and dinner-emphasis on the last part because I’m starving. I hope it’s not meatloaf or fish, though, because I’ve had both in the past few days. Maybe a fishloaf? No, wait, that sounds horrible.”

  “Emma.” His voice crackled in the air between us and I sneezed, glaring at him as his eyes burned like hot coals. “You’ve never been particularly good at hiding things, and now is no exception, so I’ll ask again. What did he mean?”

  Ah, to hell with it, right? It’s absolutely exhausting trying to keep this hidden from him anyways.

  “We’re soulmates. I think I see Hera over by the dessert table, and I actually needed to speak with her again, so if you’ll excuse me-”

  He spun me around as I brushed past him, marching us out of the ballroom. “What did you just say?”

  “Hades, your grip is a little tight.” I twisted in pain, but he held on, jaw clenched.

  “Answer me right now, Emma, if you know what’s good for you.”

  “Hera told me that we’re soulmates, alright? That’s why you wanted to keep me here in the Underworld. Let go.”

  He released me and I stumbled away, massaging my wrists as he shook his head side to side. “She shouldn't have told you. It wasn’t her place to say anything about it.”

  “Does it matter? You were never planning to act on it anyways. And, for the record, the only reason I’m here at all is that she saw the connection and gave me those gifts in the hopes that you would notice me. If I was just some random girl from Oregon, you wouldn’t give m
e a second glance.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Really? Do you remember the day we met? If grandma hadn’t goaded me into saying something, you would’ve taken her away and never said a word to me at all.”

  “Because I should’ve been invisible to you.”

  I picked at my fingernails absentmindedly and after a minute, he sighed.

  “I don’t know why you insist on picking this fight now, because the Fates clearly had another plan in mind for you. And, for what it’s worth, the fact that you could see the spirit world wasn’t the only reason I was drawn to you. It just might’ve taken us longer to find each other without, that’s all.”

  “So, what now?” I asked, hugging my arms to my chest. “I can’t ignore what I know, but I also don’t know what I’m supposed to do with the information.”

  “You know what I’m going to say.”

  I’m still married to Persephone, so we can’t be together like you want us to be.

  I breathed in, steadily and evenly, as he gazed back at me. “Screw you and your sense of pride. She never wanted to be with you. You had to abduct her in the first place, and you’re hopelessly stubborn about getting her back despite how quickly she fell in love with someone else on Earth. If she felt even a shred of love for you, that feeling would’ve followed the curse, and it didn’t. She moved on. I’m done.”

  I turned, ascending the staircase as he waited hesitantly at the bottom. “Emma?”

  “You didn’t have to steal me from everything I’ve ever known for me to feel the way I do about you-that was earned, and you don’t even care. Enjoy the party, and if anyone asks, just tell them that I’m not feeling well.”

  Not a lie.

  He stayed where he was, motionless, as I bit back a sob of frustration. What did I expect was going to happen? That he would accept this turn of events and want to start some semblance of a future with me? I should’ve given up the second Hera told me. I should’ve seen his answer coming from a mile away and not deluded myself into thinking that there could ever be a ‘we’.

  My gifts were gone and weren’t coming back unless I agreed to become immortal, I could probably make a fortune off the chunks of novel I already had, and as far as Persephone was concerned, she could stay cursed until the end of time if it meant that she was happy and safe in Portland, with Hades’ undivided attention.