Before I Fell

by Brandy Greeley

  He clenched his teeth together, pulling a mixing bowl from the cupboard. “She left me.”

  “You’re not breaking new ground with that one, remember?”

  “This time, it was her choice,” he said, measuring out some Bisquick and milk. “I need to stay busy right now, or I’ll dwell on the pain, and that’s not good for either of us right now.”

  “So, you’re making yourself a giant plate of pancakes?”

  He glanced across the counter at me. “You need to eat more than a cup of yogurt in the morning. If you lived in the Underworld permanently, maybe you’d be-”

  “Oh no, we’re not having this discussion, Hades.” I joined him in the kitchen, starting another pot of coffee. “I enjoy the freedom to come and go as needed like I’ve been doing for the past few years. If I was there full time, though, I’d lose all ties to this place, including visits to see my family. So drop the subject, please.”

  I listened to the sizzling pop as the batter cooked, trying my best to think about anything else other than his request, so he couldn’t see how conflicted I was by the offer. It was tempting, and he knew it was tempting, but I wasn’t going to decide something like that on a whim.

  “Come here,” he said as I licked the last of the maple syrup from my fingers and I pushed back from the table, straddling his lap. He stared into my eyes, tracing a path along my jawline with a fingertip. “I wish you’d reconsider.”

  “You know why I can’t do that.”

  “You’ve been searching for a place to belong for years, Emma, with people who truly love you and understand who you are and what you’re going through. You crave the darkness as I crave the light, remember? But we’re both two halves of one whole, who’ve been separated for far too long. We need each other right now.”

  I was silent, playing with the hair on the nape of his neck and after a minute he sighed, kissing me gently. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” He led us into the bathroom, turning the faucet on as I stripped, watching his eyes glaze as they traveled up the length of my body.

  “What, you’re not going to join me?” I asked and he smiled, pulling his shirt over his head.

  “What’s keeping you in Portland?”

  I glanced over my shoulder at him as I stepped into the shower. “You mean, besides my family, favorite coffee shop and bookstore with reliable Wi-Fi access?”

  He shut the curtain behind us and I shivered as he rested his hands on my hips, letting the water cascade through his hair. “A family you have to hide your life from? It’s not like you can tell them anything about what you’re going through currently, we have a top-of-the-line espresso bar in the Underworld, and our library has every book ever written, in every language imaginable. Next excuse.”

  “So you’d stop me from seeing them whenever I wanted to because I have nothing to talk about? That’s incredibly selfish, don’t you think?”

  “Emma, you visibly flinch every time you mention having to spend time with them, so why would I assume it’s actually something you look forward to? I’ll establish a wireless connection for you here if that’s what you want so you can talk with them whenever you need to, but it just makes sense for you to live with me. I need unfettered access to you. Soap.”

  I slapped the bottle into the palm of his hand and he massaged some across his shoulders and chest. “I need space-something you were willing to give me in the past-something I need to stay sane. If you take that away from me, I might kill you in your sleep.” I moaned when his fingers found a stubborn knot on my upper shoulder.

  “You can have whichever corner of the castle you want to and call it uniquely yours. I’ll even tell the servants to leave you alone there.” His teeth nibbled my earlobe. “And you can go to Portland for day visits if you need to.”

  “I can’t be who you need me to be. I’m not Persephone.”

  “I never asked you to be, Emma,” he said, turning me in his arms. “I just want you for exactly who you are right now, at this moment. No expectations or conditions. Just you and me, together.” His hand dipped lower, skimming across my belly.

  “Hades, I-I can’t think straight when you do that!”

  He chuckled, reaching back up to cup my breasts in his hands, lips at my ear. “Say yes.”

  “You’re asking too much,” I accused as his head swooped down, mouth encircling a nipple and I arched my back, clutching the towel bar for dear life.

  “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think it was something that would benefit us both. Say yes, Emma.”

  “I can’t-I need time to-”

  “Say it.” He pushed me through the cascading water to the wall, raising my arms above my head as his teeth scored my neck. “I need you by my side.”

  When he puts it like that…

  “She’ll come back eventually.”

  “You don’t know that, and neither do I. In the meantime, I’d rather be happy than miserable and alone here while you’re there, too.”

  “But Prometheus can’t keep-”

  “I don’t want to hear another man’s name on your lips right now,” he snapped, pressing himself against me as he claimed my mouth, water droplets bouncing off his back into tiny prismatic shards reflected from the light above. “Say you’ll be mine.”

  I nodded and he shut the water off, reaching for a towel as he scooped me up in his arms, carrying me towards the bedroom.

  “I won’t sit there, Hades,” I said, eyeing the rose gold throne like it was going to come alive and eat me.

  “It’s just a chair, Emma. Come,” Hades replied, dragging me towards the dais as I dug my heels in, trying to stop our progress.

  “You’re not listening to a word I’m saying. I can’t sit there because it wasn’t made for me.”

  He shot me a sideways glance. “I can have it designed any way you’d like if this one isn’t your style.”

  “That’s not the point, Hades. I’m not your consort, and I’d prefer to not be placed in a situation that makes me feel like I am.”

  “I have an audience with my advisory board today, which typically happens here, in the throne room, and also happens to concern you, since it’s about the souls.”

  “I can sit on the stairs.”

  Please don’t make me do this.

  He hauled me up against his side, depositing me on the plush leather cushion and I stiffened my spine, hands splayed out across the armrest as he watched me, fingering a puckered scar on his jaw, amused. A group of men entered the room, bowing deeply to Hades before shooting me slightly inquisitive glances, and I tried my best not to make direct eye contact with any of them as chairs appeared around the dais. Each one of the men was dressed in an impeccable business suit, had travel cups of coffee balanced in one hand with briefcases in the other and all were, if I wasn’t mistaking the way they glowed slightly around the edges, gods.

  “Speak.” Hades lounged back in his chair, exuding a powerful boredness which made the men shift nervously as mechanical clicks and rustle of papers filled the space.

  “Milord, the soul count spiked dramatically in the past week alone, likely due to the number of rail accidents, but our boats cannot handle this influx for long. We need two new docks.”

  “That’s not possible,” Hades said as a thick black-bound volume appeared in his lap. “Right now, we have a system in place that ensures every soul appears on a boat going to the location they’re supposed to be. Each must be guided there by myself or Emma. There’s no third person available to man a third dock, and even if there were, it would take months to train them. Time we don’t have, apparently.”

  “What about your wife, Persephone? Couldn’t she help, seeing as she’s done the work for you once before?” The man asked, and a collective inhalation filled the room as the other men resolutely stared at the floor, fiddling with ties and cufflinks. I felt my stomach bottom out as I glanced at Hades, worried about this reaction and he smiled, just a little bit, flicking a hand in the man’s direction, who shrieked onc
e-a bloodcurdling sound that pierced my eardrums-body slumping to the floor.

  You could’ve heard a pin drop in the aftermath.

  “I believe that answers the question. Any others? No? Then let’s proceed.”

  Hades, you just can’t go around murdering people. It’s not polite.

  His lips turned up slightly at the corners. I believe I’ve heard that once or twice before. Still, don’t care.

  “What about extending your workday by a few hours to make up the difference?”

  “Not possible-I’m already overworked as it is.”

  “Receiving souls in the residence quarters, then.”

  “Non-negotiable.”

  “I have an idea,” I said and everyone in the room swiveled to look at me, Hades included. “Why not split up the two existing docks and have an extra line for Tartarus and Elysium? Make them wider to accommodate the extra load, and that way we’d still only need two people to manage both. It would double the number of souls boarding the boats at once and, yes, you would need two extra boats per day, but with Horace and Jasper helping them get into the right lines, I see that as a good thing, not a problem. And if each boat holds four hundred souls, that brings the processing total, every two hours, to…” I did some quick math, aware of how carefully Hades watched me. “One thousand six hundred instead of the eight hundred we’re currently sorting.”

  Hades’ eyes sparkled as he reached out a hand for me and I took it, letting him pull me over into his lap.

  “Would that be sufficient?” He asked the group, who stirred and mumbled to themselves, rifling through their charts. I felt his fingertips tap a path up my spine and neck before fisting themselves through my hair, forcing my head back. “Where did you get an idea like that?”

  “It made sense. More souls need to pass through the docks every day to keep up with demand, which means you need more lines and boats.”

  “You’re perfect,” he said, shaking his head as he lowered his mouth to mine, crushing me to his chest.

  “Milord?” One of the men approached the dais, bowing low again. “We’ve considered every angle and agree that her plan might work if executed correctly.”

  “Excellent. If there’s nothing else you gentlemen need, you’re dismissed for the day. See you all next week.”

  They disappeared, one by one, and I slithered off his lap.

  “They’re afraid of you.”

  “They should be.”

  I quirked an eyebrow at him. “Just because you’re the god of death doesn’t mean that you have to act like it all the time. Maybe you should try getting what you want through persuasion instead of intimidation.” I glanced pointedly at the dead body, which vanished. “Or murder.”

  “I think it’s adorable how much you care about those under my employment,” he said, walking towards me.

  “They might work for you more efficiently if they weren’t scared to say anything about your personal life, especially since Persephone’s absence was sudden and unexpected. I just think you should cut them some slack, that’s all.”

  He watched me for a moment, reaching a hand out for mine again. “I have something to show you.” He led us through the solarium and into the greenhouse. I stopped short, eyes wide. “What do you think?”

  Dozens of pomegranate trees dotted the landscape, ripe, lush fruit dangling from the branches, begging to be picked.

  “Why did you-”

  “It’s symbolic,” he said, tucking his hands into his pockets. “Of your bond to this place.”

  I slid a fruit into the palm of my hand, rolling my eyes at him. “Oh, you mean how you tricked me into eating one of these? When you knew how we were connected and didn’t bother telling me? That bond?”

  He winced. “I deserve that, all things considered. I won’t apologize for it, though, because my decisions led us to his moment, and if I could do things over again, I would.”

  “Except that, I feel like you’re trying to fill this massive hole in your heart by moving quickly with me,” I said, sitting beneath one of the trees and leaning my back against the trunk. He tensed, eyes wild. “I’m not blaming you for it, I just don’t think you know what you want yet, and, like it was with Sam, it’s confusing and painful and takes time to adjust. I’m not going anywhere. Despite the pressure from you to be here, you need my help with the souls, and I knew what I was doing when I agreed to be yours. But I can’t occupy the same space she did when your mind-and heart-are split two ways.”

  “What do you suggest I do?” He asked, joining me on the ground.

  “What about a vacation to clear your head? Go back to Greece, since I know you’ve been dying to visit.”

  “That’s not possible, Emma, and you know why. I have responsibilities here.”

  “Oh geez, Hades, live a little, would you? You’re so serious all the time, and I think you should do something for yourself for once. If you’re worried about the souls, don’t be, because I’ve got it.”

  He laughed, but it was a sarcastic tone, and I clenched every muscle around the sound. “No, you don’t, and the fact that you think you do just proves how unprepared you actually are to do it solo. I’m staying put.”

  “So, not dealing with your crazy, messed up emotions is better than taking time away from the Underworld, from me and from Portland? You’ve been doing this for two thousand years, but I’ll never truly be yours if you don’t trust me to help you occasionally. That’s what partners do, right?”

  “Emma-” He paused, hands balled in his lap. “It’s not that I don’t trust you-”

  “Could’ve fooled me.”

  “It’s harder to hurt you now, thanks in part to Hera’s actions, but if they overwhelm you again-”

  “We’ll be there to help her.”

  I turned around at the sound of the new voices, smiling as Poseidon and Hermes entered the space, shoulder to shoulder.

  “The god of the sea and my emissary are going to help sort the souls of the dead? You have no idea what you’re offering,” Hades said, scoffing as the two men shared a brief look.

  “I figured he’d be an ass about this,” Poseidon said, grabbing a pomegranate and digging a thumbnail into its side. “What she needs is muscle, which I can provide, and you know full well that Hermes here regularly sends souls to you to be sorted, which gives him a fair bit of credibility in my books. You don’t agree?”

  “I see the two of you as more of a hindrance, since neither of you really knows what it’s like to do what she and I do and-”

  “You think we’re incapable of being taught? You little git, we’ve lived with you long enough to know you’re stalling for time. You used to do this alone, remember? Before you stumbled on Emma, discovered she was your soulmate and coerced her into staying here, you handled the weight of the entire world’s dead entirely on your own, so don’t you dare tell us that she can’t do the same,” Poseidon said. “And don’t give us that macho crap about her not being ready, or capable, of doing it because you know she is. You’ve mentored her the past four years, she has us, Horace and Jasper to make sure nothing goes wrong, and until Persephone drags her sorry butt in here again, or you make Emma your queen, you can’t function properly if you don’t take time to get your shit in order.”

  My heart leaped into my throat when he said ‘queen’, mind rebelling against the idea even as I told myself that it was an absolutely ludicrous thought to have in the first place.

  I had about as much chance of being the queen of the Underworld as allowing Hades to make me immortal and, if I were being honest, neither of those things were ideal goals. He wanted me by his side-great. He thought my ideas weren’t stupid-even better. But I wasn’t going to let things go that far. I couldn’t. The hope that Persephone would see reason and leave Prometheus again was gone, shattered by the knowledge that she was probably better off living with someone she was meant to be with, no matter what my opinion of him was. We were both where the Fates wanted us to be, but that’s where
it stopped, forever.

  I wouldn’t be so sure about that, love.

  Leave my mind alone if you know what’s good for you.

  It’s not my fault that you’re amusingly transparent, Emma. You should take my advice and work on it sometime.

  Why don’t you go on vacation, so I can?

  “Gods don’t take vacations. It’s not something that’s done,” Hades said, leaning forward to wrap a lock of my hair around his finger.

  “Do you realize what I’d give to leave my kingdom for a week? Maybe two? Visit SeaWorld or the Grand Canyon?” Poseidon asked, tossing the mangled fruit aside as he popped a trident to life, pointing it at a nearby boulder, which shattered into a million pieces.

  “You travel for a living, brother,” Hades drawled, smiling. “That’s hardly the same thing.”

  “The hell it is! It’s all for work. If I had someone willing to help me, as you do…” He whistled, looking over at me appreciatively. “You have no idea what a gift she is.”

  “Awe, that’d be sweet if you hadn’t been such an ass to me lately,” I said, standing.

  “Where are you going?” Hades asked, reaching up to grab my arm.

  “To the bathroom, or do you need to accompany me there, too?”

  His eyes narrowed. “You don’t sound happy with me right now.”

  “No, I’m not, because nothing’s changed,” I said, shrugging him off. “You’ll never trust me on my own and you clearly don’t see me as an equal, either, so I’m wasting my breath trying to make you become someone you’ll never be. Hermes, Poseidon, thanks anyways.”

  “Emma, wait,” Hades said, half-standing. He looked from his brothers to me, a muscle ticking in his jaw.

  “If I do this, do you swear to me that you’ll be careful at all times?”

  “Yes.”

  “That you’ll listen to Poseidon and Hermes and won’t try to do everything yourself?”

  “C’mon, Hades, I’m not a kid.”

  He waited, eyebrows raised.

  “Yes, fine. I promise.”

  “That you’ll retreat the second the souls become too much for you to handle?”