Sophie's Heart

by Lori Wick

  Rita stared at her. Her friends were the very problem. Rita was a petite, very attractive girl with a sweet personality. She was asked out on a fairly regular basis, and her friends always gave her a hard time when she said no. Some of the guys she refused couldn't handle it either-they would call her a snob. But the worst problem was the girls who were supposed to be her closest friends. They didn't understand at all. The only one who never acted that way was Tina. In just a few short sentences, Sophie had given her plenty to think about.

  "Are you all right now, Rita?"

  "Yes, Sophie, I am." Her voice held new resolve. "I don't need to do this until I'm ready, no matter what anyone says."

  Sophie smiled at her. She didn't think a fear of intimacy was a good thing, but maybe they could talk of that later. She stood to go, but knew she had to say one more thing.

  "I do not wish to push in, Rita, but I want to have say. If God has a mate for you, it will be a most wonderful thing in your life. No matter how long or short a time we have with someone, our life is bigger than if we had never had them at all."

  Rita nodded, her mind still busy as they bid one another good night. Sophie walked from the room, but Rita never moved from her place. When Alec and Craig came in just after 9:00, she was still sitting there. Craig went directly upstairs to shower, but when Alec came through, he spotted his oldest child and joined her in the family room.

  "How did the studying go?" he asked as soon as he sat down.

  "It was all right. Dad, do you wish you'd never even met Mom, rather than have to say good-bye like we did?"

  Alec did not answer immediately-not because he didn't know the answer, but because her question seemed to have come out of nowhere.

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  "If you remember, Rita," Alec began, "I met your mother at Bible school."

  Rita nodded, and Alec continued softly.

  "I had been here at the University of Wisconsin, struggling with my studies and wanting someone to date. But I didn't know any other believers, so I constantly kept my guard up with the women on campus. By the time I got to Bible school, I was convinced that I would have a Christian-girl smorgasbord on my hands." They both smiled at the description, and then Alec went on. "I wish I could tell you that I was interested in your mother for her spiritual qualities, but the truth is I thought she was pretty. When she smiled at me across the table over lunch one day, my heart turned over.

  "We began to date the second week of school, and I asked her to marry me a month later. I gave her a ring at Christmas, and we were married the next July. It was a long engagement, but not a long courtship, and I believe there is a difference. Was it the right thing? Yes, I believe it was, but it was all a little too fast. We had a rocky first year of marriage since we really hadn't taken enough time to get to know each other, and we were both very selfish. Neither of us spent much time in our Bibles or at church.

  "Now she's gone, and you want to know if I'm sorry for ever having known her. The answer is an unqualified no, I'm not sorry. But, Rita," Alec leaned forward in his chair, "Iamsorry that I didn't handle things differently. We should have courted longer, set up standards for our whole marriage. I feel we floundered spiritually far too much, especially in the last few years before she died. We had really drifted from church activities, and our hunger for God seriously waned. There were so few people outside of the family who came around when your mom died, and the reason is obvious: Our world had shrunk down to just the five of us.

  "My closest friend is your Uncle David, but he lives in Chicago. Your mother had been getting more involved with the women's Bible study and such, but both of us preferred going to the lake to sitting in church. That was wrong. I know I've strayed off your question, but it's not as easy as yes or no. I have regrets and I'm working to repair what I can, but there is no remorse whatsoever that I knew and married your mother. She was beyond precious to me and will always live in my heart. Does that make sense?"

  "Yeah, it does." It was amazing that they both weren't crying, so Alec said, "Why did you ask, Rita?"

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  "Because Sophie and I were talking, and she said that whenever we have someone it doesn't matter how long or short, it's just good that we had them at all."

  "She's right, but it's perfectly normal to wonder if maybe it wouldn't have been easier to have skipped the whole thing. I might be feeling that way if it wasn't for you kids. I feel like part of me is missing with your mother gone, but the thought of never having you kids is simply not to be considered."

  Rita nodded, obviously still thinking. Alec thought she looked tired.

  "To bed, Rita."

  "All right. Are you coming up?"

  "Yes, I've got to get to Craig before he takes all the hot water."

  It was a comfortable note to end on, and with it Alec and Rita made their way upstairs for the night.

  **

  "Rita's birthday is in a few days. She'll be 17," Alec told Sophie. He had come home in the middle of the day on Friday. "Let's see," he reached for the calendar in the kitchen. "It's next Wednesday, September 27, and I wondered if you could bake a cake."

  "Of course, Mr. Riley. What flavor does Rita want?"

  "We're all chocolate hounds."

  Sophie made a note.

  "Is it to be big party and big cake?"

  "No, just after dinner with the five of us."

  "I will do this. Is there any other item, maybe ice cream?"

  "Yes, and you can ask her what she wants to eat that night."

  Sophie nodded and made more notes on a piece of paper. She then looked up to see Alec watching her.

  "I didn't have a chance to thank you for staying with Tory last night and for all the work you do here. I appreciate it very much, Sophie."

  "You are welcome, Mr. Riley." It was clear that she wanted to say something else, so Alec remained quiet. Finally it came.

  "I think I did not misunderstand, Mr. Riley, but I do not know about money. Will I have payday soon?"

  "Oh, good night!" Alec exclaimed, and Sophie blinked at him. "I was going to call my accountant and forgot. I'll do that right now. I'm sorry, Sophie. I'll have a check to you by the end of the day."

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  He started to rise, but Sophie stopped him.

  "But I did not work this week always, and last week one day I was not here and Mrs. Frazier did jobs and-"

  "You arrived on September 11, is that right?" Alec pointed to that Monday on the calendar, and Sophie nodded. "Then that's all I need to know."

  With that he was gone, and Sophie was left alone in the kitchen. She made a few more notes on her pad and went back to the sink of dishes. She was up to her elbows in suds when Alec reappeared and picked up the phone.

  "Here, Sophie,come and talk to Jeff. He's my accountant and needs the spelling of your name and some other information."

  Sophie swiftly dried her hands and took the phone. She heard a click from the phone in Alec's office and then someone saying hello.

  "Hello," she answered back, and in a moment had given Jeff what she knew by heart. He would call back in 15 minutes for her social security number and green card information, giving Sophie time to get her purse.

  Just minutes after she was off the phone, Alec shouted a goodbye from the front door and that he would be back for dinner. Sophie didn't really have time to answer, but that was not important. What was important was that the kids would be home from school in two hours and she still had dozens of things to do.

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  IT NEVER OCCURRED TO SOPHIE to take Saturday off, so she was down in the Rileys' kitchen by 7:00 that morning. Tory was already in the family room watching cartoons, so Sophie started to make bread. It would have to rise for most of the day. She thought little of this until Mr. Riley appeared in the kitchen wearing a pair of shorts, but no shirt or shoes.

  It then became clear why Sophie never thought to take the day off-she didn't realize it was Saturday. Alec looked surprised to see her as well, but Sophi
e missed his startled expression. Feeling rather uncomfortable with his presence, she was too busy looking at the floor. Alec came to the rescue.

  "I'm going to catch up on the newspapers in the family room, Sophie. Maybe you could make some coffee."

  "Of course, Mr. Riley."

  The reason Alec didn't simply tell her she needn't work that day was because he was leaving in a few hours to check on two of the houses he was building. He had been feeling guilty about being gone, but with Sophie here he now pushed the thought out of the way. He disappeared back upstairs for a shirt, and she continued with her work.

  There was a lot to do on this day, so as soon as Sophie could, she escaped to the out-of-doors where she worked on the neglected borders along the side of the house and the garage. She had never been asked to see to the yard, but it was something she enjoyed, and no one else seemed to be concerned with it.

  It was drawing close to noon when she made her way back toward the house and heard Tory's voice raised in frustration.

  "Please, Rita. Please go with me."

  "No, Tory. I don't want to. Ask Craig."

  "He already said no, and Dad's gone so he can't make him."

  "Well, I'm not going either."

  Sophie came on the scene just as Rita was disappearing back indoors.

  "Hi, Tory."

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  "Hi, Sophie," she said with an angry frown. "Rita won't go skating with me."

  "Well," Sophie said reasonably, "it is not fun to do something if you do not want to."

  "But she doesn't have a good reason to say no." Tory's voice told Sophie of her outrage.

  "I would go with you, Tory, but I have no skates."

  Tory's face lit up like a beacon. "You would go skating with me?"

  "Yes, I like to skate, but I have no-"

  "Craig!"Tory bellowed before Sophie could finish and dashed into the house as if the seat of her shorts were on fire. Sophie followed more slowly and, before she could even get the dirt washed off her hands, Tory was back downstairs bearing a pair of black in-line skates.

  "These are Craig's old ones. I know they'll fit you."

  "Oh, Tory," was all Sophie could say.

  "Don't you want to go?" The little girl looked crestfallen.

  Sophie struggled for words. While living in Chicago she had seen many skaters on skates where the wheels were all in a line, but she never imagined herself actually skating on them.

  "Yes, Tory," she finally managed. "I'll go, but I've never done these ones."

  "Oh. You mean in-line skates?"

  "Yes."

  "It's easy, Sophie," Tory said with complete confidence. "I think it's easier than roller skates."

  Sophie was clearly skeptical but wasn't given a chance to reply since Rita came back on the scene, her skates in hand.

  "I'll go with you, Tory," she said. "Tina was supposed to call, but I'm tired of waiting."

  "Oh, Tory," Sophie practically stuttered with relief. "Rita is here to go with you now."

  But when Rita found out Sophie was willing to skate, she and Tory both begged her to go. Sophie, thinking she'd gotten out of it when Rita showed up, was horrified to hear herself agreeing. With a rather heavy heart, she headed upstairs to put on her only pair of slacks. They were navy polyester and did nothing for her figure, but they were better than a skirt.

  Twenty minutes later the three ladies were skating down the sidewalk, Sophie's mouth wide open as she gasped in panic, and Tory already shrieking with laughter.

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  "You're doing it, Sophie!" the youngest girl called.

  "I am going to fall."

  "No, you're not."

  In truth Sophie was doing better than she had expected, but they were just coming to the edge of the court and her ankles and calves were already screaming at her. The girls took her around the corner to the park, and it was at that point that Sophie begged them to stop. She collapsed on the grass, arms and legs thrown out, mouth open wide and searching for air.

  "Sophie's heart is going to stop in her chest," Sophie gasped.

  The girls had flopped beside her, both grinning unrepentantly.

  "Do you do this often?" she now wished to know.

  "Not as much as before Mom died," Rita admitted.

  Sophie came up on one elbow and searched the faces beside her. They were both so different. Clearly, Rita was going to be small. Her bone structure was fine and her figure slim. Tory, however, was already showing signs of being as sturdy as Alec and Craig. She was fairly tall, and her body had a solidity to it that spoke of strong athletic ability.

  "Did your mother come skating with you?" Sophie asked after a slight pause, still trying to catch her breath.

  "Yes, but she didn't like to skate, so she rode her bike."

  Sophie's mouth opened in surprise, and the girls laughed.

  "You make me skate until I think heart will fail in my chest when there is bicycle. You are cruel," Sophie teased them. Again the girls laughed, but it didn't take long for them to sober.

  "Everything is so different now," Rita spoke with her eyes out over the park. There were people scattered here and there, mostly mothers with little ones. "I keep thinking she's going to walk back in the door and say it was all a big mistake. I can't believe I still feel that way. I mean, it's been almost a year."

  "I have the date marked on my calendar," Tory admitted softly.

  "Do you, Tory?" her sister asked. "I didn't know that."

  "Well, I didn't want to tell." She looked so uncertain that Sophie wanted to cry. "Craig saw it and got mad, so I put it away in my desk."

  "What is the date, Tory?" Sophie asked gently.

  "October 12."

  Sophie nodded with understanding. "My mother died when I was very young, and every year we put flowers on her grave. Maybe your father will want to do that with you."

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  "I don't know," Rita said doubtfully. "It sounds so depressing."

  "It was very sad during those first years," Sophie admitted. "But my grandmother believed it was important to remember even if it hurt, and now I am very glad that we did."

  "How old were you?" Tory asked.

  "Only three."

  "But you still had your dad?" the little girl pressed.

  "For a time, but he died when I was seven."

  "Is it too personal if I ask how old you are now, Sophie?"

  "No, Rita, that is fine. I am 28."

  The girls both fell silent. Twenty-one years without your parents seemed like an eternity to them, and yet Sophie appeared to have adjusted very well. In fact, Rita thought she was one of the kindest people she'd ever met. But right now it was impossible to believe that even all those years could dull the ache inside her. She knew it was the same for Tory and Craig.

  As if Rita had called his name, Craig skated into view. He spotted them immediately and joined them on the grass.

  "What are you guys doing?"

  "Just talking."

  "Is Dad back yet?" the youngest Riley wished to know.

  "No." Craig sounded irritated. "He said he'd be just a few hours, but you know how that always goes."

  "He'll take tomorrow off," Tory reminded in his defense.

  "If he doesn't get a phone call." Again Craig sounded angry. Sophie's heart ached for him. Anger did no good. It solved nothing and made the angry person impossible to live with. She had witnessed it in her own father until he realized he was scaring his small daughter to the point of alienating her. When Sophie had desperately needed him, he had terrified her. The night that it came to a head played in Sophie's mind as if it were happening all over again.

  He had come to get her at her grandmother's house. Her mother had been dead several months, and she had already turned four. Her grandfather was there, too, and when Sophie had heard her father coming she had run to hide under her grandparents' bed. The apartment was small, however, and she heard every word from the conversation in the next room.

  "It is alwa
ys the same," Vladamir grumbled as he landed hard on a kitchen chair. "They expect you to be loyal, but they treat you like dogs."

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  Neither Vasek nor Kasmira commented on this; they had heard it all before. Both were still thinking about Sophie's words to them just an hour earlier.

  "It is this system. Who can live with it! My wife dies and no one cares. I am expected to be back at work an hour after the funeral."

  "That was months ago, Vladamir. When will you let it go?"

  "Never! Never will I become soft. When you do that, they really stick it to you."

  "Is God not in control?" his father-in-law now asked him, but Vladamir only scowled and asked, "Where is Sophie?"

  His in-laws exchanged a look before Vasek said, "She is in the bedroom. She tells us that she doesn't want to go home with you anymore."

  "What nonsense is this?" The anger was back in full force. "I have no respect at work, and now my daughter thinks she can treat me this way. Come out here, Sophie! We're going home."

  Sophie did not move for several seconds, but then her father spoke in terrible anger.

  "Sophia! Do you hear me? Come!"

  She swiftly crawled from beneath the bed and came to the edge of the room. Her hands were on either side of her, tightly gripping the fabric of her dress. She stared at her father in terror, but he took little notice.

  "We're going home now," he said, his voice somewhat calmer.

  "Stay to eat," Kasmira entreated him. "We have plenty."

  "No." Vladamir was angry at her as well. "We go home."

  "Please, Vladamir, you're scaring her."

  "Nonsense! Come, Sophie!"

  Sophie looked back at her grandparents as she moved out the door, and it would be years before she would know that Vasek had been forced to physically restrain Kasmira from coming after her.

  Once they left the apartment, her father didn't speak. He was silent all the way home and remained silent even as he put out some dark bread and cheese for their supper. Sophie tried to eat, but little would go down her throat. The turning point came when her hand trembled so badly that she spilled her milk.

  "Oh, Sophie!" her father spoke in irritation. "Look at this mess and all over your clothes."