My Life - Wishy Washy

by Alexander Paw

  In the silence that followed that wonderful time, I let myself think about the abyss. I stumbled beyond, faster, out of control. I discerned I would kill again I just did not know for how long. Yet I knew the answer. I had always known.

  Yes! I was becoming a maniac. I wanted to kill everyman and demon who ever fucked my wife, if it was the last thing I would ever do, and I am a man who likes to do.

  For years during my walkabouts on earth at night looking for my next victim, I shouted into the madness. It began to rain with no letup in sight I sat shivering on a park bench. I saw my wife’s face. God has plans for you, she was saying. I buried myself deeper into my killings. I knew God would never forgive my sins so why go on and lie to myself to feel happy. I lost that feeling decades ago. It was then that God had spoken that time with love. I did not understand his words maybe I did not want to understand.

  Quit your killings. Refuse to drink blood … now and forever.

  As the rain eventually slowed to a steady downpour, I felt the power moving in my veins exactly as it had the night that I killed my uncle.

  Mouth-watering.

  I am reborn. I did not believe in man’s religious. As I stood up and tightened the collar around my neck firmly I was not at all surprised to see a young man staring at me in wonder. Kill no more, I reminded myself. Not for me, As I started to walk away, he took hold of my hand; he saw loneliness in my eyes. And with every passing moment I felt myself being drawn toward my lover of the night.

  “Where shall we go?” he asked softly. I tried to imagine a night of hot and dirty sex without killing afterward Joyful. I tried to read his eyes and sensed something else. He wanted a cock between his legs tonight and every night thereafter-

  He was a young man who had stayed a little too long in Bangkok Thailand and returned home with a man made pussy between his legs.

  Now two years later and since then no other man has traveled to that wonderful place. A Virgin I could be so lucky. It was then I looked in his eyes - he was leaving with me.

  Chapter 19

  We stood holding hands in the aisle of the Latter Day Saints Church. There were no more demons in my life, but many men. I finally opened the closet to a certain extent so to speak. He/she was staring at me. We were together at the altar standing in front of a man dressed entirely in black music playing in the background music of lyrics of here comes the bride. His face glimmered in the candlelight his/her last name was Ray, but moments later that changed to Browne, Chuck and Stevie Browne.

  I closed my eyes for a moment, and thought about her. She looked like a man. Walked liked a woman, talks like a woman makes love like a woman and with the right amount of makeup he/she could become all she. I opened my eyes and kissed her as if I had never kissed a man before. First to the post.

  ***

  Wow. Watch out woman.

  We lived a great life together, even thought it did not last very long – Nine years, nine months and nine days. She was bitten by the creeping crawling bug that kills … she caught cancer. 999

  Oddly, I no longer felt fear I will never love again. I no longer have acquaintances to fill the void in my life.

  I have prayed to my wife’s God. Show me the truth. Give me the strength and wisdom to carry on alone – and yes no more killings. However, I heard nothing back. I have come too far to fall short now. Hush. Sometimes I do not know what I have done wrong. I did not recognize the voice I heard in my mind, but the message was plain. It is not good for man to carry on by himself-

  Therefore, it was what I left everything behind I held my head up high and started walking on the staircase. Nothing could stop me now.

  The image and voice from long ago have returned. Nevertheless, it was too late, excessively late. “Where are you going?” the voice asked. “Up.”

  “I could give your heart back to kill millions,” the voice said as I moved closer toward the stairs.

  Legions of Golden Demon Gods appeared before me, voices were coming from every direction but these unfamiliar voices from long ago brought back with them joy and refreshment how abnormal from creatures that only find satisfaction in death of children And their shot in the arm stimulant is just more of the same.

  Death to all who enter! 999.

  You will go no farther. How diabolically poignant. More of Satan’s favorite numbers These three used together are the worst of the worst, you are lost forever and can never, by no means, on no account come back, so I’ve been catagorically told.

  Then again, rules should be broken isn’t that why they are made in the first place? I think so. I know you are thinking and that is very good. Go ahead break some rules and see where it gets’ y’all. You might like it. I did.

  Chapter 20

  Apathy is death. When there is darkness, there is no light. Without the Devil, there is good. I realized now the choice had always been mine. Should I stay or should I go?

  I started too walked up the stairs directly toward the light. I had made my decision. The fact that I had survived, this far in life, could only have been God’s will. Yahweh had saved me. I wondered why.

  Silence finally, broken by the chilling voice, “No!” Satan screamed in rage!

  Demon Gods rushed forward, trying their best to sway me back. The devil turned on me, wild-eyed, crazy. “Let him died.”

  I took a deep breath. My immortality was departing from me as fast as a cat on a hot tin roof. I knew the feeling that at the very least I would still live on for decades without sin in my blood.

  Eventually I was becoming extinct. Good for humankind don’t you agree – just another killer who was never in the spotlight.

  For centuries, I killed, raped and murdered innocent people . . . what else could I have done.

  We all give answers to questions that have no real implication. Training the mind to overshadow the heart hating God another answer for those too weak to accept that life is meaningless without God In your life.

  Remember the beginning where it all started? I asked who is God? Who is man? I found the answer: Yahweh is God. I am man. Is this how it was supposed to end? Is this God’s final test?

  Chapter 21

  Years later, I am still walking that path. I have refused to kill, even when I felt inside my bones it was justifiable to kill more humans after what I had seen, I let it be. It hurts me like a living hell I think this could be a blessing or a malediction from God or Satan I do not know the difference. However, I will tell you this I don’t enjoy it, and that being said that I really did enjoyed killing humans – men I mean real bad, bad men. Not all were bad, but I killed them all the same. Woman I hated killing them even if they deserved to die … who am I? I hated doing Satan’s dirty little works. I had no choice. Love of family don’t you have the same opinion?

  I do not look thirty - something anymore. My youth and good looks have faded. My heart God replaced so that I can keep on living, a life of an old man. I think I look around the same as any normal sixty year old man but, who said you have to be normal to be an old man?

  I have walked around this globe at least three times now. It seems that this staircase is never ending.

  I am living now in a different country than America the land of my birth. I think I am American but I would not bet against it.

  What I mean is this I speak English not good as most but that is my problem and I am dealing with it really I am. English is not their native tongue, they speak a few words some good some bad.

  I have tried to learn their language but it has become so hard for me the stumbling blocks make me mad and angry at these people not all of them are bad but the blood in my veins is warm again. My heart started thundering as I looked up and down the alleyway.

  When I saw him, my blood ran icy cold. I walked the other way.

  The chaos and madness coursing through my veins at this very instant exceeded anything Satan the Devil had ever witnessed. No killing, no drinking blood, no supernatural vision - nothing in this world could possibly
match the way I was feeling at this moment.

  Yet, I wanted to kill, I felt abnormally separated, suspended there beside Satan and Yahweh at the top of the stairs. Their attendance seemed too futuristic, as if stepping out of a time machine. Here we go again.

  I felt I was in some sort of post-traumatic trance; I am possessed by demons again. I began to speak, whispering to seen spirits of God, looking up at the sky and raising my hands to God asking him to murder me please to put me out of my misery.

  There was only dead silence.

  In that moment, God began to speak. I knew I was going to die.

  Satan and his demons watched in panic stricken terror! He went mad. He knew I was talking to God!

  “Kill him; kill him now,” Satan screamed hysterically, “before God takes him away.”

  Satan’s eyes became red and inflamed with fire, in his evil state, and tattoos branded on my ass, I felt looked like some champion of weather-beaten titleholder who had overcome Satan’s reign of fire. Moreover, he yelled out to the tenth heaven. “I hear you God! And you can’t have him Satan screeched in blind panic.”

  His demons were below them on the stairs; Satan was on the edge of madness, apparently having second thoughts. Satan backed off, a look of awe on his demonic face.

  For a moment, it was as if the silence had fallen across the days of our lives or at the very least mine.

  The demons kept looking up the stairs, before a God that only spirit creatures can see. They looked at Satan and then their eyes flew back to God, I was sure they were looking as pallor blinded me. They raised their arms to the heavens and, looking at me, they whispered, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”

  My face was radiant now I could feel the heat. Like the sun breaking through the Hawaiian clouds after a stormy day.

  I looked up at the sky, still asking questions. I assumed, “Is today the day that I will die?”

  Chapter 22

  The midmorning sky was blue with the right amount of pink, orange, yellow and green with clouds as the rain finally stop.

  Far below, I sat, looking up once again at the heavens – watched in thoughtful silence the final chapter of my life. An angel of god approached me from behind and touched my shoulder “It’s time,” the angel said. I smiled back, “I’ve been waiting all my life for this day.” I ran my fingers over the top of my head, and took a deep breath. “I’m ready when you are.” He smiled back. “How does this work I asked?” Embarrass, today of all days I was going to paint my house, start writing a novel and thinking about buying a new VW. “I wondered if I might offer you,” and then-

  ***

  EPILOGUE

  I awoke with a start. I had been dreaming. I saw vividness everywhere. Is this life or death?

  My body felt neither cold nor warm but deeply contented. I remember talking about VW’s. I slowly looked around; I realized now what had awoken me the nightmare the day of my death. Hallelujah. I stood still for a long moment.

  Thinking about that day, I walked toward the brilliant light. Stepping inside, I began to hear voices. Come on. Then she was there she was, I walked to her. Stepping closer, she reached out for me her hands massaging my neck. Sometime later, we were flying in heaven daylight was everywhere! The days of sleep had left me completely and yet my mind felt unusually wide awake.

  “Where are we going?” I asked this angel of God. “Remember your promise to our son? We are going to see him now.” “Ah yes, a promise is a promise.”

  AUTHOR’S AFTER THOUGHTS

  The Devil is a liar, right from the very beginning of time remember in the garden of Eden?

  Likewise, with the boy he never really cared about him. He pretended to love him and take care of the boy, and as he grew into a man his body became so dirty inside crammed full of evil thoughts with demonic teachings of the God’s he would believe anything to please his father and master. He did just so.

  He never made time for his family except one that you know of. He felt sorry and sad inside knowing that he should have made more effort to get to know his mother better, his two sister and of course his brother … they weren’t bad people. I not saying this because they were his family, I am saying this because they were good better than most.

  He was the bad one, the chosen one that Satan watched until his tenth birthday then Satan took him away and filled his heart with hatred of man, and it was then that he began his teaching of demons.

  When Charlie Browne accepted the key from his wife The Devil did a back over summersault which was just one-step closer to his true objective: to lie, steal the key, and finally have control over the abyss of hell.

  Nevertheless, like all things – finding the truth and becoming free made Charlie a better person. He read the images in both of their eyes put the four together. And realized his one true purpose in life wasn’t killing but helping God in heaven and becoming one of the 144,000 thousand humans to rule over mankind on earth to make it a paradise after Satan and his demons are destroy forever along with the abyss and the golden key.

  The Second day of paradise has already started.

  ONE LAST THOUGHT

  When you live with the Devil in your life and finally he has no more control over you, it is fitting to see him and his demons die for the last time.