A Little Bit of Us

by A. E. Murphy

  “I know Maya, I know.”

  I nod and calm myself down with a few tiny breaths. James tugs my lower lip from my teeth and grins cheekily, “I have been here the past six weeks too, you know.”

  “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’m just…” my eyes burn as I gaze down upon my little angel. “This is so hard!”

  “She’ll be fine.” He heads to the door with me on his heels. “Say bye, bye to mommy.”

  I kiss her cheeks, her nose, her eyelids, her eyebrows, her hands… he just pulled her away from me. Can’t he see I’m not finished? And he’s gone. I click my fingers over and over and rock back and forth whilst making squelching noises with my lips. It’s good, it’s all good. She’ll be fine. Sylvia is great with her, she’s barely left since she was born. Ok, now to occupy myself until James comes back. I know!

  Maya: Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The

  Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

  Jacob: Love it! I haven’t had one of these from you in a while. Even though it’s shit I’m just laughing because of the fact it’s been so long! I forgot how happy these make me.

  Maya: wow… overly emotional much?

  Jacob: How could I forget how much of a bitch you are?

  Maya: I didn’t forget how uncreative you are… but thanks for the reminder anyway ;)

  Jacob: Grrr!

  Maya: And again… great comeback. It’s so good I just metaphorically peed a little. ;)

  Jacob: Don’t ever text me again… I despise you… P. S. I’m back in the city in four months! I’ll be crashing at yours! HI JAMES! THANKS JAMES!

  Maya: He doesn’t check my phone anymore :) That sounds shit… I’m still trying to get the stink out from the last time you stayed! I found the green watch behind my TV the other day… I could see it glowing :’)

  Jacob: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Classic! I was wondering where that went!

  Maya: Oh, I forgot to ask if you were going to bring my Christmas present with you this time… the one you conveniently forgot at Christmas and then forgot on your next visit too.

  Jacob: Yeah! Definitely… totally… I promise… umm… where did I put that?

  Maya: Deja Moo: The feeling that I’ve heard this bull before.

  Jacob: OH my fucking god… Maya. You really are a funny girl. Seriously, just read that out on set. They’re laughing their asses off. Should do stand up.

  Maya: I do it standing… sitting… laying… oh wait, you meant comedy… yeah I cud probably do that too :’) James is back gotta go!

  “How is she?” I blurt and grip the front of his jacket. “Is she ok? Did she settle ok?”

  “Babe, I just dropped her off on the doorstep and ran. No big deal,” he deadpans. He better be fucking kidding… oh thank god, he’s grinning and winking. He’s joking! “Right. What shall we do for the rest of the afternoon?”

  Sleep?

  Who the hell are you? I don’t even know you anymore! I’m leaving and I’m taking your minky with me!

  “How about a nap?” I suggest around a yawn and look down at my pink and white flannel pajamas. “I’m already dressed for bed.”

  He shrugs his coat off and hangs it on the hooks by the door. “Sure.”

  I climb into bed as he strips down to his boxers. He then crashes on the bed face first. Within seconds we’re both sleeping. Go figure.

  Marie wants to ‘wet the baby’s head’, code for party. It’s nine at night, I’ve been asleep for five hours and all I want to do is sleep some more. Yet a night out doesn’t sound so bad either.

  “Are you going?” James asks as I climb out of bed and pad into the closet. Ah-ha, a gorgeous tight, navy blue dress that I have yet to wear. I pull it on and head to my vanity table to touch up my make up and put a bit of wax in my hair, I love my hair, and it’s so easily maintained unless I sleep on it wet. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  “Summer is going too, why don’t you call the boys? Or come with us?”

  He shakes his head a little sadly and puts his arm over his eyes, “I just thought…” thought what? “Never mind. When will you be home?”

  “I don’t know, not too late I imagine. I feel really,” sigh, “Irresponsible you know? But I also feel like I really need to unwind, get out of the house for a bit. Take my mind off Evelyn for just a couple of hours.”

  “Ok,” he gives me a genuine smile and motions for me to go to him, I pull on my heels quickly and rush into his arms to give him a quick hug. Marie arrives not five minutes later. We squeal and hug and rush out into the night with Summer right beside us rolling her eyes and swaying side to side, she’s already drunk.

  “WOOOO!” Marie screams in my ear. We’re at a popular club in the city, name forgotten, wait… nope, it’s totally gone and there’s, there’s a band playing. They’re really good. Like really good. And they’re called, wait… shit… that’s gone too. Where’s my drink? “Thirsty?”

  “Noooooo,” I slur and attempt to shake my head which sends me staggering back a couple of paces and makes Marie and Summer giggle like schoolgirls. “Ok, I’ve… I’ve… hic… what was I goin’ to say?” Umm… “Oh, yeah… I’ve umm… reached my… whas that word? You know… for when you can’t… Is it lecture? No. That doesn’t sound right.” What the hell is it? “Limit. That’s it, limit. Let’s just dance!”

  Good plan. Dancing. As Marie said, “WOOOO!”

  I’m being good, we dance, alone and I drink lots of water. I think those four shots after arriving and two vodka and cranberry’s did me in. Bearing in mind I haven’t drank in a while I think I’m doing quite well. Now I just need to sober up to the tipsy stage, I’m teetering into the realm of wrecked which is not a good realm to be in.

  “Yeah baby!” Summer screams as Marie grinds up against an unknown male. I’m with Summer, fighting off males left right and center. It makes me feel kind of powerful when they ask me to dance or offer to buy me drinks. I never let a man buy me a drink not unless I know him and trust him. You should never be careless in a club to save a few dollars. What’s a few dollars of your own on a drink in comparison to date rape? Big difference. Be wary.

  We’ve been here three hours, it’s not even midnight yet and I’m so ready to go home, now I’m starting to sober up a little bit. I tell Summer, she pouts but agrees. Marie is… where the hell is she? She does this every fucking time I need to speak to her. Just vanishes. What a slut, but a loveable slut. Damn her.

  “She said… go ahead, I’m off with this dude,” Summer reads the text aloud. I kid you not. That’s exactly what it says. Did I honestly used to enjoy this? This feeling of losing control and being an idiot? Did I really think this was freedom? What a fool I was!

  We climb into the waiting car and I slip into a nap like state as we take off. He drops Summer off first before taking me home. I’m eager to climb under the covers. Really eager. Never drinking again… for real this time.

  Now I just need to make it up to my flat. Keys in hand, step into the elevator, wave goodbye to the receptionist guy. Done. Stagger into the hall, put my key in the door, open it. Done.

  “Good night?” James asks as soon as I walk in. “You look trashed.”

  “I was about an hour ago before I stopped drinking,” I drop my bag on the floor and kick off my heels. James narrows his eyes on me, “What did you do? Where did you go?”

  I walk past him and flop onto the couch as soon as it nears, “Just out, listened to a band play for a bit. Got bored, came home. It was really an uneventful and a shit night if I’m honest.”

  He sits by my feet and stays silent. I know what’s going through his mind, I know why he let me go alone. To build his trust in me. He needed this night away from me as much as I did from him.

  So I reassure him, “I didn’t even look at another guy James. The thought never even occurred to me.” His shoulders lower a little but the tension doesn’t completely seep away from his beautiful form.

  “I don�
��t think I can do this Maya,” do what? “I can’t sit by and watch you have a life. I know that sounds awful and I know it’s wrong but… I’m going to have to leave soon. You’re clearly not changing your mind any time soon and tonight killed me. It also answered that question for me.”

  “What question?” now I’m sober. What’s he saying exactly?

  “If you really wanted to be with me… you wouldn’t have left tonight. We both know it’s true.” That’s the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever heard come from his mouth. “Evelyn is big enough now, you aren’t breast feeding. One week on, one week off.” He expects me to keep away from my daughter for an entire week? Hell no!

  “You’re leaving?” I croak, I’m shocked, hell, what the fuck do I do now?

  “I’m going to bed. I’ll pack in the morning.”

  “Like hell you will!” I shout and tuck my legs beneath me. “This is fucking stupid James. I’ve gone out for three hours, to unwind. I offered for you to come I just assumed you’d like some time alone! Stop being ridiculous.”

  He gapes at me like I’m crazy, I probably am. “Now you’re being selfish. You don’t want me but it’s ridiculous for me to leave! Why Maya? Why? Why torture me like this any longer? Just say the damn words! It’s over. I’m sick of this fucking seesaw, every time I think we’re getting somewhere…” he throws his arms in the air in exasperation and lets them slap back onto his lap. “We end up arguing about the same shit! Tell me what it is you want me to do? Why all of these games?” He jumps up from the couch, I follow him into the bedroom. He’s packing, wait… that’s not right. “You can have her this week. I’ll pick her up next Sunday.”

  “All of this because I went out?”

  “No Maya,” He throws more things into his case. Why is this happening? “Tell me what you want. Tell me why you’re doing this.”

  Say something! Or just stand there gaping whilst he packs his bag.

  “What about when I start dating? Will that bother you? Truly?” I’m still gaping, dammit brain… WORK! “I’m tired, I’m stressed, I miss you! I miss sleeping with you as my fucking wife. I miss being inside of you. I miss you… I miss your quirky shit. Play a damn prank on me, squirt syrup into my shoes… I don’t care. I just want you.”

  A tiny gasp escapes me. What the fuck do I say? What the fuck do I do? I don’t want him to leave… “Don’t go now.” I plead a little pathetically and grab his arm that’s holding the case as he makes a move for the door. “Not now. Sleep on it. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

  “I’m done talking. Why are you doing this? Let me go.”

  “I CAN’T!” I practically scream loud enough to wake up the entire apartment building. My entire body seems to shrivel a little as he reaches for the door. “I can’t. Let you go.”

  “Why?” he doesn’t look back at me. “Why Maya? Why?”

  Say it. Admit it. Say something! “Because you’re mine,” my voice is barely above a whisper. Bingo. And the winner is.

  “What was that?” he looks back at me over his shoulder. I’m stood in the hall clutching my stomach to relieve the panic and the pain. “Repeat that Maya. I didn’t hear you.”

  “Because you’re mine,” I shout without shame. “And I’m yours and I don’t…” He’s on me before I can finish my sentence. Which would have ended with, “I don’t want you to go. I need you.”

  “Finally. I made a mistake Maya, one I won’t be making again,” he practically snarls and slams his lips against mine. “I love you. I need you. I can’t live without you.”

  He loosens his grip, turns me to face him and carefully places my arms around his neck. He leans in, his gaze so full of heated passion that I nearly melt right here on the spot. My insides quiver with the look of pure lust and love coming from his sparkling greens. Nothing will ever compare to this. Nothing.

  When his lips touch mine, I can’t stop the trembling that shimmers through every fiber of my being. I hang on tightly as he nibbles at my mouth, barely registering his fingers at the waistband of my skirt. Every touch leaves a burning trail, making me ache for more.

  Then his hand is inside my panties, soft fingertips circle that sensitive bud as he pushes my skirt off my hips and lets it pool around my ankles. He dips one long finger into my core, then another, catching my cry in his mouth. I buck against him, needing more, needing him, just needing, as his thumb works that nub in perfect rhythm with his fingers against that perfect spot.

  I let my hands slide down over his broad chest, still hidden by his jacket so I slide that from his shoulders and drop it to the ground, his fingers get back to work instantly, and my fingers map the plane of his muscles all the way to the clasp of his pants. I open them, nipping along his smooth, shaven jaw as I reach inside, wrapping my hand around his warm length. He is big, I forgot how big, smooth, and oh-so-hard against my palm as I stroke him from base to tip. I groan as he slides his fingers out again and lifts me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist. He carries me to the bedroom and lays me down on the bed. Holding me tightly with one arm he shoves his clothing out of the way with the other followed by my own then enters me in one long, smooth thrust. It’s a little painful but so much more pleasurable. It has been far too long.

  My head falls back, exposing my neck to his mouth, my body is thrumming with the intensity of so much emotion and feeling between us. I feel his lips on my chest as my hands run through his hair and over his shoulders and back. His lips travel up my collarbone and again over my neck before stopping on the tip of my chin. I lift my head, eyes closed as I wait to feel his mouth on mine once more. Just that need to taste his lips, his tongue, to feel his teeth nibble on my swollen lips is almost unbearable.

  "Open your eyes, Maya," he breathes, and I do, slowly, wanting to savor every inch of his face before meeting his eyes. My insides twitch around him in anticipation. He pulses inside of me as I finally meet his gaze, glad at the intensity staring back at me, his eyes mirroring how I feel inside. "You're mine, Maya. That won’t ever change. I love you."

  “I love you too.” I feel tears spilling slowly down my cheeks as he moves. "I'm yours," I whisper against his lips.

  He rewards me with a kiss to rival all kisses that I’ve ever received from him and begins to move within me, sending spirals of pleasure rushing through my body. I let my eyes close again, giving myself over completely to the feel of his lips moving down my neck, his body locked tightly to mine. I feel whole, the part of me missing for so long now returned with little effort. How can something so simple between two people heal all of those broken pieces inside? Moving with him, I match his movements as I give myself over to the passion, the love, the lust, the desperation and the need.

  My body tightens, my tunnel grips him as his thrusts come faster and faster like the rhythm to a song, more insistent, more… just more. The tension inside becomes stronger, exploding out from my core with a shocking intensity as he comes inside of me with a guttural groan.

  “Maya!” he cries out and squeezes my ass with an almost bruising force.

  Suddenly I’m floating, hovering, all of the tension inside seems to fall away as I collapse in his arms. Still reeling from the best, most explosive orgasm of my life I cling to him as he rolls over still inside of me and hugs me against his chest. Wow. “I love you.”

  “Yeah, me too, and it will never change,” he smiles sheepishly and brushes my hair from my face, the tender gesture is enough to bring tears to my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too.”

  Epilogue

  “Nice Daisies,” James lips brush my ear as he speaks. I’m cradling a three month old Evelyn in my lap, he’s sitting behind me with his arms securely around my waist as stare at my father’s grave. Sure enough there are the same Gerber Daisies here as the last time I visited.

  “Hmm,” I respond and laugh as Evelyn grabs hold of the flowers we bought and aims them straight for her mouth. “Could you?” I hand him the baby and get to work on arranging our flowers. �
��So, it’s been a while… yet again. Sorry about that. I’ve had the baby, as you probably already know…” I giggle, totally inappropriate for a graveyard. “I feel stupid.”

  “Keep going.”

  “Evelyn can say dada, but she’s just making noise.”

  James pinches my side, “She knows what she’s saying.”

  “Whatever,” it’s true, she does know who she’s calling for. Smartest three month old in the entire world. “So… yeah.” Evelyn starts squirming and shows signs of restlessness which always leads to crying. “Will you take her back to the car? It’s cool out. I just need a minute.”

  He nods and kisses my forehead, “Come on stinkers. Let’s go get your diaper changed.”

  I watch his retreating form. A broad smile on my face as Evelyn’s giggles float through the silent air as he blows raspberries on her neck whilst walking. Such a beautiful sight.

  With a heavy sigh I turn back to my father’s resting place, “Daddy. You did good.” I lock eyes with James, he’s looking back over his shoulder at me. “You did real good. Thank you.” A stray tear falls from my eye, I wipe it away, kiss my wet fingers and place them over his name. “If you hadn’t have thought ahead, I wouldn’t have this. I wouldn’t have James and I wouldn’t have Evelyn. Everything is perfect dad. I wish I’d listened to you, I should have tried harder, but things have worked out well. I just wish you could be here to meet her, she looks so much like you when she smiles, it’s heartbreaking and warming all at the same time.” Sigh. “What was my first word? I imagine it was daddy too. And if it wasn’t I apologize for that.” I take another glance around me, the place is empty still. “I miss you, so much.” Breathe in, breathe out. “Sometimes when I walk into the office I half expect to find you sat there shuffling through papers or shouting at someone on the phone. You never cared if I disturbed you, as soon as you saw me you’d smile as if I was your favorite person in the world. I promise I’m going to raise Evelyn with as much love as you gave me. This time, for once, I can honestly swear to you that I won’t let you down.”