Sweetest Desires (A Sweetest Day Romance)

by Beverly Taylor

Katharine sat up straight and gave a few more moments to her thoughts before rising and walking the rest of the way to CJ’s room. She knocked lightly and advanced forward without invitation even though she’d always taught her children to knock on a closed door and wait for permission to enter.

  CJ gave his mother a peripheral glance but otherwise ignored her presence and continued playing the game on his PlayStation.

  “CJ, I need your undivided attention.”

  “Huh? Okay,” he said, continuing to indulge himself with his game.

  Katharine removed the control panel from his hands. “Sit up, please.”

  Sulking, CJ wiggled out from underneath the comfortable blanket and scooted to the edge of the mattress. He wasn’t in the mood to have a discussion about his father’s absence. He just wanted to play his game. Katharine knew all this.

  She sat next to him on the bed. “Sometimes it’s hard being a grown-up,” Katharine began, “just like sometimes it’s hard being eight years old.” She watched CJ’s bland expression. “Sometimes mommies and daddies don’t agree with each other and they end up arguing and yelling at each other, like daddy and I have been doing lately.” Katharine really hated to have this talk with CJ, but it was necessary. “We don’t like arguing, so daddy and I are going to live apart for a while.” She put her arm around his shoulders. “But it’ll only be just for a little while until we can make things better between us.”

  CJ nodded as if he understood her explanation. “I wish . . . .” He left the sentence unfinished, but glanced quickly at his mother and then away.

  Katharine suspected he was wishing things could be like they once were when everything was fine.

  Looking up through droopy eyes, he said, “How long is daddy going to be gone?”

  Katharine really didn’t have the answer, but there was someone she knew that did. “Let’s talk to God.” She motioned CJ to kneel beside her as she prayed. “Lord, you know all about this situation, and I know you’ll work it out in your way and in your time. It’s up to you now. Amen.”

  “Amen,” CJ repeated. “And Lord, please bring Daddy home and don’t let him and Mommy argue anymore. Amen.”

  Katharine took in his worried expression and it seemed like she could read his thoughts. She presumed he’d wondered how many other houses had arguing parents living in them, and how many of those children talked to God about it.

  They rose from their knees and Katharine kissed him lightly on the head. She felt assured deep down—knowing that she was trusting God to handle things.

  As she paraded down the stairs to rejoin Natalie, she thanked God for making the talk with CJ easy.

  “God kept his promise,” Katharine said entering the kitchen where Natalie was preparing sandwiches to go along with the tea.

  Natalie smiled brightly. “All right now! I guess that means all’s well that ends well?” She gave Katharine a quizzical glance before changing the subject. “Uh, look, honey. Not trying to pry—scratch that—yeah, I’m prying,” she corrected. “When I went to look for the tea bags, I saw some breasts enlargement pills in your cabinet. Then I noticed these breasts enlargement pumps.” She picked them up and dangled them in the air. “At first, I couldn’t figure out what they were, but then it became clear. Are you getting desperate or what?”

  Katharine hesitated and then said, “I hid them in the empty cabinet because Carson never opens it. But, yeah, to answer your question, I’ve been trying alternatives.”

  “Alternatives?”

  “You know. Alternatives like nutritious food, exercise, all-natural cosmetics, herbal ingredients, alternative medicines, and pumps and injections to make my breasts and buttocks fuller, firmer, and larger. I’m sure it would please Carson if I improved my appearance dramatically.”

  “Maybe it would, but if you believe those methods work, I have a fourteen piece place settings of fine, authentic White House China I’d like to sell you.” She bounced her eyeballs around comically. “Seriously, the only thing I’ve noticed about your appearance is that you’ve lost weight. You’re getting too thin, but your hips seem to be expanding.” She jerked as if a bright idea suddenly struck her. “Wait a minute.” Her hands went to her hips. “Wait just a hot minute.” She smiled broadly. “Girl, are you pregnant?”

  “Me? Pregnant?”

  “Don’t hold out on me, Kat.”

  “I wish I were. Maybe that would’ve kept my marriage intact.”

  Natalie’s smile disappeared.

  “I see you’ve noticed these hips.” Katharine grinned, grabbing onto them as if they were grapefruits. “Collagen injections. I’ve been getting injections in my hips.”

  “You’ve been what?”

  “Don’t get crazy. It’s all part of the body enhancement program.”

  “Have you lost your ever-loving mind?” Natalie scoffed. “Sounds risky.”

  “It’s safe and painless. A lot of white women get the injection in their lips to make them fuller.”

  Natalie crossed her arms, pursed her lips to mimic a plumped-up mouth, and shook her head in opposition to the whole idea.

  “For the past couple of weeks, even before I found the girlie magazines,” Katharine frowned, “I’ve tried almost everything to enlarge my breasts and butt, and you’re right, nothing is working. But there’s one thing I haven’t tried, and it just might be the solution to my marital problems.”

  Chapter 13

  Carson woke several times during the night, wondering what he was going to say to his children about his absence. When the alarm finally went off and he found himself alone in the efficiency apartment he’d rented just to have a place to go, he showered and dressed as quickly as possible. Breakfast was the last thing on his mind, but coffee, he thought, would relax his nerves for the confrontation with Katharine. Luckily, it was a Saturday when neither of them had to go to work, but he did have some things to do at the office later. He stopped at a convenience store and bought a large cup of black coffee without sugar, but the only relief it offered was a fresh, rich flavor.

  He wondered whether Katharine had made breakfast. Maybe he could eat with them. Even better, he could take the children out for breakfast and tell them there. On second thought, what if Bethany began to cry in the restaurant when she heard that he was leaving? The customers would look at him suspiciously. No. He decided it would be better inside the four walls of their home.

  As Carson pulled into the driveway and retrieved his key from the ignition, he stopped to admire the bush garden and the graceful pines that stood like palace guards on either side of the porch. A cool breeze played hide-and-seek among the fragrant evergreen needles. He inhaled it all in one long breath.

  Before approaching the door, he took time to gaze at the homes across the street. As beautiful as they were, he’d never paid them much attention before. Not twenty-four hours had passed, and already things looked different. He’d never even noticed the doorbell had a built-in nightlight. Usually, he entered the house through the garage.

  Even though his house keys hung on the same chain as his car keys, Carson decided to press the chime. He felt weird—rather like a cold-call salesman or a Jehovah’s Witness intruding on Katharine’s Saturday morning.

  Rays from the rising sun shone brilliantly through the high windows in the open foyer as Katharine opened the door, looking exceptionally radiant. She stood back, allowing him in without a word.

  “Hello, Kat,” he whispered. “You’re looking particularly lovely this morning.”

  Katharine opened her mouth and closed it again as if she wanted to ask a question but was afraid of his answer. She lowered here eyes, swallowed, and tried again. “Are we going to have a civilized conversation?” she inquired.

  “I hope so since we’re on the same team.”

  Katharine shut and locked the door behind Carson. Her hands were trembling, and he watched as she balled her guarded fingers into a fist and raised it to her mouth.

  “Is everything all righ
t?” Carson asked.

  She paused and then asked harshly, “What do you think?”

  “I have an idea,” he replied.

  “Carson,” Katharine breathed and then broke off as if afraid to put in words what she was thinking.

  “Yes?”

  She looked at him with resignation. “Never mind. Just make your peace with the children.”

  He followed her into the kitchen where Bethany and CJ were seated, having breakfast.

  “Daddy!” Bethany said, her voice lively with surprise and pleasure as she jumped up from her chair and ran toward him.

  He bent down and flung his arms around her tightly, pulling her up with him as he rose, then letting her down easily.

  “You are the most beautiful daughter in the world,” Carson said as she sat down in her place again.

  Carson turned toward CJ, who fixed his shrewd black eyes on his father for a long moment.

  “I’m pleased to see you looking both handsome and intelligent,” Carson said.

  “What does that mean, Daddy?” whispered Bethany.

  “It means your brother is a smart young man, and good looking too.”

  “Yuck!” Bethany teased.

  CJ clenched his fist at his sister. “Shut up before I—”

  He looked at his mother’s imploring expression and broke off, frowning fiercely at Carson.

  Carson rubbed the top of CJ’s head lightly. CJ jerked away.

  Carson dropped his eyes for a moment and then said to CJ, “Do you suppose I can talk to you and your sister?”

  CJ shrugged.

  “What about, Daddy? Are you not going to live with us anymore?” Bethany’s eyes filled with tears.

  “Whatever,” CJ murmured, keeping his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

  Although surprised, Carson was a bit relieved to know that Katharine had done the dirty work for him. “Do me a favor,” Carson said to CJ. “Just let me have a moment of your time. It’s very important.”

  CJ moved his palm over his cheek. After giving it some thought, he started to answer. “I don’t—”

  Katharine’s hands tightened subtly, warningly, on CJ’s shoulders.

  “I don’t know—well, I guess—all right,” CJ said, his low, husky voice rose and fell all in one swooping breath.

  “Wait,” Katharine whispered urgently to Carson, putting her hand on his upper arm and guiding him out of the children’s hearing range.

  Carson arched his right eyebrow in wordless query as he covered Katharine’s fingers with his own.

  “Don’t you think we need to rehearse what you’re going to say?” she asked, sounding a little desperate.

  Carson nodded. He had spent most of the night mentally rehearsing his speech, but now he could hardly think. He was intensely aware of Katharine’s soft hand under his and the fragrance of her newly washed hair.

  Bethany tugged on the back of his shirt, snapping him out of his reverie.

  “Daddy, what do you want to talk about?”

  “You,” Carson said, his voice both tight and soft. He bent to kiss her cheek. “Let me talk with your mother for a moment first.” He glanced at CJ, who was reading the cereal box. “Go over there with your brother. I’ll be right back.”

  With a small show of reluctance, she returned to her chair.

  “Kat.” He pulled her farther away from the children’s listening ears. “I don’t know whether I’m coming or going in my personal life. I do know that I need to be alone. I need space. You and I never really had time to be single, dating others and being free to come and go. We missed all that. We were so young.”

  She pulled her hand away from his grip. “If you’re looking for my sympathy, you’ve come to the wrong place. I’m sick and tired of hearing people marrying too young as an excuse when their marriages fail. Marriage has to be worked at—every day of your life. Everything won’t always be peachy. It sounds to me like you want to date other women. Is that what you want, Carson?”

  “I told you before this isn’t about other women. It’s about me wanting—” He cut himself off, seeing from her tight lips and glaring eyes that he was getting nowhere. “Well, anyway, I don’t exactly know what’s going on with me, but I need some me time to find out.” He dragged his hand slowly down his unshaven face. “Maybe I’m going through an early midlife crisis. I don’t know.”

  The memory of their last quarrel flitted through his mind, and he guessed she was remembering it too.

  “I—I also want to have the children on the weekends.” He cleared his throat in hopes that it would give him the confidence to continue. “Kat, it’s hard enough knowing I won’t see them during the weekdays. Besides, it’ll give you a break to do some drawing, painting, shopping or girltalking with Natalie. I think it’s only fair to all involved that I have them on the weekends.”

  “First of all, Carson,” Katharine retorted, “you do most of your traveling on the weekends, so how would CJ and Bethany fit into that schedule? And, second—”

  “I have it all figured out. You know I always travel with my assistants, Ron and Liza, right? Well, while I’m interviewing, they’ll keep an eye on—”

  “Ron and Liza?” her voice rose. “Ron and Liza have barely reached the legal drinking age and are trying to forge their own future in sports media. They don’t have time to lug two small children around while you have all the fun. Have you taken a leave of your senses? It’s apparent you haven’t put much thought into your plan.”

  Katharine was livid. “This conversation is over. Besides, there is no way I’ll allow you to deprive me of my weekends with the children. I certainly won’t deprive you of your visitation rights—provided it doesn’t interfere with my plans.”

  Carson’s cheeks swelled with anger. He’d thought Katharine would agree with his plan. “Well, I guess now isn’t the time for this. I actually came over to talk to CJ and Bethany. I didn’t anticipate this discussion, but I guess it was necessary.”

  He took a seat at the kitchen table and studied his children’s faces. How proud he was of his son, despite his occasional outbursts at his sister’s aggravating ways. CJ was a levelheaded boy, as long as he wasn’t pushed to the limit, and old enough to understand his father’s need to get away awhile. Bethany, Daddy’s little girl, could probably cope with his absence, too, though she was only six. The separation might throw her for a while, but she would quickly adjust, he thought. Time would mature both of them.

  “Children,” he began as Katharine leaned against the center island to listen. “I have something very serious to tell you.” He coughed to clear his throat.

  Bethany looked apprehensive. “You’re not sick are you, Daddy?”

  “No, thank God. But it’s something that’s going to affect all of us. You know I love you very much, and I would never want to hurt you. But I’m afraid this may hurt.” He paused and took Bethany’s hand, looking from her to CJ. “Your mother and I have separated. Do you understand what that means?”

  Bethany twisted her mouth but otherwise didn’t react. CJ remained unmoved.

  “You know,” he went on, “that we’ve had disagreements over the last few months. I won’t say anything bad about your mother because she’s a wonderful woman, and I know you love her, but I want you to love me too. And I’ll admit that I’m to blame for a lot of this.”

  “Is it because CJ and I argue a lot?” A tear rolled down Bethany’s cheek. “We’ll stop arguing, Daddy. I promise.” Inhaling her mucus, she looked at her brother and waited for his confirmation. When he didn’t respond, she said, “Right, CJ?”

  Her brother didn’t move. His eyes were fixed on the table in front of him.

  “No, no, no,” Carson soothed, shaking his head slowly. “Absolutely not, darling.” He glanced at Katharine, who squeezed her mouth tightly with her hand as if to keep herself from speaking.

  “Brothers and sisters often have disagreements,” Carson explained. “When your mother and I were little, we fussed and argued wit
h our brothers and sisters too. We knew it got on our parents’ nerves, but we argued just the same. That didn’t mean we didn’t love each other. On the contrary, we loved each other very much.”

  “Well, did you leave because you and Mommy had arguments all the time?” Bethany’s soft voice inquired.

  “That was part of it, certainly. You know, marriage is a peculiar thing, but it can’t work without trust. I lost your mother’s trust, and in my defense, I’ll add that she lost my attention. At any rate, what was once beautiful has turned stormy, and I think now it’s really better for all of us if I leave. Will you forgive me for being such a bad father?”

  Bethany leaned over to hug him. “Do you and Mommy still love each other?”

  “Of course, we do.” He looked up at Katharine for a moment. “We’ll always love each other, no matter what.”

  Katharine said nothing, but he could tell she didn’t approve of his explanation. Maybe she thought it was over their heads or that the love and trust between a husband and a wife was no business of their children.

  “You’re not a bad father,” Bethany said. “I forgive you, Daddy. It doesn’t matter what you do, I’ll always love you, and CJ loves you too. He’s just still mad.”

  CJ kept his head lowered, biting his fingernails.

  “Is that right, CJ? Do you still love me?”

  CJ bobbed his head up and down, without looking up.

  “Thank you,” Carson said, suddenly terribly moved by the loss of his past. “That’s the nicest thing you could have said—rather gestured,” he smiled.

  “You’re crying, Daddy,” Bethany commented, causing CJ to look up in surprise.

  Bethany lifted a napkin from the holder on the table and wiped Carson’s eyes.

  “When I lose something or someone, I always cry,” he said. He looked at them sadly. “I still love your mother, and I don’t suppose I’ll ever love anyone again as much as I love her.”

  “But if you love her and me and CJ, then why are you leaving?” Bethany whispered. The tears returned.

  Carson studied her question as he wiped away her teardrops. The only answer he could come up with was, “It’s complicated, and you’re too young to understand.”