Heart of Disaster: A Titanic Novel of love and loss

by Rachel Wesson

  The crew was wonderfully kind, handing out blankets and a choice of brandy or a hot drink. Delia opted for the later.

  Delia’s teeth chattered as she wrapped her hands around the hot drink. “Have you many survivors on board?”

  “Some ma’am. If you follow that steward, he will take you to the Third Class area. The ship’s doctor will be with you shortly. Your children can go with you.”

  Delia panicked. “But my husband? I need to find him.”

  “Move along, miss, please.”

  “They aren’t my children. They don’t speak English. A man thrust them into my arms as the boat was leaving.”

  The crew member looked from her to the children and back, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears as he said gruffly. “They seem attached to you, madam, so if you could just keep them with you for now. Once we have pulled all the boats on board, we will be best be able to reunite folk.”

  How could he reunite the living with the dead? But she didn’t argue with him.

  Delia carried the baby and taking the young boy by the hand, she followed the crew member to the steerage area. There, she recognized other Third Class passengers who had danced and sung their hearts out at parties over the last few nights. Now they looked like ghosts. She searched the faces but didn’t see Conor. He would have been easy to spot, not least as the room was predominantly filled with women and a couple of children. She gestured for the older boy to sit down while she changed the younger boy into fresh clothes someone had kindly donated. They were far too big for him but at least he would be warm and dry. Then she saw to the boy and only when the two children were wrapped in blankets did, she ask about Conor.

  “Have you any other Third Class passengers on board? My husband, he was left behind.”

  “There is some injured, ma’am. The ship’s doctor is seeing to them. Some are in a bad way. Can you give me a description?” the steward asked.

  Delia swallowed. Could the men not identify themselves? Pushing that thought to one side, she gave the steward as detailed a description as possible. He promised to come back to her shortly.

  “Steward, the children with me are not mine. They speak another language. Perhaps you would know what it is?”

  “I only speak the King’s English myself, ma’am, but I know someone who might help. I will bring him back with me as soon as I see if we have your husband on board. Now, why don’t you see to yourself and get some dry clothes? You will catch a chill if you don’t.”

  Delia stared down at her clothes, all that was left of her possessions. She thought fleetingly of the new wardrobe of clothes Mrs. Fitzgerald had bought her. They were now at the bottom of the sea.

  “Here, miss, here are some clothes that might fit you. The captain, he asked the passengers of this ship to help us out.”

  Delia smiled at the pale young English girl who held out a skirt and a white blouse to her.

  “Thank you,” Delia replied.

  “I heard you tell the steward you were waiting on news of your husband. I hope you find him.”

  “Thank you. Are you alone?” Delia asked.

  The girl shook her head. “I was lucky. I was traveling with my friend and both of us were allowed on the same boat. I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”

  Delia couldn’t speak. She wanted to but it was as if her brain was frozen.

  Chapter 44

  Delia changed into the dry clothes and hung her wet garments on a rack. She left her hair loose about her shoulders. She draped a blanket around her shoulders in an effort to get warm.

  “Your boys look like little angels, so they do.” A woman pointed to the boys, sleeping with hands entwined.

  Delia didn’t correct the woman’s assumption. She couldn’t find her voice. She bit her lip, determined not to cry. Were these boys now orphans?

  It seemed to take forever for the steward to return.

  “This is one of our waiting staff. He speaks Italian and French. He may be able to help your boys,” the steward said.

  The man woke the eldest boy and spoke some words Delia didn’t understand. Then the boy spoke and soon they were having a conversation. Delia and the other steward waited for the waiter to translate.

  “His name is Michel, and this is his younger brother, Edmond. His father, Michel Navratil, handed Edmond to you. Their maman is waiting for them, but she is in France. He says he doesn’t know anyone on the ship.” The waiter glanced at the boy before looking back at Delia, “He said to tell you thank you.”

  “He’s welcome,” Delia bit her lip in an attempt not to cry. She couldn’t imagine how scared the boys must be, surrounded by strangers having gone through what they did. The steward left, saying he would be back shortly. Delia spoke to the boys and the waiter translated as they waited for the steward. He came back, a beaming smile on his face.

  “A lady by the name of Margaret Hays speaks fluent French, she is happy to take care of the children, if that is all right with you, ma’am.”

  “Yes, please. I would keep them, but I cannot understand them, and I need to find my husband.” She addressed the steward, but he wouldn’t meet her gaze. “Nobody of that description is on board?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Were there many rescued from the water?”

  “Some were pulled out of the water alive. The freezing water was a too much of a shock for anyone to last long. Most died shortly after being rescued.”

  Delia turned away, not wanting to break down in front of the kind man. He put his hand on her arm. “Captain says we haven’t picked up all the lifeboats yet, ma’am. Don’t give up hope just yet.”

  Delia tried her best, but it was difficult. Every survivor spoke of hearing the sounds of people drowning. Staying in the room with the other survivors became too much for her. She left to wait on deck, her eyes peeled on the horizon, hoping against hope she would see Conor again.

  As she stared at the icebergs around their ship, all she could think of was her aunt’s constant promise that she would bring disaster on anyone she loved. It was in her genes. Had her aunt been right?

  Chapter 45

  Delia bumped into Kate as she made her way on deck. The two women embraced and then shared some tears as Kate told her about Daniel. Kate asked for Conor, but Delia could only shake her head. They both looked to the sea hoping it would provide answers as they stood at the rail holding hands.

  Delia spoke first. “I’ve seen Miserable Mary on deck but not the other lady who shared your cabin.”

  “Yes, I’ve seen Mary too but I couldn’t face going near her. I haven’t seen Eileen. She was going to get married when she got back to America.”

  “Kate, maybe we just haven’t spotted her yet. There’s so many people on this ship. I did see Eugene Daly, that man who played the pipes when we got on at Queenstown.”

  “Yes. I’ve seen him too. Not many others though.”

  As they stood on deck watching the sea, Delia couldn’t tell how much time passed by. An occasional wail or scream made them look at the passengers around them. Most were in a shocked state just staring in front of them. Some were crying but most didn’t show any emotion. The passengers and the crew from the Carpathia couldn’t have been nicer.

  Then she saw the same steward she had spoken to earlier making his way to her. He was smiling. Conor. Did he have good news? Her heart beat faster as she waited for him to reach her. A couple of people stopped him to ask him something and she wanted to tell them to leave him alone, but she couldn’t find her voice. Kate grabbed her hand and held it, an excited look on her face.

  A wide grin lit up the steward’s face. “Ma’am, there you are, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. I think we got your husband.”

  Delia could only stare. The man stopped smiling. He glanced from Delia to Kate.

  “Delia, will you listen to the man? He says your husband is here. Conor is here.”

  Delia opened her mouth at Kate’s urging but found herself unable
to speak. Conor. He was here? But how? Where?

  Kate grasped Delia’s hands. “Delia, it’s what we prayed for. Go find out now.”

  The steward waited. Delia finally found her voice. “Show me. Oh, for the love of God, is it really him?”

  The steward blinked rapidly. “I think so, ma’am. He uttered the name Delia before he passed out or so the doctor said. We must hurry. You have to prepare yourself. He’s in bad shape.”

  Delia didn’t listen to his caution. Conor was alive! He’d been saved. She wanted the steward to run to where her husband was, but they couldn’t. She had to be content with walking.

  They got to the room where the sick were being cared for. Delia stopped at the door to compose herself before taking a deep breath. Whatever was wrong with Conor, they would deal with it together. Then she saw him. It was Conor, for he was wearing the same clothes as the last time she’d seen him. His beautiful black hair was almost as white as the pallor of his skin.

  “Conor. Oh, my darling!” Delia took his hand. “Wake up, Conor. Don’t leave me, please.”

  The doctor reassured her. “Your husband is sleeping. I gave him something to help. He was thrashing about, having nightmares, I’d imagine. A sympathetic gentleman gave up his cabin so we will move you both in there. It will give, Mr. Brennan, time to rest. Once we are in New York, arrangements will be made to transfer him to St. Vincent’s hospital.”

  Delia mentally thanked God and her aunt. God for saving Conor, and her aunt for her insistence on good manners. She couldn’t fall apart and wail, no matter how much she wanted to

  “Thank you, Doctor, everyone is being very compassionate.”

  Chapter 46

  T hrilled that Delia had found her husband alive, Kate couldn’t stop hope from creeping into her heart. Maybe Daniel was in another boat and would be found. Seamus, too.

  She stared at the Titanic’s lifeboats, now gathered together by the crew of the Carpathia. She heard the crew talking amongst themselves.

  “Dreadful isn’t it? Some of them not even half-filled. What was the point of them going off half-filled?” a crew member asked.

  Kate didn’t respond as she assumed, he hadn’t even seen her. She simply listened.

  “Heard some of them First Class ladies saying they were looking forward to getting to New York. Poor souls believe their husbands will be waiting on the pier.” The man knotted the ropes holding the lifeboats tighter together.

  “That’s madness. Sure, everyone knows we are the only ship to pick up survivors,” his mate responded.

  “Yes, I know that, but those women won’t be told. They have convinced themselves there was a faster ship. God help them when reality hits.”

  Kate turned away. She didn’t want the crew members to see her crying. She didn’t believe Daniel and Seamus were on another ship but could understand why the women needed to cling to hope. Nobody wanted to admit their loved ones were dead.

  Despite not wanting to hear any more, she didn’t leave but continued to listen.

  “You know Ismay, survived. Shocking that. They say he spoke to Captain Smith and Chief Bell to get them to go faster. Faster when there was ice warnings. At least Captain Smith had the decency to go down with his ship. Ismay pushed his way onto the boats and left women and children behind. So, they say, anyway.” The crew member spat on the deck to show his disapproval.

  “Did you hear that one First Class fella, he bribed a group of the crew to give him his own private lifeboat. For him, his wife, their maid and a dog. There’re children drowned out there on that sea, but they saved their dog. That’s rich folk for you!”

  Kate turned away. She didn’t want to hear stories like that. They hadn’t been there. It was easy to condemn the actions of others. She moved farther down the deck so she could no longer hear them. In four days’ time they would reach New York. Despite it being overcrowded and full of people like herself, grieving and shocked, she didn’t really want to leave. Yes, she wanted to get off the water and onto dry land but that would mean facing up to the fact she was totally alone now. Cathy’s sister was unlikely to have changed her mind about wanting her and Daniel… he was gone.

  Would it be easy to find a boarding house for women? She should ask one of the American women on board. They should know. She would manage. Alone?

  She pulled herself together and told herself, God saved you for a reason. She half smiled as Nell’s voice rang through her head as loud as if the woman herself was standing beside her.

  She stood straighter. Daniel had believed America would bring all sorts of golden opportunities. She was young, strong and she had survived when so many lost their lives. She would be fine.

  Chapter 47

  Monday morning. Eight-thirty

  K ate stared at the peaceful ocean. It looked so beautiful, yet it was deadly. A man came to stand beside her, his gaze on the Titanic lifeboats.

  “Can’t believe those lifeboats are all that’s left. Said she was unsinkable they did.”

  She glanced at him but didn’t recognize him. “Were you there?”

  “Yes, miss. I’m a trimmer. I qualified as a fireman, but I could only get a job as a trimmer. So many wanted to work on the Titanic. With the coal strike in England, those of us who got a job considered ourselves lucky.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t understand. What did you do?”

  “It was my job to fetch the coal for the boilers. Bad coal it was too ‘cause of the strike. Maybe that’s why this happened.”

  Kate didn’t think so but wasn’t going to argue.

  “You were lucky to escape. I heard some men discussing how those who worked in the engines would have had the hardest time escaping the death ship.”

  The man took a step back and growled, “I didn’t dress up as a woman if that’s what you mean.”

  Startled, Kate looked closer to see his eyes watering.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply anything. A friend of mine, her husband survived by jumping into the sea. He found an upturned collapsible. He’s down below now fighting for his life. The doctor said he was almost frozen to death by the time he got near him.” Kate knew she was talking too much but she felt she had to explain herself. She hadn’t thought ill of him at all.

  The stranger had the grace to look ashamed.

  “No, miss. I’m sure you didn’t but there are some nasty rumors flying about this ship. There’s those that are looking at any man who survived as if he should fling himself back into the sea. Maybe we should.”

  Kate grabbed his arm. “Stop that this minute. You survived, didn’t you? What right do you have to take your own life? Yours is worth the same as anyone else’s.” When people turned to look at them, she realized she was shouting. “Oh, I didn’t mean to shout at you.”

  “That’s quite all right, miss. I don’t mind what you said. It’s nice to hear. I did what I was ordered to do. Chief Bell came down and ordered us to report to our boat stations. I couldn’t find mine. But the officer on deck, he told me to go into a boat. He said I could help with the rowing. I ain’t rowed anywhere in my life but I did my bit. I just wish I could have done more. I wanted to go back and pick up them that was screaming for help. There was plenty of room in our boat. Could have fit another twenty people, maybe more. But Lowe, the fifth officer, he wouldn’t move. He said we had to wait for it to thin out a bit. A few of us argued with him but there were those who agreed he was right in staying back.”

  Kate gripped the rail tighter. “Thin out?”

  “Aye, miss, that were his exact words.”

  “I don’t understand. What did he mean? Was it the ice?”

  Chapter 48

  A look of heartbreak came over the young man’s face. Kate held her breath, not wanting to hear what he said next yet knowing she had to.

  “No, miss, he meant when there were fewer people. He thought we might be swamped, and our boat capsize. Said it was best to save those on our lifeboat than to risk more lives. So, we jus
t sat there and waited. Listened to the sounds of all those dying. The passengers, the lads I worked with, the men I served and my …” the man couldn’t speak anymore.

  The tears ran freely down her face. “Your friends,” Impulsively, she grasped his hands. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t your fault.”

  Embarrassed she let his hands drop. She didn’t know if he believed her or not, but she meant every word. She turned her attention back to the sea to give him a chance to compose himself. When he spoke again, his voice was still shaky but firmer.

  “My brother was on the ship. He was the clever one in our family. Went to school for ages he did. Our da was alive then and he could afford to stay in school. He was training to be an engineer. He was ever so excited to be serving on the Titanic,” the man said staring at the sea.

  Kate pushed the lump back down her throat and squeezed her fingers around the ship's rail.

  Davy coughed. “They say they died like heroes. It was them that kept the lights on in the hope a ship would see us and come quicker. They knew they had to keep the wireless going. Not one of them has come on board. Not yet anyway.”

  “I think every crewmember who helped someone was a hero.” Kate took a second to compose herself. “More people were saved because of your actions. The engineers couldn’t have done all that without your help and that of your friends. Could they? I mean, I don’t know a lot about boats but, you men had to keep the fires going to power everything.”

  “Boilers, miss, but I guess you’re right.” Davy didn’t seem convinced.

  Kate decided to change the subject. “My friends haven’t come on board, either. Do you think another ship may have picked them up?” Kate looked him in the eyes. For some reason, she knew he would tell her the truth.

  “This was the only ship to come near us, miss. Have you checked the list? Someone said Mr. Lightholler and Mr. Boxhall were making up a list of those saved. They are the senior officers.”