I Can Do Better All By Myself

by E. N. Joy

  He was already basically starting from scratch when it came to his finances thanks to that lawsuit his mother, Barnita, had brought up against him. Barnita was the woman who Blake thought was his mother anyway. He’d agreed to pay her hundreds of thousands of dollars just to get that frivolous lawsuit she’d brought against him done and over with. Apparently before Blake’s father had died, Mr. Dickenson had won and received a huge settlement from a lawsuit against his former employer. He’d been badly injured on his job. Once he died, Blake took over all of his father’s assets.

  Even though Barnita had abandoned Blake and his father, taking only his sister with her the day she left them, Blake’s father and Barnita had never officially gotten a divorce. All these years later she came back to claim what she felt was rightfully hers. Instead of participating in a long-drawn-out trial, Blake settled out of court, being forced to pay Barnita a ridiculous amount of money. But Blake had felt it was worth it. The dealings with his estranged mother had been causing way too much stress in his life, so much so that he was starting to become abusive to Paige—mentally and physically.

  Paige honestly thought things would get better once the lawsuit was settled, but they only got worse. Blake was too busy to go to the counseling their pastor had suggested, and Paige was stressed out about the secret Blake’s so-called mother had shared with her only moments before Blake signed over his life fortune to her. She’d admitted to Paige that she wasn’t Blake’s biological mother; that the woman who gave birth to him died immediately after doing so. She was the woman with whom her husband, Blake’s father, had been having an affair.

  Blake’s father, who, to this day, Blake felt could do no wrong, being the biological father, had legal rights to the child. He therefore had to take the baby home from the hospital, the baby being Blake. Barnita loved her husband more than life itself. She loved him to the point where she’d do anything to make him happy. That included adopting her husband’s mistress’s child and raising him as if he were her own ... That is, until the day she couldn’t take it anymore. Then she packed up her daughter and left, leaving Blake and his father to fend for themselves.

  Carrying this secret had been hard on Paige. She’d become distracted in her marriage and withdrawn, so much so that Blake began to think she was having an affair. That’s what he’d accused her of the night of the rape.

  “I know you’re cheating on me,” Blake had fumed as the two argued in their bedroom.

  “I am not!” Paige had become so furious that she began to cry hysterically as she defended herself.

  “Not only are you a cheat, but now you’re a liar. Just tell me the truth, Paige.”

  Paige wanted to pull her hair out. How could Blake accuse her of such a thing as loyal as she had been to him? But that’s when a light went off in her head and she realized that she hadn’t been so loyal. She’d been keeping something from Blake. It was something that she knew, if the shoe were on the other foot, she’d want to know. And that’s when she decided to tell Blake the truth—the truth about Barnita. Unfortunately, her words hadn’t come out right when she started to tell him.

  When she’d said to Blake, “You’re right, Blake, there is something I need to tell you,” she hadn’t meant that he was right about the affair. She’d meant that he was right about her being a liar. She was lying by omission by not telling Blake the truth about Barnita. But he never gave her the chance to clarify things and explain.

  The next thing Paige remembered was a sucker punch to the face with an impact that knocked her back on the bed. She was dazed. She was stunned. She felt another blow, this time to her mouth. She could taste blood. Then after that, it was all a blur as she floated in and out of consciousness.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” she heard Blake saying. “Let me make it better. Let me make it better just like all the other times.”

  All the other times, after Blake had done something hurtful to Paige, he’d smooth things over with intimacy. But this time Paige wasn’t going for it. This time Paige didn’t want to be one with her husband. At this point, she didn’t even want a husband, but Blake didn’t care as he ripped off her gown. Blake didn’t care as he yanked her underwear to the side. Blake didn’t care as he rammed himself into her body. Blake didn’t care that Paige was screaming the word “No” over and over again.

  With her hands pinned above her head by the strength of only one of Blake’s hands, Paige was defenseless. She couldn’t even push him off of her. So she just lay there. She lay there and closed her eyes, praying that it would be over soon.

  She squeezed her eyes so tightly that not even the tears could break through. She squeezed her eyes so tightly because she didn’t want to see the light. She didn’t want to see the light of the fact that, just like Nita had warned her, things wouldn’t get better until Blake had decided that he wanted to be better. Until Blake decided in his mind that he wanted to seek the resources, the help, and the counseling that were necessary for him to get better. But even with her eyes squeezed as tightly as they possibly could be, she had finally seen the light... and it was blinding.

  As Paige sat in the courtroom looking at the back of Blake’s head, she became sick to her stomach recalling all that had taken place that night. She recalled lying there with Blake still inside her for at least an hour, because he’d worn himself out raping and ravaging her. He had actually fallen asleep on top of her. She’d been too frightened to move. And when he finally rolled off of her, she silently pulled on some jeans, grabbed her car keys, and quickly left the house. The next thing she remembered was Tamarra tapping on her car window.

  Just as all these thoughts were whizzing through Paige’s mind, she realized that she was no longer staring at the back of Blake’s head, but instead, she was staring him right in the eyes as he’d turned around to scan the courtroom in hopes of seeing his wife.

  “I’m sorry,” he lipped before his attorney elbowed him to face the judge.

  Paige’s hands immediately began to tremble.

  “Are you okay?” Tamarra asked upon noticing Paige’s shakiness. Paige didn’t respond. She just sat there shaking, still staring Blake’s way. Tamarra followed Paige’s eyes to Blake, who just so happened to turn and look over his shoulder again. He quickly winked at Paige before turning back around to face the judge.

  Paige shot up out of her seat and darted from the courtroom. It happened so quickly that Tamarra didn’t know how to react at the disturbance that caused everyone to look in her direction. This time when Blake turned around it was Tamarra’s eyes his locked with.

  The two stared each other down without even blinking once. They would have continued their stare off had the judge not called order back to the courtroom. Tamarra was so disgusted with herself. How could she have ever allowed her best friend to get involved with a man like that? Even worse, how could she have let herself get involved with him? Would Paige ever forgive her for dragging her into the messy bed she’d made with Blake, literally? As far as Paige knew, Tamarra had known Blake from a catering affair she’d done for him. It just so happens, though, that that wasn’t the only affair the two had been engaged in.

  Chapter Eleven

  “It’s a girl. We’re having a baby girl,” Lorain shouted as she stared at the monitor.

  “Yep, she opened her legs for us,” the nurse confirmed as she performed Unique’s ultrasound. “See right there ...” the nurse pointed with her index finger.

  “There’s nothing there,” Lorain observed while squinting.

  “Exactly,” the nurse chuckled. “If there had been something there, then you’d be buying blue sleepers instead of pink.”

  “This is so exciting,” Lorain exclaimed, fighting back tears. “God’s doing it. He’s giving me my daughter back to raise.” Lorain wanted to shout and do a praise dance right there in the middle of the examination room, but she refrained.

  “A girl, huh?” was all Unique had to say.

  “Yep, it’s a she,” the nurse confirmed
again as she finished up the ultrasound, wiping off the gel she’d placed on Unique’s belly. “You can go ahead and get dressed, Unique, and we’ll see you at your next prenatal checkup visit.”

  “Thank you,” Unique said as she sat up, pulling her shirt down over her stomach.

  “Can you believe it’s a girl?” Lorain asked as she helped Unique up off the table.

  “Sure I can. I’ve always wanted a girl, and finally the one I have to give away, God makes a girl.” She looked upward. “Oh, He’s got jokes. He’s full of them nowadays.” This time, Unique sounded somewhat agitated.

  Lorain picked up on her tone. “Is everything all right, Unique?”

  “Oh, yeah, everything is fine. You just heard what the nurse said. The baby is doing—”

  “I know everything is fine with the baby,” Lorain interrupted her. “I’m talking about you. Is everything fine with you? Are you still okay with our plan? Because if you want out—”

  Now it was Unique’s turn to interrupt Lorain. “Oh, no, I don’t want out. Trust me, there is not a single bone in my body that has a desire to keep and raise this child. I mean, even if I wanted to keep the baby, I couldn’t. You should have seen my sister’s face when I told her I was pregnant. The first thing she started yapping at the mouth about was how me and my boys were only supposed to have been staying with her for a little bit. ‘And now you tryin’ to bring yet another body up in the house,’” Unique mocked. “Oh, she was not having it. But once I told her about ...” Unique used her two forefingers on each hand to make air quotations, “... our plan,” she was cool. I could see the look of relief on her face when she learned that the baby wouldn’t be taking up residence in her home.”

  “Yes, but the plan is that you’ll be getting your own place soon. You’d have plenty of room for the baby then,” Lorain reasoned. She wasn’t trying to give Unique any ideas. Lorain wanted nothing more in the world than to raise the baby growing inside Unique’s womb. But on the same token, she only wanted to go through with it if Unique was 100 percent certain of her decision. The last thing she needed was to form a bond with the baby, and then, out of the blue, Unique decided she wanted it back.

  Taking the baby back would be easy for Unique, because part of the plan was that no legal paperwork would be filed. They weren’t involving the system at all. Unique didn’t trust the system, not after the way they’d handled her case. Reluctantly, Lorain agreed, relying solely on Unique’s word. After all, even though Lorain was going to raise the child as her own, they’d planned on telling the child the truth once she was old enough to understand. They pretty much had no choice, considering the birth certificate would list Unique as the child’s biological mother. In the back of Lorain’s mind she had doubts about that part of the plan being bulletproof, especially now that Unique had learned the baby was a girl. It was the girl she never had but more than likely wanted after having three boys.

  “Look, if you’re worried about me changing my mind about this whole thing just because I learned the baby was a girl, don’t worry. That’s not about to happen. Besides, the last thing my son’s father wants to do is to have to throw me some change for another baby,” Unique explained.

  “Oh, yeah, about that, what’s he saying about you being pregnant? Does he have any suspicions that the baby is his?”

  Unique sucked her teeth. “Please, even if he did have any suspicions, he sure ain’t gon’ speak on ’em. You think he wants another mouth to feed? That fool tried to act like he didn’t even notice I was pregnant. I guess he figured ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell.’” Unique chuckled. “But like I said, don’t worry about a thing. He ain’t claiming this baby. He don’t care if I gave it away to the tooth fairy to raise as long as he wasn’t the one who had to leave money under the pillow.”

  Now Lorain chuckled. “Girl, you a mess.”

  Unique sighed and closed her eyes. “I know. Believe you me, you don’t have to tell me that.”

  “Oh, sweetie ...” Lorain walked over to Unique and embraced her. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “I know, I know.” Unique wriggled out of Lorain’s embrace. “I just need to get it together in life, you know? I was doing so good just trying to stay saved, and now look at me. It all seems like it’s in vain; like I have to start over from scratch proving myself to God, you know?”

  “Yeah, I know. But, fortunately, God doesn’t operate like that. You don’t have to go back and start over. All you have to do is move forward.”

  “Well, I better get to moving forward and get back to the house and get my kids. My sister has to go to work in a few. Besides that, I want to get busy on her computer and create me an e-mail address and get my Mary Kay Web page together. And by the way, thanks for loaning me that hundred dollars to start my Mary Kay business. I promise I’ll pay you back like ten dollars a month from my county check until I start bringing in an income from my sales.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Consider it an investment into the millions you are about to make. You don’t have to pay me back a dime. All I ask is that I get to ride shotgun in your pink Cadillac once you earn it. Deal?” Lorain smiled.

  “Deal,” Unique agreed as the two exited the doctor’s office.

  “Do you really believe I can make a million pushing cosmetics?”

  “Yes, I do, but you can’t look at it as just pushing cosmetics. You have to look at it as pressing forward into that entrepreneurial spirit; just like Sister Tamarra did.”

  “It seems like such a risk to invest so much time and energy into pressed powder and face cleanser.”

  “I once heard someone say that you know you are headed in the right direction if your only transportation to getting there is a leap of faith.”

  “Hmm. I like that. That’s good,” Unique nodded as the fall weather briskly greeted them as they stepped outside.

  “Yes, it is good, but God is better. Just meet Him at the promise. Do your part and meet Him at the promise and see what will happen.”

  “You’re right. Psalm 112 says that wealth and riches shall be in my house. Well, if I expect to receive that word, then I have to do my part.” Unique rubbed her hands together. “Thanks, Lorain. I’m so excited. Please keep encouraging me.”

  “I plan to. Because Psalm 112 also says that your seed shall be mighty upon the earth. You are my seed, Unique.” She pointed to Unique’s belly and finished the scripture. “... the generation of the upright shall be blessed.” She stopped walking and looked at Unique, who had also stopped walking. “We are a blessed generation, and we can’t forget it. Generational curses, no more. No more! I declare it in the name of Jesus!”

  “And I receive it in the name of Jesus,” Unique declared with authority as she began speaking in tongues. “Whew.” She grabbed her belly.

  “Are you okay?” Lorain was concerned.

  “Yeah, I think the little one got caught up in the spirit too. She’s in there leaping like Elizabeth’s baby.”

  Both women laughed as they continued walking and approached Lorain’s car and climbed inside.

  “Thank you, Lorain,” Unique said once the car was started and they’d pulled off.

  “For what?” Lorain questioned.

  “For everything; for just being there for me through this. For being my friend.” Unique paused and then mumbled, “For being a good mother.”

  “Thank you, Unique, for forgiving me, which ultimately cleared the path so that I could be a mother to you.”

  “Yeah, but it’s too bad nobody else knows what a good mother you are to me.”

  “It’s not about what anyone else knows. It’s about me and you,” Lorain assured her as she drove.

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right. What other people think doesn’t matter at all.”

  “Not one bit. Even if the entire world knew I was your mother, it wouldn’t make a difference to me.”

  Hopefully Lorain truly meant those words, not because the entire world was about to find out that she was Un
ique’s mother. No, only the members of New Day Temple of Faith were about to find that out.

  Chapter Twelve

  Mother Doreen was deep in prayer when she heard the doorbell ring. She thought about not opening the door, considering it wasn’t her house. She knew whoever it was wasn’t there for her. But then considering that perhaps it was a package or something for her pastor, she decided she’d at least go check it out.

  “If it’s a Jehovah Witness or a foot salesman, I ain’t answering that door,” she spoke out loud.

  Being only four feet eight, Mother Doreen could barely look through the peephole. But as she balanced on her tiptoes, there was no mistaking who was on the other side.

  “In the name of Jesus!” Mother Doreen exclaimed under her breath as she quickly turned, leaned back against the door, her hand flying up to her pounding heart that threatened to explode. There was more knocking, only she couldn’t tell if it was her heart or the unannounced and unexpected visitor on the other side of that door.

  Mother Doreen remained as stiff as a board against that door. Even though it wasn’t a Jehovah’s Witness or a foot salesman, she was not about to answer that door. In her opinion, what stood on the other side of the door was worse than any solicitor or deliverer of the “good news.” She didn’t want to have anything to do with this person. Well, that was a lie. The truth was that she couldn’t have anything to do with this person. Forming a bond and connecting with that person would only lead to one thing: her being exposed.

  She had seen or heard about it happening all too many times. She’d witnessed what happened to women like her firsthand. Devils came out of the woodwork in the form of jealousy to expose women like her for who they were; to uncover their past. To uncover their history just so they’d look like a hypocrite. But as the knocking ceased and the sound of footsteps could be heard receding, Mother Doreen couldn’t help but question herself. Was she a hypocrite?